A Date with a Demon's Husband

by Lanx Borealis

In which Bill Cipher has more terrible ideas, such as organizing a date between his husband, Tad Strange, and his boyfriend, Dipper Pines. BAP AU. Bill/Tad/Dipper. [Sequel to "Bill's Husband"]

Disclaimer: I do not own GF

NOTE: This is a sequel to my oneshot, "Bill's Husband" and though you may be able to figure this out before reading that, you should read it first anyways.

Also, even though this is Bill/Tad/Dipper, this oneshot is mainly focused on Tad/Dipper. So yeah! Keep that in mind.

~~0~~0~~0~~

Dipper frowned, fondling the bottom of the flannel he was wearing as he stood in front of the mirror.

Never before had Dipper felt so nervous. His fingers trembled ever so slightly, and his undershirt kept sticking to him, creasing uncomfortably along his sides and up against his back. Sweat glistened on his forehead; no matter how many times Dipper wiped it away, it returned.

Dipper stared back at his own reflection, as if it were to come alive and give him directions as to what exactly do. He had gotten showered and dressed- though in hindsight, the shower was now rendered moot- brushed out his hair, and now he was left standing in the bathroom alone, wishing it was socially acceptable to begin screaming and never stop.

Dipper sighed, bouncing one of his many curls off the pad of his finger. Hat or no hat?

Dipper eyed the top of his head. His head had always been a little weird-looking, in his humble opinion, and besides, he had a face for hats.

Snagging his favorite blue and white trucker hat, Dipper pulled it snug over his head.

Now he looked look some 90s has-been baseball player.

Dipper groaned, rubbing his face.

There were many things Dipper knew Bill Cipher to be. Dream demon extraordinaire. Eccentric to the point of insanity. A complete and utter sociopath with not a single shred of empathy to be found. Greedy, needy, touchy, even borderline controlling and manipulative in some ways.

Nowhere, at any point, had Dipper thought Bill Cipher to be a matchmaker.

"Pine Tree! You almost ready?" Bill poked his head into the bathroom, a wide grin splitting his face. His golden eye twinkled in excitement. "Oh, you look adorable!"

Dipper shot a pout at Bill, then flushed when he caught the sight of it in the mirror. "I look terrible. I didn't realize it till now…."

Bill rolled his eyes. "Nah, trust me kid. Ya don't look terrible. I've seen terrible, and you're not it. Now, get your ass out! Tad should be up here soon!"

Dipper wrung his hands together, biting the inside of his cheek. Sighing, he shuffled out of the bathroom as Bill stepped away from the doorway.

"Is- is it really all the appropriate to set your husband and your boyfriend on a date?" Dipper couldn't help but ask Bill for surely the thousandth time.

Bill scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You two should spend some quality time together to learn about one another! That's what humans do, right? Least that's what Tad said…."

"Wait. So Tad planted this idea in your head that you should set me and him up on a- a-" Dipper's face grew hot, "-a date?"

"Of course not!" Bill snorted. "That's what Tad told me when I first told him about you when I met you!"

Dipper's eyes widened. "Wait, your husband gave you relationship advice concerning me, and now you are using the same advice to get Tad and me on a…." Dipper shook his head, tugging at the ends of his hair. "God, I'm getting a headache already."

Bill laughed, patting Dipper's cheek. "Don't think about it too much, kid. Don't need your head smoking from all that thought! Just relax."

Dipper sighed, leaning into Bill's hand. Reaching up, he gripped Bill's wrist, turning his face slightly to kiss his palm. "You know I tend to overthink everything."

"I know, Pine Tree. I know. But everything will be alright, okay? And hey, Tad's always been the more romantic one between us, so don't get too intimidated, alright? He'll take care of you. Trust me." Bill leaned in to give Dipper a peck on the lips.

Dipper sighed softly, his tense shoulders falling lax for now. "Alright. I trust you."

Bill grinned. "Who wouldn't? And Pine Tree, wanna know a secret? Tad is just as nervous as you are. He's been up since like… five or whatever this morning trying to pick out something to wear and preparing himself."

Dipper paled. "W- Wait, seriously?" Dipper tensed again, all too aware of the sweat dripping down his back, and how his clean, but still scruffy flannel clung to his torso. He wasn't even wearing his best jeans, really, just the ones that were the most comfortable.

Dipper gulped.

Bill winced seeing Dipper's facial expression. "Wait, that didn't help, did it?"

Dipper hesitated, but shook his head. "God dammit, Bill."

Bill pulled his hand from Dipper's, holding both his hands up as if in surrender. "Hey! I tried!"

"And failed!" Dipper cried out.

"Well! You failed to find comfort in my words!"

Dipper rolled his eyes, crossed his arms, and snorted. "Right. It's my fault. Of course."

Before Bill could respond, the closet door creaked open.

Tad paused in the doorway, his palm still leaning on the doorknob, and stared at them. He cleared his throat softly, coughing into his gloved fist. "Was I interrupting-?"

Bill grinned. "Of course not!" He strode over to Tad and pulled him forward, dragging and dropping him in front of Dipper. "Isn't it about time you two go out anyways?"

Tad blinked at Bill before slowly turning to stare at Dipper. Dipper fidgeted under Tad's gaze.

"Um, I- I guess so?" Dipper said with a small shrug, not quite able to meet Tad's eyes.

"Great!" Grabbing Dipper's wrist as well, Bill hauled both him and Tad out of Dipper's bedroom, through the hallway, and down the stairs. "Y'all should get going then! And don't be back too late-!" Bill shot the both of them a dazzling look as he practically threw the both of them out the front door.

"Bill! Seriously?!" Dipper cried out, nearly falling flat on his face. Unlike him, Tad quickly caught himself back on his feet and darted an arm out, catching Dipper around his waist and holding him up with ease.

Dipper squeaked, and glanced up at Tad with huge eyes. His cheeks flamed. "T- Thanks, Tad."

An elegant smile graced Tad's face, his amethyst eyes twinkling gently, "it's no problem." Tad let go of Dipper after checking he was alright, though he kept an arm hovering around Dipper just in case.

From behind the two, Bill guffawed. "You two have fun! I'll see y'all tonight!" Before either Tad or Dipper could answer, he slammed the door shut.

Dipper groaned, taking off his hat to run his hand through his hair. "What am I gonna do with him? Jesus…."

Tad chuckled, offering his arm to Dipper. "We could always get him back later."

Dipper snickered as he met Tad's eyes, which glimmered in light mischief. Carefully, he wound his arm with Tad's. "True. Anything in mind?"

"Well," Tad began, leading Dipper down the steps from his parent's home and toward his car, "I was the one who made that body of his. I could easily change it if I want to."

Dipper blinked, surprised, and stared up at Tad. "Really? You made him his body?"

Tad opened the car door for Dipper, holding it wide open for him. "Indeed I did. Bill can't make his own body. He can't create anything real at all, in fact. His powers rely in dreams. As a reality demon, I can create things that are truly real." Tad shut Dipper's door.

Dipper watched Tad as he walked around the length of his, admittedly nice and expensive ride, and got into the driver's seat.

"Since you can only create things that are real, does that mean that you have to follow the rules of physics and such?" Dipper asked as he clicked his seatbelt.

Tad fiddled with his white gloves before retrieving his keys. "Well, the proper physics of this dimension, yes. In his own little world, Bill can create whatever he wishes. I, however, am stuck to creating things that already exist, or have the capabilities to exist. Such as this car, for instance." Tad gestured to their surroundings while he started the ignition.

"That's… impressive," Dipper whispered, peering out the window as Tad pulled out of the driveway.

Tad chuckled, flashing his pearly teeth. Unlike Bill, who had double rows of shark-like fangs, with a few golden teeth for measure, Tad's teeth were completely and utterly human. It was just a little too normal to be normal.

"I suppose it is," Tad replied, shaking his head. "So, where would you like to go?"

Dipper hummed, tapping his chin. "Well…." Dipper sighed and dropped his hand back down to his lap. "I- I'm not so sure. Um, I've never really been one to go on dates and, well, neither is Bill-"

Tad snorted. "Oh, I know that very well. He isn't the most romantic demon around."

Dipper nodded. "Yeah, exactly. So we don't really… do much in terms of actual dates. I- I, er-" Dipper flushed furiously, twisting around in his seat.

"Dipper? Is something wrong?" Tad glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.

Dipper bit the inside of his cheek, mulling over his thoughts for several seconds. After a small sigh, he let them spill. "It just… still feels a little weird."

"Weird?"

"You know… learning your boyfriend is already married… and now I'm here going on- on a- a date with said husband…." Dipper's flush crawled up to his ears. "I know it's not odd for you demons, but for a human it's… well… weird."

Tad shook his head, but graced Dipper with a small smile all the same. Despite the comfort it brought Dipper, he knew that Tad didn't understand him. Not really.

"If it makes you feel any better, Dipper, I am not angry, nor does this feel weird to me. It's standard demon customs when one is introducing two partners they want to get along together. Bill is supposed to set the foundations for our courtship."

Dipper squeaked, and began bouncing his leg. "C- Courtship? Is- is that what…?" He put his head in his hands. "Oh boy. What have I gotten myself into?"

Tad chuckled, and reached out to caress Dipper's shoulder. "Hey, it's alright." Tad shook his head. "You're dating a demon, Dipper. Surely that's more strange then going out on a date with another man, no? Polygamy isn't something only demons participate in. It's not exactly foreign to many humans, as you know. And I'm not talking about cheating."

Dipper sighed, the coiling anxiety in his gut loosening. "You know, Tad? You're- you're right. Besides, I want to make Bill happy, and you're not too bad yourself." Dipper gulped as soon as the words left his mouth, and he couldn't bring himself to look up at Tad to see his reaction.

Tad laughed again. "Thanks," he said, but he sounded genuine. He took his hand off Dipper's shoulder. "You're not too bad yourself. Not that I had any doubt, of course. Bill has always had a… dislike for humans, so to say, so for him to be so affectionate toward you must mean something." Tad shot Dipper a little grin.

Dipper chuckled. "True, true. Maybe once we reach Courtship Level Five, I'll tell you my perspective on how Bill and I met."

"Courtship Level Five…?" Tad shook his head, still smiling. "I look forward to that, then."

Dipper nodded, and the two fell into several seconds of uncomfortable silence.

"You know," Dipper said quickly, before the silence could stretch out for a minute, "we still haven't decided where we're going. We're just circling around the block."

Tad groaned. "And indeed we are." He shook his head, scoffing at himself. "Hm… well, you seem to be quite red, Dipper. Are you hot? Perhaps we should go get some ice cream. How about that?"

Dipper squeaked, then flustered so much, all he could do was nod in agreement to Tad's assessment.

"Great! So, um, where is the ice cream place?"

In the middle of giving instructions as Tad pulled out of Dipper's neighborhood, Dipper interrupted himself, "wait, can't you just. Make some ice cream for us?"

"I could. But I wanna go spend human currency! Sounds fun!" Tad grinned brightly. "And besides, I don't like exerting my powers more than necessary. Unlike Bill, it takes a long time to recharge and get my strength back."

"I guess that makes sense. But it'd just be a little ice cream…"

Tad gestured around the both of them. "But I already created this car, remember? It stacks up."

"Oh, yeah." Dipper stared down at his lap. "I- I, uh, forgot…."

"That's quite alright. Now, can you finish telling me those directions?"

~~0~~0~~0~~

Tad was absolutely giddy when they walked into the old ice cream parlor squeezed between two small stores downtown. Smile lines crinkled around his amethyst eyes, and he practically walked on his toes.

Dipper shuffled besides Tad, his hands deep in his pockets, hunching his shoulders up. He knew he should've told Tad to change out of his three piece purple suit. Tad- absolutely normal and clean cut Tad- caught every eye in the parlor. A couple of girls seated in the corner began to babble amongst themselves, casting Tad haunty looks through smokey eyes.

Tad, too busy staring at the tubs of ice cream under the glass counter, didn't notice them, or the other eyes on him, at all.

Dipper bit the inside of his cheek, his heart clenching in his chest. They must've looked odd together- one dressed to the nines, yet with an everyday, forgettable face- and then him. Raggedy, worn down, with bruised eyes from sleepless nights, and a permanently splotchy, flushed face.

Dipper leaned his arms forward, covering up his front a little more, but pulling his flannel tighter in the back. He sighed. He could never win.

"What would you like, Dipper?" Tad asked as they approached the front. His wide eyes sparkled hungrily under the light as he continued to scan the flavors available to them.

"Um, chocolate is fine," Dipper said, glancing briefly at the flavors. "Do you even have money?"

"Of course!" Tad dug his hand into his pocket, and with a twist of his wrist, pulled out several bills.

Dipper cocked a brow. Either Bill had given Tad money, or somehow Tad decided that creating a little paper was worth the energy.

Dipper shook his head, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he recalled the time Stan had him and Mabel making counterfeit money.

What a wonderful summer that had been.

"Well then, what are you going to get?" Dipper asked.

Tad hummed. "Lemme think… three scoops… one with strawberry, one with that- that chocolate almond… and the last with whatever the blue ice cream is!"

"Birthday cake?" Dipper snorted. "That's a lot…."

"I'm quite hungry." As if to prove himself, Tad licked his lips.

"Alright then. Um, I'll only have two scoops."

Tad flashed Dipper a little smile, then ordered their cones.

After several seconds and Tad meticulously standing to the side of the register to count their change to double-check it, the two finally left the little parlor to sit outside at one of the many old white wire filigree tables. The California sun beat down on the backs of their necks, and Dipper was forced to take his flannel off. He draped it on the table for both him and Tad to rest their arms easily without searing their skin off.

Dipper tapped his fingers on the table, glancing up at Tad every few seconds as he licked tentatively at his ice cream. Unlike him, Tad practically devoured his sweet treat, though somehow managed to not get a single speck of ice cream smeared around his lips or even on the tip of his nose.

"Wow. You're fast," Dipper said, giving his ice cream another lick.

Tad chuckled, sucking lightly on the tips of his fingers. "I don't remember the last time I ate real ice cream. Oh, and Dipper? You have a little ice cream on your nose."

Dipper flushed furiously, his eyes widening in horror. Before he could move to wipe it off, Tad proffered a small handkerchief and leaned over the table. He cupped Dipper's chubby cheek in one hand while wiping the smear of ice cream away.

"There you go," Tad murmured to him, staring deep into his eyes. "All clean."

Dipper couldn't stop his eyes from dropping to Tad's plump, pink lips. Blinking fast, he leaned away from Tad's grip, his eyes falling downcast.

"T- Thanks…." Dipper went back to pecking at his ice cream, this time careful not to smudge any on his face. Unfortunately, it was already beginning to melt, and chocolate dripped down onto Dipper's fat fingers.

Dipper scowled at himself. His stomach, which had flutters in it before, began to ravage and devour itself out of anxiety. His hands began shaking more than usual, and it was like his lungs shriveled up in embarrassment as well.

"T- This was a bad idea," Dipper couldn't help but mutter. Getting up quickly, Dipper nearly tripped twice trying to get out of his seat and toward the trashcan to throw his ice cream away.

Tad stood up quickly, worry creasing his brow. "Dipper? Dipper, are you alright?" He moved to go to Dipper's side as Dipper dropped back down on his seat with a wince.

Dipper opened his mouth to spit a lie, but instead found himself saying, "no, no I'm not." Dipper chewed the insides of his cheeks, and took his hat off to run his fingers through his hair several times before dragging his hands down his face. He stuffed his hat back over his head as Tad sat besides him, steepling his fingers between his knees, concern etched into his features.

Dipper pulled the brim of his hat low over his face. "I- I ruined our date." A little curse slipped past Dipper's lips as soon as the realization was formed into words.

Tad scooted closer to Dipper, sitting on the edge of his seat. "What? No, no of course not, Dipper. You didn't ruin anything…."

Dipper shook his head quickly. "You- you don't have to lie to me, Tad. I know I did…."

Tad narrowed his eyes, and dropped a firm hand on Dipper's shoulder, startling him.

Dipper stared at Tad like a deer trapped in headlights.

"I don't lie."

Dipper flinched back from Tad's hard voice and look, and Tad shook his head to soften his harsh features.

"I- I mean, you didn't ruin anything, Dipper. Please, trust me on that." Tad graced him with another one of his small smiles. "Neither of us are all that good with this dating thing, and that's alright."

Tad's words broke through one of Dipper's many laws, and his tensed shoulders fell. He put his head in his hands again. "I just! Bill knows I- I'm not really good with talking. Or- or people. Or anything. He's the exception. I just never know what to say or- or do or anything…." Dipper shook his head and peeked up at Tad through his fingers. "You must see me as pathetic."

Tad shook his head slowly. "Awkward? A little, as everyone is a bit awkward. Pathetic? Not at all. This- this is a big change. For both of us." Tad sighed, his smile falling, and his lips twitched. He looked away from Dipper toward the road, staring past the cars zooming by at nothing. "It's going to take some time getting to know one another. Which is- which is why we're here, no?" Tad glanced back at Dipper.

"Yeah, I know. But it's just… too weird. To- to artificial. For me." Dipper bit his lip. "I know Bill was trying to do us good but- but it would've been easier if we just… I don't know… got more comfortable together while being with Bill? You know… become actual friends first before doing this, well, courtship thing?"

Tad leaned his head in his fist. "You know, you are absolutely correct, Dipper. I- I'll admit, I don't know much about you. Nor you to me. But I want to get to know you. And- and I want this to work out."

Dipper blushed. "Ditto," he butted in.

"And you're right about being artificial. We're letting Bill force this courtship, where I suppose it should come more naturally, no?"

Dipper hesitated, then shrugged. "Well, I guess so? I don't know anything about courtships."

Tad bursted out laughing. "I don't either, if I am being honest! Bill and I did not have a, well, traditional courtship."

Dipper pricked his head up, dropping his hands back down into his lap. "You didn't?"

Tad chuckled. "Not at all. We met during a… volatile time, so to speak, and got into a fight over territory."

Dipper's jaw dropped open. "What? A fight?!"

Tad laughed more at Dipper's expression. "Indeed! We fought for nearly five days straight before I was finally able to overpower him."

"Wait, you overpowered him?"

Tad bared his pearly teeth in a savage grin. "Indeed I did," he said, his voice becoming slick and feral. The hairs on the back of Dipper's neck shot up.

"Wait, but…?" Dipper shook his head. "Okay. Okay, then what?"

Tad tapped his fingers against his head. "Then I completely dominated him by fucking him into the ground till he couldn't move."

Dipper's entire body burned with his flush, and a choked, inhuman screech wrangled from his lungs. He nearly fell out of his seat staring all around with huge eyes. "W- Wha-! T- Tad! Not so-! Jesus Christ… what- I- I don't know- I don't know how to respond to that." Dipper cleared his throat. "Please, not- not so loud, though." He couldn't look Tad in the eye any longer.

Tad waved Dipper off. "Alright, alright. Indeed, not exactly something to discuss over ice cream."

Dipper expelled a slow sigh. "Something like that. Um, are- are all courtships like… like that?" Dipper pressed his knees together, tense energy coalescing in his muscles, so he could be ready to flee any second. Intrusive thoughts danced in the back of Dipper's mind, reminding him over and over again how well running from a demon would probably go.

"Oh, gods no!" Tad's eyes widened in shock. "O- Of course not, Dipper. I- I'm not going to harm you. I- I could never…." Tad's shoulders slumped. "My original point of the matter is that neither me nor Bill had a typical courtship, so neither of us know what exactly to do either. I- I didn't mean to frighten you…."

"You didn't frighten me," Dipper grumbled. "But- but alright. Um… so- so what should we do then? If- if not… dates and- and courtship?"

Tad's worried frown quirked back up into a shy smile. "Well, we could always try being friends first." Tad crossed his ankles together, and leaned forward again. "I- I know you think being friends or even- even entertaining the notion of getting into a relationship with me as well is… strange for you. But- but I do want to try. Not just for Bill, either, but for you as well. And me. I find you interesting, and I want to get to know you."

Dipper's mouth dried. He opened his mouth to say something, but only air came out. Snapping his mouth closed, he planted his hands on his knees, gathering his frazzled thoughts before answering.

"I- I think that could work. I- I find you interesting too. And- and want this to work. Everything. Me, you, and Bill." A clumsy smile stretched Dipper's chubby cheeks as he peeked back up at Tad.

Tad relaxed under his words. Leaning forward, pressing their knees together, Tad picked up one of Dipper's hands and kissed the back of it.

A small gasp escaped Dipper's nose, and he stared at Tad with huge eyes.

Like Bill, Tad's lips were warm. Moist, but not too moist to leave saliva all over the back of his hand. Even when Tad pulled away, Dipper could feel heat pulsating into his skin from where Tad's lips touched his hand.

"I am… so grateful to hear that." For the first time that day, Tad's tenseness drained from him completely, all present worries vanquished. "Now, let's get back to Bill, shall we?" Tad proffered his hand.

Dipper took it without hesitation. "Let's go."

~~0~~0~~0~~

This was quite fun to write and I can't believe how fast I finished it, if I am being honest. Writing Tad/Dipper is so refreshing to me in many ways, somehow.

I wanna note I do have some other vague ideas for oneshots in this series, but if you guys wanna see something certain, let me know! You can leave a request/idea here OR in my inbox at my tumblr (mercurialsmile).

Anyways, as always, comments are greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading!