Background Music: "The Ninja Song" by SMPFilms (YouTube)
Our story starts off with a chase scene as a man running for his life away from an unseen threat. He keeps running until a figure dressed in black lands in front of him, causing him to scream in fear. "Leave me alone!" He shouted, before running to his left through the woods, only to see the figure easily following him through the trees. The man continued to flee, dodging the occasional shuriken or kunai as he tried to change direction, forcing him to head in one particular direction as if his pursuer was leading him somewhere. Soon enough, they would reach a city, the figure chasing the man through the city's back alleys and through a sewage pipe until they reached the outskirts of the city. The man ran up to a hill where several more guys were waiting on motor cycles, the group now up to eight including him. "He's coming!" He shouted. Not even a minute later, the figure chasing the man leapt up onto the hill from below in a 3-point landing, looking up at them. said figure was dressed in traditional shinobi garb, with the exception that he wore a trench coat. With a mask on, all that could be seen of the ninja's face was his red eyes. The man said figure had previously been chasing laughed as he walked up in front of the group. "You fool! You thought I let you lead me around on purpose?! I lead YOU here to an AMBUSH! I could've taken you out on my own, but now my boys will get to have some of the pleasure of tearing you to shreds!" He said as the group twisted and ripped apart their human forms, turning into demons, looking like 7 feet tall, 10 feet long black and red dragons standing on their hind legs. With a roar, they all rushed in at the figure.
The figure simply smirked, before reaching up and taking off his mask, revealing a 14 year old Sai Blade. "Man, I knew you were dumb, but actually think you could actually lure me into an ambush? That's just stupid. I knew you had this all set up. Now I can take you all out at once!" I said, rushing in and pulling out Ouroboros, slicing the leader's left leg, causing him to stumble. I then jumped onto and over the next one's head, leaping over the group and grabbing one of their motorcycles, spinning it around with the same skill Dante had with Lady's bike, before swinging it at a charging demon's face, wrecking the bike, but knocking down the demon and leaving his underside exposed, at which point I stabbed him in the stomach and ripped the blade upwards, slicing his upper body vertically in half. Another one came rushing in, but I pulled out and threw a manriki (a chain with weights at both ends, typically used like Kusari-gama in combat, but can be used...) to wrap its legs and tail, causing it to fall forward, at which point I rushed in, hitting it with hypersonic slashes, so that by the time it fell to its knees, its body was covered in deep, life-threatening gashes, before one final slice took its head off.
Another one rushed in, gnashing its teeth in preparation to chomp down on me, but this backfired as I tossed Ouroboros into the air, catching it backhand and the rattlesnake hilt shooting its venom down the demon's throat, melting it from the inside out. I decapitated it and kicked the severed head with enough force to stab its horns into another one's chest, killing it instantly. Two more rushed in, one about 3 feet behind the next one, leaving the perfect distance for my next attack. I tossed Ouroboros into the air again, slipping Kraken onto my hands and catching Ouroboros, holding it normally and launching the tentacles from Kraken's left gauntlet at the demon in the back, reeling myself in and slicing the first one in half, pulling the sword back before thrusting it forward and stabbing the demon in the chest, sending the poison through the blade, changing the monster from red and black to green and black as its body started to immediately die and rot, causing it to fall dead on its back.
The last two looked at each other in fear, before the leader who's leg I slashed roared, flicking his head at me as a gesture to attack me. The follower hesitated for a moment before rushing in, turning and spinning in an attempt to hit me with its tail. Big mistake. I lashed out Kraken's tentacles again and used the teeth to saw through and slice off the tail. The monster roared in pain, at which point I shoved its own tail down its throat, choking it and killing it. It was down to only me and the leader now. "Th-this can't be! It was the perfect ambush! We had everything planned out! You should be dead!" The leader snapped.
"Yeah, it was almost perfect, except for one tiny detail: your target. You seemed to have forgotten, my friend..." I said, pulling out a Big Gulp and taking a swig, before putting it back and smirking. "I'm Sai Kunai Blade." I told him.
He growled at this, before letting out an enraged roar. "YOU BASTAAAARD!" He bellowed as he rushed towards me, teeth gnashing like the third one as he awkwardly scuffled like a wounded alligator towards me. He reached me and pushed himself up to chomp down on my head, but with a quick flourish of Ouroboros that Vergil taught me, I sliced off his arms, legs and tail, causing him to fall on his back, still alive, but completely defenseless as I readied my blade for one last slice. "No... Please... Sai!" He pleaded.
"Onara." I said, swinging the sword and slicing his head off.
End Music
"You get it? Like Sayonara, saying goodbye? It's funny." I said to the 4th wall, before looking up as a blinding light came down from the sky. "What the hell!? Damn, that's bright!" I said, putting on a pair of sunglasses. When the light faded, I removed the glasses to see strange white and gold humanoid bird creatures flying down towards me with strange staff-like weapons. "Well, this is new. I've seen FALLEN angels before, but this is the first time I've encountered the real deal." I said. They then flew in at me and swung their weapons, which I dodged like a badass, Matrixing under the first one, jumping and rolling through the next two and sliding under the last one. "But obviously, you're not friendly." I said, trying to slice at them, only for my weapon to go straight through them. "What?!" I said, jumping back to avoid another slash from the closest one. "Okay, then! Try this!" I said, having Ouroboros spray acid at them, but it still passed through them with no effect. I changed the weapon into a bow and launched explosive arrows at them, but this still did nothing. "Dammit! Why won't it work!?" I demanded, before remembering something.
Flashback...
I was a kid, maybe 5 or 6, sitting on my father's lap as we looked through a book about angels, which was what he was teaching me how to fight and deal with next. "Angels live in a different plane of existence than us. We are demons with the power to see between these different planes, but we cannot interfere with this other plane and therefore we can't fight the angels conventionally." He explained.
"Then how, Dad?" I asked.
"Of course, there are things that exist on both planes. The elements, like the earth, lightning, ice..." He explained, before looking away from the book and to me. "And of course, fire..." He finished.
Back to now...
"Okay, then! Time to turn up the heat!" I said, levitating off the ground a bit and making a fireball in each hand, before flinging them at the angels, who stood in pairs a small distance away from each other, so each fireball and the resulting explosion easily picked off two angels apiece. "Divine or Infernal, mess with me, you're either going right back where you came from or going to hell." I said with a smirk, before looking over my shoulder. "And you can come out now. I can smell that perfume of yours all the way over here." I said, turning around as a strange woman walked out of the woods. She was pretty tall, almost 6 feet and had somewhat of a beehive of hair that also fell down to her waist, wrapped in two long red ribbons that reached far beyond her waist. She was dressed in a strange black skintight suit that has a rose design on the abdomen with long white gloves, black and gray heels, thin gold chains, three small belts strapped on each arm, and a pair of gold, cat-shaped earrings and glasses that have the design of butterfly wings close to the lenses. The chest of her suit was open, which would've revealed a decent amount of cleavage, if it weren't for some black plate or something with some kind of gold watch on it, housing a small red gem. But the strangest thing of all would be that she wore heels... with BIG GUNS ON THE BACK! And she was carrying another pair of large pinkish-red pistols similar to the ones on her feet as she walked up. (These guns are Elfen Knight, Bayonetta's weaker movie version of Scarborough Fair before she actually gets the game guns near the end of the movie)
"Quite impressive, little one. Not only where you able to defeat a group of mid-level demons, but also a few angels AND you even managed to sniff me out of hiding." She said, stopping when she was maybe 10 feet away, but it was close enough to tell that standing right up to each other, she easily dwarfed me in size (Sai's current height: 5'4").
I smirked at this. "The nose knows..." I said, tapping my nose, before glaring at her a bit. "And my name's Sai, not little one!" I said annoyed. I saved the UNIVERSE once and the Earth at least 5 times! I think I deserve a little respect. "I've killed A LOT of demons, aliens and a god to get to where I am today, I don't deserve to be called kiddy pet names!" I said defiantly.
"My, aren't we cheeky. Well, a few angels is one thing, but I'm not quite sure you're ready to handle a girl like me." She said, readying her pistols.
"Maybe you didn't hear the 'killed a god' part." I said, taking my fighting stance, starting off with Kraken and Gharial.
Background Music: "This is Gonna Hurt" by Sixx AM
She fired her guns at me, but I used Kraken's tentacles to deflect the bullets, moving at speeds fast enough to knock each individual bullet off its original course so none hit me. I then lashed them at her, but she jumped out of the way at the last second, preparing to fire again. However, I used the tentacles to launch myself forward, slamming my right fist into the gun in her right hand, shattering it. She jumped back and looked at the handle in her hand, all that remained of the gun she once held. "Knightly, indeed, Rodin." She scoffed, tossing it aside and holding out the other one, but I stomped the ground with Gharial, shooting up a spike of earth, destroying that gun as well, two more spikes jutting out in an attempt to impale her, but she managed to jump back and avoid them again.
"Now you're mine!" I said, drawing a pair of Uzis (SMG) and preparing to fire. But suddenly, she was right in front of me in an instant, snatching the guns out of my hands. "What the?!" I said in disbelief.
"Why thank you, deary. Such a gentleman to replace what you broke. Here's your reward!" She said, bringing her right leg up and slamming it into my chest, the gun on the heel firing a dozen bullets into my chest, before jumping off her left foot, spinning and smashing said foot into my face, sending my flying. Suddenly, I felt something pierce into the back of my neck and head. I felt a number of sharp pokes all down my back, too, but whatever punctured my head couldn't puncture my coat. I looked around as much as I could to see I was in an iron maiden, which slammed shut on me. "Well, he had his tricks, but he certainly wasn't on my level. It must have been one pitiful god to have lost to him." Bayonetta said, before looking at the Uzis she took from me. "I suppose they're better than nothing until I can get Rodin to make me a DECENT set of guns." She said, before looking up as she saw cracks forming in the iron maiden she threw me in. "What?!" She demanded.
"Sorry, lady, but I've been chewed on by demons that make that thing look like a tanning booth." I said.
She chuckled at this. "Impressive, little one. But I think it's time we put a STOP to this." She said, activating Witch Time again and supposedly freezing me along with time. But while the trick caught me off-guard the first time, it's nothing I haven't dealt with before. She got cocky now, believing I was an easy target as she sauntered up to me.
(Now!) I thought, using Mirror Move and replicating Witch Time, releasing me and putting us back on equal ground. "Yes!" I said, rushing in at her.
"It can't be!" She said in shock, dodging my attack, attempting to kick me, but I ducked under it, pulling out Ouroboros and swinging at her foot, breaking the 3rd gun of her original pair, forcing her to jump away before her foot was sliced off along with the gun. "How did you counter my witch time?! I'd never expect a child like you to know that!" She said.
"I call it Mirror Move. I can counter any technique used against me. I've actually had to counter something like this before." I said, leaving out its crucial flaw of a five minute recharge. "I haven't used it in a while. Glad it still works." I said.
"Not bad, little one. But now I'd like you to meet a friend of mine." She said, before suddenly dancing in place. "AVAVAGO!" She announced. Suddenly, her clothes began to pull away and all of it came back to the end of her hair, meaning her clothes were really her hair! And that's not all, it suddenly went down a strange black and red portal in the ground.
"Whoa..." I said in shock because of a few things. A: HER CLOTHES WERE HER HAIR! B: She was now naked! And C: her hair just went into some weird portal. Suddenly, I heard a strange growling noise behind me. "I don't like the sound of that..." I said nervously, turning around to see the head and neck of a massive dragon emerging from a portal in the ground behind me. The creature let out a roar that sounded like an elephant's angry trumpeting, before lunging at me. "Oh, not again!" I said, before the monster snapped its jaws down on me. However, after a few moments, I managed to pry the jaws open. "I must taste good, because this happens WAY too often!" I said, before suddenly pushing as hard as I could with my arms and legs to force the jaws wide open and give me enough time to escape. "Then I guess I can call in back-up, too!" I said, pulling out Minotaur and allowing the axe to change into the spirit form of the hybrid demon, who laid into the massive dragon with devastating punches and headbutts, as well as fierce slashes from his horns, before I blasted it in the top of the head with a fireball to stun it and finishing it off with a diving stab from Ouroboros. It roared in pain before collapsing to its side, dead, the hair going back through the portal and redressing the woman.
"My, my, you are quite impressive, little one." She said, looking the last gun in her original set, before looking back to me. "Tell you what: break this last gun on my foot, we'll call it quits and you win. Fail to do so and you're in for a spanking." She said with a smirk.
"Uh..." I said, somewhat disturbed by the last part of the comment.
In Sai's mind...
"Bad touch! Bad touch! Stranger danger!" I said in a panic as I tried to scramble as far away as I could from my position on the couch. (Jontron reference!)
Reality...
I shook off the initial fear, putting on a determined face. "Bring it!" I said.
She smirked. "Very well!" She said, rushing in and attacking, but several times during her combo, I had to dodge out of the way of massive fists and feet coming out of portals around us, throwing punches and kicks at me. Eventually she jumped and tried to crash down on my head with an axe kick, but I swung my trusty axe upward, slamming into the last gun on her heel, shattering it and knocking her back.
End Music
She stood back up and looked at me as if she was still angry and would attack again, but she suddenly brightened up. "Well done, little one." She said, walking up to me.
"Thanks. But that's still not my name." I said.
"Fair enough. Perhaps I could make it up to you with a bit of information. You'd like to know why those angels attacked you, I assume?" She asked.
I had forgotten about the angels for a moment, but now that she mentioned it, it did seem like the angels were after me. "I wouldn't mind figuring out why, no." I confirmed.
"Very well, then come along with me... Sai." She said, gesturing for me to follow. "That's more like it." I said, following her.
We headed back to the city, where she introduced herself as Bayonetta before we arrived at a placed called the Gates of Hell, which was obviously a bar. "Uh, you know I'm too young to go in there, right?" I asked.
"I think you'll find it rather easy when you're with me." She explained the two of us walking in.
Towards the back of the room was the actual bar where a tall, muscular, bald black man in sunglasses with several tattoos and rings was bartending. And in the middle of the room to the left of the entrance, a short fat man was playing pool, apparently by himself, cursing and repeating "mulligan" as he tried to sink the 8 ball. Bayonetta walked up to the bar as I took a few steps in, looking around. "Hey, kid! You ain't old enough to do business at this fine establishment." The black guy said.
"He's with me, Rodin." Bayonetta said.
The short man laughed at this. "Would you look at this, Rodin?! Looks like Bayonetta's picking up work as a babysitter! Guess bein' a nun ain't paying the bills!" Enzo laughed, finally sinking the 8 ball. "Ey! Rodin, I did it!" The man cheered for himself.
Rodin merely scoffed at this. "A half hour to finish a game of pool by yourself. New record. Not bad, Enzo." He said, holding his hand out. Suddenly, all the balls came out of the pockets and were reset for the next player.
"A half hour? Playing on your own?" I asked with a smirk. Any time my family played a game of pool with each other, regardless of who was playing, it never took more than 15 minutes.
"What, you think you can do better?!" Enzo demanded.
"Yeah, let me give it a try." I said, grabbing the stick from him, chalking it and facing away from the table.
"Hey, kid, maybe you're new at this, but you're supposed to be FACING the table!" Enzo said with a laughing, Rodin even chuckling a bit while Bayonetta watched with a raised eyebrow, curious of what I was planning.
"Ever heard of a trickshot?" I asked, crossing my right leg over my left one and turning my body enough to get my hand on the table, my upper body turned enough so it was almost facing forward like normal, readying the cue hitting the ball, connecting with the others and managing to sink them all. "That's a new one I came up with last time I played. I call it the twist shot. I also got the reverse shot, but its not as flashy, I just stand facing away from the table with the stick in my left hand, drive it back into the cue ball and sink all the others." I explained.
Enzo looked in disbelief, whether or not it was because a kid just perfectly sank every ball on the first turn or because I was twisted halfway around and Rodin was decently impressed as well. "Not bad, kid. Not bad." He said.
"He's the one who did this as well." Bayonetta said, laying down the remains of Elfen Knight. "I'm afraid it's not your best craftsmanship if a child can break it." She said.
"This child is also a demon, you know?" I said in slight annoyance. "But sorry to say, she's right. Those guns weren't quite top quality. My brother could make something better." I said.
He growled a bit at this. "Is that so?" He asked.
"Yep. He has this badass metal it takes hellfire to melt and a trillion tons to break. Try it out." I said, tossing him a Bladenium Bowie Knife Lance made.
He inspected it closely, before hacking down on the remains of Elfen Knight with it, surprise showing up on his face as it indeed cut through the guns with ease. "Not bad. So, how'd you two meet up and break my babies?" He asked.
"I was on my last mission for your Infernal friends when I saw the boy take out a group of mid-level demons on his own. Quite flashy, too, I might add. Then a group of angels appeared and he managed to dispatch them as well. I decided to test him out and, as you can see, he did quite well. He survived one of my iron maidens, stopped Gomorrah from chowing down on him and even countered my Witch Time." She explained.
"Really?" He asked.
"It only works one every 5 minutes, though. I left that part out." I explained.
"And I'm thinking we could reach an agreement: I teach you how to slow time on your own and use guns on your feet as well as your hands and perhaps you can help me out of a little contract of mine." She said.
"Contract? My sisters are the lawyers, maybe I could give you their cards..." I said, searching for one of either Katana or Spirai's business cards.
"Sadly, lawyers wouldn't do me much good. Hell, I'm convinced a few of the bastards holding me to the contract are lawyers who are burning in Inferno." Bayonetta explained.
"A few of my friends on the other side her have in a deal. It's simple, but no less a pain in the ass: she kills a handful of angels every day, she gets to stay up here. Fail, and they drag her down to hell." Rodin explained.
"So, the way I see it, I take out the demons holding her to the contract, she's free to go?" I asked.
"Bingo." Rodin said.
"When do I start then?" I asked.
"How about you show me what you got first. Those babies were nice, but they're not the only thing I got in store." Rodin said, moving back towards the bar shelf with all the booze, which suddenly pulled back into the wall to the side, being replaced by a room full of weapons. He then snapped his fingers and 3 familiar forms appeared in the middle of the room behind us: 3 Hell Prides; weak, but numerous scythe wielding demons appeared and let out their zombie like groans as they scuffled towards us. "Pick your weapon and let's see you deal with them." He said.
"Oh, Jesus!" Enzo screamed, dropping his pool cue and running over to us, diving behind the bar and holding onto Rodin for dear life. The pool cue rolled to a stop in front of my seat.
"Got it." I said, getting off my seat and picking up the fallen stick, holding and spinning it like a staff, gesturing for the demons to attack. The first one let out a furious groan and swung its scythe down at me, but I used the cue to stop the shaft of the scythe, stopping the blade inches from my face, at which point I turned the improvised staff to the left, smacking the demon in the side of the head, causing it to do a 180 spin and, while it was stunned, I lined a shot up just like in pool and shot the stick forward, through the back of the demon's head, coming out of its mouth, killing it and reducing it to sand. I then held the cue backhand in my right hand, smashing the thicker, heavier bottom end of the cue into the next one's head, easily killing it as well, before tossing and catching the cue like a javelin, throwing it into the final demon's face. "They missed their cue. I didn't." I said, before looking at the 4th wall. "You try coming up with one-liners for pool!" I said.
Rodin nodded his head, sufficiently impressed. "Not bad, kid. Not bad at all. Your daddy knew what he was doing when he taught you to fight." He said.
"Yeah, my dad, totally! Not my mom or my sisters at all! Yep, dear old dad! If Ryu Blade can teach you one thing, it's to kill something." I said.
He was shocked at hearing my dad's name. "Ryu Blade?!" He asked in disbelief, before looking at Bayonetta. "He's one bad mothafucka. Madama Butterfly even used to be his bitch. Even had her on a collar and chain." He explained.
"Really?" Bayonetta said, now even shocked herself to think that her personally contracted demon, said to be more vicious and brutal than any other, could still be dominated and how powerful said dominator would have to be.
"Ohh, that must be the giant demon chick in those pictures Dad has." I said.
Rodin chuckled at this, looking once more at Bayonetta. "With this kid around, you might just have a 'get out of Inferno free' card." He said.
"It'll be nice to take a day off every so often. I've always wanted to try an all day shopping spree." She agreed.
And so two years passed and in those two years, I all but mastered both the bullet arts (Bayonetta's fighting style, using 4 guns) and using Witch Time, but I prefer to call it Bullet Time when I'm using it. And, thanks to being the champion and grandson of the goddess of Hell, I made a contract with her, even enabling me to use Wicked Weaves and summons like Bayonetta, except I don't lose my clothes. I've eliminated a few of the demons holding Bayonetta to her contract in that time, but not all of them, so we she still had to fight angels on a daily basis, while I often provided assistance.
The scene changes now to a cemetery where we first see Enzo pissing on a grave. "Show some respect for the dead, will ya, you sick bastard." I snapped at him.
"Ah, calm down, kid! Today's a good day! Ol' Humpty Dumpty's taken his last fall! Even old Eggman the Destroyer's gonna get scrambled in the end!" He laughed.
"First off, good luck finding a bar that will let you go as long as Rodin did before they stop serving you for not paying your tabs, second: if anything, Eggman's doing better than ever, you haven't seen Forces?" I asked.
He simply rolled his eyes at this. "You know, I still don't get why you guys drag me out here for these things. I just drop off the merchandise!" He said, before looking at Bayonetta. "Ey! Bet you can't guess what today is!" He said.
"Your birthday, you've been bugging us about it for weeks. Happy birthday." I said annoyed, tossing him a bottle of cologne. "There, now I don't have to smell you 3 minutes before I see you." I said.
Bayonetta said nothing, merely reciting what she read in the bible while she dressed as a nun. "Reading the Good Lord's book ain't gonna do much! People have been waiting for this asshole to get whacked for ages!" He said, spitting on the casket.
"I thought about it the last time one of his weapons broke on me, but he stepped up his game since then." I said.
"Yeah, but you gotta keep the outfit happy. If we don't take care of him, they take care of us. And I prefer my shoes be made out of rubber, not concrete." Enzo went on.
"I'm more partial to leather, personally." I said.
"But it's that kind of town. Without good-hearted souls like us to put these bastards six feet under, where'd society be?" He asked.
"Not much different, they'd probably just go pack to tossing the dead bodies in a pile and burning them." I said with a shrug.
"Of course the pay's not bad, either." He said.
"You're talking to a guy who's worth more than the country, an undertaker's salary means nothing to me." I said.
He then turned back to Bayonetta, who was still praying. "Jesus, you really get into this shit, don't ya? If it were me, I'd be praying he ends up barbecued! Or at least sunny side up!" He laughed.
"You sound like you're expecting a giant turn-out for your funeral. THAT ain't gonna happen." I told him.
He apparently ignored this, still laughing as he looked at Bayonetta. "You can keep praying, but the only way this guy's meeting the Lord is if God's hungry for breakfast!" He laughed on. I merely rolled my eyes at this, deciding not to answer. "Speaking of hungry, are we done here? My kids are baking me a birthday cake tonight. Cute little fuckers, I'll tell ya what!" He said.
"Oh, so they take after their mother." I said. (Insert MLG)
"Eh, frickin' wise guy." He grumbled, before looking at the coffin, taking a final drag off his cigar. "Well then, adios." He said, flicking the cigar down on the coffin. He started to walk away, before a blinding yellow light descended from the heavens. "What the fuck!? They're here?! For this douchebag?!" He said in disbelief dropping to his knees. "I hate this damn light! I can't see a thing!" He said, trying to shield his eyes from the light, knocking over a tombstone in the process.
"Jeez, dude, every other word out of your mouth doesn't have to be a swear." I said.
"But they're there, ain't they!? You hearin' me?! You can see them, can't you?!" He asked.
"Yes, we can." I confirmed.
"Yes, we see them. They are the instruments of God, descending on his heavenly rays down to Earth." Bayonetta explained.
"Oh... My... God!" He said in fear.
With that, Bayonetta dropped her Bible and the two of us created and jumped through portals into Purgatorio, flying up towards the angels...
Background Music: "Hell" by Disturbed
...Before beating the ever-living shit out of them, pulverizing them as soon as they came into our reach. I flew at blinding speeds, slamming my body into a large group of demons, smashing through one after the other in an Unrelenting Barrage while Bayonetta grabbed two by the throat while slamming down on one's chest, sending them all plummeting towards the ground, before Bayonetta threw the ones in her hands, smashing them into the ground, before slamming into it herself with the angel underfoot cushioning her fall. We finished with the first wave, only for another one to come right after. "You look tired. Let me tuck you in." She said, rushing at them.
"Bedtime, suckers!" I said, rushing in along with her. We continued to beat them down, sending them flying and smashing into all kinds of graves, tombstones and a couple mausoleums, while Enzo struggled to understand what was going on, running back and forth to avoid the invisible slaughter going on around him. Bayonetta held one angel by the legs and spun him around, smashing him headfirst into several other angels, killing them all while I kicked one into the air, teleported into the air behind it, grabbing it and spinning, executing the Izuna Drop and shattering its head upon impact.
Meanwhile, more tombstones began falling over, revealing Enzo trying to hide in a small circle of them. Wait, so all these graves are in big circles, who designed this cemetery?! "Oh, shit, come on, it's my friggin' birthday!" He shouted in panic, continuing his struggle to find cover wherever he could, a tombstone at the end of a row Bayonetta knocked an angel into almost smashing down on his legs, forcing him to split them open to avoid getting them crushed. "Mother of Mary!" He screamed, crawling out of the way of a few more angelic beatdowns, stopping and praying in front of a tombstone large enough to hide behind. "I didn't mean all that humpty dumpty shit! I swear!" He pleaded. The angels landed on and closed in on the casket, which suddenly burst open, Rodin standing in it, radiating demonic energy and pure anger and hate. his glowing red eyes visible even under his sunglasses... Why did we put him in the casket with sunglasses?
He stepped out of the coffin in front of 3 terrified angels. "Next time you lay hands on me, you better make sure I'm dead." He warned them as he stepped up to them, not even fazed as the top of the casket crashed down on his head. "Now move out the way..." He ordered them, but they were still frozen in fear. "GO!" He roared his order. sending out a wave of demonic energy that staggered the angels back... directly into the path of my Evil Explosion. (I don't know if I said it in Sainoverse, but that's easily one of my top 5 favorite Super attacks in the game)
"Ro-Ro-Rodin?!" Enzo said in fear.
"Well, if it ain't my good buddy Enzo." The fallen angel said, pulling up a cigarette and lighting it with purple flames from his thumb, before pointing it at Enzo. "You die and I'm gonna have to crawl back in that hole chasing after all the money you owe me." He said.
"Let's go for a ride!" I said, using Blue Hurricane to gather up several angels and lots of debris to smash all of them with.
An angel tried to run away from Bayonetta, but she grabbed it and forced it to bend over, making it stumble and fall forward into another angel, making somewhat of a conga line of bent over angels all the way to the one in front, who held onto a tombstone to prevent from falling. "Do you naughty little angels deserve a goods spanking?" She asked, before lifting it up, dragging all the other angels and the tombstone along with it, before bending over backwards in a piledriver, smashing all the angels' heads under each other, except the last one, whose head was crushed under a stone pillar.
Rodin took a drag off his cigarette as he observed the angelic slaughter. "Beautiful." He said, blowing out the smoke. Bayonetta rushed and jumped towards another group of demons, fighting them in mid-air as they managed to nearly cut her, but still missed each time, only cutting her clothes at the arm, up her leg, across her ass and boobs, making the clothes essentially useless, so she tore them off and threw them aside, using her hair to cover herself and make her signature outfit. "Bayonetta!" Rodin called, reaching into his casket and tossing her a number of pistols, readying some more and turning to me. "Sai!" He called.
"Brought my own! Save them for her!" I called to him, pulling out a quartet of Five-sevens, catching one in each hand and equipping one to each foot, becoming a whirlwind of gunfire as I did fancy mid-air spins and flips to send the bullets flying at every angel unfortunate enough to have come into my line of sight and angle of fire.
We tore through angel after angel, completely clearing it out, until a decently larger angel came from nowhere an snatched Enzo from his hiding place, starting to fly away with him. "Hey! You can't take me like this! It's against regulations, I tell ya!" He screamed as the angel flew towards a cliff, smashing him through the fence stopping people from getting on said cliff and going down with him over the cliff.
"We told him to get out of here." I said with a shrug.
"I'd like to leave him to the beasts, but sadly, he has information we need." Bayonetta said, running to the broken gate, jumping and sprouting butterfly wings to fly up a little higher and get herself over the edge.
"I guess it IS my job to protect humans." I said, jumping and sprouting my raven wings for the same effect, the two of us then free falling and slamming down... right on Enzo's car.
He screamed at this. "Dammit, who did that!? I just bought the damn thing." He snapped, before being dropped on his face.
"I'm sure you can buy a new one with all the money in your swear jar." I said.
Bayonetta looked down at the demons now. "Haven't you figured it out yet? There's no quarter for you in this world." She told them, rushing in and attacking.
"I got the big guy." I said, rushing in at him. I rushed at him and easily dodged a number of attacks, even flipping behind the angel and kicking it in the back of the head, unloading two bullets at the same time. It screeched in fury and swung back at me, but I simply smirked at this. "Time out!" I said, activating Bullet Time, landing several punches and kicks to the large angel, before looking up and noticing a small swarm had attempted to dive-bomb me. "Oh, this will be good." I said, moving the big angel to where I had been standing and casually walking away with my hands behind my back, before snapping my fingers and causing the angels to mess up, crashing down into a massive pile, leaving them stunned and wide open for a Hellzone Grenade, finishing them off just as Bayonetta finished hers.
End Music
She then sighed as she looked at the guns she was forced to use. "Rodin should be paying me for even touching these toys." She complained.
"They certainly aren't doing much more than our fists. They'd be useless against anything bigger than those angels." I agreed.
"Do you two have any idea how much this is gonna cost to fix?!" He demanded.
"Nothing." I answered, channeling my demonic energy. "Mekanikku!" I announced in Japanese (mechanic), a small portal appearing in the ground, where a red and black Gremlin with a tool belt popped out of, looking around. First it saw Bayonetta and began drooling with hearts in its eyes and its tongue hanging out, trying to leap at her, but I grabbed it by the head and turned it towards the car. "Not her, you little pervert, the car." I said.
It saw the car and immediately stars came to its eyes. "Hahahaha! Fix! FIX! FIX!" It screeched, charging the car as Enzo backed a way. Picture that thing in the cartoons where you see a character split into like 6 of themself, each doing one thing at a time, that's what the Gremlin was doing. In a matter of minutes, Enzo's destroyed... I don't know, they never say what kind of car it was, became a brand new 4-seated convertible Lamborghini. "Haha! Fixed!" It announced, before diving back through the portal it came from.
"And that is how you save money on car repairs." I explained.
Enzo was ecstatic at this. "Oh, my god! It's like getting a whole new car for free! You're the greatest, kid!" He said in happiness and disbelief, inspecting his new ride.
"I know I am. That's why I had it fixed, I can't ride in a broken down wreck." I said, hopping in the back and laying down.
"Well, now that the boys are done their little car chat: Enzo, let's have a quick chat about this thing you've been looking into for me." She said.
He instantly deflated after this. "Oh, come on! This is why I was going home! I get held up in the air by some invisible things and you want an intelligence briefing!? It never stops with you!" He complained.
"You know, those Gremlins are great at two things: mechanic stuff and murder stuff. So if you're gonna complain after I had your car fixed and turned into a completely better car, I could call him back for the other thing." I said with an evil grin, sprouting my demon horns.
He screamed at this, dropping to his knees. "Okay, I'll do it! Just don't call him back! Please!" He pleaded.
"I can't sense Rodin anymore. He must've headed back to his bar. We may as well, too. He said he had something for us before we did this funeral scam, right?" I asked.
"Indeed. I'm quite curious myself. Very well, Enzo, we can wait until we're at the Gates of Hell, but then I want to hear everything you know!" She said with a warning glare.
"Y-you got it!" He said in fear, the two of them getting in the car. We headed back to the city on our way to the Gates of Hell, when Enzo began grumbling to himself. "Those bastards got some nerve grabbing on me! If I could see those things that held me up back there, fuggetaboutit!" He complained, looking at Bayonetta.
"Enzo, the road. Pay attention, dear." She said, adjusting his head back to the road.
"Yeah, man, I just had this thing fixed, don't wreck it again." I said.
"How can you be so calm?! You're still getting screwed in all of this, too! Of all the lowlife scum in too deep in this town, I've never seen one get wrapped up in a fight with God's messengers!" He said, before screaming and moving us out of the way of a gas tanker. "Dressed like a nun, too! When you get to the afterlife, that's not going to be pretty!" He told her.
"I can't help it if I like the little outfits." She said.
"Too much white for me. Stains too easy. And I don't have any demons that take care of dry cleaning." I said.
"The toys are nice, too." She said, to which we all chuckled.
"Now that, we agree on." I said.
"20 years ago, you woke up stuck in a casket at the bottom of a lake. All you can remember is that your a witch. And now you're stuck. Because you've gotta sacrifice our halo-wearing friends every day, or they'll drag your ass back down to Hell. I know I thought I got screwed, but having to slap around the divine for a living? Now that's really getting screwed!" He said.
"If I needed a biographer, you wouldn't be my first choice." She said, looking at him, then back to me. "As for having to kill the angels or be dragged down, someone is SUPPOSED to be working on that for me." She said with a small, half playful, half serious glare.
"Hey, there are a lot of demons out there! It's like picking a needle out of a haystack! And with the risks that come with it, it's more like a hay in a needle stack." I defended myself.
She rolled her eyes, looking back at Enzo. "And also, I set up the funeral, you see to the arrangements, that was our deal!" She said.
"Hey, don't worry! The info I got is good. It's gonna get you closer to the other stone in your missing set and figuring out some of that lost past of yours. I swear." He said, before laughing. "After jewels instead of cash! Just like a girl!" He laughed.
"Dammit, Enzo! Stop being sexist! That's a big issue lately." I said.
She then grabbed him by the collar. "Hey, come on! Can't you take a joke?!" He demanded.
"Ezo, someone has left you a present! Too bad, I can't stand bugs." She said, tossing off a transmission device.
"Probably that punk reporter again." I said, rolling my eyes and looking back as a car quickly got off at the next exit.
Suddenly, we all heard something behind us, Bayonetta and I looking back again while Enzo looked in the rear view mirror, shocked and horrified to see a plane coming at us. "What the fuck!?" He demanded. He lost control and drove into the divider in the road, launching us into the air.
"It's time to stop!" I shouted, activating Bullet Time, Bayonetta and I entering Purgatorio before jumping onto the plane. Angels started to come at us, before the side of the plane was suddenly shot out and a large circle of metal was blasted out, spinning towards us at high speeds. We landed on it and stood, our weight counterbalancing the other side, which clearly had two people of similar size to us on it, before we jumped off.
The piece then crashed onto the wing, angels flying around behind it where the other two would be, before evidently getting their asses handed to them behind it. It began to roll out of the way and reveal the figures, but one suddenly jumped into the air and slaughtered another small group while the other one moved like a blur, attacking a couple angels behind us, before the other figure landed beside him. She was a tall, slender, youthful looking woman with porcelain skin and a short, platinum silver hair, similar to pixie cut, wearing a body suit made by the clothing line "d'arc." It was red with a button design starting from the left side of her chest down to her right heel. The buttons opened up, revealing a white layer underneath on the front of her right leg and on the back of her left leg. The suit had a rather large renaissance style collar that is worn similarly to a tie with her Umbran Watch resting right in the center of her bust. She had black furry cuffs on her arms, as well as wearing red open-toe heels, revealing perfectly manicured toes. Her glasses were red and feature a wing design followed by a few black feathers over her right ear. "You?!" Bayonetta asked.
"What's the matter, Bayonetta? All that sleeping made you soft?" The woman taunted, gesturing for Bayonetta to attack.
Meanwhile, the other figure was a boy around my age and height with pale skin and shoulder-length black hair that covered his right eyes, although I could tell from his left one they were blood red just like mine. He was dressed in all black: black cargo pants, black fingerless gloves, black shit, black socks, black combat boots and a black leather jacket. The only thing with any color was the black and red revolvers in his hands and attached to the back of his legs. He looked me over, before letting out a scoff. "So, you're supposed to be this big shot hero? I don't believe it." He said. I noticed while he was talking he had razor sharp teeth and fangs, so he was a demon or a vampire, possibly both.
I said nothing, observing both of these strangers' appearances and behaviors so far, I already knew pretty much everything I needed to know. "You're evil, aren't you?" I asked.
"They are so fucking onto us!" The guy snapped, before we all drew our guns and shot at angels charging at the person standing in front of us.
Background Music: "Riot" by Three Days Grace
Bayonetta and the girl in red split off to the left side of the wing closer to the body of the plane, the dude and I moved to the right closer towards the end of the wing. Bayonetta grabbed the angel closest to her and raised an iron maiden up behind it, distracting it and allowing her to kick it right into the torture device, which slammed shut and burped after it had its fill. Just after this, the woman in red moved around behind another one and created a guillotine, repeatedly kicking its angelic ass as it tried to resist being decapitated, until she finally kicked its head through the hole, the blade coming down and removing the angel from existence.
Bayonetta did her next torture attack by wrapping a chain around the angels next and throwing it over a strange pulley that appeared in thin air, yanking the chain as hard as she could, crushing the angel's head between said pulley and whatever the pulley was magically hooked to. Meanwhile, the girl in red kicked an angel into the face, knocking it to the ground and summoning a hand from hell to grab each limb, before creating a massive tombstone above the angel, crushing it. Bayonetta pulverized the next unfortunate angel in front of her, before summoning a vice-like contraption with the angel between two large hands that began to close in on it, but Bayonetta gave the wheel controlling the hands a mighty spin, forcing them to rapidly close and smash the unfortunate angel between them. The girl pinned an angel to the ground and summoned a chainsaw from nowhere, slowly bringing it down towards the angel's chest, who tried to stop it, but it was futile and the chainsaw tore through its chest, bringing an end to its existence.
Meanwhile, the new guy and me were fighting back to back, shooting the angels, but he was having a much easier time, thanks to... "Nice guns." I told him.
"These babies have gotten me through Hell and back. They're called bloodshot. Any time I pull the trigger, there is GOING to be blood." He said.
"Nice. And is YOUR name half as cool as your guns?" I asked.
"Damion Castro. I'd say nice to meet you, but you might regret meeting me." He said.
"I just keep meeting new and interesting people." I said, kicking an angel to the ground, repeatedly stomping on it and releasing two bullets per stomp. Meanwhile, Damion snatched an angel out of the air, swinging it over his head from on side to the other, slamming it into the ground over and over, before opening his mouth and chomping down on the angels next, turning its pure white, healthy looking body to a shriveled up stone gray one, before grabbing its shoulders with its neck still in his mouth, ripping his head off. One more angel that easily stood twice as tall as the two of us let out a shriek, before swinging its sword down at us, but we looked at each other and nodded, Damion shooting the sword with both guns in his hand, the force knocking angel back and allowing me to throw a kick to its mid-section, taking its feet out from under it and making it drop its sword, falling to the ground face first. We grabbed the angel by the wings and looked at each other once again with a nod, dragging the creature over to the plane's blades, holding it out and causing the blades to decapitate it.
End Music
The four of us fought together both stylishly and effectively, maneuvering around each other and attacking the angels, quickly wiping out the horde, before returning our attentions to the other party. "So... what now?" I asked, readying myself for an attack.
The woman simply scoffed at this. "The two of you aren't ready." She said.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" I asked, glaring at her.
"It means that for now... We're done here." Damion said, lowering his guns, a huge truck passing between us for a split second, but that was long enough for the two of them to disappear across the rooftops.
"Who are they? And how did they know us? More importantly, what did they want from us?" I wondered.
"We can find all that out later, dear. For now, I could use a drink. And all the blood must've rushed to Enzo's head by now." She said, to which I nodded, the two of us jumping through the portal back to the human world, grabbing the car, restarting time and throwing it down, followed by Enzo, who crashed down in the driver's seat. "That girl..." She said, appearing to have some sort of flashback.
"Like you said, we'll find out later." I said.
Later...
We got to the Gates of Hell, Bayonetta leaning onto the bar while I sat at it, Enzo already drunk at a table, leaning back in his chair. "Those assholes sure know how to get attention. Even perked the ears of some of the hotheads down home"." Rodin said, looking to a nearby passage to Inferno.
"You don't say?" Bayonetta asked.
"Demons are used to being the ones making the moves in the human world. Not every day angels fuck around with it." I said.
"It's getting harder and harder to tell the worlds apart. Human world, Inferno, Paradiso, who can tell the difference?" Rodin said.
"I know all the Hells are different from each other, but I've been to a few of them and I can tell the difference quite clearly. But it is starting to get crazy up here. ALMOST as crazy as down there." I said.
"Even harder with Purgatorio in the middle. Fight long enough in there and you'll really lose sight. Why the sudden interest in metaphysics?" She asked.
"It's a balance, right? Even if some of them like messing around with the humans, we've all got a stake in the status quo. But people keep fucking around like this, the Book of Revelations is gonna look like Mother Goose. Heaven and Hell are gonna go straight for each other's throats." Rodin explained, his eyes glowing red under the shades.
"Wonder where that puts me in all this. Last I checked, both sides hate me." I said.
"Heaven and Hell can tear each other apart for all I care. I've got my own problems to worry about." Bayonetta said.
"Something's up. Everything's a bit too brazen. And Enzo's tip makes the timing too perfect. This reeks of a set up. Someone in one of those lost memories calling you out." Rodin said, the bar opening to reveal the weapon room, Rodin heading into the back. After a minute, he came back with two silver platters with a sheet over each. "I've got a little present for ya. Built from an alloy the Devil himself would kill to get his hands on. Don't break these. They're one of a kind." He said, laying down the one in his right hand, pushing it in front of Bayonetta and revealing a new and improved version of Elfen Knight; big red and gold pistols with two barrels, Scarborough Fair written on the sides of them each gun containing a gem on either side of it above the grip, each gun with different color gems: light blue, white, pink and yellow. Bayonetta examined one of them closely, before picking them up and stylishly spun them around, before aiming them at Rodin, who stood ready with her favorite drink.
"Calling me out? I don't go in for strange offers. Then again, I'm getting a little tired of these weaklings they keep throwing at me. Maybe I should aim for something a bit more... High Class." She said, looking down the sights of the gun in her right hand.
"What about me? From the look of it, you have another surprise in your other hand." I said, looking at the platter he still held.
He narrowed his eyes at this, giving off a threatening aura. "Well, now, someone's feeling tough. Coming in to my place of business and expecting something from me. You've crossed the line now, Sai. I hope you don't have any..." He said, holding the other platter out as I took a defensive stance. He then pulled the the sheet off the platter, revealing 4 black revolvers with purple outlines, hammers and trigger/hand guards. Just like Scarborough fair, they also housed gems (purple, blue, black, red) on each side of them and hand their set name: Last Regrets, written across the side of the barrel, with another name written below it, different for each gun: Love, Sacrifice, Hope and Regret. "Last regrets." He said, before flinging them into the air. I put my feet on the edge of the bar and pushed off, rolling backwards through the air, catching Love in my right hand, Sacrifice in my left, attaching Hope to my right foot and Regret to my left.
"Not bad. Not bad at all." I said, getting a feel for the smooth surface and leather-like grip of the gun.
Bayonetta finished her drink and set it on the bar, looking at Rodin for a refill. "Pounding 'em down tonight, baby. Not to butt into your affairs, but I'm pretty sure you've got more important places to me. The guys you're up against aren't the type to wait for you to finish around." He said, only to turn and find we were no longer there. He chuckled at this before looking to... "Enzo! Her drinks are going on your tab, buddy!" He told him, firing down the drink she wasn't there to drink. "Ya deadbeat motherfucker." He said, slamming the drink on the table, causing Enzo to fall back in his chair.
Last Regrets: Said to be one of demon-smith Rodin's best works, the four guns Love, Sacrifice, Hope and Regret are unstoppable in the hands of a demon like Sai, channeling and amplifying his demonic energy to the max, these guns have the same hitting and stopping power as the strongest punch the young demon can muster in his Devil Trigger, with a rate of fire to match. They can withstand anything Sai could channel through them, even Demonic Finishers, Sai's version of Wicked Weaves.