Loki practically stumbled home after the council meeting. It was an emergency meeting concerning the theft of some royal artifacts. He and Thor had sorted it out quickly, finding the culprits in a matter of hours, but that didn't change the fact that the meeting occurred at five o'clock in the morning and Loki had only gotten three hours of sleep. He lazily shuffled into his part of the palace and checked the clock on the wall. Seven o'clock, he should wake Hel.
He shuffled back to his daughter's room, only to find her gone. The shock was enough to stir him from his sleepy state. "Hel!?" he called. What if someone had found her? His thoughts raced frantically. No one knew of the little girl, save for the royal family and a few trusted servants. She had been a mistake, dropped at his doorstep by her mother, who wanted nothing to do with an illegitimate, disabled child. The royal family had kept her hidden, knowing if word got out, they would never hear the end of the scandal.
"Hel, where are you!?" he cried again, searching throughout the house. Suddenly something small grabbed his leg. "Ha! I got you!" He flinched and breathed a sigh of relief. Loki looked down at the tiny girl wrapped around is leg, she was grinning from ear to ear. How in the Nine could children be so excited in the morning?
He picked her up and met her eyes. She giggled. "Did I scare you?" she asked. He sighed. "Yes, Little One, you scared me quite a lot," he said. The girl's grin widened.
"You mustn't do that again," he said sternly. Hel's smile faded. "Why not?" she asked innocently.
"Because I said so," he dismissed, far too tired to come up with a better explanation.
Hel didn't challenge her father, seemingly sensing his fatigue. "Can I have some breakfast?" she asked sweetly. Loki nodded.
"Yes," he replied, "I'm sure Sigyn will make you something…," he looked around. "Where in blazes is Sigyn?" he asked.
"You gave her the day off, Papa," answered Hel, "so she could see her family, remember?" Loki sighed again, remembering that he had given Hel's nursemaid the day off. The one day I need help…, he grumbled to himself.
"Right, then," he said tiredly, "breakfast it is." He set Hel down and walked to the kitchen. Hel scurried ahead of him. "How do your legs feel?" he asked. "Good!" she chirped. Hel had been born paralyzed from the waist down, or as her mother had called it, "born with the legs of a corpse." Every so often, Hel would be brought to the healers for extensive spellwork, healing draughts and whatever they could come up with. This latest visit seemed to be working fine for the time being.
He searched the pantry for any leftovers Sigyn might have left. Despite all his studies, cooking had never been one of his interests. To his relief, Sigyn had wrapped some form of pastry up in a cloth, with a note attached to it. "Loki," he read aloud, "thank you for the day off, in case you find yourself struggling without me, here is an emergency breakfast cake." He gave a soft chuckle and cut a piece of cake for Hel.
"The woman knows me more than I do myself, I think," he said, helping himself to a piece. Hel dug into her cake, almost getting her long dark hair in it. "Mind your hair, Hel," Loki said sleepily. The girl hastily tucked it behind her ears and continued eating. "You look sleepy, Papa," observed Hel. Loki smiled weakly and nodded. "I had to leave very early," he explained, "I hardly got any sleep."
"You should sleep, then," said Hel simply. Loki allowed himself a humorless chuckle. "I can't sleep now, I have to watch you, Little One."
"I can watch myself," dismissed Hel as she finished her breakfast, "I'm five winters old, I'm a big girl now. And I watched myself all morning," she said proudly. Loki only shook his head. He couldn't risk not being there to fabricate a glamour if someone were to unexpectedly drop by and see Hel. There were already whisperings through the palace about an unfamiliar child spotted with the queen. If a servant were to drop something off and see Hel in Loki's house it would be disastrous.
His attention turned back to his daughter as she ran into the sitting room where her toys were scattered about room last night. He glanced at the toys and realized if he wanted to keep Hel hidden he would have to make sure they were always put away. He followed Hel into the sitting room and stretched out on the couch. He picked up a book and tried to keep himself awake.
He let his mind wander, though, as he watched Hel playing with her dolls. The illusions, the secrecy, the rumors, he could keep her away from it now, but what about when she got older? She would surely have a desire to meet other children, but how could she when no children, or adults for that matter, could ever know of her existence?
Then what about when she began to understand the true meaning of royalty? She knew her father was a prince, and her grandparents were king and queen, but so far, she had not asked if she were a princess. How could he ever explain to her that she had no birthright? How could he tell her that because her father had been foolish, she would have no future?
What would she even be able to do when she grew up? Loki's thoughts began to spiral. She couldn't hold any sort of political position without a true royal bloodline, so that was no option. She couldn't be a Valkyrie, not with her condition. Perhaps she could be a scholar or a healer, but if word got out that she was the younger prince's bastard, her reputation would be ruined.
Would she stay holed up in his house her whole life? He would hate to cage her.
He drifted further into his thoughts of despair, and was so concerned with them that he did not notice when his eyelids began to droop.
Hel became bored with her toys after a while, and wondered what else she could do to amuse herself. Perhaps she could ask her father to tell her a story. She looked over to the couch where he sat and saw that he was fast asleep. She decided it would be wrong to wake him, and wondered what else she could do. She looked down at the hair falling past her shoulders and had an idea.
Her nursemaid, Sigyn, would braid her hair every morning. The ritual had somewhat intrigued her and after much pestering, the nurse had finally showed her how to braid her own hair. She had found it very difficult, though Sigyn said it would be easy once she got enough practice. Hel looked at her own hair. She had tried to practice on it, but it proved too difficult. She glanced over at her father again and grinned.
She quietly made her way over to him and studied his hair for a moment. It hung off of the arm of the couch, just where she could reach it without waking him. She gently picked up a lock of it, divided it into three parts, and began to braid. It was very slow-going, and she often had to go back and fix it, but soon she had finished it. Satisfied with her work, she made sure her father was still asleep, and pick up another lock of hair on the other side of his head, grinning all the while.
Loki was vaguely aware of a pull on his hair, but did nothing about it and continued to sleep. Then a few moments later, it came again and he began to stir. His eyes were a bit blurry from sleep. "Hel?" he mumbled. "Shh!" she said quietly, "go back to sleep, Papa, I'm busy."
"What are you doing?" he asked, raising his head slightly.
"It was going to be a surprise," she answered, releasing his hair.
He raised his hand to touch one of the loose braids Hel had left.
"Did you do that all by yourself?" he asked with a smile.
"Mm-hm," she answered, now crawling into his lap. He winced as she managed to climb on nearly every pressure point on his body.
"Do you like them?" she asked.
"I like them very much, darling," he replied.
He took in her messy black hair and toothy, mischievous-looking smile. She was perfect, so sweet and innocent. She deserved more than him, she deserved more than being locked up in the palace, hidden from the world. Perhaps he should have done as his father had told him, and given her to a peasant family. At least then she could have been given more opportunity, more freedom. But no, he had kept her. He had kept her and he could not remember why.
At the time she was just a mistake, a burden that stood in the way of his reputation, so why had he been so selfish as to keep her? Perhaps it was the way her perfect blue eyes had stared at him, the way they were now. He felt the tears stinging in his eyes and hugged Hel so she wouldn't see. "I love you," he said, voice threatening to crack. I love you and I'm sorry I've ruined your life. Hel wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his chest. "I love you too, Papa," she said.