Author: Maggienhawk
Title: Advice from a Friend
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine…but I sure do wish some of them were.
Summary: Catherine unknowingly helps Grissom after an emotionally draining case. Post-Butterflied. G/S.
Grissom woke up feeling like he had drunk a bottle of scotch the night before. His head was pounding, and he could tell a migraine was starting. Why the hell do I feel so bad? He sat up in bed and remembered the previous two days events. I guess even, he glanced over at his clock, eight hours of sleep can't make up for staying awake for thirty plus. He had never had a case where he had pushed himself so hard to solve it. And we didn't even nail the bastard.
He sighed, and decided it was time to fix some food. Catherine had told him that he better not step foot in the lab for another twenty-four hours. And Grissom wasn't about to deal with the wrath of Catherine. I have enough to deal with as it is. This case has brought to many feelings, thoughts and emotions to mind, and God knows that I don't know how to deal with that type of stuff without messing things up.
He walked into his kitchen and noticed the blinking number 1 on his answering machine. He was glad he had turned the ringer off of his phone the night before, so that he could get sleep uninterrupted. After pressing the play button, he heard the familiar female voice of his coworker.
"Gil, it's just me. I wanted to call and check up on you, but you're probably still sleeping, which is good right now. I was a little worried about you, and I just want to let you know that I'm here to help if you need it. And I also meant what I said about you coming in to work tonight. We can handle it. Give me a call when you wake up if you need to. Bye."
Catherine had always been there for him, whether it was just to talk, or for her to knock some sense into him. And everything that she had told him during those times had stuck with him.
"Every now and then you need to lift your head up out of that microscope."
I had tried. And it worked beautifully until I knew that Sara was not going to follow through with her Leave of Absence. Then I put my eyes right back to the lens, and the next time I looked up, Phillip Gerard was throwing Sara's "relationship" with Hank into my face. Sara had found someone else to be with.
"Hey, look at that. Your six-legged soul mate."
Grissom wandered through his townhouse, and stopped when he came to a case of butterflies on the wall. This particular species was one of the rarest, and yet the most beautiful in his opinion. He had devoted his life to the study of bugs and forensics, and he had been very successful. But the bugs weren't good enough company to share his life with.
"You're right, you know. I should be just like you. Alone in my hermetically sealed condo watching discovery on the big screen working genius-level crossword puzzles, but no relationships. No chance any will slop over into a case. Right. I want to be just like you."
"Technically, it's a townhouse. And the crosswords are advanced, not genius. But you're right. I'm deficient in a lot of ways. But I never screw up one of my cases with personal stuff."
"Grissom ... what personal stuff?"
She was right. Most of the time she is right, and yet I've never taken any of her advice or accusations to heart. But at that point, Sara had just showed up in Vegas. I had no need, or want for that matter, for a relationship with anyone. Sara was still Sara Sidle, my star pupil. I didn't care if my personal life was lacking. Little did I know that Sara being here in Vegas would change all of that.
"We bring ourselves to our cases. We can't help it."
How many times had he warned everyone about getting too emotional about certain cases, especially Sara? And here he was, trying to push the image of Debbie Marlin out of his mind. He never meant for it to get so bad, but what was he supposed to do? If he hadn't have seen with his own eyes that Sara was out front with Brass, he would have thought that it was her on that bathroom floor.
"One thing I can never get over with this job: Anything can happen to anybody."
What if it had been Sara on that floor? What would I have done? Just look at how I acted, and it wasn't even her, just someone that looked like her. I probably would have shut down, and not even Catherine would have been able to reach me. 'Somebody I could care about' my ass. Sara is someone I could love. Even when I'm revealing something about myself, I can't even confess what I am truly feeling. I think that I'm in love Sara. There, I said it. I have finally admitted to myself.
"Truth brings closure."
"Not Always."
Grissom sighed. Catherine had been right again. He did not feel any better. Probably because he already knew that he did love Sara. And he had never done anything about it. But if he had, that statement would still apply. He could tell Sara the truth, but it might not bring closure to the situation.
"It's interesting to me how you always expect the worst."
"You see, that way, I'm never disappointed. You know, sometimes I'm nicely surprised."
When it comes to Sara, I've always expected the worst. I've always expected that she couldn't love me, and even if she did, that she would leave me once the allure was gone. But I'm still disappointed with the way things are turning out. Maybe if I just hang in there a little longer, and talk to her about everything, maybe, just maybe, I'll be surprised. I could get what I truly want.
"Never doubt, never look back. That's how I live my life."
Grissom ran to his bedroom, quickly got dressed, grabbed his keys and was out the door.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Grissom sat in his Tahoe outside the lab. How did I get here? Catherine is going to kill me when she sees me. This was going to be the hardest thing he had ever done. He climbed out of the truck, walked through the glass doors and began searching for the one person he needed to speak to.
Unfortunately, as he was walking by the DNA lab, Catherine noticed him, and was furious. She ran to the hall and called out behind him, "Gil Grissom! What the hell are you doing here?"
Grissom turned around, and faced the blond. "Catherine, I'm not here to work. I…I just need to find Sara. Do you know where she is?"
Catherine smiled at him knowingly and nodded. "She's down in ballistics. She, uh, still seems a little shaken from yesterday too."
Grissom didn't know what to say so he just nodded slightly and turned to walk away, but stopped. He turned back to Catherine and said, "Thank you Catherine, for everything you have ever done for me." He then made his way to ballistics.
Catherine stood there confused and watched as her best friend walked away.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Grissom could hear her talking before he saw her. She was talking to Bobby about her case. When he reached the doorway, he just leaned against the door jam with his arms crossed and head down and waited for her to finish up with Bobby.
She stood with her back to the door, but she felt the hairs on the back of her neck raise. She knew he was close. Discreetly, she barely turned her head and noticed him standing in the doorway. Turning all the way around she spoke, "Oh, hey Griss. What are you doing here? Catherine said you were taking the night off."
"I am. I just need to talk to you for a moment when you have one?"
Sara raised an eyebrow. "Sure," she gave him a small smile, "I'll be done here in about a minute."
"Okay, I'll be right out here," he said, motioning with his head to the hallway. Then he walked out of the room.
Moments later, Sara walked out of the ballistics lab, and walked over to where Grissom was standing.
"So what's up?"
"I was at home thinking about some stuff, and I decided I needed to talk to you." Grissom looked into her eyes, hoping that she would still talk to him.
Sara's eyes on the hand were darting around, trying to find something other than him to focus on. "Uh, I'm not sure about this right now Grissom."
"I know. And neither am I. But I've got to do it now, because if I don't, I never will." He grasped her hands and urged her to look in his eyes. Once she did, he continued, "Catherine once told me that she lived her life by never doubting her actions and by never looking back to the past. I've never been able to pull it off, but I've decided now is a good time to try it."
His eyes darted around the hallway, looking for eavesdroppers, but finding none. "Sara, I'm trying to put everything that's happened, or hasn't happened between us, behind me. And I'm asking you to do the same."
"Grissom! How could you ask me to do that?" I mean…"
Grissom interrupted her. "I know. You're probably thinking I'm nuts. But this case comes along, and knocks a little sense into me. I need a second chance, Sara. Please, give me one more chance at life."
Sara just looked at him. She sighed and with her eyes cast downward, she whispered, "Yesterday, you said that you couldn't risk everything to take a second chance." She shyly looked back up into Grissom's shocked eyes.
"How?"
"I was in the observation room. I heard every word." He blushed and looked away, and she continued, "But, I'm serious Griss. What happens when you realize again that I'm not worth losing everything you've worked for? What am I supposed to do?"
He looked back into her beautiful chocolate brown eyes. "Sara, I am, right now willing to risk losing it all, if we could be happy…together. I can't guarantee that it'll be easy, or that it'll even work. But I don't want to look back on my life in a few years and regret not taking this risk. I want to live my life, but I need to find one first."
Sara just looked in his eyes and smiled, "I need to find a life too."
The End