October 2012
Author's Note: Humorfic. I'm sort of tickled by the idea of a B/7 friendship, and of course there's J/C. Enjoy and review, please!
"Hello, Seven," B'Elanna said as she plopped down at a table opposite Voyager's resident drone. The two officers on break at the ship's most popular holodeck program, Chez Sandrine's.
Seven seemed to be in good spirits today. She was wearing her favorite faded red biosuit and was trying on a lipstick Captain Janeway had gotten her for Prixin.
"I appreciate these "lunch dates" we've been having, B'Elanna. I find myself anxious for them to arrive." There was a slight pause as Seven searched for a way to express herself, something still a little alien to her. "I am glad you are my friend."
Throughout her life, B'Elanna had rarely had girlfriends- she went from an angry, bullied child to an angry, aloof academy drop-out to an angry, jaded Maquis freedom fighter. Despite the direness of their situation, life overall was looking up for B'Elanna on Voyager, and she was happy to have a friend to share it with.
"I'm glad we're friends too, Seven," B'Elanna smiled.
Without warning, Seven leaned in and pecked B'Elanna directly on the lips.
"Kahless, Seven! What the hell?!" B'Elanna exclaimed angrily. She glanced around for anyone watching them. Luckily, everyone else seemed to be enthralled in a particularly riveting match of pool between Harry and Chell. Judging by the unearthly noises of complaint, B'Elanna guessed Harry was winning.
Seven tilted her head confusedly. "Are we not friends, designation Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres?"
B'Elanna had no clue where this was going. "I suppose we are," she said cautiously.
Seven continued matter-of-factly. "Do we not have a platonic relationship?"
"Yes, we do- Seven, what does this have to do with anything? Why did you kiss me?!" B'Elanna burst out, still a little shocked from the unexpected sensation of Seven's (admittedly full, attractive) lips pressed against hers.
Seven stood and assumed her normal, ram-rod straight posture. She addressed B'Elanna formally:
"My research led me to conclude that kissing was an intrinsic part of a functioning, efficient, platonic relationship. Apparently, my sources were skewed or I inherently made a human error. I apologize, B'Elanna Torres." And with that extraordinary statement, she sat back down again.
Many things were swirling through B'Elanna's mind at that moment: chiefly shock- she kissed me!-although every once in a while a Klingon curse word drifted pass, waving and smirking.
"Why do you think being friends involves kissing?" B'Elanna finally managed to say.
"The sources of my research," Seven said lightly.
B'Elanna stared at her. She knew Seven's cortical inhibitor still kept her from feeling strong emotions, from really acting human-but then why were her cheeks reddening in embarrassment?
"What are your sources, Seven?" B'Elanna asked slowly.
"Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay."
If possible, B'Elanna's eyes widened even more. Then she sighed and shook her head. "Look, Seven, there are certain things that people who are "just friends" don't do…"
At lunchtime the next day the mess hall was crowded but the command duo had eyes only for each other. The table was filled with PADD's and plates of Neelix's latest mealtime horror ignored in favor of meaningful glances and brushed touches that lingered too long to be completely accidental. Janeway leaned in better to hear what Chakotay was murmuring and gave a throaty laugh, one that was very rarely elicited from anyone else. Chakotay smiled, savoring her brilliant, crooked grin and the subtle scent of her rose perfume….
"Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay," a bold voice suddenly broke the spell.
The command team looked up to see a (surprisingly) irate Seven of Nine glaring at them.
"Yes, Seven?" Captain Janeway prompted as she straightened.
"I have a report." Seven said coldly.
Chakotay began, "You don't have to report during lunch, Sev-
"Oh but I think I do!" Seven declared, uncharacteristically dramatic.
Janeway suddenly realized the entire mess hall was silent and staring at them.
"What is it, Seven?" she asked concernedly.
Her eyes narrowed. "I must inform you that you and Commander Chakotay do not have a platonic relationship, despite what you keep assuring the crew! Kissing, an activity of which I saw you and Commander Chakotay doing on the holodeck last week is not a part of a platonic relationship, something of which I have learned through personal experience!" she looked to B'Elanna, who nodded approvingly.
And with that, Seven of Nine and B'Elanna Torres marched out of the mess hall, leaving the speechless command team to face dozens of pairs of knowing, sly eyes.
"At least we didn't tell her it was a "chain of command" type-thing," Chakotay breathed. "That could've led to some interesting breaches in protocol..."
Captain Janeway gave him the death glare.
Because of the lolz. Don't forget to review:)