((Hey all. So I am a big Xmen fan and thought I would try my hand at this. It's a bit of a Cherik story that came to mind after hearing the song, "Hard to Find" by the Nationals. It's just a sketch that I'm hoping will blossom into a more in-depth relationship story, but we'll see. I incorporated the song lyrics into the flashbacks, almost like background music since that is how I envisioned it. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but bear with me. Enjoy and hopefully there will be more Cherik to come.))
New York, 1974
Erik Lensherr grasped the steering wheel of the blue Chevy Impala hard as he looked through the windshield onto the rain-soaked highway.
He had landed in New York City just hours before, but the second the plane wheels hit the ground he felt an instant aching in his heart and he knew why.
He tried to dull the pain with a drink at the airport bar, then another at his hotel after he settled in.
But, after laying on the bed in his suite for what felt like an eternity just staring at the ceiling fan, he found that he couldn't take it anymore and launched himself off the mattress and raced to the hotel lobby, asking the concierge at the front desk where he could rent a car at 9:30pm.
Erik now sighed as he adjusted his rear view mirror and glanced behind him at the dark, desolate road, remembering how he had promised Raven six months before that he would let it go…
That for their own safety and for Charles' and all that they were both trying to build, that he wouldn't try to contact his former friend and ally…
That he would keep his distance and stay away.
But it hadn't been easy.
In fact, it had been heart wrenching and damn near impossible.
Erik rolled his neck on his shoulders and gripped the steering wheel tighter as looked forward again and remembered that day he and Charles parted ways in Cuba.
It seemed so long ago now—centuries—when in reality it has only been about a decade.
Erik remembered how, for himself, their parting had been with the caveat –a hope, really—in Erik's heart at least, that they would one day meet again as friends and that Charles would forgive him and that he would be able to make his friend see reason.
That someday, somehow Charles would drop his pacifist act and join him and Raven in the true mutant cause.
But, that hope—that caveat—had never come to pass as Erik had been imprisoned beneath the Pentagon for many of the years after the incident in Cuba and couldn't make contact with Charles even if he had wanted to.
And God, did he want to.
And then, after so long apart…they were brought together a year ago, but it had been a meeting of bitter minds, angry hearts and mutilated souls.
There was no forgiveness, no brotherhood…
And it nearly killed Erik, for he had always imagined their reunion differently.
After finding each other and forming the bond they had, it had felt almost like losing an arm or leg to seemingly be so severed from Charles' life and denied his friendship again.
The pain had been incredible when it happened and, like all wounds, a scar had now begun to form over the damaged flesh, new and pink.
But every once in a while, Erik would feel an ache in the part of his soul Charles had once occupied, like Charles was trying to reach out to him, though it was impossible to think that he would.
Sometimes, he thought he had even heard Charles' voice…
It was almost like when people who lose appendages imagine that they have their missing limb back—so vivid and real is the hallucination that they think they can function like they did before.
But, sadly it's all an illusion to compensate for the tremendous loss they are trying to cope with.
"Phantom Limb Syndrome" they call it and Erik often wondered if there was such a thing as "Phantom Friend Syndrome".
But, in his heart, Erik knew that they were more than just friends…
They were brothers…or had been brothers.
And if you asked him to reveal the darkest nature of his heart and his desires, he would say that they were more than that…
That he and Charles Xavier were soul mates, pulled together by more than just friendship and brotherhood.
At least for Erik, that hadn't been the only attraction...
Erik bit his lip as he flipped on the car's turn signal and slowly turned off onto the winding access road through the woods that led to a large, Gothic style iron gate with the sign, XAVIER'S SCHOOL FOR THE GIFTED, on the stone post just to the left of the entrance.
Erik brought the car to a stop and turned off the headlights before slowly raising his hands and, as quietly as he could, unlocked the gate latch and pushed the iron rod doors open to clear a path for his entry.
He then smirked as he put the car in gear and drove down the gravel drive toward the mansion, the gates swinging closed behind him when the car had passed through.
As he looked around the grounds, he saw that even in the dark, everything pretty much looked the same.
It was nice to know that some things never change…
Erik navigated the car down the access road and around the other side of pool house on the east side of the property, pulling in behind the old limestone building, parking in the back lot that faced over the top of the hill toward the main house.
All seemed quite, he observed, as he leaned back in the leather seat and took in the sight of the mansion that had been, not just his residence for almost six months, but his home.
Charles had seen to that.
Erik suddenly took in a shallow breath when he saw the lights in the upstairs floor of the five story mansion flicker on.
I can see the glowing lights,
I can see them every night…
His heart immediately ached as he wished he was inside those stone walls again with his friend—having dinner with him, laughing with him, listening to him lecture and guide the children, playing their regular evening chess game…And, all the time, the telepath's gaze never leaving his.
They're really not that far away,
I could be there in a day…
Charles Xavier could look into his heart and soul with those eyes and reach a depth few could inside him.
He had known that the second he had first looked in to the Charles' eyes.
God, those beautiful blue eyes…
Erik suddenly found himself closing his own eyes to remember the feeling and the memories instantly filled his mind of every time it had happened…
Wonder if you live there still,
Meeting for the first time as they tread water in the Atlantic after Charles had saved him from drowning…
"You're not alone…Erik, you're not alone."
But, kind of think you always will…
Outside the CIA building when Charles stopped him from leaving, "What do you know about me?"
The telepath immediately responded without missing a beat or averting his eyes when the metal bender turned back to face him, "Everything."
If I tried you'd probably be hard to find…
Then he gave him that warm smile before turning on his heel and walking back into the building like he knew that Erik wouldn't leave before Erik knew himself.
What I feel now about you then,
That morning in the CIA suit's office, when he surprised Charles by showing up…
How his eyes softened when he said, "Erik, you decided to stay."
Well, I'm just glad I can explain…
The look they shared as they stood outside this very mansion—their new headquarters— Hank's voice in the background, "This is yours?"
"No," Charles responded, his eyes never leaving Erik's, "It's ours…"
You were beautiful and close and young,
The laughs and gazes they shared on their recruiting trips and during the classes they held to help their new students come into their own.
In those ways we were the same…
The nights over the chess board as they contemplated moves and gauged eachother's reactions…
There's a lot that I've not forgotten,
His tear- filled eyes meeting Charles' as the telepath brought forward memories of a Hanukkah that took place many years before with his parents…
"There is so much more to you than you know—not just pain and anger…there is good, too, I felt it."
Though I've let go of other things,
Looking down into Charles' eyes, watering and filled with pain, as he held his friend in his arms on the beach moments after he was shot…
"She didn't do this, Erik…" he has said, "You did."
If I tried, they'd probably be hard to find…
Erik opened his eyes suddenly and gasped as the emotion of the memories caught him suddenly off guard and soon, he couldn't control the rush of images before his waking eyes…
They were images of more recent events and times when those eyes had met again after so many years apart.
I don't know why we had to lose,
The elevator doors opening at the Pentagon as Charles and Erik came face to face after nearly a decade…
"Charles?" he had mused, standing there in his prison jumper and narrowing his eyes in surprise…
And Charles responded by punching him across the jaw.
The ones who took so little space…
"Believe me," Charles responded, his voice tinged with anger when Erik had gotten back to his feet, their eyes meeting again instantly, "I wouldn't be here if I didn't have to be."
We're still waiting for the years,
"You took the things that meant the most to me…" the telepath's voice rang in his ears and Charles' angry and emotional eyes met his on the plane to Washington D.C.
"Well, then maybe you should have fought harder for them," was his cold-hearted reply, stunned and hurt by his former friend's words.
To cover what we can't erase…
"If you want a fight, Erik, I will give you a fight!" Charles cried suddenly as he lurched forward from his chair, his eyes never leaving the metal benders as he grabbed hold of Erik, "You abandoned me! You took her away and you abandoned me!"
I'm not holding out for you,
Charles stepping between him and Raven, facing down the barrel of Erik's gun, shock and fear in his eyes that his friend would commit such an atrocity as trying to harm another mutant…
Let alone his sister.
But I'm still watching for the signs…
Coming face to face on the White House lawn when Charles stood by and willingly let Erik leave so that he wouldn't fall into the hands of the authorities…
"If you let them have me, I'm as good as dead…"
"I know."
If I tried, you'd probably be hard to find…
Suddenly, Erik felt his eyes flutter and his body lurch forward as if invisible arms that had been around him and released their hold…
Though he had been awake the whole time, he shook his head and looked around as if waking from a dream, confused and immediately trying to get his bearings through blurry eyes.
It was only when he felt a warm, familiar sensation in the back of his mind, that he stopped and took in a sharp breath, and it finally occurred to him what had transpired.
"Charles…" Erik whispered his friend's name like a prayer on the tip of his tongue and he smiled in a mixture of sadness and relief.
The telepath must have sensed his arrival somehow and taken control of his mind, flashing the more recent and painful memories through it, probably as a smug reply to Erik's earlier memories that may have been projected toward him.
Keeping this is mind, Erik responded mentally so that Charles could hear him.
"Thanks for the heartfelt welcome," he internalized in a sarcastic tone, "How are you old friend?"
It wasn't long before he heard Charles' reply in the back of his mind, "We aren't friends and haven't been for some time, Erik. I let you walk away—I gave you a 'Get out of Jail' free card with the intention of never seeing you again. What could have possibly possessed you to come here?"
"I don't know," Erik responded mentally, rubbing his hands on his pant legs nervously—his hands were suddenly sweating, "I was in New York on business and just…well, I just found myself driving here. I don't know what came over me. I had promised Raven and myself that I would stay away, but…"
There was a moment of silence before Erik heard the telepath's response.
"I see…" was all Charles could manage to say, his tone making him sound conflicted
Erik flared his nostrils and rubbed his broad chin with his right hand before quickly reaching forward to turn the ignition key and start the car.
"This was a very bad idea…" Erik said aloud softly, his voice filled with guilt and shame then internalized the words to Charles, "I'm sorry. You're right. I'll just go…"
Suddenly, there was a tap on the glass at the driver's side window and Erik jumped, his hand released the key as he dove toward the passenger side seat.
"Jesus!" he cried, indignantly looking over his shoulder to the face of Charles Xavier that now appeared there behind the glass.
Erik closed his eyes and clutched his chest for a moment—he was certain, despite his youth and physical shape, that he had had a cardiac episode—then slowly slid back over and rolled down the window.
"Charles…What the Hell?!" Erik admonished with a breathless gasp and he was certain the smirk that now spread across the telepath's face was because all the blood had certainly drained from his face.
Suddenly, their eyes met and Erik felt an electric current jolt through is very heart and soul…
It wasn't painful.
It was warm and familiar, somehow.
A lot had changed about each of them in that year since their showdown in Washington D.C.
Erik noted that physically, Charles himself looked different. His hair had been cut short again and he now wore one of his famous cardigan sweaters with a pair of gray trousers as he sat in his steel wheelchair.
And by their internal conversation tonight, it was clear that he had gotten his telepathic abilities straightened back out and operational.
However, with all these external changes, Erik found himself glad that their connection was still there.
That like the mansion that had once been their home, that hadn't changed.
And Erik could see that Charles felt it too.
Charles' smirk soon faded as he brought his hands to the sides of his wheelchair and rolled himself a few feet back from Impala, his eyes softening, but never leaving Erik's through the open window.
"Would you like to come inside?" he suddenly asked in a low voice, furrowing his brow seemingly in anticipation of rejection
There was a moment of silence before Erik straightened in his seat and, without unlocking their gaze, reached out for the ignition key again, turning off the car engine.
"Yes…" Erik found himself answering with an uncertain smile.