Oh, hello there. Almost didn't see you come in. Hehe...that's just a joke; of course I saw you. But there's not much else to do when you're dead, see, so I do enjoy playing with the heads of the few who come to visit.
How did I know you were here without looking? Well, if you'd pay even the slightest attention to your surroundings, you would see I've a multitude of cameras placed around. Yes, yes; I understand that having cameras everywhere is a bit useless. Not like anyone can attack me if I'm dead. Old habits die hard, though, and I am rather accustomed to being able to see all around myself. Never know when someone might try to pull a fast one on the almighty L, you see.
What's that? I'm not L? Hmph. Well, I daresay your parents seem to have wasted their money paying for your schooling, seeing as you don't seem to have a lick of sense about you. Now, why do you say I can't be L? Hm? Is it because I'm dead? Or do I just not look the part?
Black hair, and a pale complexion, hm? Well, I have been told I'm rather pale, but I was born a blond, and died a blond. Male, and a fascination with sweets? Ah, I see; you must have met young Lawliet! He was my successor, you see.
Oh, what's with that look on your face now? Surely you didn't think Lawliet was the original L. Oh, no no no, he was far too young for that. If he were the original L, why, he'd have to be well over a hundred by now. You see, the original L was Laurence Wammy. He founded Wammy's House on his thirtieth birthday, back in the 1850s. In those days, the children who turned fifteen before the current L retired or was killed, along with those who were unable to take on the title when it did come time for a replacement, were trained to be religious figures, such as priests or nuns. Nowadays, the children are allowed to follow their talents if they don't show promise to become L, but the old practices still come through a bit. For example, it is a long-standing requirement for all the children to attend services every Sunday morning until they turn twelve. Then, if they don't wish to go anymore, they can find something else to pass the time with.
Oh, now I've gone off track, and you still look confused. Why? What don't you understand now? ..... Why was Lawliet's first name listed as L in volume 13 if he wasn't born with the name? Well, I won't pretend to understand what you mean by that, but when the successor takes on the title of L, they discard their given name and simply use L and whatever their last name might be. For example, I was born Trula Richter, but I did not use that name from the age of 11, when the L before me died of a particularly nasty infection. Trula died that day, and L Richter was born. So I suppose if whatever this 13 you're speaking of said Lawliet was named L, perhaps our taking of the title becomes much more literal than we realize.
Don't believe me, hm? Well, you're a very lucky one indeed, then, because my little corner of the afterlife has given me whatever I wish for. I've always regretted not being able to be a mother, and so I have a little pond over here that I can watch the Wammy's children in. I've always felt a bit of affection akin to what I think a mother might feel towards the orphans, so I like to look into it now and again. I can even see any time in particular I wish. This might be what some people call Heaven while they are alive, but I don't think it quite is. If it were, I should think I'd have some kind of incarnation of actual children I could have had, rather than just the shadows of what never was to stare at for all eternity. Ah, well. You want my proof that I am who I claim to be, yes? Well, then, let's get started. Where would you like to look first? My birth? No, that would be a rather...messy affair. The death of my parents was the first thing I watched after discovering what my pond was for, and I'd rather not see it again. I could show you Lawliet's childhood. How does that sound? There was a hallway in the branch of Wammy's House I was raised in that hung paintings of all who had called themselves L, so you should be able to see my likeness there. I'm not certain, though; I rarely visited the Houses after taking the title, so I never saw if the one in Winchester had the paintings as well.
You really should understand that your L was not the most important person in the world, and he never was. There were better Ls before him, and I'm sure there will come to be better Ls now that he's gone. Hm? Don't say that to a fangirl? Why must you keep talking of these things that make no sense whatsoever; honestly. Well, fine then. If you think he's so important, then I'll start with the Numbers. That's where he came in, after all. Don't delude yourself into believing he was the first, though; oh no. There were a good two or three who came before Lyle Lawliet arrived.
Okay, dearlings. Know that this story will be taking massive amounts of artistic liberties. There'll be plenty of contradictions to the series, I'm sure. I'm going to be trying a different style than what I'm used to for this, so if it comes off rather odd, forgive me.
Chapter lengths will vary in here. Some will be full-length, most will be drabbles. They won't be posted in any particular order, either; but they'll be dated so you can put together a timeline if you want.
I don't own Death Note. Any and all recognizable characters belong to Ohba and Obata. Any non-recognizable characters are my own creations, so please don't take them and use them in your own works unless you ask me first.