Quistis sat with her back against the wall breathing heavily. They had just escaped from the D-District prison or rather the remains of the D-District prison as was now the case. The explosions had caused severe damage to the integrity of the structure causing parts to collapse. Escaping had been extremely difficult, the prison had never before been breached as was its design and intended purpose and the guards there had every advantage, anti magic fields, robot fighting droids and perhaps most tellingly of all they had not been through all the crap the gang had before the fight.
After finally escaping imminent danger from the prison the three SeeD's, herself Squall and Zell had managed to hijack a train and now they rested in the back carriage on the way back to Balamb to ward off the impending missile attack the sorceress had unleashed.
Quistis looked across the carriage towards the others and her paternal like instructor feelings kicked in as surveyed the two boys. Zell had several bruises on his face and was clearly in some pain, possibly suffering from a broken rib or two from when the guards had attacked him for defending the girls whilst detained in that dank prison cell, and she could see he was muttering to himself under his breath, for what reasons she was unsure, but decided she find out later. Her gaze then shifted towards Squall. He was currently lying motionless on the floor, his breathing seemed laboured and Quistis could see that his eyes were closed. She was uncertain whether he was sleeping or if he was unconscious, she didn't like the thought of it been the second option but she suspected it was the case. Either way she knew Squall was exhausted, he'd barely been able to hold up his sword during the last confrontation with the lingering guards before they hijacked the train. Still this was hardly surprising to her seeing how Squall had been brutally tortured by Seifer and the guards before they could free him. She was amazed he had found enough reserves to walk or fight at all, pure adrenaline and sheer will alone had carried him this far, but his body's need for rest had won out eventually.
As she absently stared at him Zell broke the silence and spoke up.
"I think he's asleep"
"I'm surprised it took this long. I am feeling fatigued so Hyne knows how he feels" replied Quistis in a tone that confirmed her words, the fatigue clearly visible in her voice.
"Do you think we'll make it back to Balamb in time to prevent the missiles and save the garden and its people?" Zell asked in a distressed manner, the guilt plaguing his mind. He couldn't believe he had been so stupid as to reveal it was SeeD involvement during the broadcast.
"We'll make it" She answered with a half hearted smile that lacked the conviction of true belief. Quistis wasn't sure if she was trying to convince Zell or herself
Zell nodded in acknowledgement before saying
"I'm gonna go check out upfront, you be OK back here?" he asked, she nodded and he made his retreat leaving the two of them in the carriage and effectively left Quistis alone with her thoughts.
She had always believed she loved Squall, and even if this was unrequited she yearned for the day when this would be returned, but swore to herself that even if the day did not arrive, she would always love him, and it pained her to see him in his present state.
Love to be beside you and the way you smell
She moved over towards the door of the carriage and opened it to a slight ajar to get some fresh air. Within moments of doing so her nostrils caught a familiar scent-his scent that she loved to smell. Sure he may currently be hurt and sweating but he was a warrior, as was she, and this was she life they knew, these were the smells they knew, blood sweat and gore, not your usual romantic scent of an ordinary teenager.
She relaxed for a moment while enjoying the brief familiarity of his scent and feeling like a woman, not a warrior or instructor but just a human being. As she did her mind wandered and she began wistfully thinking of him and her together as one. A thought she had often lusted and dreamt off. She sighed. Still her mind was preoccupied.
The way your lips feel, and your finger nails
Briefly distracted from her thoughts by a small grunt and cough from Squall she looked over towards him, remaining silent and watching. She failed to notice the small trickle of fresh blood in the corner of his mouth and she slipped back into the blissful daydream. Those lips touching hers, the warm sensation of his lips caressing hers, enticing her passion and igniting a blazing inferno of lust within her body.
The way your fingers crawl up my spine
Her heart was racing now, even if this was a dream, a theatrical performance of her fantasies playing over in her mind. She shivered as she imagined his bare hands caressing her back spreading from the small of her back right up towards the top of her neck and back down. She could almost feel it, it seemed so real to her. Oh how she wished this would continue, caresses turning to unleashed lust, unclasping her bra and then working his hands all over her body from her breasts to her thighs, to her hips and back, anywhere, she didn't care, she just wanted to feel him, wanting to to feel her, to love her.
Then she awoke from her lustful dream to the cold reality of her life.
The way you always make me the last in line
It was a deep longing to be loved that she felt, a craving to feel the warmth of affection and Squall was the opposite of this, known within garden as the ice prince, a lone wolf who was sealed behind walls of cold distant emotion, like a citadel of sadness and solitude. He seemingly had no friends, nor a desire to have them, he depended on only himself and kept his emotions well in check, a true warrior. It saddened Quistis to think that Squalls battlefield was his life, a mercenary warrior by trade who appeared to perpetually be working. As she thought about she too in turn seemed to constantly be working and often wouldn't have time to socialise or be herself anyway.
I carry the weight of the world as the past is unfurled , but I won't stop to wonder
She felt like crying. She was fed up of been alone, sure she had plenty of potential suitors but she wanted Squall, in truth she wanted him too much, and often suffered from depression when dwelling on this fact. But now was not the time to be lost in these thoughts, although Quistis' inner monologues always did have an awful sense of timing.
Going through this life on my own made cold as a stone; I'm a ship going under
She wanted to scream, this burning lust was growing inside her, tiny embers of mistaken emotion had strayed over the boundaries of her control and were rapidly spreading through her veins. Lust was taking over and her heart felt like it would burst out of her chest at any moment. Burning. Thriving. Exponentially growing. Pressure building, her pulse pounding like the beat of drum to the idles of war. Then suddenly there was peace, no emotion, no burning desire, nothing, like been inside the eye of the storm. Lost in the void.
And I'd tell you this but I don't know how
If only she could find the strength, the courage to dare reveal these feelings. Last time she had mustered the bravery to lay her feelings on the line to him she was rejected, not attempt to be let down gently, just a cold blooded reply "Go talk to a wall". Subtlety evidently wasn't Squall's strong point. Yet as hurt as Quistis felt, she envied him, his ability to just let loose his feeling, to tell her the way it was, at least in his eyes, even if this 'truth' was cold rejection, it was clear and left no room for misinterpretation.
And I'm caving in and I'm falling out and I cant resist
Quistis felt a sudden jerk as the carriage of the train went over some rough terrain which brought her back to her alert self and offered a brief respite from her tortuous dreams. She hated herself. To the outside world she was a young intelligent sexy woman with the world at her feet, a perfect student turned teacher, hell she had her own fan club 'the Trepies' still she was unhappy, hurting inside, longing for the day Squall would be hers. The pressure she was applying to her heart was crumbling her foundations, much like a demi spell when it distorted the gravity.
And I cant rebound with the weight of the world as the world falls down
She saw Squall was moving now and he was sitting up, his mind was not allowing him the rest his body needed. He glanced at Quistis and wiped the small trace of blood from his lip whilst she wasn't looking. The train passed over another rough part of terrain and jerked violently once more, causing Squall to let a small wince, that didn't go unnoticed.
"How much further to go" he asked her
"10 minutes max, how you feeling?" She replied in a soft yet assuring tone
"When we embark, we must find Cid, and evacuate garden" he answered, avoiding her personal question in usual business like fashion.
Quistis nodded in agreement.
"I'm off to check with Zell. We cant afford to waste any time on this."
She nodded, she felt his tone was harsh and he clearly was pissed off, but she could tell he didn't truly blame Zell for telling the sorceress SeeD were involved in the operation back at the TV station, but Squall been Squall wouldn't give Zell an easy ride about it. She knew Squall and Zell would be considered friends by most people, but he wasn't a person who had friends. She smiled as she thought back to a few hours ago when they were in the prison and Zell was surround by armed guards and Squall had come out of nowhere and come to his aid. Squall may not have done it out of friendship; perhaps he just felt responsible for the group seeing as he had been named leader for the mission, but whatever the reason Squall had saved Zell's life and he would do it again if he had too.
Regardless of the reason it had made her happy to see him show emotion, to show he cared, it made her excited, gave her cause for optimism
Its the way you thrill me then pull away
She knew he was human, knew he did have something inside of him, he did care, but he would only show it on his terms when he felt he had to. She was wallowing in self pity again, her thoughts clouding over with storm clouds of confused thoughts and lightning feelings of depression. These thoughts were crippling her, leeching her self efficacy on a daily basis
The way you seem to kill me a little more each day
Squall had finished talking to Zell and was just approaching the door to the carriage when he noticed Quistis was in her own little world again.
And it's what you're thinking in your twisted mind.
He wondered what she was thinking about, but didn't contemplate it for long as he went into the carriage and spoke to her,
"We're almost there, 2 minutes till disembark" He said in an authoritative manner. She blinked, as if to blow away the haze of her daydreams, then turned to look at him.
"Okay, I'll be ready" She answered whilst nodding in confirmation.
Squall nodded once and swiftly turned towards the door, a small grimace briefly crossed his face and he pressed his hand to his ribs and coughed forcing small rivulets of blood to dispel from his mouth. This didn't go unnoticed by Quistis and she fleetly moved over to him and gently grabbed his arm.
"Your in no condition to rush anywhere Squall" She said in an overprotective concerned motherly tone. She felt his body tremble for the briefest of moments, almost like a shiver, and her heart rate increased, dark desires briefly emerging before she regained composure.
The way your body trembles when its next to mine
Squall responded by shooting her an icy glare. That was all that was needed for her to understand. In the years she had known him she had come to realise that he could say more in one look of those piercing blue eyes than any words could express. She could see that deep within the glacial stare was a burning fire that drove him on. Right now his eyes were clearly telling her that his home was in danger and he was going to do everything he could to save it, even if cost him his life in the process.
"Lets move" she replied confidently, knowing it was pointless to pursue this line of questioning. She could see from the look in his eyes he wasn't going to change his mind. She was undecided whether she felt admiration for his courage or if she was just plain frustrated at his lack of acknowledgement that she cared so much for him. She could sense that frustration was winning the tug of war. Why did he have to be so cold? Why could he not let his guard down for just even a second? After everything they'd been through she couldn't believe he still didn't trust her enough to express any human emotion. She wished that at this very second in time she could just grab his head and knock some sense into him. Still nothing had seemed to change and her feelings continued to weigh her down, they were a crippling burden.
I carry the weight of the world, as the past is unfurled, but I won't stop to wonder
Going through this life on my own, made me cold as a stone, I'm a ship going under
And I'd tell you this, but I don't know how
And I'm caving in, and I'm falling out, and I cant resist and I cant rebound
With the weight of the world as the world falls down
Time was running out and the three SeeD's had the daunting task of saving Balamb garden, so she focused her mind and pushed her previous thoughts to the back of her mind where she was sure they would resurface when she alone once more, probably in the late hours of the night and into the early morn when she was trying to sleep.
This pain, I think about it everyday, it tells me I'm never gonna get away
I know it's over, but I can't escape, memories and how to face another day
And with that she locked her thoughts away and the three SeeD's set off to try and warn headmaster Cid of the impending doom that was awaiting garden.