Small Soul
by:
nexa alex
Disclamer: I don't own a thing... swear! It's all Clamp!
*******************
And I don't own the music either. Alma Pequena - Gémeas
A/N:
Here's another song fic. =)
Once again thanks for your help Jo!
=D
"I give up!" I screamed
What had brought me to that?
Well it was… 2.48 am and I was just as awake as I had been in the last 72 hours.
Urrrrg! I can't take it anymore! I've to do something.
I pull myself from my warm covers, go to my secretary and grab a pen and my song book.
When I was going to the bed again I pass in front of my mirror… what have I became?
I sit at my bed looking down at the white page. What's the best way to spend a sleepless night? Write something down.
Not that I can call this a real insomnia… I just can't sleep, not when I know I've just broken up with my long-term boyfriend…
What to do when the best person that ever crossed your life just broke your trust?
You've sleepless nights…
You lay awake in your bed 'cause you're just too shocked, too… I don't know… just too… you just feel that a hurricane has just crossed your way and turned everything upside down…
I just can't believe he had to go… I still can't believe… and just for a stupid reason…
He just… left me… in here… and went all the way to the other side of the globe to marry a girl.
He didn't even knew her… just because… if he didn't… his father would be too disappointed that he's only son would put his own wants and needs in front of the big and very very important business of the family!
Oh! How happy and proud his daddy must be! Because his wonderful son as left the girl he was suppose to love for a stupid and… and stupid and… even more stupid job!
I put the pen on the white page, take a deep breath… and the words seem to come out on their own…
***
You took my life
You become a moment
You disappeared and the goodbye
Has flown with the wind
You felt everything I felt
You knew everything I wanted
You pretend it was all an illusion
After all I didn't know you
***
Gosh this feels good, it's like someone has taken a weight of my shoulders…
I feel something had made my cheek wet, tears? Great… now I'm crying! Urg! Enough! I've decided I will forget you!
***
I thought I meant something to you
Crying I've already decided
No matter how much it hurts I'll say
I've already forgotten you
I hate you for what you are
A draft of the past
But I love you for what you were
Someone that will be forgotten
***
I remember everything you've said, everything you've done, everything you made me feel.
You're eyes had made me believe in so much lies… you're body had made me feel so much in so little time that it used to made me feel dizzy…
But now… those memories seem so far away… now they are only dreams, they're nothing.
***
I close my eyes and meet your ones
I feel your body with my own burning
I hear quietly 'I want you for me'
I wake up, you're not here
You're nothing
You're insignificant
Ohhh
Insignificant
You're nothing but no one
***
Yeah, nothing, you're no one! When you left and took every memory of us with you… all the written letters, all the photos we had… with all that, you took my life…
***
You took my life
A written letter
A loosen photograph
Why can't I give myself
To the right person
Why do I only give love
To the ones who don't deserve it
You've made me become a poet in the dark
And it was in the dark that I wrote this letter
In the white sheet
Tear stains
The black color became gray
So much pain
It wasn't worth it
Now you've got a small soul
***
I remember how I used to feel beautiful when I was around you, you had the ability to make me feel wonderful, with all your sweet words, the loving way you used to gaze at me, or so I thought…
Now I look at my mirror and I don't believe it's me, I see my crying red eyes and my dark eye bags… it's only when I look at the mirror I believe that what I most dread it's true, that it wasn't a bad dream, that it's really, all lost…
***
I look at the mirror
Asking if it's me
Cause it's when I look at the mirror
I see it's all dead
It's when I look at the mirror
I saw the reflection is mine
I don't even look back
I know it's all lost
***
Now I know I've to put myself together. I've to live without you. So, for that I'll say:
***
I don't miss you
I don't feel your stare
I don't even feel the love that made me dream
I don't even feel the love that made me dream!!!!
I don't even feel the love that made me believe
It's only an expression on a melody
***
Now I don't know what to feel, I don't even know what I feel for you…
But I will not waste my seconds going crazy about this… I'll get over this, and I will get a new life…
Right?
***
Sad feeling
I don't know what I feel
Do I despise you?
Do I ignore you?
If I take out what's rare, it's because I cry…
I want a new world, something deeper
Enough of moments, enough of seconds
A new face, a soul without a lie
All I want it's a new life
A new life… a new life…
Why can't you give me
To the right person
Why do I only give love
To the ones who don't deserve it
You've made me become a poet in the dark
And it was in the dark that I wrote this letter
In the white sheet
Tear stains
The black color became gray
So much pain
It wasn't worth it
Now you've a small soul
***
I look at the clock – great! 4 am. I've school in like… 4 hours… just great another sleepless night, all I needed right now.
Well, it's better if I enjoy this 3 hours of sleep I've ahead.
I toss my song book to the floor near the top of my bed, don't have the patience to care where that ends up. Pull my covers and try to sleep, seems like I was more tired then I admitted myself, cause when I put my head down I was already at my dreamland.
The only place when I can fool myself into thinking that you didn't left me, and that you're still here... with me...
Thanks for reading!
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=)
Small Soul