Practical Jokes
by MM
disclaimer: The characters (and they certainly are!) do not belong to me nor have I yet to inflict an oc on the unsuspecting readers (just wait, you'll suffer). I'll help 'em up, dust them off, give 'em a smooch and send them back when I'm done.
rating: T
Notes: early on, Johnny seeks help in dealing with the Phantom.
Captain Stanley looked up from his paperwork at his youngest crew member. The man looked exhausted, more than exhausted. Strange, it had been a fairly quiet shift.
"Come in Johnny, have a seat," he encouraged. Gage closed the door and limped over to the chair. He sat quietly a moment and Hank could tell he was summoning up the guts to say something.
"I don't want to complain, Cap, but I'm really at my wit's end," he began. "And I need some help, even a counselor." That surprised the usually unflappable older man.
"Six, six practical jokes this shift alone, sir" Johnny slipped into formality. "I ran out of clean shirts. This one Roy hung out for me after the third one was ruined. Plus everyone laughs. It isn't funny, sir." Gage's voice sunk down to nearly a whisper. Stanley thought about the shift. Water balloons, hot sauce in his food, fake snake in his bed, and the young man was correct, even he had laughed at the phantom's antics.
But at what cost? Johnny tried to get back at Chet Kelly, but it seldom worked, Kelly was too savvy and could defuse most gags, using them against his 'pigeon'. And they'd escalated the past few weeks. The man before him had every right to complain and he, the captain, had not even tried to help.
"You look like you could use a good breakfast, John," Hank said. "Let me buy you some and we can talk more. You're right, it has gone too far." Johnny gave one of his half-smiles and stood up as his captain did. As they were entering the apparatus bay, Marco Lopez called out, stopping Hank. Johnny kept going, then slid helplessly in a pool of cooking oil, loosing his feet and coming down hard on his butt. Laughter peeled out from two shifts of firemen.
Except for Captain Stanley.
He went to Gage's side, avoiding the oil, and helped him up. Another set of clothing ruined.
"I'm gonna take a raincheck on breakfast, Cap," Johnny whispered completely dejected.
"But you need to eat. Did you get any dinner?" Hank tried to think back.
"Nah, wasn't hungry," the young man mumbled. Of course he wasn't hungry. The spaghetti had been thoroughly laced with tabasco sauce and completely inedible. He hadn't bothered getting a fresh plate.
"You're coming with me," Hank tugged him into the locker room and opened Gage's locker, getting a face full of water. Number 8. There was no laughter this time as an embarrassed Kelly began to apologize to the captain.
"Can it, Kelly," Stanley growled, "and go clean up that oil before you leave!" Grumbling, the fire man left. Hank then pulled out several sets of soiled clothing and stuffed it into Johnny's duffle. He quickly pulled out his own dirty clothes and without a second thought stuffed it into the same bag.
He led the silent paramedic through the fire house to the parking lot, angry at the handful of jeers that followed them out. An hour ago he would have laughed at the antics, but now aware of how Johnny felt, he no longer saw any humor in all the pranks.
The young man docilely climbed into Stanley's truck, locking his seatbelt in place. As he drove them out of the yard, he saw the concerned face of Roy DeSoto. lowering the window, he spoke softly with the senior paramedic.
"We've gotta talk about these jokes, Roy, they've gotten way out of line," the fire captain said.
"I'll be at home today, give me a call, Cap," Roy replied. "Hey Junior, get some sleep!" Johnny nodded slightly not trusting his voice.
Stanley was not one to bring problems home with him. But he realized this was a problem he needed help with and his family would be his best allies. The man next to him had fallen asleep within the first few blocks. He looked even younger now.
Twenty minutes later he pulled up into his driveway. He got out and then opened the passenger door. Gage was slightly disoriented, not knowing where he was, but he knew the voice talking to him and he shifted his gaze to his captain.
"Come on, champ, let's get cleaned up and see if Emily can get us some breakfast," Stanley grabbed the duffle and tugged his paramedic into the house.
"Welcome home, dear," Emily Stanley greeted her husband.
"Hi Em," Hank gave her a light kiss, "Remember Johnny?"
"Of course I do, good morning, Johnny!" she smiled at the young man next to her husband.
"You think you could rustle up some breakfast for two hungry fire fighters?" Hank asked.
"Sure, give me ten minutes!" she replied. Truth be told, she had breakfast half-completed for her husband. It would be no trouble making more toast and adding a couple more eggs for the omelette.
Hank led Johnny down to the master bathroom and suggested a shower. "I'll find something for you to wear until we can get these clothes clean. Johnny started to protest but quickly gave up the fight when Emily showed up with clean sweat pants and instructed to leave his dirty clothing on the floor.
While he showered, the captain changed out of his uniform and into jeans and a t-shirt. He wiggled his toes in the deep shag carpet before sliding them into his slippers.
"Cap? Do you have a t-shirt I can borrow?" Johnny asked as he came out of the bathroom toweling his hair dry. From his vantage point Hank could see scars lightly striping the young man's shoulders and back. He'd often wondered about them but had never had the opportunity to ask since Chet had made several jokes about them. Johnny had tried after that to always have a shirt or covering over his back. He also noted ribs. The man was too thin.
"Here you go," Stanley tossed him a clean shirt. "I was curious, how did you get so many scars on your back?"
"My uncle didn't like me," the young man answered pulling on the shirt to cover the offensive marks. An understatement given the numerous marks. The conversation was ended when Emily called to let them know breakfast was ready.
"Jake went to school early to run on the track," she told her husband when he noted only four places set on the table. "Ruthie?!" she called out, "breakfast!"
Hank and Johnny sat down and waited until everyone was seated. Hank's 14 year old daughter came into the kitchen and stopped dead in her tracks. At the table was a particularly handsome guy. She felt herself blush as she managed to take her seat.
"Ruthie, you remember John Gage?" Hank asked his daughter. "He was at the barbeque last month."
"Yeah, of course I do!" she exclaimed. He had been nice and had played catch with her brother. "G'morning Mr. Gage."
"Good morning, Ruthie," he replied. "And call me Johnny, ok? Mr. Gage is my uncle." He gave her his best lopsided grin causing her to flush deeper red. Hank and Emily exchanged amused glances. Breakfast would be fun.
During breakfast Hank gleaned a couple useful bits of information. One he had known: the young paramedic was a great conversationalist. He listened to Gage instigate a conversation with his daughter and wife. He easily discussed middle school angst and the ongoing problems of proper dress. Somehow he was able to make Ruthie see certain fashion 'statements' were completely inappropriate as well as too much make up didn't really look good.
He also discovered John liked peanut butter on his toast. He made a mental note to secure a jar in his office so he would have an option if the phantom ruined another meal. Of course, Emily commented that John also had the best table manners she had ever seen. She added she wanted him to come over regularly to be a good example to her two teenagers.
Hank readily agreed although he wanted to get some weight on the paramedic and Emily's cooking would help. Johnny blushed which made Ruthie fall hopelessly in love with the paramedic.
Soon Ruthie had to leave for school. Emily offered to drive her so she wouldn't be late and her daughter happily agreed. This left the dishes to the guys. Johnny efficiently washed while Hank dried and put things away.
"Ok, now it's time for your nap, John," he carefully patted the younger man's shoulder and steered him down the hallway to his bedroom. "You didn't sleep much, if at all, last night, did you?"
"Not really, Cap," he admitted, his face red with shame.
"I know, John. Chet and his jokes," Hank sympathized. "I want you to rest now and we'll get your car later." He had maneuvered the younger man back into his bed and pulled back the covers. Before he could complain, he was being tucked in. He was encouraged to roll on his side and listen to the older man talk about inconsequential things until he drifted off.
When Stanley stood up he found his wife leaning in the doorway with a small smile on her face. "You're just a big softie, Hank Stanley," she gave him and affectionate hug and kiss.
"That's a classified secret, lady," he teased gently as they walked back to the kitchen and the coffee pot. As they sipped fresh coffee, Hank filled her in on what had happened at the station. He felt ashamed as his wife took him task for letting the pranks get so out of hand.
"I'm going to call Roy DeSoto, his partner," Hank said. "Johnny spends a lot of time with him on off days." While he was on the phone Emily went down the hall to check on their guest.
Johnny had curled up tight around a pillow, his head tucked on top. He looked impossibly young to the woman as she adjusted the covers over him. She smiled as she reflected on the poor, bedraggled creatures her children had drug home over the years. Stand to reason Hank would as well.
Hank looked in at his wife, thinking the same thought. He figured he was in for some teasing if his daughter or son figured out his 'pet' project. She tugged on her husband's arm and they went out to the laundry area in the garage.
"Roy'll be over after one with some pizza," Hank said. "He wasn't surprised Johnny asked for help since he was the one who suggested it." He watched his wife shake out Johnny's shirts, all of which were damp.
"What did Kelly do, turn the hose on him?" Emily asked in disgust as she started the washer and added Hank's shirts.
"Uhm, not this shift," he admitted as he scuffed his slipper across the floor. His wife gave him a long sideways glare.
"Five shirts, plus the one he was wearing, Hank," she said quietly.
"Yeah, I know," Hank felt miserable having let the teasing go on so long.
The morning went on with housework figuring in heavily. None of the noise generated woke Johnny. A little before one a knock at the door announced Roy's arrival. The smell of pizza filled the air and a six pack clinked its own tune. These were deposited in the kitchen then the two men went to wake up their friend.
"Hey, Johnny?" Roy said softly and he touched his friend's shoulder. "Time to wake up, pal."
"Hmmm?" Johnny tested the waters. Did he really need to wake?
"Gage, wake up!" Hank gently ordered.
"Cap? Did I sleep through tones?" he asked momentarily confused. He was not in the station; there was only one bed. Neither man hovering over him were in uniform.
"Nah, you came home with me and after breakfast I made you take a nap," Stanley explained. "Now Roy and I want to feed you lunch."
"I brought your favorite pizza, Junior," Roy smiled, "except I put all the vegetables only on one side.
"Pepperoni?" John wanted to know if it would be worth his while getting up.
"Nope," his partner assured him. "No anchovies, either."
"'K," the paramedic sat on the edge of the bed and then allowed his captain to pull him up. He padded into the bathroom before joining his friends at the kitchen table.
"Emily's gone shopping for dinner," Hank said. "She wanted to try out a new recipe and figured you're a good excuse to try it. Plus, the kids won't complain with you here."
"I'm staying to dinner?" he asked as he settled into his chair.
"Yep, 'fraid so," the older man replied. "And Emily had me make up the guest room. She wants your 'good manners' to rub off on Ruthie at least."
"Why would you want me around?" he asked sourly. "You get me 24 to 72 hours at a go." Stanley glanced at Roy.
"I like you, John. You're a good guy," he began. "Plus you've saved my tail at least twice in the past six months." Johnny pulled his head up to search his captain's eyes and found truth.
"Sorry," he mumbled. "I can't get out of my head lately."
"Well, pally, you're gonna be with me or Cap for awhile," Roy said. "Jenny was ecstatic when I told her you were coming for a sleepover Friday night. Chris is already lining up the board games." Johnny had to chuckle. He knew that the DeSotos all liked him a great deal. He did feel comfortable there.
"Plus, I gave JoAnne your keys so she'll pick up your mail..." he continued.
"Aw man, the place isn't clean," John began, looking upset.
"Hey, she cleans up after me and two kids," Roy said. "You can't possible be worse than us when she's been out of town a couple nights. The younger man considered this.
"Yeah, you're right. I remember you calling me for help last month," a smile finally reached his eyes recalling the debris of three nights without JoAnne.
"And I still got in trouble because Jenny tattled on me! Jo would never have known otherwise!" Roy whined.
"This pizza is going to get cold and the beer's getting warm," Hank broke in since they were on a positive note. He checked out the food. Half of the pizza was sausage and black olives. The other half had every conceivable vegetable in the restaurant and no meat.
"Vegetarian delight, extra cheese," Roy explained at the confused expression. "I think Johnny prefers grazing to meat."
"I like meat just fine," Johnny countered, "but I love vegetables." He took a big bite and happily chewed.
"And if they figured out how to put fruit on pizza you'd be in heaven, Junior," Roy chuckled.
"You need to talk with Emily then," Hank said. "She might have some ideas."
They enjoyed the pizza. Cap was pleased to see the younger paramedic finished off the entire vegetarian side, save one slice. This was wrapped and put in the fridge for later. Stanley pulled out three more beers. Caps were pried off and long, cool swigs were enjoyed.
The next hour they discussed Johnny and Chet and all the pranks. It was hard for the younger man to admit how hurt he was, but he needed to have some support. He had lost enough weight that Roy had noticed as had Hank. The captain called headquarters to line up an appointment with a counselor. He even agreed to join Johnny on the first appointment at least. More if necessary. Roy decided he'd come, too, at least to support his partner.
After a plan was made, the conversation moved to family and kids. Although Gage had no family of his own, he had Roy's kids to talk about. Winter/spring sports were in and there was much discussion about little league and track. Emily appeared with two teenagers and groceries.
Jake was thrilled to see Johnny. He'd talked a lot with the paramedic at the barbeque as they'd thrown the ball back and forth. He easily convinced him to join him in the yard for a catch once Roy left. Ruthie discovered the leftover pizza and shared it with her brother. Both demanded to know more about it and were fascinated that the fire fighter actually ate vegetables. Emily just rolled her eyes at Hank.
"Told you we need him over here more often," she whispered so he and Roy could hear her. "He'll be a good roll model." Roy had to laugh.
"On most things," he chortled. When he left the conversation was centered on Johnny's desire for a fruit pizza. He knew that he'd be hearing all about the new pizza when the paramedic was dropped off at his house the next day.
Emily Stanley was pleasantly surprised when her children eagerly helped prepare dinner. Of course, it was Johnny who pitched in to slice the vegetables that spurred them into action. In less time than usual the table was set and dinner was in the oven. The kitchen was cleaned and she was sitting on the porch watching her son play catch with the young paramedic, a glass of wine in hand.
"Let's adopt him," she suggested to her husband.
"He's a little too old," Hank said sadly. "And it would probably wear off."
"Then he's invited over once a week until Ruthie gets into college," Emily said decisively. Hank clinked his glass against her and agreed.
"Dad?" Jake stopped by his father on the way to wash up. "Can you let Johnny have his running shoes? They're in his duffle. He said he'd go for a run before breakfast with me."
"Sure, if he really wants to," Hank replied. His son rolled his eyes.
"Of course he does. He runs a lot!" he breezed through the door.
"I love to run, Hank. Ran in high school and college," Johnny bounded up the stairs and into the house after Jake.
"Maybe he is young enough to adopt," Hank allowed.
The next morning Stanley heard the screen door slam. He looked at his clock and groaned. 5 freaking am. His son dragged his paramedic out at 5 freaking am. It was still dark! Emily made an equally disagreeable noise as she turned over to face him.
"What is this before dawn stuff?" she complained.
"Better him than me," Hank muttered as he pulled his favorite pillow closer. Emily chuckled as she found herself wrapped in her husband's arms.
Two hours later Hank sat at table across from Johnny and his son. They'd run for nearly an hour before the coach had met them at the track.
"And he knew all about Johnny!" Jake had crowed. "He remembered his senior record! Then he asked Johnny to help out with the track team!" Jake hadn't been so enthused since six grade science camp.
Johnny was embarrassed. The coach knew about him from his high school and college days. He'd easily been enticed to help coach the team. He listened to Jake describing his senior year victory in the 10 mile cross country. He'd been the 'rabbit' that day, setting the record-pace his coach had requested.
Nobody caught the rabbit and Johnny's record stood five years later.
"It's just a matter of a few seconds," Gage downplayed his success. "I know someone will beat it in the next year or so. And it just might be you, Jake! Coach said your long legs just eat up the track." Now it was the teenager's turn to blush.
"Aw, Johnny!" he whined. He staved off further conversation by heading for the shower.
"I didn't mean for you to take on more work, John," Cap said firmly.
"It's not work, I really do love to run," his paramedic returned. "I run nearly every off day. It clears my mind."
"I think it's a great idea!" Emily weighed in. "Coach doesn't have much help. Jake said it gets a bit chaotic some days."
"I told him I couldn't come to every practice because of my shifts at work," Johnny explained as if he had to convince Hank.
"And I can try out my new recipes when you do come to practice!" Emily said triumphantly. The casserole the night before had been raved about. Even her overly-picky daughter liked it.
"Ok, Ok," Stanley held up his hands in mock defeat. "But don't over-extend yourself!" Johnny gave him a happy smile.
Gage was dropped off at DeSoto's house after lunch. He'd accepted a gentle hug from Emily and a good natured teasing from Hank to 'play nice' with the kids. Here he felt at home and easily blended in with the family's activities.
The following morning they were back at the station. It seemed as if the entire B Shift was standing in the parking lot chit-chatting with Kelly and Lopez. Gage tensed immediately sensing trouble.
"Deep breath, Junior," Roy counseled. "I'm gonna be right beside you the entire way."
"Sorry, Roy," he mumbled. The older paramedic gave him his best smile and a pat on the shoulder. They both moved out of the car. Captain Stanley chose that moment to see where all the men had gone to, and moved behind his number one prankster.
"Hey John-ny, why'd you leave your car here?" Lopez called out.
"Probably had a sleep-over with Roy's kids," Chet snickered. The rest of the men laughed. Hank could see Roy touching Gage's shoulder in support as they walked nearer. He pushed roughly past his two firemen and flanked Johnny's other side as they walked into the station.
"Uhm, Captain Stanley? Can I talk to you and Roy about the squad?" Dwyer asked.
"After I get my stuff stowed," Roy said as he continued to walk with Johnny.
"I'm just going to make sure they're settled," Cap said evenly. He did not trust anyone at that moment.
"Hank? Can I see you for a second," the captain of B shift tried.
"In a minute," Stanley tersely replied.
The bucket of red goop that landed on Captain Stanley definitely smelled like ketchup. The water balloon that nailed Roy was full of cold water. The little sign read 'just trying to help clean you up!' Johnny just sat down on the bench and covered his eyes in renewed shame. Shift hadn't even started and two pranks had misfired.
Cap immediately showered clothes and all to get rid of the ketchup. Johnny set out a clean set for him and had helped Roy hang his wet shirt. He didn't have as many spares as his friend did. Neither did Hank. Surprisingly, the muck had been cleaned up and the B shift had disappeared before A shift was called to roll.
"Gentlemen, if there are any more practical jokes in this station house I will put a written reprimand in your file!" he glared at Chet until the man had the sense to blush and look away.
"Johnny, you have kitchen, Roy, Mike, apparatus check, Chet, dorms, and Marco, latrine," he determined after consulting his clip board.
"Uh, Cap? Could I swap with Gage?" Chet looked a bit nervous.
"No, I prefer drinkable coffee this morning!" he glared at the man yet again. Turning on his heel, he went to the kitchen area followed by Johnny.
"Oh man, I'm gonna be so busted!" Chet groaned. "And it's all Gage's fault! He must have snitched!"
Stuff it, Chet!" Roy snapped. "He doesn't like all the damned pranks you pull on him! You just keep escalating them week after week! Ketchup? Water balloon?" He growled angrily and stomped over to the squad to check supplies.
"CHESTER KELLY!" an extremely angry voice called out. "ROY! Bring the equipment."
"Oh man!" the afore mentioned man went to face the music.
"Clean it up!" Hank nodded at the slippery floor as he held a towel to Johnny's head. Chet slunk back out to get a mop. Roy rushed in with Mike in tow carrying biophone and drug box. Mike winced when he saw the blood mixed with the oil on the floor.
"It's probably going to need some stitches," Stanley told the senior paramedic. Roy gently looked at the ragged gash on his partner's forehead.
"Yep, probably," Roy agreed as he flipped open the biophone and set up the antennae. Then he went about gathering vitals. He then replaced the towel with some sterile gauze having the captain hold it in place.
"Mike? Stand us down and call in a Code 1. Tell them we're covering it. No ambulance needed," he said sternly.
"Rampart Emergency, this is Squad 51," Roy transmitted.
"Go ahead, 51," Dixie's voice piped over the small speaker.
"Rampart, we have a code 1 at the fire station, male, 23, with a laceration approximately 3 inches long on his forhead. Pulse is 90, respiration shallow and fast, BP is 140/85 and he appears to be going into shock."
"51, stand by," Dixie set the phone down and handed the vitals to Dr. Early.
"51, is there any swelling?" the doctor asked.
"Negative, it was a glancing blow when the patient fell against the edge of the stove. Skin is torn, deep in some places." Roy reported, happy that it was Dr. Early.
"51, wrap the wound and transport as soon as possible," Early decided. He turned to Dixie.
"Set up an exam room with a suture kit including lidocane," he requested. "Plus have some morphine on hand. Johnny's going to have one heck of a headache."
"How do you know it's Johnny?" Kelly Brackett asked as he folded his arms over his chest. He had recently been assigned to oversee and train the paramedics. John Gage and Roy DeSoto were the reason he'd accepted and pushed the program forward.
"Simple, male, 23," Joe shrugged his shoulders. "He's the youngest in the station. Roy was discussing ages a few days back." Brackett nodded his head.
"I wonder how he managed to fall at the station," Brackett mused.
"I hope it wasn't another of those practical jokes someone's been playing on him," Dixie said as she arranged supplies on a tray. She checked her assignment list. "Exam room 2, Joe."
It amused both doctors to see the entire station of firefighters arrive, with Roy pushing his patient. Three peeled off to the lounge while the captain and Roy continued towards Dixie's waving hand.
"Talk about team spirit," Joe chuckled.
Dixie and Hank helped Johnny up on the table. He gratefully lie down, curling up on his side. All he wanted to do was hide.
"Hey handsome," she got his attention and carefully removed the bandage. "Did a real good job there. Joe will have to use some fancy needlework."
"Sorry," he miserably mumbled.
"Johnny, it wasn't your fault," Stanley put a comforting hand on his young crew member's upper arm. "Chet was way out of line."
"Some sort of record, three in less than 30 minutes," Johnny muttered.
"Record? The only record is how fast I get that discipline report filed," he assured him. He looked over at Roy.
"Emily is going to have my hide," he said.
"Well, JoAnne will be right there with her," Roy sympathized.
"We should never have let them meet," Hank sighed.
Early and Brackett walked in. Dixie spared them a glance then addressed the fire men.
"So this is all from a practical joke?" she asked sternly. Both men looked at her with something akin to fear.
"I'll be back, Joe," Dixie said. "I need to go have a little talk with the boys."
Johnny ended up with over 20 stitches, neatly arranged in two layers. A small group of fire fighters desperately wished the station hadn't stood down while the head nurse ripped them up one side and down another. Brackett wondered at the red faces when he came out with a small envelope.
"This is for Johnny," he held out the packet of codeine. "One every four hours for the next day with some food or milk. Then I think aspirin will be fine."
"If not, you come back here for some more medication," Dixie scolded. Brackett looked at her strangely.
"He will need to be back in 10 days to have those stitches removed. No work, keep him calm for 72 hours, then check with me for return to work," Brackett continued. Someone muttered 'hyperactive kangaroo' and was quickly silenced by a slap upside the head.
"Here you go, all stitched up and ready," Dr. Early pushed his patient out. "He'll need watching the first couple of days. And no working, be a couch potato, Johnny."
Johnny rolled his eyes. "Sure doc," he responded.
"Joanne will be happy," Roy said. "She's going a little buggy with only Jenny to talk with most of the day. And Chris only adds to it when he comes home from school."
They returned to the station where Johnny was put to bed until Joanne could come to pick him up. Stanley went to request another paramedic and file a discipline report.
-End-