Rachel just felt off. Like everything around her was running five minutes ahead and she couldn't catch up no matter how much she tried. She was tired, so very tired. She was pretty sure it had been a couple of weeks since she had a full night's rest. Rachel had thought the show was just stressful even though it was still early in production, but even at home she felt exhausted. She had fallen asleep making toast and tea the other morning and it seemed like it was getting worse. The fog in her brain just made her feel like lying down and waving the white flag in surrender.
"I think I'm getting sick," said the brunette, looking panicked at Kurt. He was sitting down some soup and sandwiches for them both for dinner on the coffee table. Rachel was all cuddled up under a blanket, surrounded by pillows. He patted her knee.
"Your understudy can take over if it's necessary. It's not the end of the world Rachel."
"It is for me," pouted Rachel. "I don't want to be sick. I've even been wearing those little masks out in public."
"Maybe you're not," said Kurt with a shrug as he picked up half of his turkey sandwich. Rachel narrowed her eyes at looked at him.
"What do you mean by that? Do you think I'm faking it? Like I want to be tired and cramping and grumpy?"
"Well no," said Kurt. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "But it does sound like you're perhaps having PMS?"
Rachel stared hard at Kurt. Like she wasn't aware of her cycle.
"It was just a suggestion!" said Kurt with a sigh. "I have been living with you for seven years and counting. I have learned what week is what, and even I know that sometimes the timing is off. Especially when you start reaching for our dark chocolate stash."
A though flickered in and out of Rachel's mind. It hadn't been that long since their fifth wedding anniversary, and…
She got off the couch quickly, jumping over the coffee table and running for the sanctuary of their bedroom. Rachel pulled her planner off the side table, praying to the heavens above that she had not conceived a child at Disney World.
The brunette whimpered and whined as she flipped a page in the planner, checking the last time she had her period. She flipped another page and whined as she had to flip another.
"Rachel?" said Kurt. She looked up and saw he was frowning from the doorway. "Are you okay honey?"
She closed the book with a snap, glared at him, and ran to the bathroom, shutting the door with a slam.
"Oh god, please tell me you're not nauseous too," said Kurt. "I don't want to be throwing up."
"Yes!" Rachel yelled back in a ruse, not wanting for Kurt to come in. She pawed through the bathroom cabinet, looking for the boxes. She had picked up some about four or five months back just in case. She pulled out a test box and whimpered.
She was pregnant. Everything fit. The tiredness, the cramping, even her breasts had been a little sore and she could have sworn the other morning her favorite bra had been tighter than usual. Rachel realized after looking at her planner she hadn't had a regular period in a couple of months. She sat down on the toilet with a thump, chastising herself that she hadn't paid enough attention.
"Rachel?" said Kurt, knocking on the door. She knew he was worried about her.
"I'm fine," she sighed. "I'll be out in just a few minutes." She looked at the box again with a sigh. The brunette started tearing into the box and pulling out the foil wrapped package. Might as well start with test number one….
About 15 minutes later, she went back to the living room where Kurt was sitting on the couch, eyeing Rachel's sandwich. She pushed the plate to him and curled up beside him on the couch.
"Oh honey," said Kurt. He pulled her closer and Rachel gestured for Kurt to put his feet up on the couch. He did so and Rachel crawled into his lap and laid her head on his chest. She found herself being covered in one of their large throws.
"This illness is going to be bad, huh?"
Rachel didn't say anything as Kurt rubbed her back. How was she even going to tell him that the pregnancy test she had just taken in the bathroom was positive? She looked up at Kurt with a sigh before laying her head back down on his chest. Thinking about a potential baby made her rub her belly. It wasn't like she and Kurt hadn't talked about kids. They both wanted kids in the future. But talk was all they had ever done because the future was so… the future. They had been careful, so careful about things.
She still couldn't believe she had possibly conceived a child on their wedding anniversary trip. How ironic timing was that in her life?
Rachel just hoped the pregnancy test she took in the morning would be negative. Then she would go to the doctor like before and be declared pregnancy free and could go on with her life till she knew she was absolutely ready. But from the way she felt she knew it wasn't possible. Thinking about it now, she felt pregnant. Everything looked, felt, tasted, and smelled different the past couple of weeks.
It'd also explain why she had a reoccurring craving for orange marmalade.
She sighed and let Kurt comfort her.
"I think I might have a stomach bug or something," she said finally, leading Kurt on. "You're probably going to get it now."
"It wouldn't be the first time we've traded off diseases," said Kurt. "I think we'll manage. But you however are going to the doctor in the morning."
"No," she whined. "I'll be fine. I just need to rest."
"And you haven't been sleeping well for a while Rachel."
She wanted to snap at him, she really did. She gave him a pout instead.
"Okay, two days," he said with a sigh. "Then I will carry you to the clinic."
Two days. She sighed. At least he thought it would be two days of illness. She hoped to find out about her pregnancy before then. Though she didn't think she'd be ready to turn their world upside down in that short amount of time.
The next morning, Rachel called her director before getting out of bed, letting her know that she wasn't feeling well. She pulled the covers back over her and pretended to sleep as she listened to Kurt getting ready for the day. She felt sort of guilty that she hadn't said anything yet to him about what she had potentially discovered about herself. It was Kurt's child too.
Baby. She was having Kurt's baby.
"Your daddy hums while he's doing his hair," she mumbled to her belly as she rubbed a hand over it. Flashes of Kurt helping a little child up on a step-stool and helping them brush their hair in her mind made her whimper. Mostly from the cuteness of the image, but partially from what had to happen between then and now for said child to appear.
"Rachel, are you talking to me? I can't hear you through the blankets," said Kurt from the bathroom.
"No I'm just talking to myself," lied Rachel. "Going over my lines in my head."
"Rest," said Kurt, coming out of the bathroom and flipping off the light. He sat down beside Rachel, stroking her hair. "Health first, then work."
Rachel sat up in bed, pulling on the covers.
"This stomach bug is making my imagination run wild," said Rachel casually. She was just going to go ahead and throw it out there to see how he'd respond. "I dreamed that we had a child last night."
"Really?" said Kurt. "What did they look like?"
"They had your freckles," teased Rachel. "And blue eyes. Bright blue."
"And they had your voice of course," said Kurt, giving her a raised eyebrow.
Rachel broke out into a big smile. "Of course. And they had my drive and motivation. Which will probably lead them to a successful career onstage."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Go back to sleep Rachel. Now I know this illness is making you delusional if they didn't have my fashion sense or my practical sensibility." He kissed her forehead. "Do you want anything before I go to work?"
"Another run of Funny Girl?"
"Only if I can have a lead in the stage version of Taxi," said Kurt as he got up and headed for the doorway. "Text me if you need anything sweetheart."
"I'm going to stay right here in bed," said Rachel. She started pulling on the covers, scrunching up her face. "Unless I'm in the bathroom."
He gave her a sympathetic look and headed out of the bedroom. She waited till she heard the front door shut before she flung the covers back. She really had to pee. Shutting the bathroom door just in case Kurt came back, she made a grab under the sink for the other pregnancy test and was relieved when she could actually sit down.
Looking at both of the pregnancy tests made her sigh. They were identical.
Rachel moved to pick up her phone from the kitchen table. She had to call her doctor, choose an obstetrician… but stopped.
Was she really ready to do this?
Well, it wasn't like she could just pick up a baby in the mail whenever she wanted. It was in her uterus already, a little bean sized thing that she was sharing her blood with. She sighed. She was going to need things. Vitamins, clothes…
But first, she wanted and needed Kurt. She picked up her phone and called her doctor, setting a last minute appointment for early afternoon. She was grateful they had a cancellation and could see her today. Rachel was certain she couldn't wait any longer. She had to know for sure. She looked down at her stomach.
"We'll be telling your daddy soon enough," she said. She didn't even what to know how Kurt was going to react. Even thinking about telling him was making her nervous. The brunette pushed the thought out of her mind and headed for the shower.
Rachel walked out the doctor's office with a handful of information and an answer which while relieving her that she hadn't spent money on faulty pregnancy tests, made her wonder even more about her life.
Was she really ready for a child? Yes she was of the right age for child bearing, but was she ready to dedicate a good chunk of her life to raising a child, much less children? It probably meant little to no parties and socializing for a while. She had already seen more than few people in the Broadway community drop off the radar to have families. Even her own former glee club family was growing. Tina already had a son, and she had recently found out that Sugar had two boys, ages two and three.
A boy, thought Rachel. She could be carrying a son. Rachel stopped and looked in a store window. She leaned backwards and poked out her abdomen, trying to imagine what it would be like in a few months.
If Kurt wanted to keep it that was. They would have to come to a mutual decision on that. There was no way she could do it without him. The thought that she was pregnant with Kurt's baby made her smile a little, remembering high school and all its dramatics. Never would she have thought she'd ever be pregnant with his child. Well, there had the thought between them she might have been his surrogate at a later date. But that seemed so long ago now. She pouted at the image in the glass.
"I'm going to get stretch marks," she groaned. Makeup would just have to cover them up if she ever got on the cover of Rolling Stone. She saw a little coffee & sandwich shop down the street and decided to go in for a moment and gather her thoughts. Once inside, she nearly stopped dead at the sight of one of the tables. A woman was sitting there with a baby stroller and feeding a little girl a bottle. Rachel almost whimpered out loud at the imagery.
She headed towards the counter and ordered herself a cup of chai before sitting down at a nearby table. She leaned her head to the side and watched the woman feeding her little girl. The little shop was busy with the late lunch crowd, but she had a good vantage point. It always amazed her how people could instinctively know what their child would want. When did you give a bottle and when did you change a diaper? How did you know when it was just a bad dream or they were sick? What if they were dehydrated or had constipation and she didn't know it? Or even worse, what if she was onstage and he or she was dying? Would she go on acting or run off stage and to the hospital?
She had to calm down and take a deep breath. Her baby barely had her nose, much less a chance to be dying of leukemia or suffering from a massive head injury.
Her baby. It was funny how one little word could change how you felt about things. Her baby. Holding her baby, kissing her baby. Dressing them up in great clothes, going to see her dads…
And smells. The absolutely sensuous smell of grilled cheese on the panini press was making her stomach growl.
"Can I get one of those?" she pointed out the sandwich to the waitress as she brought out her chai to the table. "It smells delicious."
"I'll get Chuck to make you up one," said the woman with a smile. "They're really great. There's like five cheeses and lots of fresh herbs."
Rachel nodded with a smile, but inside she was dying at the thought. Her dietary regiment was probably not going to survive her pregnancy.
Dinner. That was it. She could tell Kurt over dinner tonight. But she was going to have to work fast. She took a sip of her chai and pulled out her phone, quick dialing a number.
"Hello Isabelle? It's Rachel, Kurt's wife. I was wondering if I could ask a favor…"