When Dreams Are All You Have
It was getting colder. The landscape had become a white, windswept land of nothingness. The usually bright plains, so full of life, were now transformed by the wandering storm into snowfields. The snow wasn't supposed to come this far south! At least, not like this! And from the looks of the quickly darkening sky, things were about to get even worse.
Tifa Lockheart trudged through the pure whiteness, unable to see anything further then two feet away. She'd heard of snow blindness, but this was ridiculous. The icy wind cut to the bone, and Tifa wrapped her arms around her small figure in a futile attempt to keep some of the warmth. Why hadn't she worn something warmer!? There'd been a storm warning, and she'd just ignored it! Her only concession to the weather was a short black jacket on top of her usual outfit. But in Kalm, you never got storms like this. Only, now they were.
Tifa looked over at the figure struggling along with her. Cloud was dressed better than she was at least, although still not much against the bitter chill. In fact, now that Tifa looked closer, Cloud didn't look so good. Sure, she was the worse off of the two, but he HAD just come back from Costa Del Sol. She'd been here all along, and had become adapted to the cold weather. But this was crazy. . .
They topped the next hill, saying nothing. It was too hard to walk, let alone talk at the same time. Tifa clenched her teeth as they struggled over the rise. She had to be strong, for Cloud. There was nothing in this world or the next that could stop her from being there for him. He'd always been there for her, kept his promise when things got bad, and there was no way she was going to let him down without a fight.
From the top of the hill, Tifa could see nothing. The wind was starting to pick up again, and, just their luck, was blowing against them. There was no way they could possibly reach Kalm in all this.
Cloud had left on his trip nine months ago. He hadn't really said where he was going, only that he'd be back. Nine months without him. Nine months without a single letter. Nine months of silent waiting. And then he had turned up as if it was all a bad dream, as if nothing had happened. Oh, gods. Tifa knew that recipe for disaster all too well.
And so, in an attempt to bring him out, Tifa had brought Cloud out Chocobo catching. He had a beautiful gold already, but Tifa had given her black to Yuffie for the return trip to Wutai. She should have known it was too cold for the majestic birds to be out and about. But that wasn't really the point.
She'd tried talking to Cloud about his 'little trip', but he only gave the vaguest answers. Oh, he was friendly enough, still the same Cloud she'd always known and loved. Maybe that's what the trouble was. He laughed with her, and talked about all their friends, but he never talked about himself. It was like he'd shut himself away from the world in the hopes that everything would be all right when he opened his eyes again. Tifa knew from experience that that never worked.
Hey, there was that emergency cabin around the outskirts of Kalm, wasn't there? It had been put there in case of, well, emergency, and then had been promptly forgotten. Maybe this was just the time to find out if it had been looted yet. Tifa would have sighed if she'd had the breath. Times were hard, but everyone just got on the best they could. After Meteor by definition life was better, but that didn't mean it got any easier. Reeve was busy plugging away at finding a new energy source, but who knew how long that could take.
Now wasn't the time to be worrying about it, Tifa told herself. Not when you're freezing to death in a freak blizzard. She had to get Cloud somewhere warm. Yes, she was certain that the cabin was around here somewhere. Probably just couldn't see it because of the wind. She just hoped that she wasn't too late.
Stumbling over to Cloud, Tifa grabbed his arm and pulled him to the right. If memory served her right then the cabin was just a little ways to the southwest. Although it was easy to get lost out here, Tifa had a great sense of direction.
Half dragging Cloud along, she plowed through the snow. Now the sky looked as if it had closed up, and the first few snowflakes were starting to fall. Maybe. . . maybe it would stay light. . . As the thought dared to cross her mind, the sky ripped open and the storm came screaming out.
In seconds, Tifa became totally engulfed by the white wall. She closed her eyes against the sudden barrage, and to her horror found herself almost unable to open them again. Her long lashes, encrusted with snow were almost too heavy. Everything was so hard, and she was so tired. Still, Tifa clutched Cloud's sleeve desperately and forced her way forward.
She didn't see the cabin until she'd almost run into it. The wooden walls rose up to meet her, and Tifa could have cried with relief. But exhaustion was taking its toll on the young woman, and it was all she could do to blindly fumble along the walls until she found the door. The next step was to get it open, but Tifa's fingers refused to bend. Sobbing, she forced both hands around the elusive knob and pushed with all her remaining strength.
The door flew open, and Tifa fell into the house. Cloud, still attached to Tifa by the sleeve followed after. In mere seconds a small pile of snow was building in the doorway. Knowing she had no time to lose, Tifa forced herself up, and slammed the door closed. They needed the shelter if they were to survive the night.
The wind howled insanely outside, but Tifa felt no release from the cold. The cabin had no heating system except a small fire that hadn't been lit since the place was built. Her body screamed that it was on the verge of collapse, but her mind would take none of that. Cloud was shivering violently, curled up on the floor. He still lay where he'd fallen, and his skin was a pale blue. Tifa felt the ice take hold of her heart.
Tifa knelt numbly down beside the fireplace and tried to force her brain to work. Wood! She needed wood! There was a small pile of the stuff nearby. There wasn't a lot, but probably enough to keep a small flame going through the night. With that logic firmly in hand, she grabbed some wood and dropped it without ceremony into the small hearth.
Matches, she needed matches. Wait. . . Materia! That was good too, wasn't it? Tifa fumbled with the small slots on her glove for a moment. A small round red stone came loose in her hand, and Tifa had to stare at it for a moment before he could make sense of it. She needed to get the fire started. She was losing consciousness quickly, and how could she help Cloud if she gave in?
Focusing her will, Tifa cast Fire on the small pile of wood. There was a brief flash, and then a strange sensation. It took Tifa a moment to realize it was warmth. For a minute, she just basked in that feeling and let it melt away the ice that seemed to have crept into her very soul.
But then she remembered Cloud. Pulling herself up almost too quickly, blackness engulfed Tifa for a second. She shivered as it passed, and then went thoughtlessly to where Cloud still lay. It was. . . strange, seeing him like this. The hero of the Plant, her hero. But it wasn't time to think about that.
Putting an arm around Cloud, she forced him up. He seemed largely unconscious. Still, his mind was working enough to get his feet going, and with Tifa's help he made it over to the fire. She set him carefully down before looking about. They didn't have the resources to make the fire big enough to warm the whole cabin. And thus, Tifa knew that the fire alone would not save Cloud.
She left to search. The small bedroom wielded nothing, and neither did the kitchen or the sitting room. The last place to look was the tiny closet. Opening the door, Tifa stared into the dark. Yes, there on the shelf was single blanket - just big enough for one person. Smiling to herself, she took the blanket and clutched it tightly before making her way back to Cloud.
He seemed lifeless, and the thought scared Tifa. He had to be alright, he just had too. She couldn't think, couldn't do anything about his soaking clothing or her own. All Tifa could do was wrap the blanket around him and hope.
She carefully levered herself onto the ground near the fire. She had to keep the fire going for Cloud. She had to put more wood on, keep it going, for Cloud. . .
* * * *
"No! Tifa. . . Come back, you can't leave me!"
Tifa felt her mind rise slowly from the darkness. She opened her eyes, but only just enough to peer out at the world. She tried to move her arms, and found she could not. Her limbs felt weighted, her body numb. She coughed weakly.
"Gods, Tifa! You're. . ."
It was Cloud. Oh, no. . . She'd lost the fire, she'd let it go out. . . But, Cloud was. . . She felt herself lifted gently up, and strong arms prop her up and hold her tightly. But all she could feel was a vague sensation of something on her skin and nothing more. She was falling, falling, back into the shadows. . .
"Tifa!!"
She snapped back up. Before she went, she had to see Cloud. Somehow, Tifa knew that the darkness just below was forever. She smiled faintly at the irony of the world.
"Cloud. . .?" Her voice came out as a barely audible whisper.
"Oh, Tifa. . . I thought I'd lost you!" Cloud choked with relief. "You idiot, here's the blanket, come on. Wrap it around yourself. . ."
". . .No."
"What!? But Tifa, you're. . ."
"Cloud, you need it. You need to stay warm. . ."
Cloud sobbed and laughed at the same time.
"Tifa, I'm fine! It'll be dawn soon, we've almost made it! You have to be okay!"
"Cloud. . . I. . . Don't know if I can stay. But I have to see you. . . Have to talk to you. . ."
"No, Tifa. . . You have to keep awake. Just stay quiet, stay with me. . ."
His voice was pleading now.
"Cloud. . . I'm. . . sorry. So sorry."
Cloud lost control. Tears rolled down his face at the irony of the world. It was too much. Tifa Lockheart was dying, and she was saying 'sorry'.
"Don't be stupid! I'm the one. . ."
"I'm. . . sorry for bringing you out here. Sorry for never being brave like you. Sorry for not being good enough. . ."
She trailed off, her voice disappearing. Cloud stared at her in mute horror. She was so cold, although a small pulse still remained.
"Not good enough!?"
"I was. . . always. . . second best, Cloud. Aeris was the one for you, but she's gone. I wanted. . . to be there for you, but I wasn't good enough. For that, I'm sorry."
"Tifa!" Cloud held her tightly against him as he wept. Tifa smiled a small smile and leaned her head against his chest.
"Tifa, I. . . I'm the one who should be sorry! Not you! Never you! You're good, and kind, and strong. . . And look at me. I was never there for you when you needed me the most! I never saw how perfect you were Tifa!"
". . .But. . . Aeris. . ."
"I did. . . I loved her, Tifa. I still do. I can't help that, and she will always live in my heart. But. . . I have to live too Tifa. I had to go away to find that out, but I have to live. There's always been someone waiting for me with arms wide open, but I never really looked."
"Cloud. . ."
"Tifa, you mean the world to me. You were never second best! It just took me longer to see the truth. Please, you're everything to me now! You can't go. . . you can't. . ."
"I. . . Cloud, I don't want to go. I'm scared."
Cloud held her even more tightly now, and although he had stopped the tears, his sapphire eyes sparkled.
"Don't go, Tifa. You're worth everything to me."
"I. . . love you, Cloud."
"I love you too, Tifa. I was just blind. I'm so sorry."
"Please, stay with me until I go, Cloud. You are. . . my only dream."
Cloud smoothed Tifa's hair softly. Dreams were the only thing that had gotten them this far. Maybe dreams were the only things that could bring out the sun after the storm.
"Tifa, you have to stay with me. Don't let this be the end. There's so much we still have to do!"
"I. . . can't. I. . ."
"You've always been so damned generous, Tifa! Think about what you want for a change!"
". . ."
"We'll get married Tifa. We can live in Kalm! We'll start a new bar, and we'll call it "My Final Heaven"."
"We could. . .? I. . . always wanted to. . ."
"We'll buy a house and have it all to ourselves. We can have children, Tifa. A little boy, or a little girl."
"Children. . . I always wanted a daughter. We can name her. . . Aeris Strife."
"Yes. For the flower girl. Think, Tifa! We could go around the world again like old times!"
"Visit everybody again."
"Of course! And then we'll have our house waiting for us when we come home. We could sit on the balcony all night long just to see the sun come up in the morning!"
"The sun would always come up. . . wouldn't it Cloud. . .?"
"Always!" A single crystal tear fell softly on Tifa's cheek. "There'll always be another sunrise!"
"Cloud. . .!? Are you crying. . .? I'm sorry, Cloud."
"No! TIFA!"
Tifa's ruby eyes slowly closed, and she drew a breath with the memory of Cloud's blue eyes fresh in her mind. It was all she needed.
The darkness beckoned to her, called to her. It offered dreams that would last forever and an eternity. A place with no more pain, no more suffering. But as it started to pull Tifa down, she cried out.
Cloud had offered her everything she'd always wanted. They were. . . real dreams. Not the kind this shade offered. Maybe those dreams never ended, but Tifa knew in her heart that love was the only sort that lasted forever. Cloud, was her dream. And now that she had seen the dawn, she would never let it go.
Faraway, sunlight spilled over the white fields, melting the snow. As the life returned to her body, never to leave Cloud again, Tifa smiled. Morning had come at last.
~* Note from the Author*~
Ah! My first Cloud/Tifa fic. Who knows, it may not even be my last. ; ) As everybody knows, I'm a he Cloud/Aeris fan, but I just felt like doing something different. I guess I'll just have to do another Cleris to balance it out. : ) Anyway, please r/r!
It was getting colder. The landscape had become a white, windswept land of nothingness. The usually bright plains, so full of life, were now transformed by the wandering storm into snowfields. The snow wasn't supposed to come this far south! At least, not like this! And from the looks of the quickly darkening sky, things were about to get even worse.
Tifa Lockheart trudged through the pure whiteness, unable to see anything further then two feet away. She'd heard of snow blindness, but this was ridiculous. The icy wind cut to the bone, and Tifa wrapped her arms around her small figure in a futile attempt to keep some of the warmth. Why hadn't she worn something warmer!? There'd been a storm warning, and she'd just ignored it! Her only concession to the weather was a short black jacket on top of her usual outfit. But in Kalm, you never got storms like this. Only, now they were.
Tifa looked over at the figure struggling along with her. Cloud was dressed better than she was at least, although still not much against the bitter chill. In fact, now that Tifa looked closer, Cloud didn't look so good. Sure, she was the worse off of the two, but he HAD just come back from Costa Del Sol. She'd been here all along, and had become adapted to the cold weather. But this was crazy. . .
They topped the next hill, saying nothing. It was too hard to walk, let alone talk at the same time. Tifa clenched her teeth as they struggled over the rise. She had to be strong, for Cloud. There was nothing in this world or the next that could stop her from being there for him. He'd always been there for her, kept his promise when things got bad, and there was no way she was going to let him down without a fight.
From the top of the hill, Tifa could see nothing. The wind was starting to pick up again, and, just their luck, was blowing against them. There was no way they could possibly reach Kalm in all this.
Cloud had left on his trip nine months ago. He hadn't really said where he was going, only that he'd be back. Nine months without him. Nine months without a single letter. Nine months of silent waiting. And then he had turned up as if it was all a bad dream, as if nothing had happened. Oh, gods. Tifa knew that recipe for disaster all too well.
And so, in an attempt to bring him out, Tifa had brought Cloud out Chocobo catching. He had a beautiful gold already, but Tifa had given her black to Yuffie for the return trip to Wutai. She should have known it was too cold for the majestic birds to be out and about. But that wasn't really the point.
She'd tried talking to Cloud about his 'little trip', but he only gave the vaguest answers. Oh, he was friendly enough, still the same Cloud she'd always known and loved. Maybe that's what the trouble was. He laughed with her, and talked about all their friends, but he never talked about himself. It was like he'd shut himself away from the world in the hopes that everything would be all right when he opened his eyes again. Tifa knew from experience that that never worked.
Hey, there was that emergency cabin around the outskirts of Kalm, wasn't there? It had been put there in case of, well, emergency, and then had been promptly forgotten. Maybe this was just the time to find out if it had been looted yet. Tifa would have sighed if she'd had the breath. Times were hard, but everyone just got on the best they could. After Meteor by definition life was better, but that didn't mean it got any easier. Reeve was busy plugging away at finding a new energy source, but who knew how long that could take.
Now wasn't the time to be worrying about it, Tifa told herself. Not when you're freezing to death in a freak blizzard. She had to get Cloud somewhere warm. Yes, she was certain that the cabin was around here somewhere. Probably just couldn't see it because of the wind. She just hoped that she wasn't too late.
Stumbling over to Cloud, Tifa grabbed his arm and pulled him to the right. If memory served her right then the cabin was just a little ways to the southwest. Although it was easy to get lost out here, Tifa had a great sense of direction.
Half dragging Cloud along, she plowed through the snow. Now the sky looked as if it had closed up, and the first few snowflakes were starting to fall. Maybe. . . maybe it would stay light. . . As the thought dared to cross her mind, the sky ripped open and the storm came screaming out.
In seconds, Tifa became totally engulfed by the white wall. She closed her eyes against the sudden barrage, and to her horror found herself almost unable to open them again. Her long lashes, encrusted with snow were almost too heavy. Everything was so hard, and she was so tired. Still, Tifa clutched Cloud's sleeve desperately and forced her way forward.
She didn't see the cabin until she'd almost run into it. The wooden walls rose up to meet her, and Tifa could have cried with relief. But exhaustion was taking its toll on the young woman, and it was all she could do to blindly fumble along the walls until she found the door. The next step was to get it open, but Tifa's fingers refused to bend. Sobbing, she forced both hands around the elusive knob and pushed with all her remaining strength.
The door flew open, and Tifa fell into the house. Cloud, still attached to Tifa by the sleeve followed after. In mere seconds a small pile of snow was building in the doorway. Knowing she had no time to lose, Tifa forced herself up, and slammed the door closed. They needed the shelter if they were to survive the night.
The wind howled insanely outside, but Tifa felt no release from the cold. The cabin had no heating system except a small fire that hadn't been lit since the place was built. Her body screamed that it was on the verge of collapse, but her mind would take none of that. Cloud was shivering violently, curled up on the floor. He still lay where he'd fallen, and his skin was a pale blue. Tifa felt the ice take hold of her heart.
Tifa knelt numbly down beside the fireplace and tried to force her brain to work. Wood! She needed wood! There was a small pile of the stuff nearby. There wasn't a lot, but probably enough to keep a small flame going through the night. With that logic firmly in hand, she grabbed some wood and dropped it without ceremony into the small hearth.
Matches, she needed matches. Wait. . . Materia! That was good too, wasn't it? Tifa fumbled with the small slots on her glove for a moment. A small round red stone came loose in her hand, and Tifa had to stare at it for a moment before he could make sense of it. She needed to get the fire started. She was losing consciousness quickly, and how could she help Cloud if she gave in?
Focusing her will, Tifa cast Fire on the small pile of wood. There was a brief flash, and then a strange sensation. It took Tifa a moment to realize it was warmth. For a minute, she just basked in that feeling and let it melt away the ice that seemed to have crept into her very soul.
But then she remembered Cloud. Pulling herself up almost too quickly, blackness engulfed Tifa for a second. She shivered as it passed, and then went thoughtlessly to where Cloud still lay. It was. . . strange, seeing him like this. The hero of the Plant, her hero. But it wasn't time to think about that.
Putting an arm around Cloud, she forced him up. He seemed largely unconscious. Still, his mind was working enough to get his feet going, and with Tifa's help he made it over to the fire. She set him carefully down before looking about. They didn't have the resources to make the fire big enough to warm the whole cabin. And thus, Tifa knew that the fire alone would not save Cloud.
She left to search. The small bedroom wielded nothing, and neither did the kitchen or the sitting room. The last place to look was the tiny closet. Opening the door, Tifa stared into the dark. Yes, there on the shelf was single blanket - just big enough for one person. Smiling to herself, she took the blanket and clutched it tightly before making her way back to Cloud.
He seemed lifeless, and the thought scared Tifa. He had to be alright, he just had too. She couldn't think, couldn't do anything about his soaking clothing or her own. All Tifa could do was wrap the blanket around him and hope.
She carefully levered herself onto the ground near the fire. She had to keep the fire going for Cloud. She had to put more wood on, keep it going, for Cloud. . .
* * * *
"No! Tifa. . . Come back, you can't leave me!"
Tifa felt her mind rise slowly from the darkness. She opened her eyes, but only just enough to peer out at the world. She tried to move her arms, and found she could not. Her limbs felt weighted, her body numb. She coughed weakly.
"Gods, Tifa! You're. . ."
It was Cloud. Oh, no. . . She'd lost the fire, she'd let it go out. . . But, Cloud was. . . She felt herself lifted gently up, and strong arms prop her up and hold her tightly. But all she could feel was a vague sensation of something on her skin and nothing more. She was falling, falling, back into the shadows. . .
"Tifa!!"
She snapped back up. Before she went, she had to see Cloud. Somehow, Tifa knew that the darkness just below was forever. She smiled faintly at the irony of the world.
"Cloud. . .?" Her voice came out as a barely audible whisper.
"Oh, Tifa. . . I thought I'd lost you!" Cloud choked with relief. "You idiot, here's the blanket, come on. Wrap it around yourself. . ."
". . .No."
"What!? But Tifa, you're. . ."
"Cloud, you need it. You need to stay warm. . ."
Cloud sobbed and laughed at the same time.
"Tifa, I'm fine! It'll be dawn soon, we've almost made it! You have to be okay!"
"Cloud. . . I. . . Don't know if I can stay. But I have to see you. . . Have to talk to you. . ."
"No, Tifa. . . You have to keep awake. Just stay quiet, stay with me. . ."
His voice was pleading now.
"Cloud. . . I'm. . . sorry. So sorry."
Cloud lost control. Tears rolled down his face at the irony of the world. It was too much. Tifa Lockheart was dying, and she was saying 'sorry'.
"Don't be stupid! I'm the one. . ."
"I'm. . . sorry for bringing you out here. Sorry for never being brave like you. Sorry for not being good enough. . ."
She trailed off, her voice disappearing. Cloud stared at her in mute horror. She was so cold, although a small pulse still remained.
"Not good enough!?"
"I was. . . always. . . second best, Cloud. Aeris was the one for you, but she's gone. I wanted. . . to be there for you, but I wasn't good enough. For that, I'm sorry."
"Tifa!" Cloud held her tightly against him as he wept. Tifa smiled a small smile and leaned her head against his chest.
"Tifa, I. . . I'm the one who should be sorry! Not you! Never you! You're good, and kind, and strong. . . And look at me. I was never there for you when you needed me the most! I never saw how perfect you were Tifa!"
". . .But. . . Aeris. . ."
"I did. . . I loved her, Tifa. I still do. I can't help that, and she will always live in my heart. But. . . I have to live too Tifa. I had to go away to find that out, but I have to live. There's always been someone waiting for me with arms wide open, but I never really looked."
"Cloud. . ."
"Tifa, you mean the world to me. You were never second best! It just took me longer to see the truth. Please, you're everything to me now! You can't go. . . you can't. . ."
"I. . . Cloud, I don't want to go. I'm scared."
Cloud held her even more tightly now, and although he had stopped the tears, his sapphire eyes sparkled.
"Don't go, Tifa. You're worth everything to me."
"I. . . love you, Cloud."
"I love you too, Tifa. I was just blind. I'm so sorry."
"Please, stay with me until I go, Cloud. You are. . . my only dream."
Cloud smoothed Tifa's hair softly. Dreams were the only thing that had gotten them this far. Maybe dreams were the only things that could bring out the sun after the storm.
"Tifa, you have to stay with me. Don't let this be the end. There's so much we still have to do!"
"I. . . can't. I. . ."
"You've always been so damned generous, Tifa! Think about what you want for a change!"
". . ."
"We'll get married Tifa. We can live in Kalm! We'll start a new bar, and we'll call it "My Final Heaven"."
"We could. . .? I. . . always wanted to. . ."
"We'll buy a house and have it all to ourselves. We can have children, Tifa. A little boy, or a little girl."
"Children. . . I always wanted a daughter. We can name her. . . Aeris Strife."
"Yes. For the flower girl. Think, Tifa! We could go around the world again like old times!"
"Visit everybody again."
"Of course! And then we'll have our house waiting for us when we come home. We could sit on the balcony all night long just to see the sun come up in the morning!"
"The sun would always come up. . . wouldn't it Cloud. . .?"
"Always!" A single crystal tear fell softly on Tifa's cheek. "There'll always be another sunrise!"
"Cloud. . .!? Are you crying. . .? I'm sorry, Cloud."
"No! TIFA!"
Tifa's ruby eyes slowly closed, and she drew a breath with the memory of Cloud's blue eyes fresh in her mind. It was all she needed.
The darkness beckoned to her, called to her. It offered dreams that would last forever and an eternity. A place with no more pain, no more suffering. But as it started to pull Tifa down, she cried out.
Cloud had offered her everything she'd always wanted. They were. . . real dreams. Not the kind this shade offered. Maybe those dreams never ended, but Tifa knew in her heart that love was the only sort that lasted forever. Cloud, was her dream. And now that she had seen the dawn, she would never let it go.
Faraway, sunlight spilled over the white fields, melting the snow. As the life returned to her body, never to leave Cloud again, Tifa smiled. Morning had come at last.
~* Note from the Author*~
Ah! My first Cloud/Tifa fic. Who knows, it may not even be my last. ; ) As everybody knows, I'm a he Cloud/Aeris fan, but I just felt like doing something different. I guess I'll just have to do another Cleris to balance it out. : ) Anyway, please r/r!