How to suicide - chapter 1
Firstly I'm gonna keep it real for all you fuckers reading this...don't expect much...and. Its not gonna be in chronological order either. I'm just gonna write as memory's come to me OK...I'm gonna start writing it now...
So...I guess I was born first huh?. Yeah I was, life was sweet as a baby. I had nothing to do and not a care in the world. I didn't couldn't even talk. Or. Walk...but that's OK because I got older...and that's when things got bad for me..
From the age I was able to talk and walk and understand things a little. My parents decided I was a mistake. And they sure let me know that...they did hit me when I was a baby. Or I don't think they did. Well. Honestly they did a few times. I have vague memories of being throws at walls and being chocked rarely...but when I was little my parents messed me up mentally...they'd always tell me they..."wish I was never born" ...because they would have preferred it if I died and my sister didn't ...and they'd never told me they love me. Not even once...
As I got older I wasn't as...Fragile.. I guess you could say.. And my parents knew I could take a beating...and sure enough. They fucked me up all the time...have you ever been beat the fuck up with a coffee cup?...I have. And it hurts when its smashed into your head over and over again...ever been shot in the leg with a lead pellet from an air rifle?...I have. And it hurts. And it bleeds a lot. And lead is poisonous to humans. So I guess I'm lucky it was only a small pellet... I've been to hell and back. And I don't even believe that place exists... My parents fucked me up mentally and physically. And that's what drove me to almost kill myself 4 times...
I said it in my profile how I tired to kill myself. So read that if you wanna know now because I don't give a fuck about re typing it for you...however. I'm gonna tell you how it felt. So its probably gonna be good to know what I'm talking about...first I'm gonna tell you my main motives...so I was really fucked up. Depressed. No pills to help me. I had nothing but my friend. The first time I tried to kill myself I was 17...my parents kicked me out the house at 16...so I stayed with. Friend. And I just kept thinking... "I'll wait until I can get alone. Take the rope in the attic I saw and make a noose. And end it all"...