My second oneshot. At least it had better stay one, my imagination has a tendency of going out of control sometimes. This story is about my second favorite FF-X2 pairing. The POV is first person and will switch between Yuna and Paine, the story itself starts off from Yuna's POV. And no, I don't own Final Fantasy(oh how I wish I did).
- Enjoy
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The soft sound of rain was so soothing. I listened with my eyes closed as the rain played me a song. I slid my hands underneath my pillow and let out a breath. At least the rain was helping.
My head had been so full of strange thoughts the past few weeks. In only a few days my mind head become a battleground that was threatening to rip me apart.
Both body and soul.
Maybe it was just all the stress from the current life I was leading now. Not that being a sphere hunter was all that stressful, it was just how anxious I was about . . well . . him. That had to be it . . right?
I just wanted some sleep . . and now I'm thinking about her again. Sigh . . . why can't I stop it. At the most random times my mind just seems to wander to where I don't want it. I swear sometimes its like a mother and a child. Only I can't stop this child from wandering off.
In actuality I wouldn't mind if I was thinking about a guy, at least I wouldn't be thinking about . . another, well, girl. But the thought of her, so strong and resilient. So calm, mysterious. And yes, I had to admit, she was beautiful.
Yuna! This is a girl! Nonetheless it's your friend, it's Paine! What do you think she would do if she knew about this? She'd probably just ignore you . . .
*******
"Please?"
"No."
"Ah, come on!"
"Keep asking and I'm gonna hurt you."
"Nuh-uh!"
"Wanna bet?"
" . . . . not really."
"Then leave me alone for a little while!" I paused, "That means don't follow me." Rikku pouted and kicked the wall. She immediately regretted it and started jumping around holding her foot. I rolled my eyes and stepped into the elevator. I pressed the button for the cabin and closed my eye.
A little rest is just what I needed. Rikku was very bored today and in order to relieve that boredom she decided to pester me. Maybe I should just lock her on the deck. It is raining outside. Maybe that would help to calm her down . . ?
The elevator jerked to a stop. The doors slid open and I made my way into the cabin. The rain had started falling harder now, filling the cabin with the relaxing echo of rain on metal. The only way it could be any better was if . .
A crack of thunder stopped my thoughts and I smiled. Perfect. Maybe now would be a good time to look blondie on the deck? Too bad Rikku wasn't afraid of lightning that much anymore. I walked up the stairs slowly. I stopped when I saw Yuna's bed. For someone who appeared so neat . .
She had practically burrowed under her blankets. Then again, it did seem kind of cozy. Even more so because she was the one under the . . . I shook my head and walked over to my bed. I took off my boots and gloves and laid down on top of the covers. Another roll of thunder echoed through the sky and a smile creased my lips.
Beautiful.
*******
Footsteps woke me up.
I had finally gone to sleep and now . .
They passed my bed and stopped at Paine's. I guess Paine finally got away from Rikku. My little cousin. I knew that if she was bored the one thing she would do was try and get Paine to talk to her. A hopeless cause, but one that I dreamed was easier than it seemed . .
You're doing it again.
I opened my eyes and only saw darkness. The sound of rain had become a low roar and I jumped when a loud clap of thunder ripped through the steady roar of the rain. I must have gotten wrapped up in my blankets again. Even if I didn't do it on purpose I always seemed to wake up like this.
I reached out my hand and gingerly lifted the blanket from over my face. Paine was laying on her bed, a soft smile on her lips. Must be the rain . . a loud boom made me flinch . . and the thunder. I took a deep breath to slow my heart.
Stupid storm.
My eyes drifted over Paine, taking her in. I had found myself doing this more and more lately. Mostly without knowing but now . . now I was doing it on purpose . .
Stop it!
You can't like a girl. You love him . . Tidus . . then why was I feeling less in love with him as time went. I just felt that love go from what it used to be to more of what someone would feel for a brother or friend. And more and more those same feeling would come in dreams, but dreams of Paine. Not of Tidus.
Paine . . .
Ugh . . Yuna you . . you can't. It just wouldn't be right. What would Spira think? What would the people who look up to you think if you liked a girl? If you loved a . . a girl . . .
But looking at her, someone who is usually so tense, now she seems so calm, so relaxed. I dropped the blanket and closed my eyes. I needed help.
*******
My mind drifted to Yuna. She was always so shy, but yet she exhibited a kind of inner strength. While she may not be that strong physically, emotionally she was sturdy.
At least she was at times.
I'd seen her crying sometimes. Either that or just looking so depressed that I wanted to just hold her, comfort her. I wanted to protect her, but yet I couldn't bring myself to help her in a way that I wanted to so badly.
Part of me was afraid of what she would think of me. I didn't know what she would think if she knew only that I was a lesbian, she might not care about that. But if she knew I loved her. That was a different story entirely.
There were so many reasons I feared to tell her. She could be angry, she could just shun me. The one I feared the most was if it made her so afraid of hurting me that she just didn't know what to say, or do. In a sense that would hurt her, especially if she faked that she loved me.
I sighed. I came up here to rest and wound up in a mental battleground. Just my luck, right? What was really killing me was how close she was. Just on the other bed. Right there. No one else was around. Barkeep was gone since no one needed anything. And I was just too afraid to wake her up, even just to talk.
It hurt too. Loving someone that I couldn't help, caring so much about someone but too afraid to act on that love in fear of rejection or worse.
And then again, if she were to return my feelings . . well, now that was something that I could only dream about. Something that filled me with feelings that I'd blocked out due to fear. I had felt rejection before, and I didn't like it. I'd felt it too many times, and it slowly ate away at me. And now that I've found someone I care about I can't act because of my own stupid insecurities. I just didn't want to feel that hurt again, and definitely not from her.
*******
Ah, comforting darkness. Like a shield from the world. Well, except for the rain. That's way too loud for this stupid blanket to blot out. But for now it was my shelter. My personal shelter. That's sort of the way Paine acted during a fight, only on a more important scale. She would protected me, shielded me when she could.
I always saw that fierce determination in her eyes. It set her crimson eyes alight with a fire that at times scared me, but when I saw that fire in her eyes I knew that she would do anything to protect us . . me.
The thought that she would protect us . . me . . like that always made my heart swell. Even if she didn't love me, at least she cared. Wait . . love me? Did I really just think that? Since when did I start to accept this?!
It made me a little nervous. It was a scary thought that I was progressively growing more and more use to the thought of me and Paine together. Even if it was completely idiotic!
I guess insulting myself isn't going to work. If it had then I wouldn't still feel so . . ugh why can't I stop thinking about her?! I'm not a lesbian! I'm not in love with Paine, I'm in love with Tidus. He's the main reason that I'm even with the Gullwings. He's the one I want to be with! He's the one I want to protect me! Not Paine . . not Paine . . I want . . I want . . T . . Tidus.
Right?
If I love Tidus so much then how come I'm no longer so sure? Why can't I make up my mind? And how come every time I pretend I'm so sure I just wind up back where I started? Back at complete indecision where the only thing that I'm sure of is that I'm quickly losing my mind!
I said it once I'll say it again, I need help. Maybe if I just talk to Paine. I mean she's right there. Who am I kidding?! This is Paine! She doesn't just talk. I'd be lucky to get anything more than a grunt from her.
*******
Why am I even considering any of this? It took me so long to build up this wall. It took me forever to build these defenses and now I'm just gonna tear it all down?
My biggest worry for her is that in the end we won't get him back. If she truly does love him . . that would kill her. I want to help her, I want her know that . . that if he doesn't . . ugh, why can't I just tell her these things?
It seems like I'm running after you, Yuna. I'm running to find you but I don't know where you are. I don't know how to get to you even though it's the one thing that I want more than anything in Spira!
I want to find you and help you, comfort you, love you. Yuna I would tear down the walls I have put up only for you. I just need to know. I just need . . I just need to know . . .
Would you love me? Would you care?
*******
I can't take this any longer!
I pulled the blanket off of my head and my eyes caught the warrior. She was just as I'd seen her earlier. Still so peaceful. So beautiful . .
"Paine?" my voice came out as a squeak, much to my disappointment. I tried again, "Paine?" this time my voice was clear . . er. She stirred and opened an eye. The shocking crimson turned towards me. She opened her other eye and turned her head.
"Yuna?" there was something in her voice, something different.
"Sorry about waking you, but . ." my voice trailed off.
"Oh, no problem. Are you alright?" she asked, concern in her voice. Oh Spira, she's actually talking to me and not just blowing me off!
"Yeah, well, kind of. I need to talk to you about something." I must be going off the deep end.
*******
She seemed a little pale, and something in the way she's looking at me . . she's nervous. "Um, yeah, sure." she seemed a little surprised that I wasn't crawling back into my hole. Hell, I was surprised too.
"I've had some problems recently. Nothing too bad, it's just a little confusing." she started slowly. Paine, whatever it is, you will help her! "It's just . . well I've had these feelings for someone for a while now. Someone I thought I loved. But recently, it's like all that I've felt has just changed."
"What do you mean?" ugh, could I sound any dumber?
*******
She's actually listening, and talking even! Okay, stay calm Yuna, you can do this. You've fought Sin for crying out loud and now you can't even tell this beautiful girl what you . . Focus! How am I supposed to do this? What should I say, what should I . .
You're zoning out . . .
"Yuna?" Paine pushed herself up and leaned on her elbow. I opened my mouth but discovered it had its own level of malevolence. I just laid there like a fish gasping for air.
Lovely.
"Paine I . ." well go on stupid! Say something! "I don't think I love Tidus anymore . . at least not the way I used to."
*******
Huh . . . Wait, did she just say what I . . could it be possible? She was really nervous now. I could tell she was struggling to put words together, to try and say something that she couldn't get out.
Is it at all possible? Could all that I've felt, all that I've dreamed . . is there any hope? Oh Yuna . . just call out to me! I'm searching for you, I want to find you. Just call my name!
*******
She looked stunned. I didn't know why. All I saw was the way her eyes had changed. The look I'd seen before was gone and now . . this one just looked more apprehensive. It was as if she was struggling with something of her own.
"Paine . . I think I . . ." I paused, I felt so confused. I felt like I was going to cry. No! Don't, just tell her. "Please, don't be angry with me, Paine. I think of you as a dear friend, and I don't want anything to hurt that but . ."
*******
A dear friend?
I almost lost hope, something akin to a heavy weight felt like it was about to crush me, shatter my heart. I'd let my guard down, brought down the walls . . .
But then I saw something in her beautiful, two-toned eyes. She wasn't finished, she was still struggling. I could see tears welling up behind her eyes. And what she said stabbed me like a knife. I would never be angry with you Yuna. I don't want to ever be, just tell me.
Yuna, let me help you. I want to help you. Please, don't hurt me, don't make me go back to the way I was! She was my anchor, my last chance. I don't think I could ever recover from you rejecting me. I may never get another chance. I have never felt like this before, please don't let me fall.
*******
It's now or never, if you don't say it now you'll either never get another chance and if you don't you'll blow up! "Paine," I started, I took a deep breath, this had to be it, it had to be now, "I think I . . no, I don't think, I know . . I love you." I said, and then the tears came. I couldn't stop them, even if I'd wanted to. They flowed freely, warm beads running down my face as all the built up pressure was released.
"I love your eyes, the way you protect us . . me . . I love how strong you are, so resilient. Paine, I love you!"
*******
I stared numbly at her. It was true she really did . . she loved . .me . . she loved me. I barely noticed when she started crying and when she started naming the different traits that she loved, I could have laughed I was so happy. The joy spread like a drug. I rushed through every inch of me.
Dumbass she's crying!
I quickly got up and went to her bed. The moment I was sitting on her bed she jumped up and wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head on my shoulder. I felt her tears on my skin and quickly put my arms around her as well. I held her as close as I could without hurting her.
This was . . I was sure that this was the happiest I had ever been. I was holding her . . .
I'm here now Yuna, I've found you. I've finally found you, and I never want to leave you. You're safe now. I'm not going anywhere.
Thank-you, Yuna. Thank-you.
Tell her stupid!
*******
She's not angry? She's not yelling? She hasn't left yet and now she's . . she holding me? Does she . . could she? Please Paine, say that you love me! Don't leave me alone.
"Yuna." her voice stopped me.
I lifted my head from her shoulder and looked up at her, my face felt wet and warm. I wondered what she was going to say, "I'm sorry," or, "Go back to loving Tidus," the anxiety I was feeling now was worse than before. It felt like a cold hand was reaching for my heart, waiting to rip it from me.
She smiled. It was soft, barely noticeable, but it was there.
"I love you, too." with those words my heart nearly stopped. Time itself paused. My breath caught in my throat and I searched her eyes. I wanted to make sure she wasn't lying, or joking. But her crimson eyes were alight with a fire unparalleled.
She was telling the truth . . .
She loved me!
*******
The look in her eyes made me want to cry too, but I couldn't let that happen. I was here for her. When I told her I saw her doubt. She searched my eyes, but all I let her find was joy.
And then she brightened. Her mouth opened in a look of shock and disbelief. Her lips slowly curved into a wide smile and her eyes lit up. For so long I'd wanted to do this. To tell her and help her. And now I'd done both.
Fresh tears streamed down her face, but now she'd found something different to cry about. I pulled her closer to me and I felt her arms tighten around my waist.
I want you to know me, Yuna. In time you will. Now that the walls are down. My cell is open.
I'm free.
"Yuna." I said softly, softer than before. Slowly she lifted her head. For a long moment I just gazed into her eyes. One was a green field, the other a deep, sparkling ocean.
I kissed her.
I didn't even think about it, didn't plan it. I just did. And I'll never regret it. Her lips were so soft and warm. I found myself somewhere in my own mind. A place where Yuna and I were together and we were happy. I didn't want to leave that place.
*******
I had only thought of kissing her. I'd never let my imagination go with it though. I would always stop myself and never truly wonder what it would feel like.
It was wonderful.
With her arms around me and us so close together I felt like nothing could hurt me, that I was safe forever. Not a care in the world . . the world . . .
Something from before entered my mind. A thought. What would the world think? All those people who looked up to me as an example? What would they think? New doubts and worries flooded my mind. I tired as hard as possible to fight them off. I wanted this moment to last. I didn't want to worry about that! Not now, not ever!
Paine must have felt that something was wrong. Her lips left mine and I felt myself lean forward in an effort to catch them with mine. My eyes fluttered open, I hadn't even noticed they were closed.
"Is something the matter?" she asked. I hung my head, afraid now, "Yuna, let me help you." she whispered gently, her breath tickling my ear.
"It's just . . I can't help but wonder . . what would Spira, the world, think? They look up to me. And even though I want this, Paine, I want to be with you, I just know that they won't except this." my voice grew quiet and my heart sank. I felt her hand stroking my hair and sighed.
"Yuna?" I looked up and felt her hand gently caress my cheek. I leaned into the touch, my eyes closing involuntarily. Her hand stopped, she cupped my cheek and I opened my eyes, more than happy to gaze into her beautiful crimson ones.
"Hm?" I sighed.
"I think we've both had enough of the world, for now at least." she said gently. I liked this new side of Paine. I knew that her other side was still there, it always would be and I had no problem with that. It was her other, colder side that somehow stole my heart, but it would be this new, gentler side that would keep it safe.
"I think you're right." I whispered. She nodded and leaned down, her lips meeting mine again. I never wanted this to end. I wanted us to be together . . forever.
*******
A little while later Rikku came up to the cabin, bored to tears from having nothing to do. She walked slowly up the stairs, careful not to make any noise in case Yuna and Paine were still sleeping. When she reached her bed she removed her boots and scarf and looked over at the other two beds she beheld a strange sight.
Amidst the bundle of Yuna's bed lay Yuna and Paine. They were both asleep and wrapped in each others arms. Rikku blinked twice and shrugged. She sighed and shook her head while climbing silently into her own bed.
Whatever, she thought. It could wait until tomorrow.
Author's Note: Well, there you have it. Cliches and all. I apologize for any lack of originality but this was just a random idea that I had and went with. Even so, I hope you enjoyed it.
- Thank-you for reading.