Second Chance



Aaah, here I am again. =^_^=

This little ficlet...vignette, mental excretion, whatever...was something I wrote one morning while lying in bed trying to sleep. It was a halfway-lucid thing; I don't remember writing most of it, there was just the comforting scratch of lead on paper. When it was written -- about 3 weeks ago or so -- I'd never played FFX, but I was absolutely in love with Auron's image from the cover of my latest GamePro issue (I've always been a sucker for blatant, painful-looking scars). =^_^= So I got my roommate's brother, who owned the game and had beaten it, to tell me everything he possibly could about the great man in red, and that only solidified my obsession. That led to a whole big 'net search for a shrine...and I found 'Secret', probably one of the prettiest sites I've ever seen. =^_^= Anyway. I read /everything/ about the doomed journey of Braska, Jecht, and Auron, and being the angst-whore that I am (and squealing yaoi fangirl ^_~), I had to write something.

This was it. I tried to get into the head of a character I only knew from paper, and was wont to post this until I'd actually gone into the game and made sure it wasn't totally OoC (I wrote an X fanfic based on the movie once...*shudders* learned my lesson, I did ^^;;) I don't think too many people will complain on the characterization, but I know how important it is for some people -- it certainly is to me. ^^

Maa...I think that this will be longer than the story if I don't quiet myself. ^^;; So.

Heed the Warning: A PoV from Auron-sama. Implied, wistful shonen-ai -- nothing extreme in the least, just a drifting thought or two. Spoilers for Jecht, Auron, and Braska's pasts, and an indefinite moment in the FFX timeline. Lets, for the record, say that it's at some point shortly before the beginning of the game. And remember...no matter what the stripper says, there is NO sex in the champagne room. NONE.

Fun with Disclaimers: Not mine. Dammit. Can I get clones? No profit involved...it's fairly useless to say don't sue me, cos it's not going to happen.

Lovin' to: All you Auronites out there. We love him. We know it. Cheers!

...And, with that said, here you go.

- - -

...all those things...I didn't know...until now...

second chance
a final fantasy X fanfic by miriya valentine

- - -

...When all we wanted was the dream
to have and to hold that precious little thing
like every generation yields
the new born hope unjaded by the years...
-- Wait, Sarah McLachlan

- - -

I believe everyone deserves a second chance. Once, I didn't...but I was a brash, foolish boy in that time. I didn't realize the meaning of life, or how precious it was...time and tragedy can change people in unspeakable ways.

I remember everyone I've ever met in my life. Though some of the faces may be blurred, the impressions are still there, pools of memory I can touch; they're clear, though they may ripple and waver. I hold them close to me, because they are indeed special.

But of all those lives, two stand out above all the others, brilliant like diamands, warm and comforting as the campfire we spent so many nights around. The memories are there, still intact -- I can recall each mannerism, each expression like our time together was but yesterday...I remember everything about them.

Two people who never got a second chance.

Looking back, I think I loved them. Jecht, the man who was everything I wasn't -- loud, obnoxious, outspoken... but always painfully sincere, no matter what the cost. I used to hate him, I thought him so arrogant...but I didn't know. I didn't know him. And Braska -- calm and reserved and pure -- the perfect sacrifice. From the first time we met, when we were still but children, I would have followed him to the end of the world. I would have sold my soul to see him smile.

He lacked the haughtiness so many of his fellow summoners possessed -- he was a humble man; a strong man. He gave everything, trusted everyone, and asked for nothing in return.

Together, I knew we could do anything. Nothing, not even Sin, could stop us.

We could save the world.

Our bond was stronger than brotherhood -- we knew everything about each other, believing in each other no matter how incredulous it may have seemed. Even I, in time, came to know Jecht's fantastic tale of Zanarkand as truth.

Seeing things from where I stand now, I realize many things I couldn't understand before. I used to feel just a little alienated and alone at times, usually when Braska and Jecht spoke of their familes -- wives and children and things I'd never known. Sometimes, the stories were funny. Sometimes they were sad. But they were memories of a different time, something to hold close and never let go. They'd tell their stories, and we'd laugh or smile or feel that painful surge of loss...and then it would go quiet. Then...that short pause would come, that almost awkward blanketing silence where we'd just look at each other. I remember the twin expressions in their eyes -- an almost wistful look that would linger on, even after our conversation had resumed.

I think they'd seen that expression in my own eyes. I wonder if they understood? I felt it like the ocean feels the pull of the moon...but didn't understand it until much later. Sometimes, I even wonder what would have happened, had we reacted on those feelings? Would we have changed? I've come to realize that if all people loved only one other, the world would be much smaller -- much colder.

I try not to think too much about those times, but sometimes I think the memories are all I have left. Our time together was never long enough. There were too many things left undone...too many things left unsaid. So many possibilities...

I remember everything about that journey -- it was our great adventure...our last. While Jecht and I may have been Braska's Guardians, he was our strength.

What we didn't know...

I wonder what would have been different, had we realized the futility of our quest. When we stood before Yunalesca, the first to take this pilgrimage...when she told us that it was all useless. Pointless. And too cruel...we would die, for nothing.

I couldn't accept it. And when I saw them ready, prepared, even, I understood too much.

When Jecht smiled, and said he was ready. He knew he would never get to his home. Everything of the life he'd known was lost to him forever. When he took my place as Braska's final power, and asked only that I find his home and family in return. When Braska said his life didn't matter, if his sacrifice would bring a moment's rest to Spira.

I couldn't accept it, but I understood. We embraced for goodbye...and they left me, to go on ahead...alone.

I understood -- I was nothing but a foolish boy, a selfish child in the presence of two men who were stronger than I'd ever be. Strength...skill didn't matter if I hadn't the courage to use them.

It should have been me. Jecht wasn't the first guard -- he had a family, a life and home to return to. All I had was Braska, and him... I had nothing, no one who would have blinked an eye had I gone.

They'd given up everything...and I couldn't give anything.

It should have been me. I should have been the one Braska could call upon...

I don't know what happened after they went through those doors -- but I felt them go. A frozen wind of sorrow and loss blew through my soul; it shattered me. In that moment, something died inside of me, and I felt so raw and utterly empty...

I had no one left. And in my madness, I placed the blame on Yunalesca. She was the first -- she should have done something. There had to be a way -- Sin wasn't invincible. Did she try to think of another way, in all those years? Did she even care?

I attacked her, blinded with sorrow and rage. But I was nothing, nothing more than an insect in the face of her power. Her magic went straight through me, broke me and I couldn't even stand for all the blood I was slipping in...I was choking and drowning in my own blood, my own weakness and grief.

Defeated...before I'd even begun. Sometimes, I wonder if I was looking for a way to die. It should have been me -- I should have become Braska's strength...or at least I should have died with them. But Jecht interfered again...his words saved my mind, even if it was too late for my body. His last wish brought me back. With his life, he bought me time to find a way to truly defeat Sin -- to succeed where they had surely failed.

I died that day -- but I lived on. I had to fulfil my promise to Jecht...no matter what the cost.

Someday -- someday soon -- I know I will see Jecht again. But the memory, the vessel will have changed...maybe, just maybe... there will be some piece of him left within that great dark beast.

It hurts to know that I will be trying to kill him.

- - -

I found Jecht's Zanarkand. I found his wife, though her heart was shattered by the loss I understood too well and she died while I stood by her side, hopeless and grieving...I found his son. And in Spira, I know Yuna lives.

Now...I know. The children -- they are Jecht and Braska's second chances.

And, in a way, I believe they are mine, too.

---

Mou...the ending seems so weak. *sobs* I suck! Don't hate me... *sniffles and curls up around Auron-chibi-plushie-chan* Something about this seems...missing...but as much as I go over it again and again, I just can't figure out what it is. Help, reviewer-sama? *sighs* Please be frank, too. I need it.

Ah...I think I'd like to try a fic about another of the FFX characters -- I have this interesting bit of fic running through my head involving Yuna. She's, interestingly enough, one of the few main FF girls I've been able to stand...but then again, I adore all the FFX characters. I'd still like to strangle the english voice actress, though. *shakes head sadly* She was almost as bad as Chichiri's (From Fushigi Yuugi) english VA -- but then again, who could compare to Tomokazu Seki-sama?

Now I know I'm babbling. *hits save and runs*