Lullaby
Tagline: "I pity any girl in the world who isn't me tonight."
Summary: Late one night, Rachel discovers that her dream is not performing on Broadway in front of thousands. But rather, singing a quiet lullaby in a nursery for a beautiful, sleepy baby girl. Their baby girl.
Warning: Contains a Fababy!
Pairing: Rachel / Quinn
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings and events thereof, are properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Author's Note: A cuteness overload that I just cannot get out of my head. It's unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own. Please enjoy! :)
Babies are the universal weakness of almost every one; their chubby little faces, their tiny button nose, their big eyes wide with curiosity and wonderment, their hair, whether tuffs of locks or none existent at all can make almost any one go weak in the knees. Just as the sound of their playful cooing, gentle gurgling, and their innocent but joyous laughter could melt even the coldest of ice hearts. There is perfection about an infant; the way their intoxicating scent swirls in dances inside of the nose or the way their tiny hand latches around a finger, holding tightly as to never let go. There is something magical, some kind of unworldly beauty about a baby that everyone cannot help but fall in love with, a pull that no-one is strong enough to fight.
However, despite their cuteness, or the sound of their joyous squeals or how perfect they are when they are sleeping snuggled against your chest, there is one misgiving about infants that no-one tells. Sure, they are cute and cuddly and absolutely levels of perfection cross the board when you first seem them, but after midnight, the cuteness becomes a completely different story. Babies cry, frequently and loudly, so much so that you swear your eardrums could burst from the wailing and no matter what you do, they are not satisfied. Sure, babies are cute. But after midnight, that cuteness takes a turn straight to hellacious evilness.
It is around 3am that Rachel Berry is discovering this misconception of cuteness first hand. Instead of being fast asleep in her warm bed, dreaming of Oscars or Broadway performances or Glenda the Witch, the sound of persistent wailing is continuously snapping her into consciousness. Instead of dreaming peacefully and resting her slightly overworked body, the sound of heart wrenching cry is breaking her heart time and time again.
Cadence Maria Berry-Fabray is perhaps the most perfect and beautiful four month old baby girl who has every piece of Rachel's heart. She is still amazed by the similarities she can find between herself and her daughter; the structure of her face, the color of her eyes, the way that she gurgles and coos along with nothing but the top rated show tunes. Her wife may have given birth to the bouncing bundle of joy (after all, she is a performer with a figure to uphold and everyone knows that having a baby is anything but flattering to your figure) but she is her daughter, through and through.
She may resemble Quinn more physically with her little tuffs of blond hair and that soft smile that could melt anyone's heart but she has Rachel's eyes and her cute laugh. She has her determination, her lack of patience and the ever-so-annoying attention seeking temper. Doctors, lawyers and other parents can say what they want, but as far as Rachel is concerned, Cadence is her daughter and she is her Mama.
Except for right now, she only slightly wishes that Cadence belongs to someone else because if that was the case, she could simply turn her over to them and not have to worry about the wail of unhappiness. She always joked that she liked babies better when they belonged to someone else, and even though she loves her daughter more than anything in this world, she cannot help but feel that way again.
Twenty minutes. It has been twenty minutes of this constant wailing, screaming, and choking of sobs. And no matter what Rachel does, it simply does not seem to be enough to sooth the tiny infant and she has to admit, she is starting to feel helpless. She is her mother, damn it, the person who is supposed to protect her, who is supposed to comfort her when the rest of the world is cruel, the one safe haven that she is supposed to have no matter what. Now, when she is crying her tiny little heart out, there is nothing Rachel can do that can help her, nothing to soothe or comfort or make her feel safe. She is failing her.
"Cadence, sweetie… I… I don't know what else to do for you," Rachel exclaims in a whining tone as she jostles the infant from one hip to the other as she slowly scratches her back. Cadence, however, does not seem to care for her mother's statement as she grabs a fistful of Rachel's hair and bursts out in another heart wrenching sob. If it was not so sad to hear her wailing, the brunette would almost think this is cute; Cadence all tangled up in her, her little nose rubbing against her neck.
"I fed you. I changed you. I gave you your blanket. I put on the Disney show tunes. I tried to play Peek-a-Boo with you since I know it is your personal favorite, even though I think it is not a very stimulating game for a baby. We watched a few minutes of Winnie the Pooh, which I still think your Mommy should not have introduced you to. I… I am at a loss here. You are going to have to help me out, baby," Rachel pleads, slowly rubbing small circles on her back but Cadence only continues her heart breaking wails. The brunette sighs with a groan, pacing in careful strides through the yellow painted nursery. She does not know how much more of this her heart can take and she can feel her own tears welling within her own dark eyes. Rachel Berry has felt her heart break before: in high school with Finn and Quinn, on Broadway when she did not get the lead that she thought she deserved, when they had a miscarriage of their first baby. But none of those compare to the feeling of the deep heart break of hearing her daughter cry and know there is nothing she can do to soothe her.
"Please Cay. Stop crying. Mama's here. Shh. Shh. It is okay, I've got you. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. Shh." Rachel whimpers, rubbing her back, pacing nervously as she curses inwardly. How could a mother not know what to do to soothe her daughter? Isn't that something that every woman comes instilled with at birth? How is it possible that she missed that gene? She curses again, kicking absently at the floor below her as she rubs her daughter's back.
"Cay, I don't know what to do. Please, please just stop crying for Mama. Can you do that, hmm?" Another loud wail erupts from the baby and Rachel laughs bitterly with a shake of her head.
"No? Okay. It's just… I don't know what to do. I know that I should. I mean, doesn't every woman come with blueprints on how to be a mother? Isn't it like, some sort of instinct? But… I don't have that. Don't blame your grandpas; I am sure they tried their hardest to give that to me. I think I traded somewhere for my phenomenal theatrical skills. Because I never thought it was possible to have love and family and my dreams. But now… now here you are, crying your little heart out and I don't know what to do. I don't… I'm sorry that I am failing you. I should be a better Mama than this and I'm not and I don't know what to do to…"
"Sing." A soft voice calls out from the doorway. Almost instantly, Rachel turns to find her wife leaning against the door facing, her arms crossed across her chest and an all knowing smile upon her face. Even when she has just climbed out of bed, Rachel cannot help but think that Quinn Fabray is the prettiest woman she has ever known.
"No offense, Quinn but I don't think that will help. We listened to Disney show tunes earlier and it only seemed to annoy her rather than soothe her. And I don't think that someone singing almost directly in her ear is going to…" But Quinn interrupts her.
"She likes the sound of your voice. Call her crazy, but she thinks her Mama has a nice voice. It soothes her, it comforts her. She likes it when you sing, Rach." Quinn states with a warm smile curling upon her lips. Rachel wrinkles her brow as she comes to a pacing stop, running her nails up and down Cadence's back, listening to her cries and hiccups.
"I don't…"
"Sing."
"But I don't…"
"Rachel. Just sing!" Quinn groans in annoyance and another sharp wail erupts from Cadence as she tugs at Rachel's hair. The two star crossed lovers share a gaze and Quinn's face relaxes as she softly walks over to her wife. It still takes Rachel by surprise, the way that she captures her in such love and passion, the way the burning still pulses through her veins and the butterflies still dance in the pit of her stomach. Quinn Fabray is and will always be her only. The only one who makes her feel like she is worth anything, the only one who can make her dreams come true, the only one who gives her purpose and meaning, the only one who understands.
"Sing what? Does she have any preferences?" Rachel asks and Quinn rolls her eyes, ruffling her fingers through Cadence's blond locks. She giggles as her eyes meet Rachel's and she shakes her head softly, her swift, short blond hair framing her face.
"Rachel. She's a baby. I don't think she is going to care what you sing or even understand it for that matter. Just as long as you sing, that's all she needs. You can belt out some Streisand or Spears, it really doesn't matter," Quinn offers and Rachel scoffs, covering Cadence's ears playfully.
"How dare you even suggest that I sing that always half dressed, married a white rapper and drops a baby in the middle of a street pop star's songs? The horror! We agreed we wouldn't mention that name in front of the child," Rachel exclaims in mock hurt with a glare and Quinn bites her bottom lip, hiding a giggle as she pushes her hands out, stepping backward. Rachel shakes her head before she continues to rub Cadence's back soothingly.
"You want to hear your Mama sing, hmm? I know exactly what to sing," Rachel smiles and Cadence only cries, the hot tears streaming down her face. There is a pause that hangs in the air as the baby squirms, rooting farther into Rachel's petite but strong body. There is nothing but silence until…
"I wish I could tie you up in my shoes make you feel unpretty too. I was told I was beautiful but what does that mean to you. Look in the mirror who's inside there, the one with the long hair, same old me again today," Rachel sings in a soft, warm voice and instantly a smile flickers upon Quinn's lips as she watches her wife and her daughter sway around the nursery to the ever-so-familiar tune.
"My outsides are cool, my insides are blue. Every time I think I'm through it's because of you. I've tried different ways but it's all the same, at the end of the day I have myself to blame. I'm just trippin'" Rachel sings, her dark eyes meeting Quinn's hazel and instantly her heart flutters and a bright, beaming smile echoes on her face.
"You can buy your hair if it won't grow, you can fix your nose if he says so, you can buy all the makeup that M.A.C can make but if you can't look inside you, find who I am to be in a position to make me feel so I'm pretty," Rachel grins, avoiding the curse with a quite giggle as she carefully taps Cadence's nose and Quinn smiles wider.
"I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright," Quinn sings softly in the background and Rachel smiles at her as she sways the infant in her arms, listening to the cries begin to rattle away in her chest.
"Never insecure until I met you, now I'm being stupid, I used to be so acute to me, just a little bit skinny. Why do I look to all these things to keep you happy? Maybe get rid of you and then I'll get back to me," the brunette harmonizes, her hand gliding up Cadence's back, draping her nails against her skin in a soothing tone.
"My outsides look cool, my insides are blue. Every time I think I'm through, it's because of you. I've tried different ways but it's all the same at the end of the day. I have myself to blame keep on trippin'" smiles Rachel.
"You can buy your hair if it won't grow. You can fix your nose if he says so. You can buy all the make-up that M.A.C. can make. But if you can't look inside you find out who am I to be in a position to make me feel so I'm pretty," Quinn serenades and Rachel beams with pride. She breaks her gaze with her wife as she gazes at her daughter, snuggled into her body and her heart begins to swoon in love of a complete different kind.
"I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and bright. And I pity any girl who isn't me tonight," whispers Rachel in a bright smile, ruffling her fingers through Cadence's tuffs of curls, shaking her heads softly in the utmost amazement of her. Instead of breaking out in the final chorus and verses, the two parents just simply cease and revel in the utmost silence that is suddenly now echoing around the empty nursery.
No crying.
No wailing.
No groaning, whimpering, moaning or any signs of sleep being fought.
There is just silence.
"Rach, I think…" Quinn begins to speak but she is instantly reprimanded with a glare and a shushing noise from the brunette as she clutches the baby in her arms, moving her with a sway to hide her from the noise. The ex-Cheerio only giggles with a warm smile at her wife's actions before she pushes her body forward, out of the doorway and toward her favorite girls. Latched around Rachel's neck, hands in hair, face buried into shoulder, sleeps the most peaceful baby girl with only a soft rattle of a snore to allow her beautiful Mommies to know that she is still alive.
She is the one they hoped for, the one they ached for, the one they had dreamed about for so very long. She, with her crinkly little nose, impatience, diva-in-training attitude, perfect bright smile, big heart and perfections, is their missing piece. The one who makes them whole. Not Broadway, not the bright, shining lights, not a sold out audience, not all the PR, the flashing cameras, the compliments, working alongside Broadway legends. No. The thing that makes them whole, that makes Rachel whole is the tiny little girl in her arms and she wonders how she could have ever thought otherwise.
"She is sleeping," beams Rachel with the proudest of proud grins curled upon her lips. Quinn smiles with a soft, quiet nod as she runs her fingers through her daughter's golden, crisp curls. It is often moments like this, with Cadence and Rachel both within finger lengths of her, that she wonders what her life would have been like if she chose to keep Beth. She would be seven now, all blond curls, missing teeth, scabs on her knees, making all the boys cry on the playground. She has the best life she could ever have with Shelby but the what ifs are a constant ping in the back of her mind and she knows that, no matter how happy she is with Rachel and their little family, she will always be haunted by what could have been.
"Yeah, she is. Finally," Quinn sighs in relief, slowly running her fingers through the golden curls, listening to the rattling snore echoing from the little girl. She giggles quietly to herself, swooning at the adorable but ever-so-annoying quality she gets from her wife.
"She was so annoyed of my singing that she fell asleep so she didn't have to hear me," Rachel whispers with a shrug and Quinn rolls her eyes with a brief laugh. She steps behind the petite brunette, wrapping her arms around her waist as she pulls her into her softly, placing a gentle kiss in the crook of her neck.
"No, she loves her Mama's voice. She thinks you are perfect. Just like I do," Quinn smiles into her wife's skin and Rachel giggles in quite hum, slowly rubbing the infant's back as she sways into the blonde's arms.
"I love you. The both of you." smiles Rachel.
This is her dream. Not Broadway. Not performing in front of thousands. Not standing next to her idols or seeing her name in lights or hearing people compare her to Barbara Streisand (because obviously she surpassed her idol long ago and they are all just massively blind with her perfections). This is her dream, although she may not have been able to see that in Lima or even wanted to accept it the day she found herself falling in love with Quinn Fabray. This is what brings her happiness, not Broadway.
This moment right here, right now. With her wife and her daughter nestled close to her heart. This moment is what happiness truly is. This moment with Cadence and Quinn, with the utmost undying amount of passionate love, this is all that Rachel Berry will ever need.
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