I do not own any characters, plots, or anything else pertaining to "Grey's Anatomy". After the snippets of April I saw in 14x10, I've decided to write a fanfiction of what I'd like to see happen in the future. I believe that this new twist in the story regarding April has the potential to bring Japril back together. For those of you following my other story "Love Me Again", I promise that I'll continue updating that story, while writing this one. As always, thank you for following/favoriting and commenting.

Love and Healing

Chapter 1

The New Me

April feels completely hopeless for the first time in her entire life. The pain from seeing Matthew lose his wife and seeing the boy die, has been all consuming. It reminded her too much of losing Samuel and now she can't seem to find her way out of the vast black hole she's fallen into. As she makes her way into the hospital, she feels different. Last night, she had went to Joe's after everything that happened, and ended up going home, with one of the new interns. April had no longer cared about the consequences, so she went for it. For him. She had come to the realization that she wasn't tethered to Jackson anymore and he didn't give a damn whether she slept with that guy or not. He hadn't even flinched when she had told him that Matthew had surprised her at the hospital earlier that day. If they hadn't had the divorce papers to prove it, it was like their marriage never existed in his mind. So, now she's taking a page from his book, and pretending too.

April walks down the long hallway and heads to the whiteboard. She knows she has a few surgeries scheduled today, but maybe she can scoot them up earlier, so she can head home. April suddenly has no desire to be in the hospital, let alone perform surgeries on patients. "April." She turns to see Arizona walking towards her. "What's up?" Arizona shakes her head. "Where have you been, I've been trying to call you since last night?" April rolls her eyes and hates that everyone perceives her to be dependable, perfect all the time. "What was that?" Her eyes leave the whiteboard and focus back on her friend. "What?" Arizona examines her for a moment, before frowning. "Rolling your eyes and not answering my question on where you've been?" April sighs sharply and locks eyes with Arizona. "I went to Joe's last night for a couple of drinks and I ended up sleeping with an intern." It comes out fast and uncaring, just the way April feels right now. She watches as her friend's mouth drops open. "You did what?" April stares at her blankly. "I went home with an intern, what's the big deal?" She starts making her way down the hallway and Arizona follows.

April can feel her friend's judgmental eyes burning into her back, right before, she comes to walk beside her. "The big deal is that you're not freaking out about it." She sighs to herself, feeling annoyed with Arizona for making a big deal out of all this. "April, are you okay? Is this about what happened with that boy yesterday?" April stops suddenly in the middle of the hallway, having had enough of this conversation. "Can you tell me why everyone else can sleep around, but the one time I do, something's wrong with me?" Arizona puts up her hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" April doesn't wait to hear the rest of her half-hearted apology, choosing instead, to continue her walk quickly towards the O.R.

She hates that everyone holds her to a higher standard and wishes they'd leave her the hell alone. Over the last twenty-four years, she's come to realize, that she's tired of being the one with the steadfast faith in everything. For once, she'd like to be as selfish as everyone else, living how she wants, no matter what others think. "April." She turns to see Meredith stalking towards her, her usual frown deeper today. April reluctantly stops and so does Meredith in front of her. "I know you weren't here last night, so I just wanted to brief you on what happened to Bailey." Despite her mood, April's eyes widen at her words. "What happened?" Meredith takes a breath. "Bailey suffered a massive heart attack, we're not sure, if she'll make it." Her breath catches at Meredith's words, but she decides to play it off. "Keep me posted, I have a surgery in ten minutes." With that, April makes her way down the hall, and walks into the correct O.R.

A few hours later, April finishes her first surgery, and starts back down the hallway. She needs coffee right now, still feeling a little hungover from the night before. April wonders if this is how college would have been had she actually lived and had a social life. Back then, her only goal was getting into Medical School. She hadn't had hardly any friends or even boyfriends during that time. As she comes to a stop at the coffee cart, she spots Jackson walking towards her. April turns away quickly, not letting herself feel anything for him. Their relationship is over and there's no reason to hope in them getting back together in the future. After a few minutes of waiting, it's her turn in line, so she steps forward. "I'd like a cappuccino with extra foam on top." The normal barista Stan, raises his brow. "You don't want your favorite mocha today?" She shakes her head. "No, I'm trying something new." He gives her a reluctant nod and she waits a few moments for her coffee to be made. April pays him and nearly runs into Jackson behind her. "Sorry." She gives him a nod, his face as unreadable, as it's been for the last few months. April begins walking away, not wanting to be anywhere near him, but his voice stops her. Despite the distance between them, she's always found herself coming back to him, but no more. After today, she vows to stop doing that, stop hoping. She turns for the last time to the sound of his voice and he gives her a questioning look. "Hey, what time should I drop Harriet off tonight?" There's a little ache within her heart, despite her new no-care attitude. It's not like she doesn't know that he could care less about her anymore, but still, there's that pesky ache inside her heart.

April quickly squashes the last of her feelings, before meeting his eyes. "Keep her an extra night, I'm going out tonight." With that, she starts to turn, but hears Jackson's voice ring out. "Wait, April. Is everything okay with you?" She turns to look at him over her shoulder. Now he notices. "I'm fine, Jackson. Actually, this is the first time I've felt alive in my entire life." April sees confusion and concern play across his face, but she no longer gives a damn. This is the new April Kepner and people will have to just get used to it.