First A/N ever: Now isn't that strange, who on earth ever thought they'd see this huh? How did this happen, you wonder. The answer is, WITH A HELLZ LOAD OF DEDICATION, TRICKINESS AND SNEAKINESS BY ALL THOSE MONKEYS ON CMDA, ESPECIALLY A FEW GODDESSES AND QUEENS WHO LOVE THEIR WHIPS. A very special, and heartfelt thanks to the monkeys, all of whom are fantastic authors in their own rights. Everyone of them are awesome people and great friends (Turnip slapping included).

I ESPECIALLY NEED TO THANK A FEW IN PARTICULAR (My partners in crime and fan-fiction).

To RANDOMWITTERING (Impossible Dreams), My co-monkey, fellow beta, awesome author, sneaky minx and all those other things she'd hurt me for not saying.

WARROSE (A Purpose and What Could Have Been), for always making my days scandalously awesome, even if she's trying to steal a handsome Theirin out from under my nose.

ISABELLA MONROE (A Girl In King Alistair's Court, The Count Of Monte Antivo and Mirror Images) I am still shocked and amazed by how she succeeded in making me (Miss I will never write a fanfic in my life) believe that I actually had it in me to try. The time and effort you put into helping me get all of my creative juices flowing is greatly appreciated. It is an honor knowing you and being able to call you friend. So thank you a million times over.

This story is an alternative version to Isabella's A Girl In King Alistair's Court and with Isabella's blessing I will be exploring this AU.

Enjoy!

Prologue

It was a cold, rainy night in Denerim, the streets of the capital were wet and empty. Everyone was staying inside to be sheltered from the massive storm that ripped through every corner of the city. The Blight had been ended a mere three months ago and the citizens were still in the process of rebuilding all that had been lost.

A large figure sat slumped in a shadowy corner of the Gnawed Noble tavern, drinking himself into a stupor because it was the only way he could think of to keep the memories at bay. His mind kept spinning back to the last day that he saw her. She was his fellow Grey Warden, his friend and most importantly, the love of his life. He felt betrayed by her. She had conscripted the man who caused the deaths of countless Grey Wardens, Duncan and the King. His memories kept haunting him, replaying their last awful interaction over and over in his mind.

"You want to make him a Warden, Why?" Abigail had asked the Senior Warden in surprise.

"There are only three Wardens in all of Ferelden and there are... compelling reasons to have as many Wardens on hand to deal with the Archdemon as possible." Riordan replied.

Alistair felt as if his heart was being ripped out of his chest. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Making Loghain a Warden was more than just unthinkable, to him, it would be worse than death.

Anora came forward with her hands stretched out in front of her. "The joining is often fatal is it not? If he survives the joining, you have gained a general. If he does not then you have your revenge. Does that not satisfy you?"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Alistair shouted in sudden fury. "Riordan, this man abandoned our brothers and then blamed us for the deed. He hunted us down like animals, he tortured you! How can we just forget that?"

Abigail reached out to take his hand, but Alistair pulled away from her. She looked him in the eyes, begging him to listen. "Alistair, Riordan has a point. Maybe we should put him through the joining," she said, trying to appeal to him.

He wanted to trust that she had a reason for asking him to agree to such a disastrous decision. But he couldn't bring himself to do it, it was just too wrong. It felt like he wasn't just betraying Duncan and the other Grey Wardens, but himself as well.

"No, joining the Wardens is an honor not a punishment…"

"Alistair, please listen to me." Abigail begged.

"No! You make him a Warden and you cheapen us all. I will not stand next to him as a brother, I won't." Alistair declared.

"Alistair, please stand by me in this, I need you to trust me." she pleaded.

"I can't believe you are actually asking me this, you of all people. Thanks to him and Howe, you lost your entire family, your home. Now you want to make him our brother?" Alistair said

"Yes Alistair, I.. I believe Riordan is right. The three of us aren't enough. We need more Wardens, we need all the help we can get." Abigail responded, desperately trying to get through to him.

"We need him like we need to get stabbed in the back. I will not stand beside him, I won't!" Alistair said again, bluntly.

"So it's him or you? Is that what you're telling me?" Abigail asked, shocked that it had come to this.

"Yes! How can it be any other way. I just cannot and will not call Duncan and Cailan's murderer my brother" Alistair retorted angrily.

"Loghain will go though the Joining and that's final. We need to do whatever is necessary to defeat the Blight, that is what Grey Wardens do" Abigail said, steeling her heart and resolving to do what she must.

"If it's what I need to do to get justice, I'll do it, I'll take the crown" Alistair declared.

"Surely you can see what a disastrous King he will be. Acting like a child because he can't get his way." Anora said with haste, sensing an opportunity.

Abigail looked at Anora for a long moment and the woman at least had the grace to look away, a faint flush appearing on her cheeks. She shook her head and looked back at Alistair sadly and finally responded, "As much as it pains me to admit it, you're right Anora, he is unable to see the bigger picture here. The crown remains yours."

"You're supporting Anora? You dare! After everything we've struggled to achieve?. Fine!, I'm leaving. I want nothing more to do with you or the Order. NOTHING!" Alistair shouted.

And with that he had walked away, away from the Grey Wardens, away from her. She was his life and she meant everything to him, but the moment she chose to conscript Loghain, she may as well have stabbed him in the heart. He felt like he never really knew her at all.

A few days after, he was sitting at the back of a rundown little pub close to Dragon's peak. He was drinking heavily to try and ease the pain in his heart. He'd heard the news that his Abby was gone, that she had been the one to land the final blow against the Archdemon and had died. Alistair still didn't know exactly how it had happened. He kept hoping that maybe he was just too drunk, that he might have heard wrong, but that wasn't so. She had died, and he hadn't been there to save her. So he drank more and more, eventually passing out for three days straight. When he had finally come round, he found out he had completely missed her funeral as well. He'd wanted to die, unable to imagine his life without her. Even when she'd betrayed him, he'd still loved her, and he always would. But she was gone now, and he'd done nothing to stop it.

He'd eventually found himself in Denerim again and had taken refuge in the familiar tavern. His drinking had gotten so out of hand, he was completely oblivious to his surroundings. A fist he never saw coming slammed into his face, with such force he thought his head was getting detached from the impact. He was lying on the floor shocked and confused at what had just happened. He knew his face was hurting in the worst way, and even with all the ale he had been drinking, it didn't help dull the pain at all. He instinctively grabbed his face with his hand, trying his best not to make it hurt more than it did already and he looked up to see a very pissed off woman towering over him.

"So, after months of everyone searching, I just happen to find Mr High and Mighty drinking like a dwarf in the Gnawed Noble. Aren't I the lucky one?" She said with blatant sarcasm, disgust written across her pretty face.

"Leli.." Alistair croaked, blinking to see her through the haze of ale, still seeing stars

"Don't you even think of calling me Leli, only my friends get to call me that. You.. you are not even good enough to be my enemy" She hissed through gritted teeth.

"What do you want from me then? Just leave me the hell alone. I have enough to deal with already, I don't need you preaching at me as well" Alistair said as he started getting back up to sit in his chair.

"Preaching at you? You honestly think I would come here for that? Oh no, my name is not Wynne, Alistair, I am not here to hold your hand and tell you that everything will be alright. I am here... I am here... Oh fuck it! I wanted to kill you for what you did. I wanted to make you suffer the way you made her suffer. So you could feel just a fraction of what she felt after you left." Leliana said as she tried her best to gain control of her rage.

"Why don't you do it then? Be my guest, you will only be doing me a favor" Alistair replied bitterly.

"Thinking about only your own feelings and stupid pride again? Do you really think the rest of us are having a high old time? We loved her too, all of us did. If.. if you had stayed, she might still be alive today. You didn't just walk out on her either, you abandoned us all. I wonder Alistair, how do you sleep at night?" She spat at him with venomous intent.

Alistair looked at her as tears started burning his eyes. "I don't. I can't even remember the last time I was able to, no.. I do remember, it was the night before the Landsmeet, the last night I was able to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I loved her. The night right before she stabbed me in the back by picking that bastard Loghain over us. I loved her Leliana, I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of my life making her happy, showing her just how special she was to me, but instead she decided that.. that utter son of a bitch was better suited to her needs. There, now you know, are you happy now?" he choked out with angry tears spilling across his face.

"No, I'm very far from happy, Alistair. She was everything to me, same as she was to all of the others. But WE didn't cut bait and run when she made a decision that didn't suit us. And she was right in recruiting him too you know. While we are on that topic. There was a reason that she needed Loghain to take the Joining, I don't know what it is because she could only tell me that it was a Grey Warden secret and it would have made a great deal of difference if you were still there. But you weren't were you? No.. I had to witness the strongest woman I have ever known, break down like a little child, because the man that she loved with all of her being, chose to leave her. You left them because of your own selfish ego, because you couldn't get your way" Leliana explained, pacing back and forth, trying not to hit him again.

"I left be... What?...What do you mean them?" Alistair asked feeling very bewildered at Leliana's mention of a 'them'.

"Abigail was pregnant Alistair, although I doubt even she knew about it. Wynne told us after...after her funeral" Leliana said quietly, trying to fight back her own tears.

Alistair was frozen in place, it felt like The Maker himself had just struck him. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. His Abby had been with child, and he hadn't been there for either of them. They could have been a family. But because of his own selfish bitterness, all was now lost and he couldn't get it back no matter how he wished for it.

Leliana's own feelings had gotten the better of her and she started crying uncontrollably, not knowing what else to do or say to Alistair, she simply took a letter out of her pocket and placed it in front on him on the table. She looked at him for the last time and spoke through her sobs, "I wish things could have been different Alistair, but they can't and never will be. I just hope we all find some way to heal some day."

And with that, she turned and ran for the door, unable to control herself any longer. Alistair could hear her mournful cry as she vanished from his sight. He sat there for what felt like hours just looking at the letter in front of him. He picked it up and immediately saw that it was sealed with the Cousland crest. He hesitated for a while before opening it but finally, he started reading.

My Dearest Alistair

How did everything go so wrong so quickly? That is the question I have been asking myself since that dreadful day at the Landsmeet. I love you so much Alistair and I think if you'd had all the information you needed, if Duncan had told us this before he died, I think things could have been different, that you would have chosen a different path.

You need to know this, even though you might say you aren't a Grey Warden anymore, it's in your blood and that will never change. Should the worst happen and we three fall, it will be down to you.

The reason Grey Wardens are needed to defeat the Archdemon is because of our taint. When the Archdemon dies, his soul seeks out the nearest darkspawn and is born anew, making it virtually immortal. If a Grey Warden strikes that final blow, the soul travels into us and is utterly destroyed. The bad part is the warden is as well.

If you are reading this, I either took that blow or fell trying. I actually hope Loghain takes it, Maker knows he has done enough damage to us and this country but we NEEDED him and I stand by that, and I can't be sorry.

You have been my true love, my soul mate and if the Maker is kind, we will meet again in the next life.

Until then my love, be well and live.

Always yours

Abby

The amount of ale he'd drunk hadn't helped at all and his heart and mind exploded in anguish. He slammed his fists repeatedly into the table, nearly splitting it in two.

"Oi! If you can't behave yourself like a normal human being then get the hell out of here!" The bartender bellowed.

"Why don't you come over here and make me" Alistair said belligerantly, starting to rise.

Before he could react, Alistair was picked up by two burly men, each grabbing one of his arms. They dragged him to the door and threw him out into the cold, wet street.

He lay there for a few minutes trying to decide what he should do next, get up and go find a place to sleep, or just stay here until the Maker took him, he didn't honestly care anymore.

He must have passed out for a time as he was suddenly startled awake by a clash of thunder and lightning. He got up slowly, trying his utmost to balance himself. When he was finally upright, he started walking unsteadily. He wasn't sure where he should go, he just wanted to get out of the rain.

He started stumbling forward in an almost drunken dance, one step forward, two steps back. He managed to get all the way out of Denerim before he realized where he was or what he was doing. The cold rain was biting at him and as he started shivering, he knew he needed to find some place where he could sleep. Being as drunk as he was, he didn't have a tent or any supplies with him.

He found an entrance to a cave, and it seemed unoccupied and safe, so he slowly stepped inside trying to find a semi-comfortable place to sleep. He jumped out of his skin, as a sudden blinding flash of lightning crashed into the rock face, causing the entrance of the cave to collapse completely and knocking him on his arse.

And so he sat there, stunned, entombed inside a cave and no way he could see to get out. It was so dark that he couldn't even see his hand in front of his face. He wanted to curl up into a ball and cry, wanted to rage at the series of events that had led him to this, and above all wanted to give up and just let the Maker take him. The one small shred of dignity he had left nagged at him and caused a tiny flare of his natural stubbornness. He forced himself to his feet then used his hands to try and guide himself along the cave wall, trying to find a tunnel or hole, any way that might lead out. He cried out and had to shield his eyes as he saw a brilliant flash of white light moving along a very narrow tunnel.

He followed as best he could until he found himself in front of what he could only describe as a massive door of made of light, making his eyes water as he tried to look at it. He thought it looked like a fade door, but from what he knew and had heard, fade doors were purple. He had never heard of one that was white. He raised his hand to touch it and as he realized that his hand went straight through, he stumbled back, striking his head against the wall. Dazed, he spun around and quickly lost his balance, falling straight through the doorway. Everything went black.

He woke up in a place that looked so strange, he could only assume it was the fade. No, not the fade?, maybe the golden city? All he knew for certain, this wasn't any place he had ever been before.

He clenched his eyes shut when he heard a thunderous roar overhead, that made him wonder if there might be some sort of dragon nearby. He had not ever heard a dragon make such a high pitched noise, but it was the only thing he could think of that made anywhere near that kind of sound. There were a bunch of other noises he could not place. There was a musical sound or maybe a musical instrument that made a funny sort of 'wee waa, wee waa' and he wondered what on Thedas could make a noise like that?.

He heard people yelling at each other in the weirdest way. He could understand them to some extent, they were speaking Ferelden, that much he knew at least, but such odd words he didn't know the meaning of at all. He wondered what it meant to ' bust a cap ' in someone's ass or indeed what a mo'fo was. As his confused senses were trying to sort out some order in the chaos, he realized he was lying on ground that was covered with some strange stone he had never seen before.

He was face down in an alleyway of some kind. It was the worst smelling place he had ever encountered, wet dog didn't even smell this bad. He got to his feet and started walking in the only direction he thought would lead him back. He reached the end of the alley and paused, stunned. There was light everywhere. Huge buildings that looked as if they were made purely out of lights. He wondered how many mages and the amount of lyrium it took to create all of this. He saw big boards of words made out of the same magic lights and he slowly made them out. He didn't know what 'Pepsi' or 'Kodak' meant but he knew this was not any magic he had ever heard of before.

Trying to make sense of anything, he blindly walked ahead until he reached an edge of the ground with a single step down. He saw something he could only describe as a frozen black river, and he looked at it curiously. All around him there were people walking to and fro on this frozen river so he put one foot forward experimentally and discovered he too could stand on it. There were people standing in front of a metal and glass box of some sort, the writing declaring it was selling 'hot dogs'. He had heard of mabari being referred to as dogs, and he certainly wasn't planning on finding out if they would expect him to eat one. If it were in fact mabari sausages on the odd bread that they were selling.

He looked around, so amazed and bewildered by all these new discoveries that he moved forward quickly, on the frozen black river to see if there were more things to discover. As he moved, he realized there was a funny yellow object making an incredible noise, moving at a rapid rate in his direction. A sudden sense of self-preservation made him jump out of the way quickly so he didn't get hit by it. Alistair fell and rolled, coming to a stop on his back, lying on a section of stone much like the first he had encountered.

He got up once again and yelped as he was swiftly hit over the head by an old lady with her walking stick. She had the thickest pair of spectacles that Alistair had ever seen in his life, and she was wearing the weirdest clothes he could ever imagine.

"If you are stupid enough to jump in front of a cab, you have serious problems sonny. Stay down or I'll shove my stick where the sun don't shine. I might be old but I'm not dumb" The old lady poked at him

"I...a...I'm so...I'm so sorry my lady, please don't hit me again. What did I do to you anyway?" Alistair stammered.

"Ha, don't think for one minute that I don't see right through you. You were just trying to distract me with that foolish act so that one of your buddies could rob me, and like I said, I might be old but I'm not as dumb as you seem to think. New York City is a dangerous place for an old woman my age" She groused, poking him some more.

Slowly getting to his feet, and trying not to get poked again, Alistair asked in confusion.

"New York City?"

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