TITLE: Smirk

AUTHOR: yue kato

WRITTEN: 270702

PAIRING: SS/RL (implied); RL/SB

RATING: PG

FEEDBACK: huiw@rocketmail.com

DISCLAIMER: None of the characters in Harry Potter, however much I want them, belong to me.

SUMMARY: Sirius comforts Remus in the wake of Snape's disappearance.

NOTES: Part of the Severus Snape Fuh-Q Fest, in response to scenario no. 69 - "Goings on at Snape Manor".

ARCHIVING: The Severus Snape Fuh-Q Fest Archive and at ff.net (http://www.fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=123132) once the second wave ends.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: I forgot to do it before, but I would like to thank Spiral for kindly beta-ing, and giving suggestions that did wonders to the story ^_^

      "I'm sorry, Remus.  The owl that just came - it was from Dumbledore."

      Sudden jerk of the head.  Hopeful amber eyes staring up at you.

      "Yes?  What did he say, about...?  Is he alright?"

      Crush the twisting in your gut at the hidden emotion in those words, the near-desperate tone.  Crush the bitterness at the fact that those words were not meant for you, might never be meant for you.  Crush the suffocating envy of the one who is capable of eliciting such a response from him.

      "Remus, Moony... I...Dumbledore said... they couldn't find him.  He didn't make it to the meeting point, and they couldn't afford to wait any longer."

      "No..."  Softly uttered, barely audible.  The slightest tremor, hardly seen.

      "Oh, Moony, please don't cry."  Carefully reach out to catch the crystalline liquid rolling down porcelain skin, so it shatters on your fingers.

      Crush the little bit of joy insinuating itself in your heart.

***

      "He did what?!"  Stare disbelievingly at the eyes shielded by half-moon glasses, for once untwinkling and stern.

      "Like it says in the will, in the event of his... demise, he has stipulated that the ancestral seat of the Snape family be inherited by his partner and mate, which would be..."

      "No!  I don't want it!"  His voice is soft, but reverberating in its intensity.

      "Remus?"  For once, even the unflappable demeanour looks surprised.

      "He's still out there, I know it - I can feel it, he's my *mate*, Albus, how could I not know if he's gone?  He's NOT!!"  Fervent in his desperation.  "And now you're asking me to accept that, accept that he's... NO!"

      Reach out slowly, touch the trembling shoulder, and snatch your hand back, fingers curling into a fist as he shakes you off, unheeding in his despair and grief.  Suppress the knot of hurt coalescing in your chest.

      "Sirius, could I speak to Remus alone for a while?"  Gaze into the gentle expression, the implacable eyes.

      "I'll be outside, Rem."  Turn to go with heavy footsteps.  Struggle against the fibres of your being that are telling you to stay, to not let any other have a chance of getting to him again, like Snape did.  Just because you let your guard down once, and you slipped up.

      No, don't think about it.  Just concentrate on the stone of the tower walls and the flowing patterns in the oak of the door to Dumbledore's study. 

      Don't think about how he could have been yours.

      Don't think about how you and James left him out of the loop years ago because you were not sure if you could trust him.

      Don't think about traitors and rats, the dull crash of waves drifting in from a square window on high.

      Don't think about the constant dimness of prison cells, moments when the chill of black-robed monsters seem almost blessed, peaceful, welcoming.

      But most especially, don't think about how he transforms, becoming so excruciatingly beautiful, in the presence of expressionless features and obsidian eyes.

***

      Stop outside the bedroom of the man whose name threatens to turn your stomach.  Wonder what Dumbledore said to finally make Remus acquiesce to stay at Snape Manor.

      Knock on the door, and wait for it to open.

      "Padfoot, what's the matter?  It's rather late already, isn't it?"

      Stare into golden depths, and momentarily forget what you had rehearsed countless times before.  The moment is too huge.

      "Padfoot, what's wrong?"  Concern begins to shimmer across his face.

      Take a deep breath - just say it.  "You, Moony, you are what's wrong."

      Comprehension is dawning, and then denial, but you come prepared.  "I know it feels like you're betraying him, but he's gone now, and you need someone - someone to help you through this, someone who will love you as much as he did."

      "No, Sirius, I..."

      Be insistent, he has rarely refused you, Snape being the exception, and now that is no longer an obstacle.  "He was not a selfish man, Remus, he would have wanted you to go on with your life.  Please, let me be there for you."

      There's conflict in the delicate features now, but conflict is good, it means he is wavering.  Just give it the final nudge.

      "Please, Remus, I love you."

***

      Move your hand lazily underneath the covers and enjoy the feel of smooth skin skimming your fingertips.

      Open your eyes and gaze at the reflection of yourself and him, lying entwined on the bed of your once worst enemy.

      *Feel* the trickle of triumph curling in your belly, making you hard.

      Keep looking in the mirror, imagining you can see Snape on the opposite side of the glass, helplessly glaring in.

      Recall that owl to one particular field agent, containing the details of the final meeting place, that you just accidentally neglected to send.

      Smirk.

fin