Dean takes a drink from the bottle of whiskey he holds, then looks up to the stars. They're so clear out here in the basic middle of nowhere. Sam's asleep in the back of their Impala, which Dean lies on the hood of. He's happy for some time alone with his thoughts. He loves Sam, but he needs to think. So much has happened to them lately he hasn't had time. Hell, he hasn't had time to think about his personal issues since Cas pulled him up from hell.
Cas.
Cas is the cause for the problem Dean's currently turning over in his mind. Well, actually Dean is; Cas is just a big part of it. Dean's starting to feel something he never thought he would feel for an angel or, hell, even a guy. Dean was starting to feel love. Not the brotherly love he feels for Sammy, but love-love.
He doesn't want to; he just does. He thinks back to all the things Cas has done, the good and the bad, and just feels an over-whelming since of love and trust. God, how he wishes he didn't. Love is not an advantage. It's a disadvantage for anyone involved. People get hurt; especially in what the Winchesters do. Dean wants more than anything to not have another thing to love, another thing to lose. He can't deal with losing anyone else. He needs Cas, and loving him will get him killed.
Dean sighs and takes another swig of his whiskey. He decides maybe it's a good thing to not have time to think about his problems. All it does is give him a headache. He focuses on the stars and leans his head back on the windshield. His eyes are slowly closing when he hears the familiar flutter of wings. His heart beat races as he slides off the car to greet the angel.
"Hey, Cas! What's up?" He says.
"You didn't call on me?" Cas asks, his eyes squinting as they always do when he's confused.
"No," Dean replies.
"Oh, I thought I felt you calling for my presence. I guess I'll be leaving you."
"No!" Dean says quickly before the angel could disappear, "You should stay. The stars are really nice out here and Sam will be up in a bit; I know he'll want to see you, and I've got some whiskey if you want... Unless you have somewhere you need to be."
"No, I don't. And the stars do look lovely."
Dean smiles, happy his angel will stay. No, not his angel. Cas will never be his angel. To have Cas be his would require telling him about his feelings, and if Cas did for some reason return those feelings it would get him killed. Some how, in the long run, Cas would die because Dean loves him. Someone would use Cas against him. No, he can't tell anyone.
He can't lose Cas.