Home In Your Heart

Chapter 1

by Kate04

A/N: This is set after 4x08 – Hostage of Fortune, but it's not really an add-on. It's the result of a long talk with that Sharon-voice inside my head where she insisted she get a more active role in her own love life. The fact that it's more than some pointless smut is thanks to Kadi219 who gave me an inspiration for a little bit of angst.

Many thanks to the girls – you know who you are – for listening to my whining and for their suggestions and as always, a huge hug and thank you to Rockin Robin B for her wonderful beta job. I've played with it since, so all mistakes you find are MINE! ;-)

Disclaimer: Not my sandbox, not my toys. I'm just giving them something to do during this awful hiatus.

The strength of a love is always misjudged if we evaluate it by its immediate cause and not the stress that went before it, the dark and hollow space full of disappointment and loneliness that precedes all the great events in the heart's history.

- Stefan Zweig

Sharon had not been in such a good mood in a long time. It was Saturday and so far they had not caught a case. It was their weekend off and Robbery-Homicide would take any cases that came in – unless it was something Taylor thought they could not handle. She hoped that the Assistant Chief would care too much about his budget to call them in, because she would hate for her plans to be ruined. Their plans, she corrected, a smile creeping onto her face as she pinned up her hair. She went with a simple twist, held in place by a large clip. A few stubborn strands slipped free and curled around her face, but she let them be.

Standing in front of her closet in her dressing gown, she tried to decide what to wear. Andy had mentioned something about going to the beach, so she should keep her outfit simple, but at the same time she wanted to look nice. It was only their fifth date and she had been looking forward to this day for most of the week.

Their first date had gone surprisingly well, considering how long it had taken Andy to work up the courage to actually ask her. They had laughed about that, but at the time, she had started to become a little desperate. It was her own fault that he had hesitated for so long. After that slightly embarrassing evening at the Nutcracker the year before, they had been steadily growing closer, but then Stroh escaped and her focus had shifted away from their developing relationship. Their frequent dinners and other non-dates had dwindled down to hurried lunches and the occasional take-out dinner at her place, because she had not been willing to let Rusty out of her sight for longer than absolutely necessary.

Andy had understood her concern and her need have the kid where she could see him and he had taken a step back to give her room to deal with that situation. Once she had decided to let go of her obsession with Stroh and move on with her life, she had tried to send him subtle hints that she would welcome it if he were to ask her out. Subtle had given way to blatant flirting after a while, but he had still been reluctant to make a move.

She understood why he had been weary of approaching her, but it had been slightly frustrating. Had their situation been different, she would not have had a problem with taking the initiative, but in their case, with her being his superior, the first move had to come from him. When he had finally asked, he had taken her completely by surprise and her reaction had been anything but smooth. With that rather rocky start, and everything that was riding on the success of that new journey they had set out on, she had expected their evening to be a little awkward and uncomfortable. Instead, it had been like all their other dinners over the years, just with a new, romantic touch to it and the heightened awareness of one another in that new context. They had effortlessly glided from friends to more and it had been beyond exciting.

That night, when they had bid each other good night in front of her door, he had kissed her. It had started as an innocent touch of lips on lips, lingering and sweet. He had been very careful not to push her too far until she had drawn him closer with her hands around his neck and deepened the kiss.

She could not remember when she had last spent several long minutes shamelessly making out and the memory of that night still made her tingle with desire for him. Stepping out of his arms and sending him home had been harder than she would have expected, but as much as they had both wanted him to come in, they had known that it was not possible. Rusty had been home and she would not let her son be confronted with this change in their relationship by stumbling into Andy in the middle of the night or worse, hearing things he definitely should not hear.

It had been a long time since Sharon had been with another man. First there had been the Baylor lawsuit and all the long hours she had spent auditing Major Crimes and stopping a damaging information leak. Then she had taken over that division all together, and Rusty had come into her life. Between her insane work hours, adjusting to the changes in her life and helping the boy do the same, the situation with those threatening letters, and fighting to keep him with her, she simply had not had the time and energy to think about her social life.

She had always enjoyed sex, the simple, physical act without the need to connect on an emotional level. That had been reserved for the few times she had allowed her husband to come to her bed and it had lost its appeal after he had hurt and disappointed her once too many. The sheer intensity of her reaction to Andy's touch, to the sensation of his lips on hers, of their tongues dancing, had surprised her. She knew that it would be about more than the purely physical with him, but she had not expected the need to be with him, to connect with him in this most intimate way, to be so strong, so irresistible. She wanted him and she was not sure how long she would be willing and able to wait.

After that first date and its surprisingly heated conclusion, they had decided to slow down a little again. To be honest, her reaction to him had scared her a little. Not the raw lust kissing him had awakened within her. That was something she could deal with, but whatever that thing between them would turn out to be, it could never be just that.

The fact that they worked together called for a little more caution and consideration so they would avoid all the potential pitfalls they were both all too aware of. They were already emotionally entangled due to their close friendship and she did not want to damage that. Andy had told Chief Taylor that they could always go back to being very good friends in case things did not work out, and even though his tone had been a little sarcastic, she wanted to make sure that was possible. There were no guarantees in life. They knew what they wanted, they knew the risks, they had made most of the mistakes before and had a pretty good idea of how to avoid them, but it could still go wrong.

Then there was Rusty. Her boy was not one of their biggest fans right now and although she would not let one of her children decide if, or who she was going to date, she tried to take his issues into consideration. His problem was not really Andy. He liked the older man, he trusted him, and he knew that he would never willingly hurt either one of them. Knowing something in one's head and feeling it in one's heart were not the same thing, however.

For a considerable part of his life, Rusty had been forced to step back whenever his mother had brought home a man. Not only had those men taken away his mother's attention and love, they had also been a threat to both him and his mother. His instincts still told him that a man entering their life was bad news and it would take some time for him to truly understand, in his heart and soul, that things were different in this new life of his. Andy would neither replace him in Sharon's heart nor pose a danger to either of their safety.

Sharon had a feeling that it would be a long road for them to travel, but she would not give up. Rusty's past would not ruin their future and very soon, she would sit him down and have that conversation with him, because so far he had refused to talk about it. All she had to go on was his decidedly grouchy attitude whenever Andy was around and what she knew of his past. As much as she loved him and respected his boundaries, she would not allow him to dictate how she lived her life. Andy meant too much to her to risk losing him because of a moody teenager.

That was the part that really scared her. There was desire and friendship between them, but there was also something deeper, something she was reluctant to explore. She had not expected it to happen this fast. She had cracked the door to her heart open just a little bit to let in a few rays of sunshine, but Andy had walked right in and made himself at home. She might not be ready to say it out loud, or even truly admit it to herself, but she definitely felt it.

While she had had several, mostly short term relationships since Jack left, she had only ever loved him. Until one day she had discovered that the feeling had faded away. His absence, his betrayal of her trust, his abusive words whenever he was drunk – they had chipped away at what had once been almost overwhelming love and devotion. She never thought that she would feel it again, had always assumed that that was it for her. She had loved and she had lost and all that was left for her were casual connections when the chance presented itself.

Now she had Andy in her life and "casual" was not a word she would use to describe their relationship. Not anymore. Over the last few days she had done a lot of thinking. The idea to slow down and date in the very traditional sense of the word had been intended for them to find out what they meant to each other once they left the realm of friendship, to see if they were on the same page emotionally. She cared for him deeply and she was certain that he returned those feelings. What could be gained by continuing to deny them both what they wanted?

After a long talk on the phone the night before, which they had mostly spent laughing about Special Agent Shea and about Taylor's reaction to their notification, she had been awake for a while, thinking about the fact that his was the last voice she had heard every night for over a week and sometimes even the first she heard in the morning. Although, that had almost exclusively been because of some work-related issue or another, she decided that she liked it that way and it was easy to picture their future like that – falling asleep in each other's arms and waking up the same way. She could imagine spending however long she had left with him and the thought did not feel uncomfortable at all. It was still very early in their relationship to think about all that, but the fact that it seemed possible was enough for her to make a decision; she would simply be today, without rules or restrictions or boundaries. Whatever felt right, she would allow to happen, no matter where it lead them.

Sharon debated whether or not to wear the blue sundress Emily had talked her into buying when she was in New York the summer before Rusty came into her life. It was a little more revealing than what she usually wore with its thin straps and the low scoop neck that showed a rather daring amount of cleavage. The hemline ended a good way above her knees without being too scandalous. So far, she had not had the courage and opportunity to wear it, but this date might be the perfect occasion. Andy would most definitely appreciate her choice.

Searching through her underwear drawer, she picked out a matching set of crimson lace that created an impressive décolleté and set off her pale skin and green eyes. It might be a little presumptuous of her to assume that he would even get to see her without her dress, but the thought sent a pleasant shiver down her spine. Putting a lot of effort into concentrating on getting dressed, Sharon tried to avoid thoughts of Andy's hands skimming over her skin as he peeled her out of her clothes.

She was searching for her tan sandals when he knocked on her door. Abandoning the search for the moment, she rushed down the hall, briefly pausing in front of the mirror to make sure everything looked the way it was supposed to before she pulled the door open.

The sight that greeted her took her breath away. She had seen Andy in his work suits and in a variety of casual clothes over the last few years, but this was new. His tight, black t-shirt drew her attention to his broad chest and strong arms, her mind jumping to thoughts of feeling them around her and her fingers twitching with the need to feel his muscles ripple underneath the soft fabric. The dark blue jeans he wore gave her wicked ideas about slipping her hands into their back pockets and drawing him against her. And the boots – good lord, the boots!

For a long moment they simply stared at one another, both lost in their own world of thoughts that should be off-limits. She felt his gaze on her, burning into her skin as he let it travel over her, lingering where her dress revealed more than he was used to seeing from her before meeting her own. Heat built up inside her, starting in her core and moving along her veins and nerves until it tingled in her fingers and toes; it zapped between them like static electricity, pulling her towards him and him towards her.

Sharon could not pinpoint the exact moment she made the decision, or if it was even a conscious one, but when she felt his solid form against her, his soft, warm lips moving underneath hers, when his arms came around her to hold her close and when he moaned into their hungry kiss as she pressed him into the wall, it was no longer relevant. She wanted him and he wanted her and nothing stood in their way, except her own fear and a petulant teenager, neither of which she had ever allowed to rule her life.

"Sharon," he moaned between kisses, a question, a warning, but she silenced him with a single finger against his mouth before she replaced it with her lips, drawing him into another kiss and away from his doubts. For once she did not wish to speak. They had done enough of that over the years and if they paused now to examine their motives, she would have second thoughts once again. Her own insecurities would win over what they both wanted.

In that moment, with Andy's body pressed against hers and his arms holding her close, she knew that they were doing the right thing. It was not as sudden a development as it might seem and she saw no reason why talking about her feelings would be preferable to acting on them. Andy seemed to agree, letting her distract him without further protest.

It was instant madness. It was wandering hands, groping and stroking and clawing. It was long, drawn-out kisses, a fight for dominance that only had winners. It was lips and tongues and teeth sucking, licking and nipping at every inch of exposed skin. It was hips rocking against hips in time with a melody that was only heard by them. It was moans and groans and hums filling the otherwise silent apartment, fueling the fire. They were caught in a strong current of passion, drawing them farther and farther from the shore. She should be frightened, but as her hands slipped under his t-shirt and push it up to bare his chest to her exploring mouth, any thought of safety was pushed from her mind and she gave herself up to the wild, untamed waves, pulling him along with her.

Andy hissed when her teeth closed around one of his nipples, tugging gently before her tongue soothed it. He willingly raised his arms, allowing her to divest him of his shirt, only to slip them around her waist once again to draw her against him. She felt his growing excitement dig into the soft pillow of her belly and rubbed against him, coaxing a growl from deep inside his chest. He let his hands glide up and down her sides, his thumbs brushing against the sides of her breasts, making her arch her back.

He trailed heated kisses along her jaw and down her throat, tracing her collar bone with his tongue and nipping at the soft flesh where neck met shoulder. His fingers moved up her arms in feather-light caresses, hooking under the thin straps and drawing them down, gently tugging until the dress slid down to land at her feet in a cloud of blue cotton.

What followed was a moment of complete stillness as he stared open-mouthed, taking in the creamy skin and crimson lace he had revealed. She was flushed with arousal, her chest heaving, her swollen lips parted and her eyes almost black. His brain was about to shut down, or maybe it already had. His head was still spinning from the unexpected turn of events and having her in front of him looking like sex personified did nothing to help him recover.

She saw the helpless desire in his eyes, saw his eyes rake over her barely covered body and any thought of modesty or shame or trying to hide her imperfections vanished before they had a chance to take root. She let him study her, let his hungry expression stoke the fire inside her belly, fighting against the urge to move, to continue their frantic exploration.

The sight of his length straining against the confining fabric of his jeans snapped the tight rein she had on her control. Reaching out, she let her fingers glide down his chest and over his belly until she reached his belt. Fumbling with the buckle, she managed to open it and got to work on the buttons of his pants, her motions hurried, fueled by the need to see, to touch, to taste. He twitched excitedly every time she brushed against him and she noticed how much it took for Andy not to push into her touch.

When she finally got the last button undone, Sharon trailed soft kisses down his torso, nipping and licking and blowing air over his skin, making him shiver as she moved down. Sinking to her knees in front of him, she tugged at his pants, pulling them and his briefs down his legs until they pooled around his feet. Sitting on her haunches, she stroked her hands up and down his legs, enjoying the feeling of coarse hair against her palms as her eyes devoured the beauty of his arousal.

His muscles trembled under her touch as she raked her nails along the inside of his thighs, dangerously close to where he wanted to feel her. Her mouth was only inches from his length, hot puffs of air hitting his skin and making him twitch. When she finally flicked her tongue against him, he had to fight the urge to let his eyes close, he wanted to see her, could not tear his gaze away from the intensity of hers.

Wrapping a gentle hand around his length, she drew a groan from him. Sharon gave him a devious smile, licking her lips in anticipation and letting her tongue circle his sensitive head, before she let him slip between her lips. The sensation of her mouth around him, the almost painful scrape of her teeth and the gentle friction of her tongue was too much. For months he had tried to imagine what it might be like if they ever took that step, but never in his wildest dreams had he thought of this, of Sharon kneeling at his feet in her hallway, of her enjoying this so much. And she did enjoy it; her sparkling eyes and the low hums were proof of that. It nearly drove him crazy.

Andy felt tension coil in his belly, moving along his limbs, pulsing through him until he had to close his eyes. As much as he loved what she was doing to him, there were other things he was dying to do with her and that would not happen if she kept going.

His hands, which up until that moment had been curled into fists, hanging loosely at his sides, moved into her hair. The thick, soft strands slipped through his fingers and for a few seconds he was tempted to grab onto them, to hold her close and drive into her welcoming mouth until he lost hold of the last thread of his control. Instead, he let his hands drop down to her shoulders and gently pushed her away from him.

She knew he was close, could tell from the tension that ran through his muscles and the barely restrained thrusts of his hips. Part of her longed to make him lose control right there, to revel in having that kind of power over him and to give him the release he sought, but she would do that another time, when her own need was not so overwhelming, when she knew what it felt like to be one with him in every way. So she relented when he gently nudged her back a little, allowing his glistening length to slip out of her mouth. His fingers feathered along her arms, gooseflesh rising in their wake, until he wrapped them around her hands, effectively stopping her exploration of his need. With an insistent tug, he helped her to her feet, not commenting on the groan of discomfort she tired to suppress. Maybe she should think of a more comfortable position for the next time, as she seemed to be getting a little too old to be crawling around on the floor.

Any thoughts of her age immediately evaporated when she looked up into his eyes, darkened with desire and burning with an intensity that took her breath away. He let his arms wrap around her and drew her against him, his mouth finding hers for another heated kiss. Her hands sliding into the short hair at the back of his head, she gave in to the passion of their exchange, one leg hooking behind his as she rocked her hips against him, seeking the stimulation she needed. Her actions made him push her away once more and she gave him a slightly confused look, her brain already too fuzzy with desire to understand immediately. When he turned her around until she faced the wall, planting her hands flat against it next to her head, his body pressed against hers from behind, she realized what he was trying to do. His words stirred more than just the soft wisps of hair that curled against her cheek as he whispered into her ear, voice raw with need.

"You have to give me a moment here, Sharon. Let me take care of you for a bit."

She wanted to kiss him, to touch every inch of his body, to feel him inside her, but she surrendered to the feather light touch of his fingers as they caressed her heated skin, to the soft kisses, the licks and nips he trailed along the side of her face, down her neck and across her shoulders. Closing her eyes, she rested her forehead against the wall and allowed herself to simply feel, to selfishly take what he was offering.

The last time anyone had taken the time to explore her body so thoroughly, to discover every spot that made her moan or squirm or whimper, to learn all the different sounds that could be drawn from her, was decades ago, a hazy memory of the early years of her marriage. Andy would not be hurried, punishing every attempt she made to speed things up with playful bites and tickles, keeping her in that exhilarating space between arousal and laughter until his hands finally brushed over her breasts and her shriek of surprise upon his discovery of a particularly ticklish spot turned into a drawn-out moan. His nails scraped over the lacy material of her bra, the friction of the rough fabric against her sensitive skin making her shiver in anticipation.

He alternated between gently kneading her soft mounds and rolling her hard nipples between his fingers until she arched her back, pushing into his touch, seeking more, begging him not to stop. Hooking his fingers under the layer of crimson lace, he pulled it down until her breasts spilled into his hands. She heard his groan as he peered over her shoulder to study her. Looking down, Sharon was mesmerized by the contrast between his tanned hands and her creamy skin, by how carefully he cradled her sensitive flesh. And then he let his fingers continue their journey down her body, drawing shivers and moans from her as they glided over her stomach and along the edge of her panties, caressing her through the fabric, but never coming close to where she wanted to feel him.

She was burning for his touch, could feel herself begin to respond. It took longer for her these days to reach the point where no artificial help was necessary to take things further, but Andy seemed determined to get her there. His slow, teasing motions helped build up the anticipation to an almost unbearable level until he finally slipped one hand into her panties, allowing his fingers to dip between her folds. For a split second she was worried about his reaction to her slow physical response, wondering how much experience he had with women her age, but his gentle exploration, the slowly increasing pressure of his touch as he circled her clit, the hand on her stomach that pulled her back against his hardness and anchored her to him – all chased away her concerns.

Step by painfully unhurried step he took her closer to the edge, his hands and lips creating a cocoon of sensuality that made her forget everything else. Nothing existed in these precious moments but the two of them and the ever-increasing pressure inside of her. When it came, her release was gentle, a soothing wave that washed over her, carrying her along for a moment and leaving her utterly sated, yet strangely energized.

Feeling safe in the shelter of his strong arms, one of his hands still between her legs, feeling the pulsing of her inner muscles, she let her head rest against his chest and basked in the afterglow, her heart close to bursting with affection for this man who gave of himself so selflessly.

Instead of calming her desire for him, Andy's touch had only intensified it. Turning in his arms, Sharon placed her hands against his cheeks, caressing them with her thumbs as she stared into his eyes. The emotions tumbling around inside her were too many to put into words, but she hoped that he could see them in her gaze, could feel them in her touch and in her kisses. Letting her hands slide down his arms, she laced her fingers through his, gently tugging him along as she took a few deliberate steps towards her bedroom, her eyes never leaving his.

There was no need for either of them to play coy, to question what they were about to do. They were too far gone with desire for that. She wanted him, and it was more than obvious that he wanted her and for a short moment she was tempted to let it happen right there in her hallway. The thought of a quick, hard, and messy encounter against a wall was endlessly stimulating, but it was not what she had had in mind for their first time. There would be many occasions for that in the future. For now, they had an entire day to explore and to learn and to enjoy and they intended to take advantage of it.

It was slow and sensual, nothing more than endless kisses and tender caresses for a long time. They brought one another to the brink of madness and back countless times, alternately exciting and soothing until the need for completion could no longer be denied. This time, her release was powerful and overwhelming, the fire he had been stoking for the better part of an hour flaring up, burning through her body, along her limbs, until it exploded behind her closed eyes, leaving her breathless and trembling with exhaustion as she collapsed on top of him.

Andy had tumbled over the edge with her, his groan loud in her ear as he had held her close. She felt his heart pounding underneath her cheek, his chest rising and falling with his rapid breaths, their skin sticky with sweat. Sharon felt him slowly slip out of her, already missing the intimate connection as she tried to muster the energy to disentangle her limbs from his and make it to the bathroom. She had never cared much for the messy aftermath, always eager to get cleaned up, to wash away the evidence, but this time she did not mind. The need to stay in his arms, to linger in the comforting glow of their joint release was stronger. Words were not necessary as they both relished the quiet, soothing sense of togetherness. There was so much she wanted to tell him, so many things they needed to talk about, but all that would keep for a little while.

Sharon felt sleep tug at her, urging her to surrender, but the persistent sound of a familiar and rather annoying ringtone drew her back to the present. She gently nudged the softly snoring form beneath her until he grunted and reluctantly opened his eyes to face her.

"Andy, your phone is ringing," she complained, her voice heavy with exhaustion. Neither one of them made any move to get up, contend to ignore whoever had decided to disturb them. That was until another melody joined the first, this one coming from her own phone that was located in the purse that sat on the chair next to her bedroom door. They sighed, resigned to the fact that they would have to get up. If both their phones rang at the same time, that could only mean one thing. Their division had caught a case and their presence was required.

Planting one last, lingering kiss against the corner of his mouth, Sharon crawled out of bed to retrieve the persistently chiming device, a quick glance at the caller ID confirming her suspicion. Taking a deep breath, she pushed her frustration about being disturbed aside. This would only be the first of many such interruptions, so the sooner she got used to it, the better.

"Chief, what can I do for you?"

As she listened to Taylor's account of their latest case, she watched Andy dart from her room only to return a moment later with their clothes in one hand and his phone in the other. His twitching jaw muscles and the frown that was etched into his forehead spoke of his annoyance and she wished that he would look at her, if just for a second so that the unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach would go away.

By the time she had finished with Taylor, Andy was dressed and ready to go, having obtained the basic information from Provenza. He did not meet her eyes when he told her that he would see her at the crime scene. And then he was gone, leaving her behind without so much as a peck on the lips, the unsettling feeling having turned into a solid rock.

~~TBC~~