STAN LIED AND DAMIEN WILL RIDE

BY SHADOWGATE

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This takes place after "Scause for Applause."

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Stan Marsh was standing in front of the class crying.

He said "it's true I took it off but then I put it back on with superglue. Craig Tucker you're not a prostitute at all. I lied and you were right."

Craig has a diabolical smile on his face with his eyebrows up.

Craig raised his hand and Mister Garrison called on him.

"Hey Stan would you like to carry my books for me for a month?"

Stan with his teeth grinding said "oh sure Craig I'd love to carry your books for a month to make up for calling you an alcoholic prostitute."

Craig said "GOOD" and flipped off Stan.

Stan said "hey Craig tonight when you come over to my house and we get in bed you can spank my ass and call me pigfucker."

Kyle yelled "WHOA DUDE" and the class was in shock.

Mister Garrison sent both of them to Counselor Mackey.

Counselor Mackey began with his lecture.

"Now the two of you need to quit fighting and focus on school work."

Craig flips off Mister Mackey.

Mister Mackey asked "Craig did you just flip me off?"

Craig says "no" and Mister Mackey says "you did and you just lied about it."

Craig was in shock that he just got called a liar by the counselor.

Stan yelled "GOTCHA!"

Stan went on to say "every so often we all do something bad and usually we get punished. We can't always be perfect but I have to admit Craig you're a pretty honorable person especially compared to Cartman."

Craig gives Stan a pat on the back and they go back to class.

3PM after school the kids all run out.

Stan and his friends are walking into the school parking lot when suddenly a flame erupts.

Kyle yells "HOLY SHIT" and Cartman said "Damien" in shock.

Damien said "Stan I have to tell you when I saw all those people lined up outside Walgreen's to have those shitty bracelets cut off it warmed my heart. You however took so long to do it Stan."

Stan rolls his eyes.

Damien says "Hey Stan check out my motorcycle! It's specially made and it goes up to 150 miles per hour."

Stan smiled and said "no way" and Damien said "let's go for a ride because you look like you need a pick me up after a bummer day at school Stan."

Stan said "sweet" and Kyle said "Stan hold on that could be dangerous."

Stan replied "well Kyle guess what Damien is a speed demon."

Kyle was annoyed by the lame joke and he said "I'll bet and it's a concern for me because my best friend might get killed on a motorcycle."

Damien responded "oh Kyle please don't tell his mommy on him."

Damien telekinetically moves Stan on to the motorcycle and then he jumps on. They take off and they're flying over 100 MPH. Stan is holding on to the back of Damien and loving the whole trip. They flew by the town supermarkets along with a Super Wal-Mart and the remains of the burnt down Blockbuster. It wasn't too long before they were back at the school parking lot.

Damien asked "Stan I'm looking for a place to stay for the night could I spend the night at your house? I know it is very short notice."

Stan called his mom on her cell phone and she said it was okay.

When Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny ran up to Damien and Stan they were informed Damien would be spending the night at Stan's house.

Cartman said "well that's great Damien tonight you can stick your dick up Stan's rectum."

Damien raises his hand and Cartman begins choking.

Kenny says "Damien release him."

Damien says "as you wish" and Cartman falls over.

Kyle says "Oh Stan you're a fucking Catholic and you're having him over to your house for the night?"

Damien replied "well Kyle if it pisses you off you can always go butcher a Palestinian Family."

Cartman laughs and Stan says "Damien that's not cool."

Damien says "alright everyone calm down now I thought we were all into ripping on each other around here."

Kyle says "yeah we are you anti-Christ psycho motherfucker."

Damien turns to Kyle and says "anti-Christ and fucking proud of it. Hey Stan let's get McDonalds."

Stan jumps back on the motorcycle and they take off for McDonalds. When they get to McDonalds Damien pulls out a $100 bill and when they sit down their table is covered with all sorts of great food items. Three Big Macs, a Chicken Sandwich, 4 large fries, two shakes and more.

Damien said "we're going to look like Cartman when we're done eating."

Stan smiled and said "yeah" then he farted out loud.

Right after that the two of them hear screaming between an employee and the manager. The employee screams that he's not working overtime with another employee just because she's pregnant. The manager screams and the employee screams back "she never helped me when I was short handed she only laughed in my face."

The manager said "I don't care you'll bloody well stay and help her."

Damien states "it's worse to knowingly be unfair to someone than to tell a white lie every two to five years if you ask me."

Stan says "I suppose I can agree with that. It's like I told Craig Tucker earlier today we all do something we regret or we get in trouble for something stupid."

Damien points out the window to a cop giving someone a speeding ticket.

"Look Stan that guy is getting a speeding ticket I watched that cop pull him over. Oh but is he as evil as the man in South Dakota who was just executed for raping and murdering a 10 year old girl?"

Stan shakes his head from side to side and Damien goes on with good and evil philosophy as they stuff their after school meal at McDonalds.

Later that night when Stan took Damien home Damien asked "what's for dinner?"

Stan said "Goddamn Damien you can really eat."

Damien laughs and then Shelly busts through the front door. She yells "Goddamn it the boys at school were all assholes today. Oh and I heard your friend outside Stan asking about dinner? Why the fuck don't we just let you and him both starve to death?"

Damien said "maybe you're the one who should go on a diet."

Stan laughed so hard he fell out of his chair.

Shelly yelled "I'M GOING TO WHOOP BOTH YOUR ASSES!"

Using telekinetic magic Damien opened the door and sent Shelly flying out the door and across the street.

Sharon called for dinner.

Stan said "mom Shelly is still across the street so she'll be late for dinner."

The boys laughed and Sharon thought she heard Shelly come in the door. She was completely confused and asked "why is that funny?"

Damien said "inside joke."

When Shelly got back in she knew she couldn't take any action in front of her parents and she heard this kid was straight from hell. She knew she couldn't overpower him so she had to sit down and eat dinner.

After dinner Stan showed Damien his room.

Damien said "I think it's awesome you have internet access in your room."

Damien pulled up a Motley Crue Video on You Tube and it showed Vince, Nikki, Mick, and Tommy in black with a pentagram.

Damien stated "Motley Crue has made some of the greatest fucking albums of all time."

Stan said "hey that sounds okay. It's sure better than the Tween Wave crap everybody is into."

Damien laughed and after the Motley Crue Video Merry Go Round he pulled up another song.

"Here's a band called Deicide, it's spelled 'decide' with an 'I' and they're fucking brutal. Here's a song called "Bastards of Christ."

Damien starts singing along "in battled disposition, hang the bitch on the cross."

Damien continues singing and Sharon knocks on the door.

Stan says "dude cut that off."

Damien cuts off the music and Sharon comes in.

"Stan Marsh what was that music you were listening to? It sounded Satanic."

Damien has a big cute smile on his face and Stan just said "we weren't listening to a Satanic music video on You Tube mom we were knitting socks."

Sharon said "Stanly it's not funny."

Damien and Stan both laugh.

Randy comes up and asks "what the hell's going on up here?"

Sharon said "I heard some dark vulgar music up here and I'm wondering what these two were listening to."

Stan confesses "okay we were listening to a band called Deicide."

Randy says "oh that's a dark hardcore band."

Damien says "we were just having fun Mrs. Marsh."

Sharon went on "if I may ask Damien where do you live?"

Damien says "well I'm not from around South Park."

Sharon said "I figured that."

Damien said "well I guess I can't lie the truth is I'm from hell. I don't think you want to ask me who my parents are."

Damien flew out of the room through the hall with flames around his body.

Sharon was shocked but after they sat down and talked Damien explained to Stan's parents he was just in town for a little bit and that he truly meant them no harm.

Stan talked about how he bought him McDonalds for lunch and went on to say "he's been helping me out a lot. He first showed up last year in third grade and he didn't fit in but now the town thinks he's really cool."

Shelly says "I question whether the town thinks he's really cool."

Damien turns to Shelly and says "quit beating up on Stan."

Sharon says "alright well Damien you're certainly welcome to stay the night and please no fighting anyone."

Later that night when they were going to bed Damien said "hey Stan you want to get things going with Wendy I can help you with that."

Stan turns to Damien and says "things are going well with Wendy."

Damien said "if you ever want I can offer you an aphrodisiac."

Stan asks "what's that?"

Damien explained to Stan how it was safe and effective and it would enhance pleasure.

Stan's eyes lit up and he said "well I don't think I'll need it but I'm grateful for the offer."

When the two lie down to go to sleep Damien asks "hey Stan if you're silly little conscience is bothering you because you covered for the fucking Nazarene I can come up with a punishment for you. I'm a master of torture and mayhem."

Stan says "no that's okay."

Damien says "I wouldn't mutilate you I'm just talking a strap or a quick assault but it's up to you."

Stan says "my conscience isn't bothering me that much."

Damien says "well good."

Damien says "we'll talk more tomorrow morning Stan, good night."

Stan says "good night" and he shuts the light off.

The next day at 11 AM Damien and Stan are riding on Damien's motorcycle. They pulled up to the basketball court where Cartman, Kenny and Kyle were playing.

Damien got off the motorcycle and said "listen up poor boy, fat boy, and Jew boy. Stan is my boy toy. He got on his knees and called me master and I spanked his ass."

Stan said "Damien what the fuck!"

Damien said "okay I'm bullshitting but Stan I had a great time hanging out with you. I have to run."

Stan said "I had a great time to Damien."

Cartman said "I'll bet you had a good time Stan. Did you like it up the ass?"

Damien said "hey Cartman do the gangnam style dance."

Cartman said "oh fuck off."

Damien shot fire from his hands at Cartman's feet and Cartman ended up doing the gangnam style dance. Kenny and Kyle danced around him.

Damien stopped casting fire and he turned to Stan. He then said "before I go I'm going to go ahead and give you this."

Damien pulls out a small bottle of a red liquid. Stan takes it and he looks at the bottle, it says "LOVE POTION NUMBER 9."

Damien said "there are times when moms will try out their kids ADHD medication or teens will sneak their grandma's pain pills and they'll get caught and try to hide it because they're embarrassed. Once or twice in a lifetime people lie and they're not proud of it but before you give this to Wendy you better be honest about what it is."

Stan says "you're right Damien."

Damien and Stan hug and Damien rides off into the mountains on his motorcycle.

THE END