For the HB Shipper Week on Tumblr.

Today's prompt is: AU.

"I think it's time we sat down and gave Kai the talk," Botan announced suddenly.

Hiei pulled his gaze away from his phone, brow furrowed as he regarded his wife.

"Don't give me that look, mister, he's already fifteen years old," she said, amethyst eyes resting on him beseechingly. "We've avoided it for long enough."

His mouth drew into a firm line as he crossed his arms over his chest. While he usually had no trouble saying and doing what was necessary to raise their son, this was one subject that he was not entirely willing to breach. Botan continued to look at him in that soft and pleading way that she knew he had trouble saying no to and he found himself caving in. It wasn't as if she was suggesting something unreasonable. They would have to do this eventually and they may as well get it over with now.

It would not be so bad, he told himself. He would simply sit there and glare at Kai while Botan did all the talking. That should be enough to scare the boy away from all things sex for a few years, at the very least.

"Fine," he relented with a sigh.

"Wonderful! I'm so glad that we could come to this agreement," she chirped, clapping her hands together.

"Hn."

"Good luck, dear," she said, patting a hand against his chest. "And try not to be too blunt with him."

Hiei frowned as she returned her attention to the program she had been watching - another one of those depraved reality shows – and proceeded to make herself comfortable by settling into the couch.

"Woman," he gritted out irritably.

"Yes, sweetie?" she replied, turning to face him with rounded eyes and a forced look of innocence.

"Why does it sound like you won't be a part of this conversation?" he questioned.

Her expression turned sheepish as she looked up at him.

"…Because I won't?" she tried.

Crimson eyes narrowed.

"This was your idea in the first place. If anyone should tell him, it should be you," he countered.

"But you're his father - you can better relate to him," Botan reasoned. "And Kai may feel more comfortable talking to you about this sort of thing."

Once again, she was making some valid points.

"And if you do," she began, leaning close to him and whispering in his ear, "I'll make it worth your while."

Hiei could feel the outline of her body, smooth curves and all, as she stared up at him with those inviting eyes. She really was a devious one when she wanted to be.

"So," she pulled away and ran a finger down his tie. "What do you say?"

Hiei smirked.

"Hn, I suppose you leave me with no choice."

She smiled and brushed her lips against his. All of the of the day's tensions melted away instantly as he allowed her to lead the kiss, slow and soft and teasing. It was just starting to get somewhere when the door opened.

"I'm back," Kai announced, oblivious and unaware to what awaited him.

They both pulled away and turned to see the boy. He was dressed in his school uniform, backpack slung over one shoulder casually and earphones hanging around his neck. Luckily, his head was bowed slightly, eyes downcast as he kicked his shoes off.

"Welcome home, son," Botan said warmly, taking a stand and greeting him with a smile. "How was your day?"

"Same old, same old," he said with a shrug, before matching her expression with a smile of his own. "What about you two?"

"Same old, same old," she returned lightly.

He grinned.

Botan sent Hiei a pointed look as she headed over to the kitchen and pretended to busy herself in there. Unbeknownst to Kai, she would probably be listening to every word that passed between them.

"Hey Dad." The boy dropped his bag on the floor and settled next to Hiei on the couch. He made a face upon seeing what was playing on the television, pointing a finger at it disgustedly. "Ugh, you were actually watching this?"

"Don't look at me; it was your deranged mother," he replied.

Purple eyes twinkled in amusement as he nudged him.

"I kinda think you like it, too."

"Don't be ridiculous," Hiei scoffed.

Kai laughed as he picked up the remote and flipped through the channels and Hiei took this opportunity to glance at the boy reflectively. Kai was nearly his height already, his features beginning to sharpen into a more mature look and body filling out with more muscle. Though he retained most of his personality, he had changed a bit, too. His curiosity, friendliness and knack for getting into mischief remained, but he had gained a maturity and sense of empathy that was beyond his years. Hiei supposed it really was time.

"Kai," he began.

"Hm?"

"There is something we need to talk about," Hiei stated.

The boy stopped paying attention to the television, turning to face Hiei with an expectant look.

"Yes?"

"At this age, you will have certain urges."

"...Huh?"

"Desires that weren't there before," Hiei continued.

"D-desires?" Kai echoed, his voice breaking slightly in his embarrassment. "W-what do you mean-?"

"I'm talking about sex," he revealed candidly.

Kai made a choked noise and immediately went pale. His features twisted into a pained look and Hiei almost felt bad for the boy. However, this was no time to be soft. Sharp gaze resting evenly on his son's widened purple eyes, Hiei continued.

"There are certain things you should know, such as the risks and repercussions. Pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and death are just a few," Hiei informed conversationally. "Protection doesn't always do its job. You're far too young to face the consequences and, as such, should be abstaining."

Kai threw his hands over his ears.

"Ugh, Dad, you're like, 3 years too late."

Hiei's eyes widened a fraction, before immediately narrowing.

"Have you-"

"No!" Kai exclaimed hurriedly, removing his hands to wave them in front of him defensively. "No! I didn't do any of... that. I just meant that I already learned about all of this in school, so you can save the lecture."

Hiei's expression fell, relief flooding him as he processed Kai's words.

"So you've heard this all before," he stated.

"Uh-huh."

"Then why did your meddling mother force me to tell it you again?"

"Because she likes torturing us?" Kai reasoned, his expression still pained.

He glanced over to the kitchen and frowned. Botan would delight in his suffering. Underneath those cheery smiles and bright expressions lay a sadistic streak that not many knew about.

"That woman is unbearable..." he sighed.

"You're the one who married her," Kai pointed out under his breath.

Hiei's gaze snapped back to meet Kai's and the boy straightened his posture.

"In any case, what I said still stands," Hiei resumed. "I have no intentions of becoming a grandparent at this age. Do you understand?"

"Yeah…" Kai said, his entire face flushed red.

"Use a condom, if you must."

Kai nodded shakily.

"R-right. Whatever you say. Can I go now?" he asked, looking as though he was one second away from internally combusting. "Please?"

"Yes."

Kai all but ran out of the living room, closing his door behind him and cranking up the volume to one of those loud songs he loved so much. He was definitely trying to erase the memories of the conversation they had just had and Hiei couldn't blame him. He sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Teenagers - they were far too dramatic.

Botan walked over to him, glancing at Kai's door, before regarding him with a knowing look.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" she asked.

"It was mortifying."

She settled sideways into his lap, running her hands through his hair and easing away his tension.

"But it was necessary," she noted, pecking him on the cheek. "And now it's over."

Hiei's hand settled on the small of her back as he leaned in to capture her lips with his.

"You're in charge of the next embarrassing lecture," he muttered between kisses.

"I suppose that's only fair…" she agreed.

Hiei moved to deepen the kiss in the same moment that Kai's room door busted open.

"Hey, mom, can I—" the boy cut himself off abruptly, groaning in disgust. "Ugh... guys... c'mon... your room is literally just down the hall. Use it! Preferably when I'm not around."

The two pulled away just in time to see Kai's room door close once more. His music resumed at a much higher decibel than before and Hiei sighed. The boy really was too dramatic.

He leaned in to continue what they started, but Botan rested a hand on his chest to maintain some distance.

"I do believe we've scarred him enough for one day, wouldn't you say?"

Hiei frowned at the loss of contact, but relented.

"I suppose so."

She kissed him one more time and he took a moment to properly savor the softness of her lips and the way her body seemed to fit perfectly against his. It was almost embarrassing how easily the woman had him wrapped around his finger, but he was not complaining. Eventually, she eventually broke away, winking at him playfully as she took a stand and sauntered off. If his eyes followed her until she was out of sight, no one but him would ever know.

Loosening his tie, he settled back into the couch and pulled out his phone. He had received a message from Kai. Raising a brow, he opened it.

'Are you guys done making out?' The boy had even attached one of those emoji faces to the message - one that accurately captured his disgust.

Hiei rolled his eyes and sent a quick reply.

Moments later, Kai's music ceased and the boy exited his room cautiously. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw that his parents were, in fact, separated and took up residence at the small kitchen table, chattering away eagerly with his mother about his day.

Crimson eyes rested on the two of them, his expression softening considerably.

Though he did not believe in luck, Hiei knew that he was fortunate to have those two in his life. Even if they did have a habit of forcing him into doing many unpleasant and becoming things, he would not change a single thing.

Hope you all liked it! There will be a part two tomorrow~