Disclaimer: There would be much more of these two together if I were the owner of GW.
Summary: Heero copes with the betrayal dealt upon him and the pain of a sacrifice he can never repay.
Christmases Yet To Come
It was the braid. It got him every time, and thank goodness Duo didn't know it. Like when they'd first met, and Duo had shone that light in his eyes, all he could think was how startlingly beautiful a man could be with his hair like a whipcord behind him.
And that night, when he'd seen just how quickly the animosity could spark between two people he loved, it had been what had caught him once again. Dressed in a tuxedo, perfectly presentable, he looked wild, like Tarzan, all long hair and animal muscles, caged in that facade of civility as he snarled at the woman cutting and cleaving at him. And Heero hadn't been able to believe how she acted, snapping at him like a rabid poodle as he stood, cougar-like, facing off against her petty assault with such strength Heero had only been able to stand and stare. Four years together and everything coalesced into that point: beautiful, wild. Mine.
"Guess I just can't be bought, then, huh?"
And it had all stilled, that beautiful, horrible scene, and the tension he'd been watching solidified into a slimy sensation. Lies. Secrets. And not small ones. What had once been niggling doubt became so much more, and worse, and it had burned through him. Duo had lied to him.
But that braid. It was like a damn extension of him. It no longer bounced as he walked, no longer quivered as he made small talk with people neither Duo nor he could care less about. It was like it died. It shuddered in the cold as Heero stood, angry enough to stay silent, confused enough to keep from accusing Duo. Heero remembered the moment very clearly: himself, vibrating with tension as he thought about Duo's reticence and Relena's tearful apology, neither of them having the decency to explain anything to him – and then catching sight of Duo, hunched slightly in his tuxedo, his eyes out on the distance, his body so strong as he glared as if taking on the world, even as he shivered with the strain. And in that instant, he had thought, oh, how I love him. And he'd given in.
Heero looked down, only now able to look beyond his memories. Only a few hours ago, he'd been so angry. He couldn't believe it now. Looking down on Duo as he slept, completely trusting after those first months, when being in the same bed at night had sparked nightmares that had made Heero almost kill Duo once. How could he have thought Duo would hurt him?
No, he thought, very gently touching Duo's bangs, knowing, after all these years, just how to touch to keep him from waking. The truth was so much worse, somehow, than what he'd been expecting. The betrayal wasn't from Duo, but from Relena. The girl he'd seen such hope in, the one he'd chosen to protect at the risk of his own life. His sister, his family. He stuttered in a breath.
Duo had understood that. Even back then, when Heero had barely had the courage to demand Duo stay with him, Duo had known just how important Relena was to him. And when she'd hurt him, Duo had shrugged it off and held it down, stood defiant and alone against her. In order to protect Heero.
He played with a strand of hair for a while. Their lovemaking – and it was still amazing to call it that – had been fast, rough, desperate. Heero had made it so, but Duo had risen eagerly to it. But it had been just fast enough to keep Heero from pulling out Duo's hairband. Duo would be pleased about it; inevitably, the hairband was lost when Heero yanked it out in the middle of sex, leaving Duo scrabbling and grumbling in the mornings. But Heero wanted to sift his fingers through it, and he couldn't. Duo was still hot-triggered to such touches, and though Duo would only roll his eyes and snuggle closer to his chest, he didn't want his thoughts interrupted at the moment.
Because while it was true that Duo had been protecting him, it was also true that Duo had protected himself. Their relationship had been so new back then. So fragile. Heero had hardly shown any interest in Duo before the moment he'd demanded Duo stay with him, and he hadn't known for sure if what he'd been reading from Duo was real. If Duo had pressed Heero to drop Relena, would he have?
But the idea hardly sank in before it fell apart. Because Duo would never have asked. Duo would never have said 'her or me.' It was why he'd hidden the truth from Heero; Duo didn't want to hurt Heero. Duo loved him.
And now Heero had to pull Duo in close and hug him, even though it meant waking him. Duo snuffled, then raised his arms and hugged Heero back. "Bad dream?" he asked, already yawning and curling his fingers into Heero's skin.
"No," he murmured, and felt Duo snuggle into his chest. His nose tickled the fine hairs on his chest. Heero could smell Duo's shampoo in his hair.
"Idiot. Go to sleep already." And just like that, Duo went back to sleep.
Heero leaned his head down enough to take a deeper whiff. Why did Duo's scent always make him so calm? "I love you."
"Mm," Duo said, his hands slackening. "You, too, dolt. Now shut your brain off."
Heero smiled. He didn't bother responding; they both knew he'd be up for a little while longer. It was an old practice. While Duo would pace the house after every nightmare, Heero would stay in bed and fight them off. So while Duo slipped back into slumber, Heero kept his arms tight around him.
What would have happened if Duo was even the tiniest bit weaker? If he'd been swayed in some way by Relena's actions? If his desire to not hurt Heero, to not make him choose, had made him turn away?
Heero's breath sped up. But that thought was just as impossible, wasn't it? Because Duo was strong. Yet the idea of it persisted, a nightmare he'd had in secret that first year, when things had been so tenuous. The idea of Duo leaving, of the odd light he brought with him disappearing, had stolen his sleep. How close he'd come to it happening. All because of one girl's selfish greed.
His eyes narrowed, and he stared over Duo's head at the wall. Their bureau sat there, the mirror staring back at him, and he saw Duo in his arms, that braid lying untamed behind him, Duo's entire body curled close to Heero. His own arms, wrapped around Duo like a lifeline.
He kissed the top of Duo's head, and he knew Duo was still awake because the man huffed against his chest, and he felt those lips curl against his skin.
Never. He would never let this go.
When it came time to meet with Relena, he did so as a scorpion might its prey. She was in a council meeting that morning. He stood like a sentinel just outside the council room doors, flinty eyes watching them until finally they opened. Of course Relena wasn't the first out; she always stayed back to speak with anyone who had questions, and even then, to organize the room. She would sometimes be within for hours after the meetings if she had nothing else for the day. The men and women who left were all middle-aged, their gazes catching Heero's for only an instant before they turned their faces away.
He entered the moment the last of the members left. There was no one with her, and Heero was grimly pleased; kicking the stragglers out would have simple, and after having flashed his Preventer badge, he wouldn't be interrupted, but the idea of having to shoo them off would have grated. They would have questioned him, would ask Relena if she wanted to be alone, and Heero had no patience for such distractions. It was interesting enough as it was, as he softly clicked the door closed and Relena looked up from a pile of papers she was organizing, a polite smile on her face. It froze when she saw him. "Heero," she said, his name slipping out like a final breath. The papers rustled from her fingers. One fell to the floor.
"Relena." He stepped inside. Her eyes widened slightly at his tone, at the danger he knew exuded from him whenever he was angry. She had once frozen in reaction, and now she was again.
Then her face scrunched up and she lifted her chin. It might have been considered a show of defiance if her lip hadn't quivered. She was trying to fight gravity. Heero couldn't let himself hurt for her. No. He simply had to remember what she'd nearly done, what Duo had held inside for four years as Heero had continued seeing Relena every week. And she had let it all happen, had let Duo keep her secret, had acted as if the reason they avoided each other was because they 'just didn't click'. "Heero," she said again, as if about to say more, but then she stopped. Her throat worked, but nothing came out. She blinked rapidly.
"You kept it from me all this time," he said, and the tears fell. Those tiny fists clenched, that petite body trembled, and though she fought it, they still fell, one after another, and Heero hardened himself to them. "What you did. Behind my back. Hurting the man I love."
A small sob hitched in her throat. "I kn-know," she said, and sniffed, and clenched her fists tighter. "I know that n-now," she said, and ground her teeth at the second stutter. "I didn't then," she said, and took a gulping breath. "I didn't then, and I'm sorry. I thought–"
"Thought I would be happier with you by my side," Heero said, the words dead. While she was tense as a bow string, he was loose, steady. He would have the same stance on the battlefield.
"No!" she said, and the word was so beyond what he'd expected that he found himself pausing. "No, I didn't think that, not once!" And she leaned toward him from the other side of the meeting table, one hand unclenching to curl around the back of her chair. "I knew you didn't have feelings for me. I did. It was so apparent when you – when you came for me," she said, and finally brushed away her own tears. "When it was all over, and you collapsed in my arms, none of it was..." she shook her head. "When there should have been something, there was nothing. So I knew. But I thought D-Duo..." And here she clenched her teeth again, her head hanging. "I didn't think he was the one for you."
Even though Heero heard the words, he couldn't quite believe them. Duo had always been the one. From the very start, he'd risked his life to save a man he'd known only as his enemy. He'd forfeited his own life when he'd seen Duo, bruised and beaten in a cell. Before his mind had known, his heart had. There had always only ever been Duo. "So you decided to go behind my back and get rid of him."
She nodded, still not raising her head. "I d-did." His fists trembled, and he knew she was trying to get a hold of her voice again. "I did, yes."
The rage burst through him like fire. "You had no right," he said, his mind hardly able to form words, but she stopped him, finally pulling her head up to face him once more.
"You were tired and hurting and you needed to heal. I'd seen you with Duo, and you'd always seemed annoyed. Chafed! And then you were clinging to him when the war ended, and I knew the two of you had worked together in the past. What if you were trying to hold on to something you knew? What if..." But she stopped when she saw the look on Heero's face. "I didn't know," she said finally. "I thought you were... rebounding. Or something like that. And you and Duo... you have nothing in common–"
"Duo and I are exactly alike." She startled at that, and the fury from their first months together sprang anew. How many times had the other pilots, had anyone they'd ever met, looked at them as if they couldn't possibly last longer than a day? "He and I both grew up alone. We struggled through every moment of our existences. We accepted death – created death – just to continue our own lives. And we both chose to give up our lives regardless so that the world could live happily. There is no one in this universe who could understand me more."
Her lip trembled all over again, and finally she sagged into herself. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry."
"You nearly cost me everything," he said, and saw her curl tighter. "I never let myself have anything beyond the war. Beyond what I needed to get done. And when it was finally over and I scrounged myself together, you came and – the weight you placed on him!" He found himself losing the thread of his own argument and snarled. "What you did to him! You made me think there was something wrong with the two of you when it was just you!"
She flinched, but she no longer fought. It was that which finally turned his anger back into a simmer. Still, the taste of it was acid in his throat, in each breath. For four years, this had been going on behind his back. Almost he was angry with Duo all over again, bitter to find he'd hidden such a thing from his partner all this time. But the blame was not Duo's, and he couldn't let his anger fall on those who didn't deserve it.
And still Relena stood, waiting for his next assault; viciously he thought to flay her again. But it was tiring, and painful, and finally he just couldn't do it any longer. "You have been like a sister to me." The words were said much more calmly, yet Relena flinched more violently than ever before. "I saw in you an innocent. A saw in you a child I hadn't been able to save, a goodness worth protecting. And I've thought of you as such ever since." She was once more hanging her head. "What you've done feels like betrayal. Worse, that you never came forward to admit your guilt, but let bitterness claim you. You attacked Duo last night. Your intentions may have been noble, though your methods were disgusting at best – but since? I can't call you sister after this." He heard her hiccup, try to swallow it back. And it hurt, though he'd told himself to not let it. "You chose to continue harboring this secret. You chose to wield my friendship like a weapon." She nodded. "Do you deny it?"
She shook her head. She opened her mouth to respond, but all that came out was a wrenching sob. Finally she closed her mouth and shook her head again. Her tears ruined the papers before her.
"Never set foot near my door again." The words burned in his chest. "And never go near Duo."
She tried to nod, but her entire body shook, and finally she collapsed behind the table, out of his sight. He nearly went to her. Nearly picked her back up. God. He had to close his eyes and take a deep breath. And another, because he almost started asking if she had another meeting, if she was going to be all right. He had to walk away before it was too late.
And so he did.
Duo met him that night none the wiser. Heero had already made dinner, all of Duo's favorites, and Duo rolled his eyes when he saw the steak and yams. "Really, Yuy?"
"I yelled at you last night," he said, "and took my anger out on you. I'm sorry."
"You were right," Duo said, that beautiful grin on his face, and leaned in to get a good look at the amount of yams in the casserole dish. Duo liked them best with marshmallows because he had an incorrigible sweet tooth. The dish was nearly full, even with the two plates already served. He might have gone a tad overboard. Duo raised a brow.
"I wasn't. What it must have cost you to see me go to her..."
But Duo just rolled his eyes and clapped Heero on the shoulder. "You're an idiot. And yet despite this fatal flaw, you were still right." Duo sat, but he didn't look up when Heero joined him. "It was something that affected you. I should've told you."
Heero blew out a breath, because if there was one thing the two of them could do, it was argue. For a while. So he just pointed to Duo's plate and said, "eat." And of course Duo dug in, because if there was one thing living on the streets had taught him, it was to scarf up the food while it lasted. Heero watched him eat, the swift movement of fork to mouth to plate to mouth, and relaxed. No matter what had happened, the worse hadn't come to pass. Maybe, with time, the sting of betrayal would fade enough for him to allow himself rest. When Duo finished off his plate, closing his eyes in ecstasy at the last bite, as always, he spoke again. "I'm sorry for the burden you carried." Duo looked at Heero, and Heero got to enjoy the bliss in his expression just before annoyance flickered between those brows. "No, just let me finish. I'm sorry for every time I went out with Relena, especially during those first months. I'm sorry you felt my loyalty to you would come into question."
"It didn't," Duo interjected, and tilted his head in challenge when Heero gave him a look. "It didn't. I knew you were loyal to me. I also knew you were loyal to her."
"But you were afraid I would choose her."
Duo couldn't deny it, and finally he sighed. "Just because you would choose her wouldn't mean you wouldn't care about me."
It was times like these that Heero wondered if he really had managed to pull all of his emotions out from the box in which he'd shoved them. It was only the assurances of their other friends that he realized sometimes Duo's convoluted feelings made sense to no one. "I'm still sorry for everything you went through."
It was something Duo couldn't brush off, something that didn't need an argument. These were the words that finally got Duo to lean back and smile, argument finished. Mission accomplished. "It was hard, and scary," he said, the truth that came with capitulation. A warm caress on a winter's night. "But it got us here, to this place, and I'm happy enough for it. I wouldn't trade this ending for anything."
It was always Duo who brought such thoughts into the world. Such an obvious statement that hadn't crossed Heero's mind. And Heero could finally relax enough to start eating. As always, since Duo had finished eating long before Heero, he started his monologue on the day's events. Apparently the annoying customer who liked to peer over Duo's shoulder whenever he so much as looked at the man's machine had come back, this time complaining of an odd sound coming from the back of his car – the tires had gone flat from neglect again. There was plenty of eye-rolling involved in the retelling.
Heero had learned all manners of etiquette during his time with Odin Lowe, and though he'd chosen to leave most for Relena's parties and Quatre's meetings, he still retained the ability to eat at a normal human pace. It took him nearly twice as long to finish, and by that time, Duo had finished a different story of a man who'd come in expecting Duo to accept his word he'd return with the money on say-so alone.
Duo had a way of spinning tales that never failed to make Heero smile. So it was after he'd been properly buttered up that Duo cleared his throat and, like the sneak assassin he was, pounced. "So, what happened with Relena?"
Only because he'd dealt with such surprise attacks before could he manage to swallow his last bite without choking. "I went to see her."
"I know that. I couldn't imagine you not going to see her, since you were so pissed off. Planning goes to the wayside when you're emotional, don't think I don't know that."
He grimaced. Of course Duo knew that. He'd watched Heero turn a terminate mission into a rescue mission, after all. "I spoke with her."
"Good Lord, it's like pulling teeth."
"Don't worry," he said finally, and forcibly pushed the picture of her sobbing from his mind. "We won't be seeing her again."
Duo's smile stilled, frozen. Then it slid off like melting snow. "'We'?"
Heero took in that stare, that carefully neutral expression. "Yes, Duo. We."
Those lips lifted, disbelieving, then dropped again. "Oh." And Duo got introspective and contemplative, and Heero sighed.
"I can't be with someone I don't trust."
Duo's brows were still furrowed, but he didn't argue. No doubt he was hurting for Heero, feeling guilty. Heero sighed. "These dishes can wait. Come with me." And he got up from the table and went to Duo's side. He held out his hand, and without hesitation, Duo took it. Heero tugged him to their bedroom, and Duo was pliant and quiet behind him.
It took over a week for that pensive look on Duo's face to finally disappear. Heero left work early every day, slept little, until finally Duo smiled at him just that morning and said, "I get it."
Heero leaned back in his office chair – a habit he knew he'd picked up from Duo – and sighed. Sometimes it scared him, how much he loved Duo. It was a foreign concept sometimes, even after four years. He almost wanted that novelty to never wear off, so that he would always appreciate what he had. But if he kept feeling like this – unfocused, out of himself – his work might suffer. Or worse, he might make his partner want to commit suicide.
He took a glance at Wufei, sequestered in the tiny corner office with him, his back to the opposite wall. They faced each other, something Wufei called a curse and something Duo called an opportunity for hilarity. It meant that, unless out on a bust or chasing down leads, they were unable to rid themselves of each other. It made for some interesting stories for Duo.
"Yuy," Wufei said now, not taking his eyes from his computer. "Seat."
Heero sighed and clunked down onto all fours. "Something's wrong."
"Of course something's wrong, Yuy. You always fall into that annoying habit whenever something's wrong in your relationship." He still didn't look up, simply typed something in and waited, finger thumping his desk, for the results to load. "You're lucky this case is boring. I will allow you to speak at me until you figure it out."
Heero huffed a laugh. "Thanks." And he leaned back in his chair again. Wufei sighed. "That fiasco with Relena has been bothering Duo."
Wufei grunted. Heero had told Wufei, Quatre, and Trowa each of the deception, and found none of them to have known about it, either. While he felt slightly vindicated to know he wasn't the only one, it had meant Duo had kept the secret to himself all that time. The thought of it made Heero's vision white with rage once more. "He hasn't said anything about it, but it's obvious to anyone with eyes."
"Even you," Wufei said, and both of them shared a grin for the old joke.
"Usually those moods of his last for weeks."
"Until he rushes stupidly into something," Wufei agreed. He was back to typing.
"Exactly." Heero balanced carefully onto one leg and steadied himself with one hand on the wall behind him. "But this time it was only a week. He came to me and said he understood."
"Duo never understands."
"Exactly," he said again. "So what is he planning?"
"Maybe he isn't planning anything. Maybe he just doesn't want to worry you anymore."
That thought brought him back to all fours. The very idea made his chest clench like he'd gripped it in his fist. Had he made Duo worry enough to put him in that position? With everything Duo had gone through, Heero should have been the one to take care of him. Letting Duo take the burden again was tantamount to failure.
His fingers itched to call Duo at the shop.
"Let it go, Yuy. The two of you are as bad as each other."
Heero frowned. Whether he accepted that or not, he had to let it go at least until that evening. Duo had complained about a trip to a few junkyards that morning, and he wouldn't be back until late. He'd warned Heero to not wait up.
Which meant he should get at least the research on the newest case finished so he could save Wufei more torment. Too bad the coin rolling scam was so dull as to make one's head spin. He looked at the untouched list of banks in front of him and sighed. He might as well get started.
Heero sighed as the elevator climbed to the seventh floor. He was used to arriving home before Duo, but there was always the expectation of Duo arriving at six. He refused to be later, simply because Heero was a known worrywart. And so they would always eat no later than six-thirty. The only real exceptions were these, when Duo had to go on a 'scrap binge,' as he called it, or if Heero had to go out of town. The latter was always preceded and proceeded by very, very hot sex, since his trips out were usually to hunt someone down, and though they never said anything, both understood he may not be coming back.
With that in mind, he should have been happy to wait another few hours, his time filled with nothing but humdrum life instead of Duo's gut-wrenching fears – which always manifested in him paying Heero's body a great deal of attention upon his return – but instead he felt antsy, nervous. Duo never just let things go, and Wufei's hypothesis made sense. But he didn't want Duo accepting all the worry once again. There were to be no more burdens for him. If anything was to be carried, it would be by Heero. Or, he thought, knowing Duo would never accept such a thing, they could always carry everything together.
The elevator dinged and he stepped out into the hall. The door to their condo was just to the left, the only room, and he quickly unlocked the door. And stopped.
Relena stood just inside the door, hands folded before her.
Heero recoiled. Her hair was done up like it had been when they'd first met, and she worse a sleek, pastel-pink skirt with a shite shirt. "Heero," she said, and stopped.
"What are you doing here?"
His words were even harsher than he'd meant, his thoughts chasing themselves, wondering when Duo would be back, wondering how he would take this breach of contract, when Duo stepped out from the kitchen and smiled. "Hey, Heero. I invited her over."
His thoughts derailed.
"You what?"
Though Relena winced, Duo just smiled. "I invited her over. I'm also cooking, which may or may not end well."
He invited her over? "You..." But the thought got stuck in there, trapped amid other equally murky questions. "The scrapyard digging?"
"A lie. I needed to go get Relena and bring her back, and you've been coming home no later than four. There was no way I was pulling her out of her meetings before five."
Heero blinked and looked at his watch. He'd stayed late, just as Duo had told him to. It was half-past six. "You planned this?"
"Of course I did. When I get emotional, I get savvy. Unlike some people."
Heero didn't know if he should be upset with the whole thing, annoyed at the rejoinder, or amused at the word choice. Finally he managed to splutter out a, "when?"
"Over the last week." Duo returned to the kitchen, apparently done with the conversation despite the fact that Heero had yet to be able to fully engage his brain in the activity, and left both he and Relena alone in the foyer. He managed to get his coat hung up without looking at the closet or the hanger. "You're here," he said stupidly, focusing once more on Relena.
She nodded, but said nothing. She still stood before him, hands clasped, entire body straight, feet pointed forward. A lady, not a guest. She looked to Duo, then to Heero. Finally she dropped her gaze to the floor. "I'm sorry. I couldn't refuse him."
Well, shit. If Duo had been in one of his do-or-die moods, he certainly wouldn't have accepted no as an answer. He would have dragged her lifeless corpse back if he'd had to. "Fine." And he left her to speak to Duo. She thankfully didn't make to follow.
Duo was at the stove working on hamburger patties, one of the few things he could cook with any degree of success. He had all the ingredients out; the lettuce, already pulled into individual leaves, the tomatoes, already cut. And on the cutting board sat an onion, only half done and obviously abandoned – Duo must have had Relena taking care of it. Beside all that sat the cheese and ketchup and mustard, all in a pretty line for them to take piece by piece when the time came to eat. Beside all that sat a small pan of corn, already heating, and macaroni and cheese – a personal weakness of Heero's. "Duo."
"Do you want to argue now or wait until I'm done cooking? Careful; the former will most likely lead to a nasty dinner."
"Now."
Duo sighed. Heero distinctly heard that damn line again, about him being reckless when he was emotional. He didn't think it was called for in this situation. "You love Relena like a sister."
"Loved."
"Don't be a dick. Love." He picked up a plastic spoon and stirred the macaroni. "If you're going to stand there grouching, cut the onions." And he gestured to them vaguely with the spoon.
Heero snarled, but he was whipped, so he did as told.
"You love her. When all of it first happened, yes, I was worried you would choose her over me. And at the same time, that wasn't my concern at all."
Heero chopped viciously at the onion. Again with the riddles. Couldn't Duo's emotions ever make sense? "What does that even mean?"
"It means, I was more worried about how learning of it would hurt you."
He chopped again and again, ignoring the burning in his eyes. "I know you kept the secret to protect me. Because I care..d for her, you kept your silence, even though it hurt you."
"I'm not a fainting maiden, Heero. You have people beyond me, people I don't associate with or even like."
"That's different."
"It's not." Duo slammed the spoon down, startling Heero into stillness. Duo glared down at the food on the stove and took a deep breath. "Heero, I carried the secret willingly. So I don't like her. So what? We both like you. We both..." And here Duo sucked in a breath, because the man feared that word more than any other when it came from his lips, "we both love you. We spoke, and we can make that be enough. Hell, Relena practically threw herself on the floor when I came to speak with her. She explained why she did it, and I can't hold it against her for that."
"I can," Heero said, but his chest clenched, because damn it if he didn't want to.
"She wanted to protect you. Doing something like that behind your back, knowing you would hate her if she did it and doing it, anyway – I really can't, Heero. Because if I had been bad for you, or if I'd been someone who had been bad for you, I would want her to do that. Because I never want anything painful to ever happen to you."
Heero stopped cutting the onion and just stared. Duo went back to testing the burgers, his eyes fixed on the process before him. His lips were thin, his eyes squinted. Heero knew it wasn't from the steam. He'd never seen anyone so beautiful.
The corn started boiling, and he turned it and the burgers off, apparently happy enough with them. The macaroni was last, and he let them sit in the water for a moment as he turned his gaze to Heero. "That's why I brought her over tonight, Heero. Because, as much as I would happily never see her face again, this has been killing you."
"Your worry has been killing me," he said, lowering his voice because he knew damn well Relena could hear every word of their conversation.
Duo quirked a grin. "My worry has been worrying you, but it hasn't kept you up at night for years. It's because you cut it off with Relena."
"Because she betrayed you."
"Love is a form of betrayal, Heero."
And that just made no sense to him at all. "Love is love. If you love someone, you don't betray them."
"If you love someone, you will become the devil himself to keep them safe. Even if it means betraying them and making them hate you."
This was why Heero felt inadequate next to Duo. Because Duo understood emotions like love so intrinsically, he could understand such a concept without pause. While Heero saw it all in black and white, Duo understood the nuances of every shade of gray. And Heero knew Duo was right; if it meant being hated forever, he would make sure Duo was happy and healthy and alive. Nothing else mattered nearly so much.
And Duo saw the understanding on his face, and he smiled. That gorgeous, loving smile. "So she's staying for dinner tonight."
"You'll be at each other's throats," Heero said, his voice dropping to little more than a whisper.
"Oh, I know. And I have no intention of dealing with the woman again, so you'd better make up sometime tonight, or so help me I will blue ball you." He pointed his spoon threateningly before putting on the mitts and taking the pan of macaroni to the sink to drain.
"I love you," Heero said, crowding behind him until Duo gave up and dropped the pan in the sink. He reached out and grabbed that braid, dangling playfully behind that back. He kissed the end of it like one might the back of a woman's hand.
Duo leaned back, trusting Heero to take his weight. "I love you, too, you emotional clot."
Heero chuckled. It was Duo who turned around for the kiss.
Perhaps it wasn't the braid. Perhaps it was just the man.