Author's Note:
Running Away is the second in my Blaine series, called Ready to Fly. It follows season 2 from Silly Love Songs to Prom, using my backstory to fill in Blaine's thoughts, feelings and missing scenes. Given that, there are huge spoilers for that story as well as my subsequent stories, so read at you own risk.
I often hear that Blaine's behavior in these episodes, especially BIOTA are "out of character." For me, they define his character. I don't think Blaine is perfect. I think Blaine is flawed and in pain, and that he puts on an act of perfection. We learn a lot about the true Blaine Anderson in Season 3, but there is still so much more to discover in Season 4. I always thought that the coffee shop scene in BIOTA is the first and best glimpse into Blaine's true self and I still feel that way.
So thank you to those that inspired me, and thank you to those who encouraged me. This is for you.
I do not own Glee. There are many words in this story that are owned by Glee. I trust you know which ones those are.
A love not fought for, is a love not worth fighting for.
Running Away, Silly Love Songs
Blaine was excited about Valentine's Day this year. It had been always his favorite holiday. For someone who grew up without much love, there was something magical about a day devoted to it. This year, for the first time, he was safe as well as out, far from the hateful eyes back home. The Sadie Hawkins dance last winter had been a disaster in so many ways, but this year he was determined to turn it around. He had his best friend Nick, he had a potential boyfriend, Jeremiah, and of course, there was Kurt.
Blaine was never able to get Kurt out of his head, as hard as he tried. When he had first seen him on the staircase, Blaine somehow knew his life was about to change forever, and he had some pretty wonderful ideas about how. Then Kurt transferred to Dalton and the game changed once again. He loved having his new friend at school with him, but dating was now out of the question. His father had made one of his many deals with Blaine, warning him that if he dated a Dalton student that he would not only be withdrawn from the all boys school, but that he would make him pay the price at home. So Blaine had promised, there was really nothing else he could do. He knew his father would make good on the threat and it terrified him. He had finally found a place he could call home and he wasn't about to lose that, not even for thrill of kissing Kurt's beautiful lips. So he pushed the feelings aside, and refused to allow the thoughts of what could be to enter his mind.
He was, therefore, thrilled that he had met the handsome blonde Jeremiah that day when he went shopping at the Gap, and was even more thrilled that Jeremiah had agreed to exchange numbers and meet for coffee. They had met twice now, and both times had gone well. Jeremiah was cute, nice, and most importantly for Blaine, he did not go to Dalton. Although nothing happened between them yet, Blaine could sense those butterflies creeping in, excited at the prospect of maybe having a boyfriend for the first time in his life; and not only for the first time, but for Valentine's Day. Although older and likely more experienced, Jeremiah had not made the next move so Blaine realized that if he really wanted this Valentine's Day to be special, he had to take matters into his own hands. So he enlisted the help of the Warblers at an emergency meeting of the council, and thanks to Kurt, the council agreed to help him sing to Jeremiah at a Gap Attack.
The teasing at the Warblers meeting had been relentless of course. It was always good natured, but the boys were never ending in their "kissy, kissy" faces and their snide remarks. He knew he should be angry, but he couldn't be. It was exactly how they treated Jeff every time he busted a move for a girl at a party, or Wes, whenever he went to serenade his girlfriend. He had missed out on this good natured teasing back in public school, his brother wasn't around anymore to do it, and truth be told, he secretly welcomed feeling like "just one of the boys."
The Warblers were fired up the day the boys went to the Gap, Blaine noticing that only Kurt was quiet. The guys' teasing had only gotten worse, and though it still didn't bother Blaine at all, Kurt had confided in him that he didn't like it at all and it felt a little like bullying. As much as Blaine tried to explain that it was ok, Kurt wanted no part of it. He had hoped that Kurt would at least be excited that the Warblers were finally breaking out of their stoic performances he found as conforming as the uniform they were made to wear. But Kurt had been quiet in rehearsals, and seemed distant on the ride over.
"Everything ok?" Blaine asked him as he drove. His own hands were shaking a little from nerves.
"What?" Kurt said, startled away from staring out the window. "Sure, I'm fine. Just nervous. I'm so used to things being thrown at me during performances."
"What are they going to throw at you at the Gap?" Blaine teased. "Socks?"
"Well, whatever they throw is mine to keep," Kurt retorted. Blaine felt Kurt taking in his nerves, and Kurt sighed. "You're going to be great Blaine. Who couldn't fall in love with you?"
Blaine's heart skipped a beat. He shook his head to clear it and glanced back at Kurt. "Thanks. I'm glad you're here."
Of course, the Gap Attack had ended in disaster. And it didn't escape Blaine's notice that out of everyone, Kurt was the one who was there as he saw his hopes fade of ever being able to just love someone with no cares or concerns. As everyone left the store after the performance, Nick halfheartedly asked Blaine if he should wait for him, but Trent and Jeff were pulling at him to go shopping at H&M.
"Don't worry," Kurt said, stepping up behind them, "I'll wait with him."
Blaine turned to Kurt and smiled his thanks. He'd never expect Kurt to give up a chance to go shopping, but his company was very much appreciated. Kurt just always made Blaine feel better, and right now he was nervous as hell. He felt kind of bad about Nick. After all, Nick was his best friend and he felt like he had been abandoning him lately to spend more time with Kurt. Blaine had convinced himself that it was because Kurt needed him. Nick, on the other hand, knew what Blaine refused to acknowledge and was happy to back off a bit to let Blaine figure it out. Besides, Nick had seen Jeremiah's reaction. He thought it was best if Kurt was there to pick up the pieces of Blaine's broken heart.
Blaine and Kurt sat outside the Gap, freezing, waiting for Jeremiah. Blaine was jumpy.
"Was it too much?" he asked turning to Kurt. At Kurt's silent look, he knew the answer. "Yeah, it was too much." He looked away, embarrassed.
Kurt was about to respond, when Jeremiah exited from the store. Blaine took a deep breath, gathered his courage, and jumped up. "Jeremiah, hey."
Jeremiah put his hood up and stared at Blaine, "What the hell were you doing?"
"What?" Blaine feigned innocence, trying desperately not to break down. This was not at all going the way he had hoped.
"I just got fired," Jeremiah told him. "You can't just bust a groove in the middle of somebody else's work place."
"But they loved it," Blaine insisted, desperately trying to hold onto both his dignity and his chances with Jeremiah.
"But my boss didn't," the blond answered. "Neither did I." Blaine's heart dropped. "No one here knows I'm gay."
Blaine could barely hear Kurt say something in the background. He had thought that Jeremiah was out. It was never his intention to out anyone. Blaine knew more than anyone how devastating that could be. But he also couldn't help but be angry. He had put himself out there, made a fool of himself. And now, he felt like Jeremiah had lied to him and led him on.
"Blaine, let's just be clear here. You and I got coffee twice. We're not dating. If we were I'd get arrested, cause you're underage." Jeremiah patted him on the shoulder, pulled his coat closed and walked away.
Blaine stared after Jeremiah, then looked at Kurt. He had no idea what had just happened, other than utterly humiliating himself beyond anything he could have ever imagined. Kurt looked at him regretfully.
"Come on," Kurt said, putting his arm around Blaine. "Let's get back to the guys. We'll do a little retail therapy."
"Uch," Blaine sneered at the Lima Bean the next morning. The Valentine's Day decorations were making him sick. He had been up all night thinking about Jeremiah; about how he had wanted someone to love so badly he had made it all up in his head. He had wanted this year to be better than last. He wondered if his desperation came from wanting to prove his father wrong. His father kept him hidden away in the closet. Having a boyfriend would have given him a small victory. Now he felt even worse. "Don't they have anything here that isn't covered with stupid little hearts? Gross."
"Well you certainly changed your tune," he heard Kurt say.
"I don't think I've ever made that big a fool of myself," he said turning to Kurt. "Which is really saying something because I've performed at theme parks." Kurt said nothing, but stared at Blaine with those blue-green eyes that drew the other boy in. Blaine took a deep breath and looked away, embarrassed. "I just can't believe I made it all up in my head." Blaine stared at the ground, afraid to look back at Kurt. He was supposed to be a mentor to him, and here he was, showing Kurt exactly what not to do.
"Ok, can I ask you something?" Blaine heard hesitation in Kurt's voice and turned to him. "Because we've always been completely honest with each other. You and I, we hang out, we sing flirty duets together, you know my coffee order. Was I supposed to think that was nothing?"
Blaine panicked. His stomach began to flutter, his head swam, while he fought to maintain every ounce of composure and nonchalance he could. He had no choice. It had to be nothing. "What do you mean?"
Kurt closed his eyes, and those gorgeous lashes, that beautiful face made all of Blaine's feelings for the boy rush to the surface. He was getting used to these moments though and he fought them as hard as he could as he listened to Kurt. "I thought the guy you wanted to ask out on Valentine's Day, was me."
Blaine turned away. That wasn't enough. He stepped away. This could not be happening. "Wow. I really am clueless." He wanted to turn to Kurt and shout Yes, it was! But he couldn't. He would lose everything; Dalton and the Warblers, the only place he ever felt safe and home, the friends that had become his family. Not to mention what his father would do to him for breaking his promise. When he thought only he had feelings, it was easy to forget. But now, it would always be there. And he just couldn't take the risk. His mind spun as he tried to find the right words. "Look Kurt, I don't know what I'm doing. I pretend like I do, and I know how to act it out in song, but the truth is…" Truth. He had to look away. What was doing even saying the word? He longed to tell Kurt the truth. He almost did, but he learned long ago that some secrets had to be kept. "I've never really been anyone's boyfriend," he finished.
"Me neither," Kurt smiled shyly.
Blaine hated himself. Yesterday he had been angry at Jeremiah for lying to him and today he was doing the same thing to Kurt. Lying to Kurt was something he never wanted to do. Kurt made him feel special and loved and important, in a way that no one else ever could. From the moment he met him, he knew that Kurt was sent to him. It was something he couldn't explain. But there were some secrets that weren't meant to be told and the things that happened in his family was one of them. Instead, he tried to express all he felt, in the only way he could. "Let me be really clear about something. I really, really care about you. But as you and about 20 mortified shoppers saw, I'm not very good at romance." He stared into those blue eyes, wanting more than anything to tell him how he truly felt. No, to show him how he truly felt. The pain he strangled his heart was almost more than he could bear. "I don't want to screw this up."
Kurt smiled. "So it's just like when Harry Met Sally. Only I get to play Meg Ryan."
"Deal," Blaine said before thinking. Blaine gazed at Kurt, both of their eyes so full of sadness, they needed to look away. Then it hit him. "Don't they get together in the end?"
Author's Note:
Even with my edits, I still don't love this chapter. But I'd love to hear your thoughts either way.