The Rivendell Guardian of Mirkwood's Prince
By: Mikazuki Senshi
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except for the random, female, non Mary-Sue elves that I created. That means I don't own Legolas, Thranduil, Elrond, or any of the other LotR characters. Got that? Goodie.
Authoress' Notes: I am not too good in the elvish (or is it elfish?) department, I'll just tell you that right now. I know also that the wonderfluff people of Middle-Earth speak in a kind of different way than we do, however, I can't do too much of that either. This is AU, because I have no idea how old Legolas is, but I'm guessing he was born after the Ring incident (guess who has only watched the movies?) I'm also guessing that five hundred is still a small child in elvish years, roughly five in physical appearance. I know I'm wrong, but let me write, okay? I do not give a flip if you review nicely or not. Flames are bound to arrive, as I enjoy having phun at the expense of the elves.
One last thing: review Delena/Aneled Hupp's fics, and Fade to Black's fics too. Just never sign your review as bellatrix or relena peacecraft. She'll kill me. -_-;;
And one more thing: D-san, you still do not count as a reviewer, but you are welcome as well to click the little button. On to the miserable piece of wannabe fanfiction!
~=~
Legolas walked through the woods, hopelessly lost. 'Why did I come out here again?' he thought miserably. Elladan and Elrohir, the twin sons of Elrond, had dared him to go deep into the forest and stay the night. This would not have been such a big deal if they hadn't dared him to go to a part of the forest they all knew was dangerous and without any weapons. Legolas was still very young, for an elf, and had not been that far into the forest. But his honor was at stake, so he took the challenge of the visiting elves. And now he was lost. Hopelessly, miserably lost. And without hope.
"Seems like someone here is lost," a voice above him commented calmly.
"Who's there?" Legolas demanded, searching the trees above him.
"A better question is, elfling, why are you here? A prince of Mirkwood, alone, unarmed, and in the most dangerous part of Thranduil's kingdom? That's just asking for trouble. If you wish, I can take you home."
An elven woman appeared. She looked like the stereotypical elf: blonde hair, blue eyes, tall, and armed. Legolas stepped back. "Who are you?"
"The honest answer to that is none of your business. I am called Ethuil." She bowed. "I would not harm any elf without good reason. Now let's get you back home." Without another word, she picked up the elfling and tossed him over her shoulder.
"Hey!" he exclaimed, wriggling. "You can't do this to me! I'm a prince!"
"Actually, young prince, I can. I'm a lot older and stronger than you."
Legolas thought for a moment before asking, "So, how old are you?"
Ethuil stopped, cursing herself for saying she was older than him. Sighing, she told him how old she was. And got the most outrageous reaction.
"GEEZ, lady, you're OLD!" he exclaimed. "You're older than my FATHER, and he's ANCIENT! Elbereth, are you older than GALADRIEL?!"
At that last comment, Ethuil snapped. She dropped Legolas very unceremoniously on the ground. "If you're going to have that attitude, I think I'm just going to leave you here for the wargs, orcs and spiders to devour in the night."
Legolas sprung to his feet and latched onto the older (MUCH OLDER) elf. "You can't just leave me here!" he wailed. "What if the ORCS get me?!"
"They will, if you don't keep your mouth shut!" Ethuil hissed, clamping a hand over the child's mouth. He immediately bit her. "Ya little brat! Tanya awra!"
Suddenly, there was a rustling in the bushes. "What was that?" Legolas whispered fearfully, tightening his grasp around Ethuil's knees to the point where her legs were going numb. "Don't let it eat me!"
"Believe me, child, no one would eat an annoying brat like you," Ethuil muttered under her breath as she pried the elf off her and slung him back over her shoulder. "If we're lucky, it's only a spider. Now hold on tight, this is going to be really fast."
"How fast-?" Legolas started to ask, when she began running. REALLY FAST.
Legolas began screaming his head off as a huge spider appeared. He stopped for exactly one minute as Ethuil shot the spider twice, and then retrieved her arrows before running again. "If you could refrain from screaming in my ears, I'd really appreciate it," the archer snarled. Her patience was wearing thin, and that said a lot, as elves are said to have infinite patience.
The young elf complained loud and long the entire way back, even louder when the first spider's mate found and began chasing them. An arrow from the bushes stopped the giant spider. Ethuil stopped and turned her bow on the bushes from where the arrows were fired. "Who's there?" she demanded.
Archers appeared from all sides, arrows trained on her. The king of Mirkwood, Thranduil, was among them. "Return my son, and your passing will be swift."
"So the elfling is yours? Charming little brat you have. If you want him, you're welcome to have him." She tossed him to his father and turned to leave.
"Where do you think you're going?" an archer demanded, and she stopped. "The penalty for abducting the prince is death. You are to come with us."
"I didn't 'abduct' the kid, he was lost. And besides, if I wanted to kidnap anyone, I would have picked a less loud-mouthed elfling. My hearing is permanently damaged because of him. You'd think he'd never seen a giant spider before."
"Well I haven't," Legolas said, scowling. "She was going to let it eat me."
"If you're going to embellish, I suggest you do it properly," Ethuil snapped. "I'd like to know what possessed you to go out that far into the forest, young prince."
"We, um, we dared him to," a voice spoke up timidly from the back.
Everyone turned to stare at the twin sons of Elrond. They gave identical sheepish smiles. "He started it," the other twin defended himself and the other.
"Figures that Elrond would spawn children like you two." Ethuil scowled.
"Hey, Elladan," the younger one whispered. "Haven't we seen her before?"
"Now that you mention it, yes. Who are you?" Elladan questioned.
"None of your business. I'd like to go now." She tried to leave again, and was faced with seven arrows. "I didn't steal the prince, nor would I ever."
"Even so," one of the archers said. "It would only be proper if you would tell us your true name." He had an air of importance about him.
"I would have thought that Lord Glorfindel of Rivendell would have a longer memory than a mere mortal, but I must have been mistaken." She leapt into the trees above them and disappeared quickly through the branches.
"That was fast," Legolas remarked and was immediately shushed. "What is it?"
"Wargs," Thranduil answered, going pale. "I think we are in their nest."
~=~
Authoress' Ending Comments: I'm so evil… and I'm not even at the good part yet. The reason it is classified with the second genre as humor is simple. Legolas has a big mouth, and I am simply expanding on it.
Legolas: * huffily * I do not.
Firith: Then do explain to me who started the fight at the council of Elrond
Ithil: And the fight between you and Aragorn at Helm's Deep?
Ethuil: And the comment about my age?
Legolas: …
Riyo (the authoress): Case rested. I'm trying hard not to make Ethuil a Mary-Sue.
Legolas: You're failing miserably.
Riyo: No one asked you, Salogel, Princess of Mirkwood.
Legolas: Shut up.
Elladan: * suddenly interested * : Salogel? Care to explain?
Legolas: No.
Riyo: It's for another story. Elladan, go away, you're not a voice in my head.
Elladan: Neither is Legolas
Firith: Yes, but he is the object of our evilness today-
Ithil: -and probably everyday after-
Ethuil: -so therefore he is allowed to stay-
All three: -but your day might come soon-
Ithil: -though you shouldn't count on it.
Legolas: 0.o Are they related?
Firith: in a roundabout-
Ethuil: -and very twisted-
Ithil: -way. Don't worry; it'll make sense soon.
Riyo: Or it won't at all.
Elrohir: Review-
Elladan: -please. * pause * What's wrong with Legolas?
Legolas: x.x
Riyo: oops. Looks like we've gone and killed him
Ethuil: * shrugs * oh well, sucks to be him, more food for me, the greedy piggish-
All Muses: * clamp hands on her mouth * shh. Thranduil might hear you.
Thranduil: Hear what?
* crickets *
Riyo: The title, and everything else will make sense within the next few chapters.
Ethuil: If it ever does at all.
Ithil: I may be out of my place asking this, but where did Firith and Legolas go?
Group: o.O