(Author's Notes: Welcome guys, it's been a while, hasn't it? Oh well, no matter, let's just get down to business. This fic is of course called, Pilatus: Lord of the Random. It's an odd title from an equally odd author, but this story has potential! As the title would suggest, this is a completely random story where anything can happen, thanks to Su and her new invention, Pilatus. I like this story because it gives Keitaro and the gang the power to have anything they want, and this will of course lead to some very interesting happenings. And I have a two words for the Naru haters out there, Darth Naru. That's right! Naru takes it to new heights as she assumes her powers as a sith lord and tries to make Keitaro her dark jedi! Will Su and her arsenal from Halo stop her, or will the lone samurai Motoko come and save the day! Read on, and that's only the first few chapters! Anyway guys, this is kinda a stupid idea I know but I hope you all enjoy it cause I find it a blast to write. And yeah, fear the randomness, this is completely and totally whack. As always, I am not a review whore, but any input is greatly needed… Before you read though it is fair, the first chapter or two is Star Wars madness for the Love Hina crew, but then as the story progresses, you will see more random things. Uh, I know this probably isn't very good so don't drop to many flames on me if it isn't funny or it is stupid. My fragile ego can't take it! Lol. Anyway, Enjoy!)

(Disclaimer: I do not own Love Hina. It is the property of Ken Akamatsu. I also do not own anything from any other game, movie, tv show or anime that is suggested within this fic, they all belong to their respective owners. All rights reserved and all that jazz.)

Pilatus: Lord of the Random

Chapter One: Of Dark Lords and Randomness

When Koalla Su made the triumphant announcement at breakfast that she has made possibly the biggest scientific breakthrough of the century, the residents of Hinata sou let a collective shudder. Nothing good would come of this. But having little choice but to see Su's latest creation, the entire gang gathered in the living room as Su prepared to drop her bomb. Soon after sitting down, Su wheeled in a large covered object and took a place in front of it.

"Ladies and Keitaro!" said Su proudly. "I give you my single greatest accomplishment to date!" she quickly threw back the covering, revealing a large machine looking like an arcade cabinet. "Behold! I give you Pilatus!"

There was a silence amongst the room.

"What is it?" asked Shinobu.

"Yeah, it looks like any old arcade game." Added Kitsune.

"Kay, how do I explain Pilatus…" thought Su out loud. "Simply put, it takes anything you tell it to and makes it real."

There was another silence.

"Your joking, right?" asked Keitaro. "That isn't even possible."

"As much as I hate to say it I'm going with Keitaro on this one." Said Naru. "That really sounds so totally improbable it boggles my mind."

"Then I shall ease your disbelieves." Chuckled Su, going over to the keyboard imbedded in Pilatus. "Pilatus, I wants me some bananas! Lotsa bananas! Execute!"

And with that Pilatus began to glow bright with a burning light and with a ding the likes of a microwave, strangely it started to rain bananas, indoors.

"That was… Unexpected." Muttered Motoko.

"Indeed." Added Kituse.

"I guess this means we're having banana pudding for desert…" sighed Shinobu.

As the volume of bananas began to reach three feet, Keitaro began to become uncomfortable. "Too… many… bananas! Su! If this keeps up we won't be able to breathe!"

"Keitaro's right!" added Naru. "You must get rid of them!"

Su pouted. "Awww.. alright." Su waded through the bananas and hit a few keys on Pilatus. Soon after that in a similar glow, the bananas disappeared. "Do ya believe me now?"

The group collectively nodded.

"Good."

Shinobu raised her hand. "I have a question."

"Shoot."

"You said anything, is there anything Pilatus can't make?"

"A very good question, Shinobu." Said Su. "Pilatus can make anything. In fact, this provides the perfect opportunity to show you all its true power. Say I want to give myself, oh lets say a Banshee from Halo." Su paused and inserted a disk into a drawer below the keyboard. "I simply open up this drive down here and insert a copy of Halo, and Pilatus launches a diagnostic program. I click a few keys, make my selection and click execute." Pilatus began to glow again and after ten seconds, a loud crash was heard on the laundry deck. "And that should be my Banshee right now. Follow me please."

Everyone followed Su in a daze, and sure enough, upon reaching the laundry deck, there sat the characteristic purple fighter made oh so famous by the game Halo.

"Does it fly?" asked Keitaro.

Su smiled, walking behind the Banshee. "Deres only one way to find out." She climbed in and with a shudder, the ship sprang to life, giving off its characteristic whine. "Awww yeah baby! This is great!" Su took the Banshee higher and began to circle the skies above Hinata.

"Well, who wants to go first and try this thing out?" asked Kitsune with her foxy grin. "I for one will take first dibs, I happen to be quite thirsty."

"Go ahead, I cannot think of anything I require." Replied Motoko.

"I'd like to try something out if it isn't too much trouble." Said Keitaro.

"Gonna go order up a blow-up doll you pervert?" laughed Naru.

"Nope, I had something quite different in mind."

"And that would be?"

"You'll see."

Keitaro walked down from the deck and over to Pilatus. He carefully inserted a disk into the drive and began typing on the keyboard.

'Okay… Let's see if you can give me what I want.' Keitaro thought. He finished typing and hit enter, and Pilatus began to glow. Behind Keitaro, a red box hit the floor. He quickly went and picked up the box. Slowly, Keitaro opened the box to reveal a small fox like creature that slowly floated out of the box and started to hover behind Keitaro's right shoulder. "Sato." Muttered Keitaro. "I have a Sato."

Naru walked in and observed Keitaro's new companion. "What is that thing floating behind you?"

"It's a Sato. You know, a MAG from Phantasy Star Online. It's a living thing that helps protect me."

"Your basically immortal, why do you need more protection?" asked Naru.

"Well, you can never really be to safe, and I am guessing with something like Pilatus in the house, I am going to come under increasing fire from Su and possibly feel more of Motoko's signature wrath." Replied Keitaro. "So what are you going to get from Pilatus first?"

"Oh, I have something in mind that I have always wanted to try."

"What would that be?"

"Don't get any funny ideas, it has nothing to do with you." Naru flashed a devilish smile. "Just wanted to recreate my favorite movies…"

"That can wait." Said Kitsune, walking in from her room. "I got a book of fine spirits, and a machine that can give me everything I want to drink." She pulled up a chair and sat in front of Pilatus. "This will be a while folks."

And so a few hours passed and every thing was normal, or as normal as they could be. After drinking herself nearly into a coma, Kitsune went to her room to sleep it off, and after she left Shinobu sat down and got herself a new set of kitchen knives. And after Shinobu was done, Su once again started to amass her arsenal, this time ordering up just about every vehicle from Halo, and every weapon as well. She had taken quite a liking to the fuel rod gun and had a field day playing target practice with Keitaro. After she ran out of ammo and Keitaro found a place to hide, everyone ate a dinner prepared with Shinobu's new cooking gear and soon everyone went to their respective rooms to do their normal evening activities. That is of course, everyone but Naru, who took a stack of DVDs and video games down to Pilatus.

"Heh, who would have guessed it would be so easy." Muttered Naru with a dark grin. "All these years with these dreams I thought demented, but now I get to indulge my inner geek and live every nerd's fantasy!" Naru clicked furiously at the keys on the keyboard as she fed an increasing amount of disks into Pilatus. "Execute routine one." Both Pilatus and Naru began to glow. Pilatus gave its trademark microwave ding and Naru stopped glowing, and now she was different. Wearing black robes, Naru was now paler, with a more evil grin and a small metallic object attached to her belt. Naru stood up for a moment and took the metallic object in her hand. Holding it in front of her, a red beam shot from one end. Upon seeing that her plan was working, Naru gave a dark grin and once again sat down at Pilatus. 'Ahh, phase one complete. Now it is time to summon my army… Hmm, this could take a little more time, so perhaps if I had Pilatus make a copy for myself… Yes that works perfectly.' Naru once again furiously typed at the keyboard and a few minutes later said, "Execute routine two." As Pilatus began to glow furiously, Naru did not notice her observer.

"Ara… Naru-chan, is that you?" asked Mutsumi from behind Naru. "I know it is late but I stopped by for a surprise visit!"

"How much have you seen?" asked Naru, not looking up from the keyboard.

"I don't know what you mean." Replied Mutsumi.

"Very well then. You must be taken care of none the less, nothing stands in the way of my plan." Naru snapped her fingers, and two storm troopers strolled out from the darkness behind Mutsumi and shot a stun shot into her, knocking her out. "Take her and freeze her in carbonite. Then take her to the bridge of my ship and I will be with you shortly."

"Yes, sir."

"Oh and trooper." Added Naru.

"Yes?"

"Do be careful with the cargo, the girl and Pilatus. We can't fail now."

"Right. I will also post two guards at the door till you depart, to stop further interference."

"That is all trooper, Dismissed."

After the troopers had departed, Naru looked into Pilatus and thought to herself. 'Hmm, even with my basically infinite armies, there is one who still poses a threat. If only he would join me… Yes, another dark jedi and together we can rule everything!' Naru sighed and prepared to run the final program. "Execute routine three." Pilatus glowed and then gave a ding, and with that Naru headed for the door. 'When the house awakes they will see what I have done and then it will start. Bah, let them come. I can take them all one at once. Nothing shall stand in the way of my empire.' With that, Naru strolled out to a waiting Lambda class shuttle to take her to her waiting command ship.

The next morning, Motoko was the first one to wake and knew something wasn't right. Going down to check Pilatus, which would be the most likely source of unusual activities, and was shocked.

"No!" Motoko inhaled sharply. "This is not good! I must warn the others."

Motoko bolted for everyone's rooms and began knocking on all of them while shouting, "All of you guys wake up! Something very serious has happened! Come to the living room at once!"

"It's too damn early Motoko!" shouted Kitsune, who was still sleeping off her latest hangover.

"It isn't too early when something has happened to Naru!" replied Motoko.

Kitsune then instinctively bolted up from bed and quickly got dressed. She feared for her friend. The rest of the house was quick to follow in their usual form. Kitsune was having a drink to numb the fear, Shinobu was hysterical and Su was calming her down and Keitaro was sitting on the couch, not saying a word.

Motoko let out a deep sigh. "As you can see by the note left on Pilatus, something is terribly wrong with Naru."

The note read:

Future Underlings,

If you are reading this then I, Darth Naru have started on my path to the supreme ruler of the universe. Last night while you all slept so soundly in your beds I used the almighty power of Pilatus to create an army and the making of an empire. With my mighty army of Storm Troopers and a few dark jedi waiting in the wings, I cannot be stopped. Last night poor Mutsumi wondered in on my preparations and none the less, she has been taken care of. As you read this you are now left with only two choices. Swear your aliegence to me, or die. I am the new order, and I will not be stopped. If you wish to join me, I shall be on my command ship in space, I should not be hard to find. It is better to bow down now before you are so helplessly trampled in the upcoming conquest. Resistance is futile, come to the dark side, because, All Your Base Our Belong To Us.

Darth Naru, Supreme Ruler of the Universe.

"Whoa…." Gasped Kitsune. "I had no idea she liked Star Wars so much! And did she really say, all your base are belong to us? Oh man! Supreme ruler of the universe? There is something wrong with her! It's all so damn corny!"

"As corny as it sounds, she is serious." Sighed Motoko. "We can beat her, the odds are not in our favor, but we can pull it off."

Su had been checking Pilatus' logs when she looked up and said, "We are gonna need a miracle, she has a copy of Pilatus."

"You're joking!" said Keitaro. "With that it is possible for Naru to raise a army from out of no where!"

"That is correct, but don't forget, we have Pilatus as well." Smiled Su, amassing a pile of CDs. "It is going to take a whole helluvalotta weaponry and men to beat Naru. This should take a little bit of time."

"You have a plan?" asked Shinobu. "What is it?"

"Well, someone is going to have to confront her, so Keitaro, you're flying in solo to fight Naru."

"Have you been eating the wrong kind of bananas!" shouted Keitaro. "I can't fight! I'd be better to send Motoko! She has the skills."

"True, but you know more about Star Wars than any of us put together." Replied Su. "My guess is we could stick you in the docking bay of her ship and you could find her without a problem. Trust me, I have seen the pictures of you at sci-fi conventions. And that autographed picture of Chewbacca that you keep in your room."

Keitaro blushed a little as Kitsune started to snicker.

"I had no idea you where such a nerd!"

"Now is not the time for this!" muttered Keitaro. "We have to stop Naru before we lose her forever."

"Urashima is right." Said Motoko. "This will take all we have got and then some."

Su let out a squeal. "At long last I will finally get to test the full force of all my inventions! Keitaro, you have got some major training to go through, and we have to cram it into you as fast as possible."

Keitaro shuddered. "As if I really have to ask, but how do you intend to do that?"

Su smiled. "Pilatus of course." Su clicked a few keys and shouted. "Pilatus! Execute training routine one! Bring forth the powers!" Pilatus glowed and a beam of light shot from Pilatus and nailed Keitaro in the chest. After the beam died down, three golden triangles descended in front of Keitaro, the there coming together to form one triangle with a space in the center.

"Su… is that what I think it is?" asked Keitaro.

Su nodded. "The triforce."

"This is getting freaky, my life is basically a video game." Keitaro sighed. "Oh well, for great justice!" Keitaro reached out and grabbed the triforce, and as he did so it disappeared within his body and his hand was imprinted with the sign of the triforce. Keitaro looked at himself and laughed. "What Su? No green tunic and master sword?"

Su laughed as well. "You will need something more powerful, Naru has a lightsaber."

Keitaro's eyes grew wide. "Do I get a lightsaber?"

"That depends, Urashima." Said Motoko. "Can you even use a sword period?"

Su activated a new routine on Pilatus and another beam hit Keitaro. "He can now."

Motoko sighed. "That machine is a mockery of my life. Now you don't even have to train like I have to get powers beyond mine."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures, Motoko." Said Su solemnly. "After this ordeal is over, Pilatus will never again be used for war."

"Su… how am I going to get to Naru?"

"You're going to fly, stupid."

"Fly what?"

"That should be self explanatory for someone who knows Star Wars." Smiled Su. "You can take any fighter or ship you wish."

"This requires major thought."

Shinobu motioned over to Kitsune and they both walked over to a corner for a private talk.

"What is it Shinobu?"

Shinobu exhaled deeply. "I have a plan. And I need your help."

"You have my help, what is your plan?"

"Well…"

Three hours later

For the past three hours, Motoko, Su and Keitaro had been making preparations to go confront Darth Naru. Keitaro had been transformed from the man he used to be to the same man with many new talents, but still the same chance of beating Naru. After three hours, Keitaro had been versed in fighting with a lightsaber, trained in the ways of the force, learned to fly the X-Wing that would bare him to fight Naru and been armed with more weapons than the Soviets ever had and dressed defiantly in a set of Star Forge robes from the game, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. Oh yeah, Keitaro was a styling instrument of death. But would he be able to face Naru? Probably not.

"Urashima, remember, do not let your feelings for Naru cloud your judgement." Said Motoko, placing her hand on Keitaro's shoulder.

"Yeah, give her what she's got comin'!" Su gave a V for victory. "No prisoners!"

Keitaro looked at the girls behind him. "What about you guys?"

"Don't worry, Keitaro." Said Su as she flashed a devilish grin. "I have made my own preparations."

Keitaro sighed and looked at his X-Wing. "I guess I should be going. I can't seem to find Shinobu and Kitsune but tell them I said goodbye if I don't make it back."

"Don't talk like that, your coming back." Said Motoko. "Oh and uh Urashima…" Motoko blushed. She went up and gave Keitaro a kiss. "For luck."

Su followed suit and planted a big wet one on Keitaro. "Yeah, for luck. Don't go and get yourself killed now! I can't afford to find a new playmate/test subject!"

Keitaro let out a deep sigh and entered the cockpit of his X-Wing. "Why do I have the feeling that this is not as simple as it seems. I am going to be dealing with the repercussions of this one for a long while." He muttered. Keitaro took off and quietly left for space.

"Alright Motoko." Said Su as Keitaro flew out of sight. "Suit up. It's our turn."

Motoko nodded and walked off with Su. From the laundry deck, Shinobu watched as Keitaro went off into the distance. "… My dearest."

Shortly after exiting earth's atmosphere, Keitaro saw a Star Destroyer in front of him, and he began to feel Naru's force presence. Keitaro shuddered as he thought of what lie ahead.

On board the Star Destroyer, Naru felt Keitaro coming as well. 'This disturbance in the force, he comes to me like the fool he is. No matter. He will be a powerful ally, another dark jedi.' Darth Naru turned to her crew on the bridge. "Put up a show of resistance but then let the X-Wing board the ship, I have plans for it."

The crew replied with a "As you wish, Lord Naru."

Keitaro drew within firing range of the ship's guns and sure enough, a firestorm of green lasers erupted from the Star Destroyer aimed at Keitaro.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAH!" shouted Keitaro. "I can't die like this!" Keitaro did his best to dodge the fire and soon he was close enough to the Star Destroyer that the first wave of TIE fighters was bearing down on him. Suddenly a voice over his radio gave the call;

"Do a barrel roll!"

"What the hell?"

"Do a barrel roll! Are you deaf?"

Suddenly, A ball of green plasma flew by Keitaro's X-Wing and it nailed a gun turret on the Star Destroyer.

"Yeaaaaaaaaahooooooooo!" shouted Su, flying her Banshee, who was directly behind Keitaro. "Like I said, do a barrel roll! Rotate your stick a few times and you'll be good!"

"I dunno if I can."

'Use the force, Keitaro.'

"Like I didn't see that coming." Said Keitaro. Keitaro began to wildly rotate his flight yoke and sure enough, he did a barrel roll. Keitaro began to fire shots wildly as he started to clear a path to his target, the landing bay. "Su, help keep these fighters and guns off my back, I'm going in!"

Su hit the boost and began to fly faster, revealing a fleet of ships behind her. "You heard the man! Let's clear the way guys!"

And so, the space above earth became every fanboy's wet dream. Random fighters from Star Wars and Banshees from Halo where locked in mortal combat, an it was all thanks to some random invention.

As Darth Naru looked out upon the battle, she was struck with awe. "Impressive."

"Lord Naru!" called the ships Captain. "The X-Wing has just boarded us!"

"Excellent. I shall be waiting in my chambers. Have my emergency shuttle ready for my immediate flight if needed, we will retreat to the Pilatus Base."

"As you wish, My Lord."

As Keitaro exited his X-Wing he looked around the landing bay and saw that it was true to every movie and video game he'd ever seen. Using his new force powers, Keitaro followed the path to the place he felt Naru's presence the most. As he entered the door, Keitaro saw the cloaked figure looking out a giant window.

"Darth Naru."

"Keitaro Urashima."

The two stood nearly ten feet apart, staring each other down, daring the other to move.

"Like a moth to a flame, you have come, Urashima."

"I have come to get the old Naru back, the Naru we all know and love."

Darth Naru laughed a bit at Keitaro. "I am the same old Naru, I just see things more clearly now."

"This is clearly? You've made yourself the biggest nerd I have ever seen!"

"Your not one to talk, Keitaro." Hissed Darth Naru. "But now I bring you my offer. Come to the dark side and join me. Together, we can rule the universe as husband and wife. Noone would dare defy us."

"What kinda health plan does the dark side offer?" asked Keitaro. "I do get kicked around a lot. I need a good health plan before I even consider it."

"You cannot be serious." Said Darth Naru, smacking her forehead. "Why does that matter?"

"I won't agree to any job until I know I get covered… On the other hand, how much do you pay for starting out?"

"Argh!" Darth Naru growled, using the force to send Keitaro flying into the door. "Even with your new found powers, you're still the stupidest person I know."

End Chapter One:

Okay, it's stupid, but still. Thanks for reading and I hope you will stick with us and read future updates! And do review if you have some input.

Coming Next Chapter:

Keitaro and Darth Naru duel and then as if things weren't random enough, a new twist of events comes to light and the girls and Keitaro are once again in for the ride of their lives!