A/N: This two-shot was inspired by season two, episode 13. During the graduation ceremony Honoka says that the members of μ's can communicate through song, even when words fail them. That gave me the idea for a series in which pivotal developments revolve around one character overhearing another singing.
"My time is basically over, but I'll support you in your dream to become an idol."
They pushed Hanayo forward, and just like that, she was a member of μ's.
"And what about you two?"
Maki knew she shouldn't have expected them to have given up on her.
Did she want to join?
Of course she did. A significant part of her was screaming at the rest to just step forward and do it. Sure, she wasn't partial to silly pop songs and idol phenomena, but the thought of perhaps building a real circle of friends filled her chest with warmth, not that she would ever say that aloud. And even if she wasn't partial to theirs, music was still her passion.
"Sorry, but I still can't."
Which was exactly why she had to stay away.
She found herself in the music room practicing her Thelonious Monk impersonation again, and again telling herself that this would be the last time.
Writing that song for them had been a serious mistake. She had to whip herself into shape, no more moments of weakness.
Her father had her best interests at heart when he advised her to give up music, he truly had. Maki was going to be taking over the Nishikino Hospital, and when that time came, she wouldn't have the time for music. She had seen it herself, with how busy her parents were. It was simply less painful to wean herself off of it now; for that reason, she couldn't get involved with μ's. If music was both her passion and her bond with her friends, she didn't know if she would be able to bring herself to give it up.
But surely it would be worth it. Her parents were doing good work, right?
An errant note broke her momentum, and she abruptly ended the increasingly moody improvisation session. Closing the fallboard, she stood just in time to see a head of brown hair scurrying away from the window.
This was definitely the final time she would play.
μ's was reworking their choreography to account for their new members, trying not to think too hard about the impending problem.
Except for Umi.
"We're going to be hard-pressed to continue if we don't have any new songs being written."
Honoka froze mid-routine, looking for all the world like a child caught sneaking a peek at the proverbial Christmas presents.
"I really thought Maki was gonna join back there!"
"But she didn't, so what are we going to do?" Umi was as firm as ever.
Honoka scratched her head and narrowed her eyes, "Well, she liked us enough to write Start:Dash to begin with..."
She trailed off and Hanayo, unusually, piped up, "And, um, she seemed pretty fond of the idea of performing music when she was helping me."
"So there's gotta be something else holding her back!" Honoka announced.
"That seems...plausible," Umi agreed, "But don't just try to push her; if anything, that will probably make it worse."
"I've got an idea then," Honoka said, turning to the mousy girl at her side, "Hanayo, she's got a soft spot for you. You butter her up."
Hanayo sputtered and opened her mouth to say something about her lack of charisma. But then another sensation took over: one of determination; she had already taken the risk to join, and now she was going to see this group through to the end.
"I'll try my best!"
Maki's homeroom class, math, was winding down. Having covered the day's curriculum, their teacher was letting them work on their would-be homework until the period ended.
"Um, Maki, you understand all this stuff, right?"
The gentle voice of Hanayo roused her from her concentration.
Of course she understood. She was on the road to medical school, and she was making sure all her good work habits were ingrained well beforehand.
Maki simply nodded.
"W-well, could you maybe help me out a little bit then?"
She would have agreed out of politeness anyway, but Hanayo's puppy dog eyes made her a bit less reluctant to do so.
"What are you having trouble with?"
The brunette pulled up a chair, "It's the word problem at the end here."
The impromptu lesson went smoothly, so smoothly, in fact, that it nearly made Maki wonder if Hanayo was ever really having problems. They were left with a few minutes to spare, and neither particularly felt it was worth it to go back to work on their own questions once more.
Now was the time for Hanayo to enact her plan.
"Maki..."
Maki stared blankly at her.
"I couldn't help but notice-"
"No, that sounds weird!" She thought to herself.
"Um, I mean, you're a really talented piano player!"
To her dismay, her classmate immediately stiffened upon hearing that.
"No," said Maki, quickly putting her books away, "I'm just a hobbyist."
Sensing the situation crumbling, Hanayo tried not to panic as she sent out hook after hook, only to be shot down. All the while, Maki was hastily gathering her things and preparing to leave.
"W-well, you're still interested in music then, right?"
"That doesn't mean I have to pursue it."
"But you wrote that song for μ's already!"
"Consider that a favour; I'm usually not so generous."
"Um, don't you p-play almost every day in the music room, too?"
"Not anymore."
And with that, the Nishikino heiress whirled and walked out just in time for the bell to ring.
Sometimes Maki preferred to stay entirely away from jazz and classical while playing. The instrumentation became easier to manage, but singing while playing was an entirely different sort of challenge to indulge in.
But she shouldn't have been thinking about that. She shouldn't have even been in the music room again.
She was left stressed out for much of the day after her conversation with Hanayo, and found herself drawn back here once again. Overall, she couldn't tell if playing in here was easing or worsening that stress, but it felt good to let her voice out once in awhile. Good enough that she could add it to her list of reasons to join that silly idol group.
Why couldn't she just let go?
A bunch of stupid ordered tones. What was so special about that? A bunch of stupid girls who sing them. What was so special about them?
But taking a reductionist stance accomplished little, and she found her left hand beginning to play some chords.
One more time, she told herself.
"All around me, in the air, hangs a wreath...of blackest-"
But the song came crashing to a halt when she thought she spied someone watching through the door. Maki rubbed her eyes, but nothing appeared.
Well, that was perhaps a sign, she thought, preparing to leave again.
"...She seemed upset, and told me that she doesn't go to the music room anymore. But I went there myself before I came up, and she was playing like normal!"
Hanayo gasped, having just escaped from her spying session to the roof and blurted her entire story to Umi. It wasn't that she didn't respect Honoka and Kotori, she just felt her more grounded senior could offer much more helpful advice.
"So she shut you down at the mention of music? That's certainly going to make matters more difficult," Umi said, taking a drink. "Based on how you described your approach, I would say you need to ease her into the topic."
"But I'm really not good at directing conversations!"
"No, you're not good at improvisation, which is why we're going to plan this out."
First years received little is the way of electives, and thus Maki was rapidly become very used to seeing the same faces all day, every day.
One such face shyly began inching her way over at the end of second period.
"...Um, Maki?"
"Hm?" Maki hummed, with rather more annoyance than she had intended to use.
"I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to," Hanayo looked over her shoulder as though checking for eavesdroppers, "eat lunch together...?"
Maki thought Hanayo was sweet, in a word. Of course, they didn't know each other terribly well, but she saw how gentle, empathetic, kind, and surprisingly determined the ordinarily meek girl could be.
Which left her feeling like such a fool when she, without really meaning to come off negatively, murmured, "I guess."
Hanayo's downcast look told her all she needed to know.
"Like, I mean, I don't mind or anything, so by all means," Maki blurted out.
And so they began eating, with Maki wondering why Rin wasn't hovering around Hanayo that day. Oh well. She enjoyed the peace and quiet anyway.
"..."
She would be enjoying it a lot more if Hanayo didn't look like she was trying and failing to muster the courage to say something.
The shy girl found herself stricken with a sudden nervousness now that it was time to actually enact the plan; she felt badly about upsetting Maki last time in addition to the growing pressure for success. But surely idols dealt with stress like this all the time, and if that was so, then she could try to convince Maki for the sake of her dream.
"So, Maki."
The redhead gave her a curious nod which she could only assume amounted to, "yes?"
"Are you in any clubs?"
"Not currently." Then, perhaps sensing what was to come, she shot Hanayo a look the likes of which she immediately felt guilty over and exclaimed, "And before you ask, I'm NOT going to join your-"
"N-no, no, no, no, no! I w-was just curious."
Of course Hanayo wasn't going to admit that the other girl had seen right through her, and as bad as it felt, she would continue to pry.
Maki hung her head the slightest degree, "O-oh, of course. Sorry."
The pair were both acutely aware of the stares they were getting from the other students in the room. Hanayo resumed in an all-too-dramatic conspiratorial whisper, "Well, what do you like to do, then?"
They both knew. Maki's suspicions had been somewhat quelled, however, so she ended up grappling only with herself. She had always considered her other hobbies...secondary. Try as she might to imagine one of them taking over from music as her passion, and her spending her time poring over it, none of them seemed right. Where was the spark that propelled her fingers across the keys?
"I do like photography and stargazing, I guess, but I'm fairly sure we don't have clubs dedicated to them."
"Really? I guess you can't really tell what someone's going to like until you know them."
Maki turned to look out the window, "I'm not really sure how it happened myself. I guess one day I just realized how amazing it is to see that ocean of light suspended in space above us. As for photography, isn't it just...special? To be able to capture a real moment forever?"
Hanayo too, was now following the Nishikino heiress's gaze out into the sky, "When you put it that way, it really does seem amazing." She decided to seize the atmosphere of the moment for a gamble, "It's sort of like how a song is able to capture a real feeling, forever."
Maki turned to face her at that, but didn't yet act.
"That's just, I don't know, magical," Hanayo continued with increasing fervor, "that a series of...arranged tones can really connect you with another person like that."
At that, Maki actually seemed saddened, "Yeah, it is."
"Say, Maki," Hanayo whispered gently, "What was it like seeing μ's perform the song you wrote?"
"Honestly? It made part of me incredibly happy."
"So-"
"And that's what I'm afraid of."
"What do you mean, Maki?"
"I already told you; it was at my house, remember?"
Then the bell rang again, signaling the end of lunch, and Maki stood and walked away.
Today she was actually doing a rather good job of keeping herself in check.
Her beloved piano was cold and silent.
An unfortunate side effect of this was Maki wandering the halls, unwilling to go straight home so early. She wondered if she could gather enough people to start a photography club.
Probably not.
Why was she bothered by this insistent urge to hum whenever she found herself alone? This was exactly the sort of thing she was trying to escape from.
Perhaps she should invest in a camera? No, the fact that her gut feeling said it wouldn't be worth it informed her that the same creative spark simply wasn't present. She was wracked by a restless energy she no longer knew how to exorcise.
When had her feet started bringing her to the roof?
She could hear their voices seeping through the door as their practice ended.
"How have you been making out?" There was Umi.
Then Hanayo's chipper voice, "It's been pretty good actually! I think Maki is slowly warming up; she didn't stop me again yesterday."
An audible sigh, then, "Thank goodness, if we didn't get her soon I don't think we would have had the time to actually write and practice the new material in time for another live."
Maki gritted her teeth. Stupid Hanayo! Still trying to rope her into this idol business, still trying to draw her back in when she finally began to get herself under control! Couldn't they respect her wishes?
As angry as she was, an equal part of it was directed at herself. Partially because she knew she would be too weak to resist at this rate, and partially for wanting to resist in the first place.
It almost the end a tense, quiet lunch, and Maki had steeled herself.
"Hanayo," she said with a sharp look, "I'll be blunt. If the reason you want to be my friend is so that I'll write songs, don't. I told when you came to return my student I.D. that my time with music was basically over, and I don't want to be used."
Hanayo stared, stunned and saddened, as Maki waited for a fleeting moment, before gathering her things and leaving.
Stupid, so stupid...!
This bitter feeling was exactly what she was trying to avoid. She had been lonely and unwilling to turn Hanayo down, had even given her the benefit of the doubt.
And now she was walking the halls after school, melancholic and angry and guilty, all at once.
It wasn't her intention to be hurtful, she had simply gotten impassioned when the time came to be firm. But perhaps this was for the best. She had to focus on her studies to ensure she could eventually take over the hospital. It really was good work, she told herself, she should have been proud to have the opportunity to do so, even if that meant being alone.
So, why then, did-
"Maki!"
It was Hanayo, standing behind her.
"You made me a promise, didn't you? You said that you would support me if I wanted to become an idol."
No, no, no, Maki wasn't ready for this; she could feel the tears prickling at the corners of her eyes.
"Hanayo...! Just-" she couldn't just run from this again, but she was a loss for words, "Just...give me a few minutes, okay? I'll be in the music room."
Hanayo was frowning, but still nodded.
Thank God, Maki thought, backtracking through the halls; she didn't want to risk turning this into an even larger disaster.
The doors to the music room flew open and she, drained of the will to fight, took a seat at the piano bench, face buried in her hands. It was late afternoon and crepuscular rays were just beginning to pierce the gloom of the day and reach the school. One, then two, then three, then too many to be worth counting slowly filtered through the window and began to warm the room as she composed herself.
She was weak, as much as it pained her to admit it. In the end, she couldn't stay away from this place.
Maki found her hands beginning to play some chords.
Hanayo froze with her hand resting on the door. She had waited, but now Maki was playing; was she to wait until the other girl had finally finished? Listening for a while wouldn't be so bad, she supposed. The graceful, measured playing was distinctly Maki, and was that which she had grown accustomed to over many days waiting where she was now.
Actually, she had spent far too long on the outside, she decided; it was time to experience this firsthand for once.
She slid open the door, and it was like stepping through the looking glass. The music, formerly muffled, was now rich and colourful, cascading around her. As for the musician, she spared Hanayo only the briefest glance, but began to play harder. It was a simple, melancholic, wistful song, but the arrangement was skillful, and the melodies engaging despite the bleakness. Maki had begun to hum now, adding another layer as she began to take glances over at her observer, trying not to lose focus.
And in a moment, it became clear to Hanayo that her standoffish classmate had a few wounds of her own. That was fine, she was willing help.
Maki took a deep breath, and began to sing in a drained voice, unusually high and delicate.
"And this hasn't been easy on you."
Suddenly, they weren't in the music room. To Hanayo, it was just her, Maki, and the raw expression filling the air. The pianist began to glance shyly at her as lines of quick, dazzling arpeggios entered the chorus and supported her words.
"I know that more than most!"
When it had happened, she couldn't say, but Hanayo found that she was crossing the room, and had nearly reached the side of the other girl.
What was the cause of-?
Suddenly she remembered, and it was so obvious that she wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Though clearly passionate about music, Hanayo remember that her birthright had practically ensured her no future in it. It didn't explain everything, but watching the Nishikino heiress pound out her sorrows on the keys, she thought it was a strong contender for the root of her problems.
"But I was born to be alone-"
"That's not true!"
Maki felt something warm pressing against her back, and the last vestiges of the song trailed off in a slow arpeggio.
"If you're fine with someone like m-me, then I'll stay by your side! And even of you never join, I'm sure the other members of μ's would be glad to be your friends."
For a long while they stayed like that, Hanayo hugging Maki, while the latter glacially began to relax and lean against the other girl.
"So please Maki, just let me in."
"Let you in?"
"I want to know why you've been so..." she wanted to word this gently, now that she was finally making progress once more, "standoffish."
Maki sighed, no longer caring about appearances and unconsciously pulled her now-friend's arms a little tighter around herself. It was now far too late to try and hide, to retreat into herself.
"Have you ever had an addiction? A crutch you just had to return to?" She turned to face Hanayo, "To break it, you have to wean yourself off. That's what it's been like with my music. Remember when I told you that I would have to take over the hospital?"
Yes, Hanayo remembered, and was beginning to make the connection, "...You said that you wouldn't have time for music once you began."
"And likely not during university either, if I'm to pull through medical school with exemplary marks." Again, she reminded herself of how many would kill to be in her position, but that did little to lessen the ache. "So even if I wanted to pursue it, even if that's what my passion is, I simply can't. That's why I'm trying to wean myself off."
It was starting to become difficult to keep her voice steady, and her hands were already shaking.
"I'm so, so sorry for treating you so goddamn badly! I just-" her voice broke, "I just didn't want to get involved with you, or μ's or anything that would remind me and make this any harder!"
And they stayed like that, close, for a moment which felt like many. At long last, and after much contemplation, Hanayo finally responded, "Well...Maki, you know what they say about having loved and lost, don't you?"
Maki remained silent.
"If you know you won't be able to later, isn't that all the more reason to do something you'll remember forever now? Sorry if I can't see it your way, but I don't understand why you would make yourself miserable now just so that you'll be used to it for later!"
That got the pianist's attention, and she sat at attention as though electrified.
"Please, Maki, take a chance on happiness and let the future stay in the future! You told me that you'd support my dream of being an idol however you could."
The two, now, were searching each other's eyes as the tension in the room grew to a fever pitch.
"So I want you to support me by staying by my side!"
Those were the reasons that Maki herself had been searching for, and now, though she still appeared on the verge of tears, she was also smiling.
"Well Hanayo, I suppose it can't be helped."
"Hanayo, did you-" Umi fell silent as the girl stepped out onto the roof, this time not alone. The other members of μ's, too, had begun to stare. Beside Hanayo stood the reason for this, twirling her hair about her fingers and doing an exceedingly poor job of masking her happiness.
"After much thought," she and the timid girl exchanged a look, "I've...reconsidered your offer. Um, if you're still interested in taking me, that is."
Honoka started babbling about ideas for new songs while Umi went to fetch her lyric notebook. Hanayo pushed Maki forward, and just like that, she was a member of μ's.
More A/N: The next chapter will be about Nico and Nozomi.