Brenda glanced around the jet before sitting down again. Carly was sleeping with her head resting on Sonny's shoulder and Jason was sitting in the seat next to her. "Go ahead and say it," Brenda said. It had been over six hours since Jason and Sonny had pulled her and Carly out of the quicksand pit and Jason had only spoken to her twice. Once to ask if she was okay and twice to tell her she had an hour to clean up before they left. She knew that Jason was a man of few words, but he was being uncharacteristically silent, even for him.
"Say what?" Jason asked, even though he knew what Brenda was waiting for. She was waiting for him to yell at her for letting Alcazar into the penthouse on Halloween. Brenda had insisted on getting rid of the guard so kids could go trick-or-treating in the building, giving Alcazar the perfect opportunity to get on their floor. Due the lack of guards on the floor, Alcazar kidnapped Brenda almost as soon as she opened the door - without looking to see who was there. Maybe if she had checked - Jason sighed, not wanting to dwell on the what ifs. Brenda was safe now, and Alcazar was no longer a problem.
"You know what," Brenda said. She didn't know why Jason hadn't lit into her about getting rid of the guard and getting kidnapped. Usually, he took any opportunity to fight with her, but for whatever reason he hadn't said a word about it and it was really starting to bug her. "Okay, look - I know you're angry with me. For blackmailing you - "
A small smile briefly passed over Jason's face, "So you're admitting you blackmailed me?" Jason asked.
"No," Brenda quickly said. "Stop twisting my words. I'm saying that you think I blackmailed you and that's one of the reasons you're angry with me."
"You're right," Jason said. Brenda had threatened to interfere with Sonny and Carly's marriage unless he married her. But Brenda had forgotten one thing - he didn't do anything he didn't want to do. And she knew him better than that; at least he thought she did.
"Okay, we're making some progress," Brenda said. "It's okay if you want to say it. I'm giving you permission - not that my permission means anything to you, but go ahead and say it. It'll make you - okay it probably won't make you feel better, but it'll make me feel better. Because, once it's over, it'll be over and done with. I won't have to sit around and wait for the lecture. So go ahead. Four words - go."
"We're not talking about this here," Jason said and leaned back in his seat. He closed his eyes and pushed all thoughts of the past few days from his mind. Carly had done a great job reupholstering the jet. The leather on the seats was incredibly soft; maybe that company could reupholster the couch at the penthouse.
"All of a sudden you've decided that you don't want an audience when you yell at me?" Brenda asked. "That's never stopped you before."
"Go to sleep," Jason said, refusing to take the bait and stubbornly kept his eyes closed.
"I can't go to sleep," Brenda said.
"Just go to sleep," Jason said.
"I can't," Brenda insisted, on the verge of tears.
The vulnerability in her voice, made him open his eyes but he wasn't about to let her know that, "I know I'm going to regret this, but why?" Jason asked as he glared at Brenda.
"Has it occurred to you that maybe I'm afraid?" Brenda asked. "That the last plane I was on crashed? That I was just kidnapped by a psychopath? Or how about that I have a terminal illness? Or that the silent treatment you're giving me is worse than anything you could say to me?" Of all the things that were bothering her, the one thing that bothered her the most was Jason's silence. Because the fact that he hadn't said anything meant that he didn't care. And she hated that after everything they'd been through together, that he didn't care.
"I'm not angry with you," Jason quietly admitted. That was true, he wasn't angry with Brenda, he was angry at the situation. He was angry that she'd put in this situation - the exact type of situation he had promised to keep her out of.
"You don't have to say that to make me feel better," Brenda said as she wiped the tears from her face. "You've never held back before, you don't have to now."
"I'm not trying to make you feel better!" Jason said, his voice increasing in volume with each word. "I'm angry, but I'm not angry with you! I'm angry at Alcazar - and - " Jason paused and lowered his voice. "I'm angry with myself."
Brenda pressed on, determined to figure out why Jason was angry with himself. Because there was only one logical explanation for that – and no – it just wasn't possible. There had to be some other reason, because – no - it wasn't – they weren't – it had to be some other reason. "Why?" Brenda asked. "You didn't do anything wrong! You didn't send away the guard! You didn't open the door without looking! You didn't let a madman grab you! You would've been strong enough to pull the trigger!"
"Hey," Jason said and reached out to touch Brenda's shoulder but she angrily pushed him away. "You didn't ask for any of this to happen." He hated that she was blaming herself for this. Alcazar was the one to blame for this, not Brenda.
"I feel bad enough as it is, you don't need to make me feel better. It's just too strange," Brenda said.
"I'm not trying to make you feel better," Jason said. "Just because you couldn't kill someone - it doesn't make you weak. You never should have been in a position where you had to make that kind of decision."
"If I would have listened to you - "
"I should have been there!" Jason said. "I promised to protect you and I left you alone!"
"Of course," Brenda said. "You ego is out of whack because you didn't get to play protector. You don't care that I almost died." She had been foolish to think, even if it was only for half-a-second, that Jason cared about her. "You only care that it happened on your watch!"
"I care okay!" Jason shouted, oblivious to the fact that both Carly and Sonny were both watching them.
"I know that you feel obligated to protect me but we both know - " Brenda paused not wanting to verbalize the rest of her thought, but needing to because at this point there was no turning back. "We both know that's all I am to you. An obligation."
"Its more than that," Jason snapped and unbuckled his seatbelt. He could really use a drink right about now. He was treading on dangerous ground and he'd already said much more than he'd intended to say.
"More than that, how?" Brenda asked and she reached for Jason's arm.
"Drop it okay?" Jason asked. "I told you so. There are you happy?"
"No," Brenda said. "I want to know what you meant. We're thousands of feet in the air and you're going to answer my question. Tell me what you meant."
"I can't lose you again!" Jason shouted and jerked his arm away. It had been hell thinking that Brenda was dead, when all this time she had been living in her own private hell, courtesy of Alcazar. One day she was alive and planning a future with Jax and the next she was gone. He hated that Jax was the one she'd been planning her life with, but she'd been alive. And then she wasn't - or so he thought. When he'd seen her standing in the doorway of St. Timothy's church, his heart stopped. He thought that maybe he was hallucinating, but he wasn't. She was alive.
Brenda was stunned by Jason's admission and she let go of his arm. She stared at him in disbelief, "Again?" Brenda quietly asked as Jason's words began to sink in. Oh god, all this time – all this time, he did care. She should've known. She should've known by the way he'd never left the safe house when she was being held here. He said it was to guard her, but he could've had any number of guards watch her. And the night she'd woken up screaming, he'd been right there. Holding her, comforting her, assuring her that it would be okay.
Jason ran his hand over his face. This was the last conversation he wanted to have. He'd come to terms with his role in Brenda's life a long time ago. They were over before they began and if they had tried to be together they would've self-destructed. Brenda would never look at him the way she looked at Jax. But she trusted him. She trusted him enough to take care of her when she was too sick to take care of herself and if that was all he could have, he'd take it.
"Again how?" Brenda asked.
"Just again," Jason said, wishing that he'd never said anything, but knowing he'd said too much to end this conversation. It was a conversation that they should've had years ago, but they never got a chance to have it. And now - now, here was their chance.
"I - I'm not sure what you mean," Brenda softly said.
Jason turned to face Brenda and forced himself to look at her. Brenda's eyes were brimming with tears and she was searching his for answers. "I don't hate you," Jason said. "I know you think I do, but I don't."
"I don't hate you either but - " Brenda's voice trailed off, not wanting to draw conclusions from Jason's comments. Not hating someone was one thing - Brenda shook her head. It would be better to let him explain before she jumped to any wrong conclusions. She'd already done that enough over the past five or six years; she wasn't about to do that now. Not with something so important on the line.
"Do you know that I've never forgotten anything you've ever said to me?" Jason asked, shifting topics but not changing the subject. "Every insult, every accusation - "
"I didn't mean all of them," Brenda hurriedly said. It was so hard to get any sort of reaction from Jason that she'd gotten into the habit of picking fights with him, just to get him to show some sort of emotion - anything to show that he cared. Because even if his reaction was an angry one, she knew that at least he cared enough to argue with her and not write her off, like he did to so many other people in his life.
"I know you didn't," Jason said. He'd gotten really good at picking out the truth from Brenda's emotion-filled verbal attacks. "But I still remember them. And somehow - I don't even know when or how - what you thought of me became important to me."
Brenda processed Jason's words and tentatively reached for his hand, "What you think, it's important to me too," Brenda admitted. She smiled at him when he squeezed her hand.
"I can't take this anymore," Carly muttered to Sonny. She was sick of watching Brenda and Jason argue. And now that they were done arguing, she was watching their carefully built walls crumble down. It was sickening - watching the longing glances Brenda and Jason were giving each other. She started to unbuckle her seat belt when Sonny stopped her.
"Carly don't," Sonny said. There was till over an hour left to their flight and he didn't want to spend it refereeing a fight between Carly and Brenda. "Just - just leave them alone."
"Did you know about this?" Carly asked.
"No," Sonny said, but he wasn't entirely surprised by this new development. Jason's willingness to marry Brenda in order to save his marriage was laughable at best. Marrying her to help her live out her final days in peace was a more viable answer but Jason insisted it was the former and not the latter.
"Oh great," Carly said. "Now he's touching her face. I knew this was going to happen. I knew that - "
"Carly," Sonny interrupted. "Go back to sleep."
Jason rubbed his thumb along Brenda's chin, "Are you okay?" Jason asked.
"I'll be fine," Brenda said. "We probably need to talk about - " Brenda gestured to the space between them.
"Us," Jason finished.
"Us," Brenda whispered. "Jason, I - "
Jason brushed his fingers over Brenda's lips. "Not here." He'd finally become aware of the fact that they had an audience, and when they had that conversation he wanted it to just be the two of them.
"I never forgot," Brenda said. "I know we both acted like it never happened but I never forgot." The memory of their one night together had helped her through some of the darkest moments over the past four years.
"I didn't either," Jason admitted. He didn't know how many times he'd replayed the one night he'd spent with Brenda in his mind. It was a night that wasn't supposed to happen. He'd just found out that Carly had slept with AJ and Brenda had just been dumped by Jax who had decided to stay with his not-so-dead wife, Miranda. Jason brushed the tears from Brenda's face.
The one night that wasn't supposed to happen and mean nothing, meant everything. And knowing that Jason felt the same way after everything that happened afterwards - meant everything would be all right. Brenda wrapped her arms around Jason's neck and buried her face in his shoulder, "Thank you," Brenda whispered.
"For what?" Jason asked and pulled back so he could look into Brenda's eyes. He hadn't done anything special. All he had done was keep her safe, it was a promise he'd made when he found out she was alive and one he had every intention of keeping.
"For everything," Brenda said. "For saving me. For not hating me when I've given you every reason to. For marrying me and agreeing - "
"Shh," Jason whispered. He refused to believe that Brenda's illness was terminal. For all they knew, Brenda wasn't even sick. It would be just like Alcazar to lie to her in order to keep her close. And if she were sick, they'd find a doctor that could help her. He just got Brenda back in his life; he wasn't ready to lose her yet. "We're going to find a doctor and a treatment - "
"Jason, you have to promise me - "
"Brenda, I promise you that we're going to find a doctor and a treatment," Jason said. "Now listen to me. I'm not going to lose you again."
"Jason," Brenda said. "I don't want that either, but - "
"No buts," Jason interrupted. "No doubts."
"Or regrets," Brenda added and rested her head on Jason's shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer. For the first time since arriving back in Port Charles, she allowed herself to relax, knowing that Jason would do everything he could to keep her safe - and sane. "When do we land?"
"In about forty-five minutes," Jason said. "Get some sleep." Brenda reached for Jason's free hand and intertwined their fingers. "Bren?"
Brenda reluctantly lifted her head, "What?" Brenda asked as she smiled up at Jason.
"Can you promise me something?" Jason asked.
"Anything," Brenda said.
"Don't open the door without looking or send away your guard," Jason said. What had happened was in the past as far as he was concerned, but he wanted Brenda to know he didn't want her taking any chances with her safety.
"Is that all?" Brenda asked. "Aren't there four words you want to add? It's okay if you say it, really it's okay." She knew that Jason had said it earlier, but that was in attempts to stop their argument.
"Four words? I think I can come up with four words." Jason pulled Brenda closer, "Brenda, I love you," Jason whispered, allowing himself to verbalize the feelings they'd both kept buried all these years.
Brenda hugged Jason tighter, "I love you too," Brenda whispered. "So much - I know that - you know what? It doesn't matter. I love you and you love me and that's all that matters."
"And Bren?" Jason asked. "I told you so."
Brenda laughed, "I guess you were right," Brenda said. "But just this once."
THE END