Luckiest Man In Seireitei

Disclaimer: I own nothing!!

Rangiku added the finishing touches to her chocolate hearts and stepped back, "They look great don't they?" she asked her chocolate making companion, Ise Nanao.

Nanao cast envious glances at Rangiku's chocolates, "Why is it that every year your chocolates turn out so well and mine look like disasters?" she demanded.

Rangiku giggled, "Captain Kyoraku won't mind the look. All he cares about is receiving chocolates made by his Nanao-chan," she said with a wink.

"O shut-up!" cried Nanao.

Rangiku laughed, "Let's see now," she said looking at the chocolates, "I'll take Captain Hitsugaya's with me, since I have to go back to the office. Hisagi's and Kira's still need to cool. It should be ok to leave them here," she looked towards Nanao questioningly.

Nanao nodded absent mindedly, "I have the kitchen booked for several hours still," she informed Rangiku, "I think I'll have another pass at the chocolate."

Rangiku giggled, "Good luck!"

"Captain!" called Matsumoto cheerfully as she waltzed into the squad ten office, "I have your Valentines chocolate!"

"... So that's what you have been doing instead of your work," commented Hitsugaya.

"O you are such a stiff Captain!" cried Matsumoto, "Here! Have some! It has a minty centre!"

"I am suppose to excited about that why?" wondered Hitsugaya.

"Because it's cool, just like you!" declared Matsomoto before unwrapping the chocolate heart and all but forcing it into Hitsugaya's mouth, "There! Isn't it taste!"

It was taste but Hitsugaya wouldn't have admitted it even if he could have talked around the mouthful, but Matsomoto must have guessed from the expression on his face because she smile and said, "See! You always make such a big fuss about my valentines chocolates but always enjoy them so much! I am the best Chocolatiers in the Gotei 13!"

"Your the only chocolatier in Gotei 13," Hitsugaya pointed out.

"And that's why I am the best!" replied Matsumoto cheerfully.

Hitsugaya sighed, "Get back to work already."

Matsumoto smiled and thankfully did return to work.

Hours later Matsumoto returned to the kitchen. Nanao had obviously given up and after seeing some of her failed pieces Matsumoto suspected that she was off somewhere sulking. Shaking her head she set about preparing the chocolate treats she was making for Gin. When she finished, she went to get the chocolates she had made for Hisagi and Kira, thinking to delivering them before she gave Gin his. But... "GIN!!!!!!"

It was like any other afternoon, Kira was sitting in his capter's private office, reading aloud some reports that Ichimaru was most definitely not paying attention to. Instead Ichimaru seemed to be reading a novel of some kind from the living world. Kira briefly wondered if Ichimaru would even notice if he just stopped and slipped out. He was considering doing just that when the door was thrown open and Matsumoto stormed in.

"Gin you bastard!" she screamed, "You ate the chocolate I made for Kira and smashed to pieces the chocolate I made for Hisagi!"

"Izuru don' mind me hav'n his chocolate," protested Gin, setting aside his book, "Do ya Izuru?" he turned his smiling face towards Kira.

Kira gulped, his captain was very, very upset, "No... no of course not," Kira turned towards Matsumoto and bowed his head slightly, "Thank you for the thought, Matsumoto-san, but I do not mind the Captain eating my share of the chocolate."

"Well I mind!" screamed Matsumoto, "Why did you do it! And why did you smash Hisagi's chocolate."

"I go' hungry," said Ichimaru, somehow managing to look like a very adorable silver fox, "An' I couldn' find the chocolate meant fer me. So I had Izuru's instead. As fer the other chocolate..." Gin opened his eyes and their was a dangerous glint in them that curdled Kira's blood, "I don' like ya mak'n Valentines chocolate fer 'im. Ya know I don'. Why ya keep do'n it is beyond me."

"You jealous moron!" cried Matsumoto, "He's my friend! My friend! I give all my friends chocolates on Valentines! Just for that I am so not giving you the chocolate treats I prepared for you," she informed him.

"Ya can' do that!" cried Ichimaru, "I am still hungry," he said, pulling on the adorable silver fox look again.

"O no!" said Matsumoto, "You can look adorable all you want but I am going to punish you. You so can't have the treats I made for you. But," she smiled slyly, "I am going to show them to you, just so you know what you are going to be missing out on..."

The next moment Kira's head hit the desk as he fainted from rapid blood loss due to a nosebleed, "Kira!" cried Matsumoto, "I am so sorry! I forgot you were still in the room! Gin we have to get him to the... GIN!" Gin too had succumbed to the blood loss from his nosebleed.

"How did this happen!" wondered Isane, after she had settled Kira and Ichimaru in.

"I just showed Gin his valentines treats," said Matsumoto, more then a little embarrassed and very perplexed, "I didn't think he was going to get a nosebleed too! I mean, it's not like he hasn't seen them before."

"Ha? What exactly did you make him for valentines?" asked Isane.

"Well..." Matsumoto carefully undid her obi and parted her Gi.

Isane was shocked and scandalized, "You dipped your breasts in chocolate!"

"I thought it was a great idea at the time!" protested Matsumoto, "I just didn't think Gin would faint!"

"Why did you show them to Captain Ichimaru in front of Vice-captain Kira?" demanded Isane, "And please cover them up! Those things are clearly lethal weapons!"

"I forgot Kira was still in the room," said Matsumoto, very upset, "Poor Kira, I wonder if he'll be awkward around me from now on."

"Awkward?" wondered Isane, "If he doesn't get a nosebleed every time he sees you, I'll consider us lucky. I am glad it wasn't Hisagi-san or Iba-san who saw you. They would have died from their nosebleeds!" Matsumoto just blushed.

Meanwhile Kira found himself sharing a room with his captain. Both of them needed blood transfusions but Isane had assured them that they would be able to leave within the hour. For sometime they lay in silence. Finally Kira broke it, "Captain?" he asked tentatively, not sure if Ichimaru was awake or not.

"Hmm...."

"You are the luckiest man in Seireitei," Kira declared.

Gin smiled a real smile, "Yeah," he acknowledged, "I am."

Author's note: Very silly and grossly improbably I know. But the idea wouldn't leave my head no matter what I told it. So... here you go. As always, thanks for reading and reviews are always appreciated.