No Need for a Western
By Galaxy1001D
Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer/Funimation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funimation, the author, or this website.
Chapter One: Welcome Stanger
Once upon a time a group of Japanese immigrants came to the America to seek their fortunes. Facing bigotry, they formed their own little village out in the west. This is a story of one man's attempt to bring order to their lawless town.
"So this is the town of Jurai, Utah?" Tenchi Masaki asked the driver of the stage coach as they went through the uneven wilderness.
"Yup," the old man nodded as he peered at the road through his spectacles. "It's a loco and lawless place. Filled with Chinese demimondes that don't know the Lord from Father Christmas. Oh, sorry father," he apologized as he smiled through his moustache. "You speak such good American that I forget that you're Chinese yourself." He tipped his hat to reveal that his iron gray hair that was tied in a ponytail was parted in the middle.
"I'm uh, Japanese," the young man corrected.
"Japanese?" the old man asked. "How do you tell yourselves apart?"
"How do you tell yourself apart from an Englishman or a German?" Tenchi retorted.
The old man chuckled. "Touché my friend. I was just saying that you got your work cut out for you. I don't think they'll be hankerin' for no Western style religion. Hell, I'm surprised the Mormons around here didn't string you up. You're a brave man my friend. A brave man. Got more stones than most gunfighters yessiree."
A gunshot was heard. "Stand and deliver!" a woman's voice ordered.
"This is why nobody goes to Jurai," the old man grumbled as the horses came to a stop. "They got themselves a local highwayman, goes by the name of the Kid, 'cause his voice is so high pitched he sounds like a girl."
A lanky figure stood in the road with a rifle aimed at the two of them. The highwayman wore a bandana over the nose and mouth but the golden hawklike eyes were visible and a mane of spiky silver-green hair could be seen. Also visible was the ivory handled revolver in a holster the robber hung from a belt. "Okay partners grab some sky! Empty your pockets and give me your luggage! This here's a robbery and I wanna see some booty!"
"Do real highwaymen talk like that?" Tenchi asked the stage driver.
"This one does," the old man shrugged as he climbed down.
"Okay guys!" the highwaymen ordered. "Unload your valuables! Come on, it's hot out here and I haven't got all day! Now put your hands on the stage, I wanna frisk you two."
"Hey!" Tenchi protested as he was patted down for the third time. "You're searching me awfully thoroughly, do you know that?"
"Keep your shirt on bub!" the highwayman ordered. "Turn around. Whaddya got hidden in your pants? You use a sock to impress the ladies or is that where you hide your money?"
"What are you talking about?" he retorted. "I don't keep anything in there!"
"Drop your pants, slim!" the highwayman pointed the pistol at Tenchi. "I wanna see what you're hiding, and you're going to show me!"
"Come on!" he blushed. "I didn't put on any underwear today! Leave me some dignity why don't ya?"
"Drop 'em slim!" the highwayman cocked the pistol. "Or I drop you."
With a redness that shown through his bronze tinted skin the boy did as he was ordered. When his pants hit his ankles the highwayman's topaz yellow eyes grew as big as saucers.
"Oh my!" the robber squeaked in an astonished and feminine tone. "You weren't kidding! It's all you! I don't believe it! I… I…" The pistol fell to the ground. "I can't breathe! Damn vest's too tight!" the robber gasped as he clutched as his chest and fell to the ground. Unbelievably, the highwayman known as the Kid had fainted.
"What just happened?" Tenchi blinked.
The old man yodeled. "Tarnation boy! What do they feed you in Japan? Looks to me you've gone all to root! Damnation boy, I nearly fainted myself."
Blushing furiously, the boy pulled his pants up. Tenchi made a silent vow to always wear his underwear, no matter how hot the desert sun got.
"I guess we should see if he's all right," Tenchi said as he cleared his throat.
"You do that boy," the old man said as he retrieved the Kid's rifle and pistol. "I'm going to see if we got any rope to tie this outlaw up with."
"Can't breathe huh?" Tenchi said as he bent over the kid to and noticed the outlaw's chest straining against the waistcoat. "Let's see what happens when we loosen the clothing…"
When Tenchi unbuttoned the waistcoat, the Kid's chest expanded and the boy had to put his hand up to protect his face from the buttons flying off the Kid's shirt.
"Ow!" Tenchi yelped. "What the?" he gasped as he peered at the Kid's chest. An ample bosom with magnificent cleavage was now in view. The buttons that remained fastened on the shirt and waistcoat acted as a corset pushing up and exposing a voluptuous set of womanhood that classical sculptures would envy. "No way!" Tenchi exclaimed as he pulled the bandana off the Kid's face to reveal the comely features of a twenty year old girl.
The girl startled him by opening her eyes and gasping for breath as she sat up, causing her massive mammeries to rise up and hit Tenchi in the face. The next thing he knew, he was slapped and punched and lying on his back as the beautiful transvestite was running away. "Ow! Hey!" he sat up and pointed at the fleeing girl. "She's getting away! Aren't you going to stop her?"
"Why should I?" the old man shrugged. "The reward's only five dollars. That's all the village of Jurai can afford. That ain't enough money to tangle with the Kid. We could sell her guns and get more. So the Kid is a woman is she? I kinda suspected. Ain't like Jurai's got many menfolk these days."
When the stage finally arrived in the village of Jurai, Tenchi discovered why it wasn't considered a town. The town square consisted of a hotel/saloon/restaurant, a general store, a blacksmith shop, and what must have been the local temple. Soon there would be a church if Tenchi had anything to say about it. As the boy and his companion got off the stage and started unloading his luggage, a crowd of onlookers appeared.
Tenchi frowned in awe of the group before him. Almost without exception they were all teenage and twenty year old girls. He smiled what he hoped was a disarming smile. A blonde girl smiled back before fainting. Tenchi gulped nervously. That was the second girl he made a girl faint that day, and this time he was fully dressed. This was ridiculous. Hadn't these women seen a Japanese man before?
He cleared his throat. "Hi, I'm Tenchi Masaki," he smiled. "I'll be the new priest in town if you'll have me."
As one, the rest of the girls smiled. "Really?" a purpled haired girl asked hopefully. "You'll be the new Shinto priest? That's wonderful! Welcome to Jurai, stranger!"
"Wow, he's cute!" a short redheaded girl in a heavy apron gasped.
"He sure is," said a teal haired beauty as she held up and fanned the face of the bronze skinned blonde who had fainted. "He's so hot that poor Mihoshi passed out!"
"Welcome to our town sensei," the purple hair girl cooed. "Here, let us take your bags. You must be tired from your journey."
"Oh no," Tenchi smiled as he rubbed the back of his neck. "You're all ladies. I couldn't possibly…"
One by one the troop of girls took Tenchi's bags and walked into the temple. Groups of them picked up his steam trunks, looking like dainty pall bearers. It was like they were a well drilled military unit if one ignored the fact that they were talking and their speech sounded like the chirping of a chorus of birds.
As the crowd of girls took his things the purple haired teen walked beside him and showed pointed out the temple grounds. "As you can see we have the torii constructed already…"
"The torii," Tenchi interrupted. "Is that was you call that red rectangular arch?"
"Of course," the girl blinked her crimson eyes. "Don't you know? That well over there serves as the purification font. You'll notice that the girls have paused there before taking your bags up the walk."
"I love the lanterns!" Tenchi smiled. "Those decorative stone lanterns on both sides of the path are really neat!"
"Yes, Mister Takei carved those, may he find peace with his ancestors," she said sadly. "It's so nice that you came, sensei. Our last priest was bitten by a rattlesnake last year. You arrived just in time."
"Say, I can't help being curious," Tenchi said as he looked around. "Where are all the men? Are they out in the fields or hunting and trapping or something?"
"Men?" the purple haired girl glanced about guiltily. "Oh yes. The men. We don't have very many men here. They were sick of being treated like second class citizens and enlisted in the Union army to fight in that Civil War that was raging back east."
"But the Civil War was over three years ago!" Tenchi protested. "Haven't any of them come home yet?"
"We're still waiting," the girl said quietly.
"Wow, that doesn't leave very many men left," Tenchi nodded. "So how many men are there in town anyhow?"
"Including you?"
"Yes."
"One."
"ONE?!"
Next: Town Meeting