Author's Notes: I know, I know. Man, is the title cheesy. I just can't help it! It fit. And, don't blame me for this little thing. I literal popped this thing in thirty minutes. Not only that, but angsty/romance really isn't my usual thing. I tend to slip into humor on accident no matter how hard I try. Now, compound the fact that it's written in first person, which also isn't my forte.
But, it had to be done. Because Neil, officially, rules. You heard me. Neil rules. I love that character and they kill him off. Now, I've watched Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within three times and each time I watch it, my conviction that Neil is, in fact, almighty grows stronger. And, my belief that him and Jane just belonged together gets stronger too. No offense to all you Aki/Grey fans out there (I still like that pairing too!), but Neil and Jane's little scene just got to me more then Grey and Aki's FFVII, 'Aeris-reaching-out-from-the-Lifestream-to-Cloud' rip-off incident. Don't get my wrong, it was beautiful too, but I have a soft spot for unrealized love. ::sniff:: It's so sad.
Jane's POV, umkay? Just making sure ya got that.
Warnings: Not much. Um, few cuss words? Is being written while listening to Paint It Black by the Rolling Stones over and over and over and over again a warning? If it isn't, it should be.
He surprised me. Yeah, that's how I would put it. Surprised. Strange choice of words, I know, but that's exactly what it was. Surprise. He's so... happy. It just isn't natural. Nobody's supposed to be that happy without any reason. And I don't see what reason he found in this world. There is nothing to be happy about it, and never was.
I was born six years after the Leonid Meteor crashed into our planet. My father was a general. Did you catch the 'was'? He died. Oh, don't feel sympathetic, it's pitiful. He died, just like millions before him had died. In Tokyo, of all the places. It was during that phantom raid back in '54. You know the one? It was on all the news channels for a while. Not like I cared much. I wasn't even there when he 'kicked the bucket', as he likes to put it. My second year at Houston Military Academy and I get this official looking vid-mail with some stupid higher up giving me his 'condolences'. Like the little fucker even knew my father! My father was a great man and he gets killed off trying to save some idiotic civilians taking their sweet time to evacuate!
.......
It's things like that. With things like that happening twenty-four/seven, I just don't understand how... why he's just so damned happy!
When he smiles; when he's genuinely, completely un-sarcastically happy and he smiles at me, I can't help but smile back. He lights up the room when he laughs, unconsciously bringing everyone around him out of the perpetual darkness. What gets me is most of the time he doesn't even realize he's doing it! Stupid man, he laughs at everything...
I've tried to figure it out. This man has actually kept me up at night as I rack my brain trying to understand why he's so cheerful.
It was my third year at the Academy when he showed up. I was... 19 at the time, if I remember correctly, and he was just a year younger then me. It was a miracle that I noticed him in the first place, or... Maybe it wasn't. I don't see how I could have missed his distinctive laughter, even if it was in the middle of a crowded gymnasium. I still don't understand why he was there at all. One of the first things I learned about him was he pointedly goes out of his way to make sure he never has to do anything evolving brute strength if he can help it. He even went as far as hacking into HMA's computer system to change his schedule. When that little tasty bit of info finally reached the Headmaster about, oh, four weeks later... Let's just say our Happy Man wasn't very happy for a while. I just about died every time I watched him do his mandatory, daily 300 pushups. The look on his face... Heh.
I asked him once while I was weightlifting. See, he likes to just sit off to the side and bug the shit outta me when I'm handling blunt objects. The boy's strange, I don't think I'll ever work him out. But anyway, I asked him one time, 'Are you really just a lazy piece of shit or do you have some major beef against good old fashioned work?' And he replied to me, in a voice so solemn I wasn't quite sure if I should have taken him seriously or not.
"Physical activity is against my religion."
I tried to avoid him. Do you realize this? Before I was resigned to my fate, I actually tried to evade the guy. I didn't like the way he made me feel. He distracted me from my work and nothing, nothing, has ever been able to do that. He's the one thing, and only thing that can get me out of a funk. Just seeing the way his eyes crinkle up around the edges when he grins, smirks, snickers, whatever; just seeing him laugh at something fills this void I never knew I had until he entered my life. I have become to depend on him for my joy, and even though I don't show it, I feel strangely cold every time I leave his presence.
And this scares me. Goddamnit, this scares the shit out of me.
For I've found a reason to be happy. In him. I've come to understand there really is happiness in this awful world we live on, I understand why he can be happy. Because I lov-
He better not leave me. My bright spot, the lighter half of my soul. I don't know what I'd do. God, if you dare take away my delight, I'll lose all faith in you. Or Dr. Ross' 'Gaia' thing, whatever's in control. Don't take away my happiness! Do you hear me?! Because if you killed Neil...
...I don't know what I'd do.