A/N: I know, I SAID I WASN'T WRITING ANY MORE FANFICS. WELL, THIS ONE FUCKING SMACKED ME UPSIDE THE HEAD AND WOULDN'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER UNTIL I WROTE IT. S-So, yeah, let me just say I'm glad to be back in the DC fandom, you guys are all so awesome (with the exception of a guest who said Shinichi was OOC. Well, in this fanfic, you're gonna get your wish, buddy. Be careful what you wish for.)

A-A-Anyway, I am very nervous over this idea, so please treat it with kindness!

My very first idea for an OC/SI ever was of Detective Conan. But in fact, it was radically different. It was more like "girl dies, is spirit, Shinichi solves her case and helps her move on." It wasn't until I saw a sadly unfinished story of an OC as Shinichi that this idea even reared its ugly ass head. (I have far too many of these kinds of stories...) but anyhow, let it be known that whatever things I use to kill off a character, I'm not using again. I don't want to become repetitive.

SO, TO SALTY ANON: I HAVE WATCHED DETECTIVE CONAN FOR NINE YEARS. NINE. YEARS. I KNOW SHINICHI LIKE THE BACK OF MY HAND. HE IS MY ANIME HUSBANDO. SO YES, I WILL WRITE SHINICHI AS MANY TIMES AS I NEED TO. THANK YOU.

So, welcome to my project I'm the most nervous to throw out there, which is an OC as the Shinichi Kudo himself. How different will the plot be if he never shrinks to begin with? And yes, I may skip around a bit in ages, lol. Only in this fandom can I get away with that joke.

SO THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE TELLS ME I CAN'T WRITE SHINICHI, I'LL WRITE HIM SOME MORE. How about dem apples?

AKA: More smart-ass, snarky Shinichi, and you know the drill. Dead people everywhere, it's Kudo Shinichi, for god's sake, the Murder Magnet. The death for the OC needs to make sense, though, it would not make sense for someone to die by a space shuttle explosion and then wind up in Conan. A realistic death would make logical sense, as Conan rests on logic.

If this story becomes a "thing", I'll continue it. But I didn't expect Aureus Ductor to become a thing, either, but it did.

"The thing about real life is, when you do something stupid, it normally costs you. In books the heroes can make as many mistakes as they like. It doesn't matter what they do, because everything works out in the end. They'll beat the bad guys and put things right and everything ends up cool.

In real life, vacuum cleaners kill spiders. If you cross a busy road without looking, you get whacked by a car. If you fall from a tree, you break some bones.

Real life's nasty. It's cruel. It doesn't care about heroes and happy endings and the way things should be. In real life, bad things happen. People die. Fights are lost. Evil often wins.

I just wanted to make that clear before I begun."

― Darren Shan, A Living Nightmare, /quotes/tag/reality

Chapter One: The extremely improbable truth of my life (aka I see DEAD PEOPLE, everywhere)

When people tell me life is simple, I'd like to punch them in the face, because, uh, that's really not the truth at all.

People live and people die-every day.

As for me-the person talking, relating this story to you-I am in fact, already dead.

Isn't that weird?

You're talking to a ghosttttt. Isn't that spooky?

Maybe I'll haunt your house.

Maybe I'll destroy things while you sleep.

Maybe I'll dress up in white and steal your jewels.

Just kidding, I'm not that kind of ghost.

I can be gotten rid of with only five yen.

One thing you must know about me is that I'm a nerd. A dork.

Call me what you like, but that's what I am.

In my past life, I was a huge anime and manga fanatic; the trait of nerd has still carried over into this new life, whoa-whoa, you might be confused, considering I said I was dead. Correction, I was dead, but now I am living another life as someone else.

Yeah, reincarnation is real.

Apparently, so are phantom thieves.

Anyhow, when I died in my old life, I was around eighteen when I died. My name was something like Kimmy. That's what I remember, anyway. Of course I lived in the United States Freaking of A.

I was just your cheerful, average ordinary girl, up until I died, of course.

So how did I die?

Stabbing? Nope.

Drowning? Nope.

Murder by jealous boyfriend? Nope.

Suicide? Nope.

Train accident? Nope.

I'm sure by now you're getting irritated and want me to just move on, so I will. So how did I die?

Well, I died in one of the most easily avoidable situations possible-a car crash. I think I died that way, you see, it's hard to remember and to be honest, I don't normally spend time thinking about it that much.

It was very early in the morning when my friends and I were going home from a party. We were all dead drunk. So we decided it'd be all right if one of us drove the others home. That didn't go over so well, (as well as you would expect drunken teenagers to be driving.)

The one thing I can remember is the car being on the road one second, and then one of us reached over for their cell phone and started texting-and then the next thing I know, I woke up to see that our car was now embedded in the guardrail, and pieces of glass were everywhere, including in my friends' bodies, and oh, there was a giant piece of metal sticking through the window.

Oh, and also I was riddled in glass too, and my left arm was broken. Somehow, my driver's door was open and I managed to crawl out and I was on the side of the mountain. I tried moving my arm. It was broken.

I cried out for help, but nobody came.

One of my friends was barely alive. I can recall shaking them, but the other two were already dead.

I tried to drag my friend out of the wreckage, but I was too weak.

I managed to drag her out of the way of traffic, at least.

Of course, death can hit us at the weirdest times. There was one thing that killed me.

I tried to drag myself out of the car, to get to safety, and then I found myself staring straight into a pair of headlights and then I was dead.

Just like that.

It was rather ironic, considering my friends were the idiots who caused that accident and I still had to die with them, well, innocent people die all the time.

That sounds familiar.

At that time, I'd been into a lot of anime, Attack on Titan, Noragami, however the anime that was closest to my heart at the time was Detective Conan. That was like my favorite series of all time.

I don't think I had a last thought, considering that I died so suddenly.

Thus is where my normal life ended and my weird one began.

Then, I awoke.

Holy crap, I should be dead.

Only, I was alive, and on a bed.

Was this the mortuary? If I was going to be next to some skeletons, kill me, please-oh, ha ha, I shouldn't say that, considering that I am already dead.

Yes, I have been told that my sarcasm is deadly. On many, many occasions.

It's a honed skill and something I wield with pride, thank you very much.

As I looked around, I realized this wasn't a mortuary, this was a room I definitely recognized from somewhere, I just didn't know where.

Oh wait, yeah, this is my bedroom, I sleep here every day...oh wait, that makes no sense.

But as I tried to reason this, I caught sight of my hands, they were smaller than I remembered. Less like the hands of an eighteen-year old and more like the hands of an eight or seven-year old.

Seven-year old? Oh my god.

Then I realized my feet didn't quite touch the floor.

Why was I suddenly a kid? That's weird.

Then the door opened and a blond-haired woman came in, giggling. It was a terrifying sight.

I recognized her from somewhere, but I didn't know where. That was the scariest part.

I was supposed to be dead!

Is this the first person I see when I die?

Someone this giggly couldn't be a Shinigami. Actually, I was expecting to see King Yemma when I died and remark on his mahogany desk. Guess not.

"Looks like you're awake, Shin-chan." She said.

Chan?

Why was I in Japan?

I was in an anime.

The use of the word -chan would imply that I'm in an anime, and that I'm a girl still.

"Okaasan?" I let my voice say, it was a very high-pitched one, like that of a child.

"Shin-chan, your father wrote another exciting page of his book today."

"He did?" I said, deciding to play along.

Wait a second, novel...?

"Here, Shin-chan, you dropped this." The blond lady handed me a book.

It was in Japanese and I could read it.

It said, "The Sign of Four."

Oh. My. God.

That was...Sherlock Holmes?

I swallowed.

This could not be real. No way.

Then, suddenly another tall adult appeared above me.

"What's wrong, Shinichi-kun?"

What the fuck did he just say?

Did he just call me Shinichi?

Oh my god.

And that's why when I looked in the mirror and saw that Kudo Shinichi was my reflection, I just smiled like it was nothing.

So apparently I was the Kudo Shinichi. Okay, nice to know.

But who thought it would be okay to put me in a show where people drop dead everywhere?

Oh yeah, in about ten years, I'll shrink and become a kid again.

Nice.

After I'd died in such a horrible way, now I was Shinichi, doomed to see people die in even more horrible ways. Wow, real nice.

No, wait, this was the worst possible thing.

I was a guy now.

That's awkward.

Maybe I'd always been Kudo Shinichi and had always been here and never realized it?

That's so illogical, even Holmes wouldn't-aw, crap, I'm thinking like him, too.

"Shiittttt."

"Where did you learn language like that, Shin-chan?" Yukiko said.

Oh crap, I'd talked aloud, didn't I?

"From Tou-san."

I'm gonna be like Encyclopedia Brown, except he was never bashed in the head, poisoned and forced to become a first-grader. Lovely life.

Very lovely.

(Time skip to around 16 year old Shinichi SI)

"Five more minutes..." I grumbled. This bed was nice and immaculate.

Unfortunately, the bang, boom and crash outside seemed to suggest otherwise.

A rumble was added to the din.

Oh great, what could go wrong now?

A dead person drops through the roof of my house?

I've had more than enough corpses drop dead around me. Believe me, it's enough to either harden you to the job or else make you wish you'd been put in some other anime. But hey, it's not like I can simply ask for a refund. It doesn't work like that.

No matter what happens, I am not stepping out of this bed, it is nice, it is comfy and I will punt to death anyone who says otherwise.

But when the noise became too much to bear, I just simply had to do something.

It's too early in the morning for this shit.

Ah, isn't high school lovely?

Well, it's much less fun when you're a dude now. And especially considering what universe this is, and how much it loves to torture its main protagonist, can you blame me for being paranoid as heck?

"Oii, Hakase, stop it!" I said, very annoyed at this point.

Okay, yeah.

You must have so many questions as to how I can be Kudo Shinichi and then have been someone else.

If I can do anything possible to prevent my shrinking into a child, I can do it, though I am not aware of how much, if any, control I have over my destiny. But hey, awareness is better than obliviousness, right?

So therefore, the next time a creepy, spooky, Man in Black goes running past me, I will know it's best to avoid him.

'Oi, oi, going through puberty a second time was bad enough, I'm not doing it again!' I thought in my head as this universe's version of Doc Brown came out from his wrecked laboratory. How does he manage to put all that back together so fast? Is he some sort of Time Lord?

I'm more or less the same Shinichi, I guess. Unless that makes me a Time Lord, too.

"Hakase, you need to stop destroying your house." I complained.

"Sorry to wake you, Shinichi-kun. I didn't think it would wake you-"

"When my house is shaken, it's hard not to wake up."

"There you go with your snark again, Shinichi-kun." Agasa said, chuckling, "I wanted to make an improvement to my toaster, you see, so I attached it to this and this, but then it caught on fire-and it touched some very expensive stuff and-"

All too typical. Still, this seemed like the perfect time to ask.

"Do you ever think there might be a time where I might need your help with inventions?"

He looked at me. "Shinichi-kun, normally you're dismissing my inventions."

Uh-oh, was I too out of character?

'Stick with the plot, Kudo, stick with the plot.' I hissed in my mind.

Imagine having people die everywhere you go. It even happened to me in the bathroom.

"But I'd be more than happy to help you in the future, Shinichi-kun!"

"I suppose I need to help you clean up first?" I said with a sigh.

Shortly after that, I returned back to my house and then heard my doorbell ring various times.

It was obvious as to who this was.

"Hey, Ran, I'm on my way!" I cried.

Why did she have to do that a dozen times?

Ah, yes, probably because she's Ran. Girls are like that. I would know, having been one once myself.

'Note to self, that's something even Haibara won't believe,' I thought in amusement.

"Did Professor Agasa blow up his house again?" Ran asked.

"He tried to improve his toaster." I said in boredom.

"He really caused an explosion like that?" She said in disbelief, her eyebrows raised.

"Yes," I said, chuckling, "You should've seen how burned the bread was."

Ran sighed. "Otousan made quite a mess yesterday, too. He thought he could cook really well and then we had to open the windows."

I laughed and fell into polite conversation with her, knowing that the worst nightmare was yet to come as we approached the school doors-fangirls.

Had I really been this obnoxious as a girl?

Somehow, they had shown up again.

"Shinichi, aren't you gonna greet your little fan club?" Ran asked, pointing over at the crowd of excited girls.

"Let's move on." I said, "It's a little annoying."

"Kudo-senpai! You were amazing in your latest case!"

"Kudo-senpai!"

Oh my god, no wonder celebrities prefer having anonymity.

You can't go anywhere without fans.

"I'm currently headed to class, Ojou-san, so please let us go."

"Is that also part of Holmes' game plan, Shinichi? Charming women?" Ran said sarcastically.

"Something like that." I said.

"Am I Irene Adler?" She asked.

I paled. "No, that'd be more like Sonoko..."

That reminds me of Hattori-so what do I do about him if I don't shrink?

Hattori will be a thousand times more annoying-I mean, the only reason Shinichi in canon was even able to get away with his cases for a while was because he was well, a little kid, and Hattori took no notice of him until one of the other cases.

When I'd watched the series, Hattori had been my favorite.

Now he's gonna be a rival, and a potential friend.

Whoopie-dee-do.

Oh great, there's Sonoko now.

"So, Ran, out for a date with your husband?"

Both of us turned red.

"S-Shinichi is just my friend, Sonoko-chan!"

"Whoever told you that is stupid!" I said.

"I saw Kudo-sama's fangirls all lined up, waiting to meet their precious savior." Sonoko said.

'Speaking of which, why was it in canon Shinichi only hung out with women before he was shrunk? Could it be that he-no, I am gay? There is no way I am doing Kaitou Kid! No way!'

There will be no Kaishin as long as I'm Shinichi. None.

The odds of me ever seeing that guy as anything other than a rival or annoyance is very, very low.

"Shinichi?" Ran asked.

"What is it?" I said.

"Your face was red. And for some reason, you were describing an anime episode to us."

Oh, great, I'm still into anime.

"You know, I know he's a mystery otaku, but he's that kind of otaku, too?" Sonoko asked.

"It was just a joke!" I exclaimed.

Essentially, this means if I stay as I am, I'm flipping the plot upside down. Sweet.

"Kudo, how do you deal with the girls always being after you? It's like they're robots! All they do is say your name over and over!" A guy said.

"Girls are annoying."

"Yeah, but don't you like having them all flock around you?"

"The kinds of girls I like are the strong ones. Those ones seem like groupies." I said.

"Deductive reasoning again." Another chuckled.

Well, it's been a nice, peaceful day with no deaths.

"Hey, Ran, do you want to go somewhere?"

Someone screamed.

Ran sighed and I sighed as well.

"Not again." Ran muttered.

"I bet it was nothing." I said, but still looking mildly interested.

"How about we go check it out and if it's nothing serious, we go somewhere else?"

She pulled at my jaw. "Are you sure you're the real Shinichi?"

"I'm sure I'm the real Shinichi, now please put my jaw back in place!" Is what I said in mumble-ese, until Ran let my jaw go.

"Still, are you sure you're not sick? Passing up a mystery case?" Ran muttered.

"I'm just fine," I said, smiling nervously.

Or was I?