A/N: I didn't write anything this week and then when I was exhausted over the weekend, I pulled out a WIP that's been sitting for over a year and finished it. It's... ridiculous. XD Enjoy.

Never once did it cross his mind that giving a small gift to his friend as his superhero persona would be a Bad Idea™.

"You know Chat Noir?!"

Because it never crossed his mind that she may be hosting a sleepover for her sixteenth birthday.

"Uhh… hi, ladies," he greeted with a strained grin knowing full well that Marinette was going to string him up by his tail the next time she got the chance. "Fancy seeing all you here."

"What are you doing here?" Mylene asked.

"Oh, please tell me there isn't an akuma nearby!" Rose cried.

"Please," Alya dismissed with a wave of her hand. "I'd know if there was."

"Yeah," Juleka assured. "Her akuma sense would be tingling."

There was a round of snickers while Alya shot a glare at Juleka.

Chat thought he'd get two seconds to slip out with the distraction. But Alix.

Oh. Alix.

"So, Marinette. When did you become his 'princess'?"

And suddenly, Chat was on the hot seat. The girls circled him as he sat cross-legged on the chaise lounge with Marinette by his side.

"For the record, kitty," she said. "I hate you."

An hour later, after answering all the questions they threw his way and winning all—sans Alix—over with some over-the-top theatrics about how desperately and deeply he was in love with his ladybug and though Marinette was a wonderful friend, he could never forsake his lady, for she owned his heart.

"You all," Alix grumbled. "Are saps."

Thankfully, he won Alix over after the girls let him stay and play games with them. After all, not many people got to play games with Paris' second favorite superhero.

They had a good time, though it was difficult to pretend he didn't know anything about these girls other than the fact they'd been akuma victims.

But then got to the part of the night were Alya got that gleam in her eye that Nino constantly complained about because it always spoke volumes of trouble. "Chat Noir," she purred. He noticed how Marinette was immediately on edge. "You're a guy in love."

He quirked an eyebrow, uncertain about where this was going. "Yes."

"You surely know what it would take to get a guy's attention."

And he felt like he was back in the hot seat because now every girl was giving him that smug look.

He swallowed. "Y-yeah?"

From beside him, Marinette buried her face in her hands with a groan.

This was not going to end well.

"So," Alya began. "Surely with you being such great friends with Marinette, you'd be willing to help her gain the attention of the love of her life."

Again, Marinette groaned in her hands.

But Chat Noir, for his part, just blinked. Marinette? A crush on a guy? Really?

"She never told you?" Mylene asked.

"It's not like it's some big secret or anything," Alix added rather smugly.

Chat just shook his head.

Alya clapped her hands then rubbed them together. Which meant this was happening and nothing could stop it.

"Chat Noir," she said. "We. Are officially drafting you. To be part. Of the 'get Adrien Agreste and Marinette out on a date' squad."

He choked on air, and the world started feeling a whole lot smaller. He was barely aware of Marinette mumbling something incoherent into her hands.

Alya nodded proudly. "Yup. You'll help, right, Chat? The girl needs all the help she can get."

"I do not!" Marinette protested, finally pulling her face from her hands. "I can talk to him on my own."

The girls all rolled their heads her direction.

Chat may not be the most socially versed kid on the block, but he knew full well that when five girls roll their heads and shoot someone that look, it's bad.

Like, cataclysm bad.

"Let's recap, shall we?" Alya challenged. "The scarf you knitted you couldn't give to him."

"And let his father take the credit for."

"You also took up fencing."

"And sparred with him, but never talked."

"The wild plan to sneak Adrien away from his bodyguard so that you could take him out to ice cream."

"I still don't remember who was Rose."

"Who cares? She left me standing on that stupid bridge for a half hour."

"You weren't there when she had the opportunity for him to drive her home."

"Only for her to babble like an idiot and turn him down. Our whole plan was for not."

"Ladies, focus," Alya said. "And lastly, we have our 'almost gave up on him' fiasco."

Juleka crossed her arms. "I'm still not cool with you pulling my brother into it."

"Especially since you did kinda lead him on."

"And you didn't even succeed in the end!" Alix cried. "You had the perfect opportunity to say 'yes, Adrien, just the two of us'."

"And now Nino's telling me how Adrien's trying to convince him that it would be fun if the entire class came to the rink."

"When it could have been a DATE!" the girl's all shouted in unison.

"So forgive us," Alya finished with a sarcastic smile. "If we have so little faith in you."

Marinette was back to hanging her head.

Chat's head was spinning in circles, and it seemed like it wasn't going to stop anytime soon. All those moments with Marinette… and they were because she was trying to be more than friends with him?

Somehow, after a long time, he found his voice. "You really like this guy, princess?"

Marinette didn't look up at him for a long while before finally shooting him a glance and a single nod. "Yeah," she said, her voice quiet and shy. "But it's never going to happen."

Chat's heart was officially yanked in two. He loved his lady, that was clear to the world. But Marinette… she was pretty spectacular, too. And who was he kidding? His heart liked to flutter around her. Not quite like it did with his lady, but noticeable enough to get him to pause pretty often. And now she was here, bearing her heart—well, having her friends bear her heart to him—and the last thing he wanted to do now that it was an undeniable truth that he held her fragile, precious heart in his hands was to crush it.

"Because Mr. "just friends" doesn't have any real reason to take you out," Alix deadpanned.

"No matter how obvious you might be," Alya continued. "He's clueless."

Chat had to bite is tongue before he gave away his identity. Instead, he focused on Marinette, one of the best friends a guy could have.

But she was also the only person in the world, sans Ladybug, whom would have him abusing his superhero powers just to visit her in the middle of the night and watch movies together.

"Could we just drop it for tonight?" Marinette asked. "Please?"

As Chat looked over at his friend, he found that her blue eyes were begging for release just as her crimson cheeks proved her embarrassment. She really liked him. If all those things were true—which, there really wasn't any reason for them not to be—then Marinette cared deeply. "You said you gave him a scarf," he asked. "Yet let his father take credit for it?"

"Yeah," Alya said. "I mean, it was sweet, but the girl couldn't give him anything without becoming completely useless."

"So why let his dad take credit?"

"Because," Marinette answered. "You should have seen the look in his face. It just… he was so happy thinking that his father made that scarf for him. I couldn't take that away from him! I just… couldn't. And no, I'll probably never tell him. Let him be happy."

Something in Chat's chest twisted painfully. "And you're okay with that?"

She shrugged. "It means more that way to him."

The girls let a collective sigh. "It's so sweet," Rose commented.

"Even though she totally should take credit for her work," Juleka added.

"Yeah," Alix agreed, "but where Adrien's concerned, let's face it, common sense goes straight out the window."

Marinette hid her face in her hands again, and Chat knew he was going to have to make a decision with the heart he currently held in his hands.

So he put up an over-large smile. "So, Princess, sounds like you're pretty head over heels for this guy, so I'll tell you what: I'll help you out."

"Oh, that's not necessary."

"Yeah it is!" was the chorus from the girls.

"Please, do, Chat Noir," Alya begged. "I would literally do anything."

Chat put on a show of thinking. Thankfully, something came to mind. "You should write him a letter."

The girl's faces fell. Clearly it wasn't what they were expecting.

"Yup," Chat said with a grin. "Go. Do it. A letter with all the things you'd never say to his face."

Marinette knew him too well by now. "Why?" she said, her eyes narrowing. "What are you thinking?"

"Because," he said. "I dare you to take one of those things and actually say it to him."

Her expression fell, while all the other girls brightened like the sun.

"Yeah!"

"That's a great idea."

"This will be amusing."

"No!" Marinette cried. "No way. Not happening."

"Come on, Princess," he said with a grin. "Trust me."

She quirked a brow, showing she didn't.

He frowned. "Harsh."

"Yeah, but you can trust us," Alya quickly chimed in. "And that's a good idea! We'll even help you."

There was a round of consent from the other girls, meaning Marinette was sat down at her desk. The girls surrounded her, throwing out ideas of just what she should tell Adrien. Everything from "I admire your kindness" to "Hey Hot Stuff, get dressed up for me today?" made its way to the paper.

Marinette couldn't even stay mad for long as the more ridiculous things got put on the page. But the amusing thing was, there was a part of Marinette that clearly meant everything, even the ridiculous phrases.

There was a lot of laughter and giggles and amusement. And Chat was about to crash the fun as well as put himself squarely on Marinette's kill list.

"It's perfect, Princess. Meaning now…" He snatched the paper out of her hand. "I'll deliver this to a certain someone and give him a clear explanation."

Chat found some sick, twisted pleasure in watching not only Marinette but all the girls' faces fall in shock.

He shot them a wink. "Trust me, Princess. If he's that blind, he needs a bat over the head. And I'll be sure to give it to him. I'll see you later."

He was halfway out the door when he heard Marinette shriek his name and Alix cackle like a madwoman. It was at that moment he knew that he'd never be able to go back to Marinette's without serious consequences.

And Plagg… well…

The little shit found it fricking hilarious.

Marinette wanted to simultaneously melt into a puddle and slaughter a certain superhero. She swore the next time she saw Chat Noir—as Ladybug because Chat was smart enough not to return to Marinette's house for a good while—she was going to tie him up and leave him hanging from the Eiffel Tower.

And that feeling increased tenfold when she saw Adrien appear.

Alix was already laughing. Alya was patting her shoulder reassuringly. And Marinette wanted to die.

She was going to skin that cat and use him as a rug.

"Hey, Marinette," Adrien greeted, rubbing the back of his neck. "Can we… talk for a moment?"

And there it was: her march to her doom. Still, she followed him to a quiet corner of the school so he could let her down easy with as few witnesses—if any—as humanly possible.

"Look," she said once she was sure they were alone. "If it's about the thing Chat Noir gave you then—"

His dazzling smile caused her to stop in her tracks. "Don't worry Purr-incess," he whispered to her. "Your little secret is safe with me. Always has been. Always will be. I'm not that cruel to give a paper like that to some unsuspecting guy." He sent her a wink and then marched off, stupid smug smirk on his stupid face and his stupid green eyes dazzling with mirth.

And it took her far too long for her mind to kick back and gear and process his words.

She looked up at him, not believing it. He couldn't… no way…

But Adrien spun around, waggling his brows and shooting her another wink and she swore right then and there…

"I'm going to kill you, you stupid cat!"