Title: Forced Depletion
Author: Kate
Rating: PG
Spoilers: A small Season 5 spoiler but this season has made such an impact I can't remember the title of the episode L
Archive: Just let me know
Disclaimer: Not mine just having fun
A/N: Thankyou Angie – your nagging has finally paid off – I wrote something! All debts have been cleared.
Feedback: Is always appreciated at katepaul@optusnet.com.au
There was a light drizzle as CJ and Toby pulled up outside the stylish building that housed Toby's children. The drizzle suited CJ's mood perfectly. Toby walked around to the passenger side and opened the door for her. She smiled at the old fashioned courtesy that was a well hidden part of him. But not hidden from her. As she unfolded herself from the car, she damned Andrea Wyatt for at least the fiftieth time that day.
They held hands as she walked him to the base of the steps and turned to face each other.
"You know I wish…"
CJ interrupted before he could finish the thought, "I know."
Their bodies moved closer and her hands automatically began picking at non-existent lint on his coat – an act of prolonging the moment. She didn't want him spending Thanksgiving with Andi any more than he did, but his children were inside that house and she would never deny him the opportunity to spend time with them. Andi's idea of joint custody was Toby seeing the twins when and where it suited her. The children had become just another means of manipulating Toby.
"So what are you planning…?"
Once again she knew what he wanted to say and was able to answer without him even having to finish the question. "I thought I'd start wrapping some Christmas presents. It's early, but who knows when I'll get a whole day to myself again." She smiled weakly, desperately trying not to make him feel guilty about choosing his children over her.
"I'll talk to her about having the twins at Christmas," Toby suggested, fairly sure what Andi's reaction would be. She had made it perfectly clear that she did not want CJ included in the twins' life – she had even made it a condition of Huck's Bris that CJ not be invited. Toby remembered sitting in CJ's office showing her the photo's, wanting her to be a part of his children's life and knowing that Andi was forcing her to do it from a distance.
"Toby, I understand. They are your children and they have to come first".
His expressive brown eyes shone with suppressed rage. "I want to be able to share them with you; I want them growing up knowing you are an important part of their father's life; I want them to know what a spectacular woman you are," his voice lowered slightly. "I want them to know how much I love you." Incredible eyes conveying more than mere words could.
CJ could always read Toby's thoughts in his eyes. She knew by Toby's eyes that it had been Andi who insisted she not attend the Bris, the same way she knew it was Andi who was forcing Toby to choose today.
"I love you too. Now go inside and enjoy your kid's first Thanksgiving." She gently pushed at his chest, wanting him to leave now before he saw her tears.
He leant forward and kissed her lightly. It wasn't passionate or hungry, but a kiss of long time lovers and best friends who knew exactly how much they meant to each other without always having to say the words.
CJ turned as she reached the car and watched the man she loved walk inside to spend Thanksgiving with his other life.
An hour later, she sat on the floor gently fingering the hand smocked dress she had bought for Molly and the tiny embroidered shirt for Huck, knowing she would never get to give the children the presents herself. Maybe next year she would be included, maybe next year she would be part of the family.
The End