Author Notes: Okay, this is only a short one-shot which I got an idea to write after I re-watched the whole Hikaru no Go TV Series. I know I still have other stories to be finished, yet I could not dismiss my will to write this so easily. It's just a short rambling of Akari about her childhood friend. Hope you enjoy it!

Revised Note [07-19-2004]: Thank you to to Dephanie and darkangstscary for pointing my errors in both vocabulary and grammar.

DISCLAIMER: Every character in the fic belongs to Yumi Hotta and Takeshi Obata.

WARNING: Hints of Hikaru/Akira pairing here.

Italicized words mean the words are somehow important.

/Italicized words in here/ represent the character's thought, whose thought it is I think you can guess.

Never Been a Friend

Author: SIB

Part One: Akari

I don't understand him.

Once I used to understand. He was a troublesome half-retarded boy back then, who had no liking at all for girls. He used to see them –including me, I believe– only as annoying loud whiny creatures and cared far too much for himself and video games. No one can expect more from him than the brat he had already been. Not until that day.

What do you think I supposed to see on a dusty tedious Go board? I was willing to help him out of the kindness of my heart and he suddenly started to hear voices, or at least he admitted to. I was barely a twelve year-old girl, okay, would he wish me not to freak out? Well, I did freak out and I just left him alone up there in the shed. The next time I heard of him, his mother claimed that her only son had been attending a Go course. I swore my jaw had dropped as soon as those words dawned on me.

Then he started to change. Instead of hanging around with friends of his age, he preferred to play in a Go salon, wherever it was. I felt like I was somehow deserted by the childhood friend of mine. Therefore I tried to seek why and I found Go.

I must admit, it was quite a game to play. At least that time I thought I understood his fascination in Go. But as interesting as this game can be, I'm sure there are a lot more ways to have fun, right? How could he possibly choose to play Go with a stern boring old man instead of watching movie with a much more lively and energetic girl like me? For God's sakes it was just a board with black and white stones on it! Everything was going pretty ludicrous for me. I tried to shake him away from his never-ending Go only to find that my old friend was already as hard as any rock.

Fine, if that was what he wanted, I was not going to bother him further. Despite the fact that I still spared some attentions to the school Go club, I tried to focus more in my study. The final exam was lurking at the corner and I was not quite ready for it. I forgot about him for a while until one point that I started to feel that I had lost something important.

Incredible. I was a three-grader school girl who had just stated that she was nowhere near prepared to face her exam and now somehow caught up in an idiotic love consisting a Go fad, who obviously thought 324-squared board was sexier than a fully naked girl. What could be better?

Perhaps before he had never looked at me the way I would like him to, but nonetheless he was always be there to mock or merely make fun of me. And now he isn't. He is no longer the Hikaru Shindou I knew.

He had matured, from a painfully infuriating brat to a strikingly handsome young fellow. I, for being an opposite sex, of course failed to miss this unbidden maturity –not that his good looks allowed such things. Apparently I was not the only human being aware of it. Girls in our school began to chat and gossips about him began to spread. Being a possessive childhood friend, I started to feel restless every time I heard them wag their chin, praising his crystal clear magnetism. Really, all of a sudden his fans were already too many for my tolerance. I wished I could multiply myself as many as any protozoa could, countless enough to keep their hands off him.

However, my anxiety was apparently needless for he had never showed any interest in one of the girls. He was too much absorbed in Go to brood over something –or someone– else.

Oh yeah, I nearly forgot him.

The first time I learned the fact that Hikaru befriended this equally screwed up boy was when the said boy came stomping to our Go club. Despite his high-class and impeccable exterior, he was soon shouting unintelligible things out of my dictionary, which once again regarding Go. I must admit from that day on, I had kept a note of this mad –but terrifyingly handsome nonetheless– guy and promised myself not to let a good old friend of mine to be involved in a relationship in any shape with him.

You could imagine how shock I was to learn that the guy I secretly had a crush on, took a liking to this weird dark-haired Go player.

It had never crossed my mind even once that he could turn out as mad as this. In the name of every gods and holy spirits, why him? From all of the people he could fall in love with!

The idea seemed practically absurd at first. I knew there were relationships between a guy and a guy, yet I had never noticed them much. What they had to do with my peaceful quite life? He was merely falling in love –which I thought was only for a little while– with Go and not with any player he had ever encountered. But apparently fate spoke in a different way.

I could have called myself brainless and sightless for overlooking points which were clearly laid out before my eyes. I had seen the touches they left, I had witnessed the glances they shared, and the pompous girl in me was still dumb enough to think that they were simply friends. At least until that night.

The wind was mercilessly cold that night, as I walked myself home from the preparation course. Apart from the thickly falling snow, I forced myself to visit his house since despite enrolling to the same school in the same year, we hardly met. I guess I missed him in several ways. Of course, it was ridiculous to be jealous to Go, nevertheless I did feel it breeding within me. Anyway, his mother was so grateful to welcome my sudden coming and she allowed me to go up straight to his room. I don't know whether it was because my mind was too cramped with other thoughts or I was too nervous to meet him again, that I barely noticed another pair of shoes slouched beside mine. Therefore, I was pretty much unprepared for the next scene I fortuitously saw.

Ragged breath accompanied the picture of entwined limbs and bare skin. The two Go players were clinging to each other desperately as moans and whimpers filled the bedroom. Not even a major earthquake could shake me as much.

The next picture I remember is the narrow stairs of his house on which I so swiftly raced. I don't even recall whether I had said any farewell to his mother. My mind was utterly blank for the shock was far too overwhelming.

Snow was still falling heavily as I stepped out of that damn house. I could feel tears streaking on my cheeks, made them even colder. Surprisingly, I felt that my heart was not as shocked as I had expected, as if this was something I had unconsciously predicted long ago. His eyes shone the brightest whenever he was near him, but I refused to believe –at least the logical part of me. /They are just friends./

No.

They have never been friends. They have always been rivals, and now to add, lovers.

Nevertheless, I wasn't supposed to be so surprised. Their long-standing rivalry had been planted so deep until the point of being irreplaceable. Most of the parts of their mind were occupied with each other, even though in the perspective of professionalism. And there was the time when Hikaru suddenly crumbled. I knew perfectly well that I wasn't the one that brought the life in his eyes back. Akira did. His relentless searching and comings saved my friend from sinking even lower, pulled him back to the world he supposedly belonged. It was not odd that Hikaru eventually fell for him.

Two guys who obviously think that the other was the only thing worth thinking of apart from Go; what can be better for them than each other? They are happy and content with themselves and their Go. As for me, perhaps soon enough I will even find a gorgeous guy who is madly in love with me instead of Go. Everything will be pieced back together, as perfect as any world can be.

However...

I do wish that Hikaru had not suddenly run out of money and suddenly gotten an idea to rummage the shed that day.

Owari

Author Ramblings: Well, that's all. I apologize if there are errors here and there. Also, I think I the characters are too ooc, sorry for that. I know this story is far from perfect, still I had some fun by writing it. I hope you have it too by reading it Thanks for reading and please review!