A/N: Hm, this is something we haven't done in a while.
Pen: Something original?
No, a request. So here we are.
Sword: *opens an envelope* This request comes from Heavier-Lobster on DeviantArt, who wanted a story focused on the Kanker sisters.
Therefore, Ed, Edd, n Eddy and all related material belongs to Danny Antonucci and Cartoon Network. The story idea belongs to Heavier-Lobster. Sword and Pen belong to me.
Pen: I need a drink.
Sword: Too early to be fuzzy in the head, Ed-boy.
Catch of the Day
"This stinks!" May said for the umpteenth time that day as she dangled her empty fishing line and hook in front of her sisters. "There's nothing here!"
"Eh, quit your bellyachin'," Lee said. Although she too was disappointed with their fishing spot. They had been in their little rowboat for hours without so much as a nibble. Lee had refused to call it quits right away and had made May and Marie paddle the boat further out from shore to any spot she deemed suitable enough.
Yet as she reeled in her own pathetic line with a grubby worm hooked to it, she was starting to have her doubts. She pondered over the water, leaning over the side and raising some of the mass of red curls dangling in front of her eyes. The lake should be teeming with fish this far out. Where were they today?
"Marie," she said, casting her line out again, "throw another stick in."
With a stick of dynamite already between her teeth, Marie dug in their sack of sodas, worm bait, binoculars, and other fishing supplies for the matches. She struck one, lit the dynamite, then hurled the stick as far as she could towards the middle of the water between them and the shore. A few seconds passed and a geyser of water exploded into the air, rocking the boat and rumbling the surrounding area.
The water rained down on the sisters, soaking them thoroughly. May picked bits of dirt and grit out of her blond hair and Marie squeezed out a flood of water from her tanktop. And still, no fish surfaced.
"Face it, Lee," Marie said, shoving past her and grabbing an oar. "There's none here. Maybe we caught them all."
"Don't be stupid," she said, her legs shivering from the cold water seeping into her socks. "There's always been fish in this lake. They don't up and disappear," she said, pushing Marie back.
Marie tumbled into May and fell on top of her, rocking the boat. "Oh, yeah? Then where are they?"
"Hey," May said, groaning and fighting to breathe. "Get off!"
"Make me," Marie said, shoving her face into the floor of the boat.
May kicked her off and Marie crashed into Lee this time. Already tense as it was, Lee whirled around, abandoning her pole, and tripped Marie. May threw empty and full soda cans at them, prompting Marie to turn her attention back to her. But when she rushed Marie, she slipped on some water, kicking a bucket of worms into Lee's face and chest.
"Ugh!" she said, wiping the worms off her. Her clothes were covered in brown and pink worm guts and slime. No mercy now, she thought.
May bit into Marie with her buck teeth and Marie lifted May high to piledrive her into a seat. On the other end, Lee growled. "That's it!" She jumped into the fray, tackling both her sisters.
That was too much for the boat. It tipped far enough on one side for the water to rush in and the next moment, all three sisters were plunged into the icy cold depths, along with their poles and supplies.
Lee was the first one to surface and swam for the boat. Marie popped up next, followed by May. "Good job, you two!" she said, splashing each of them.
"You tipped it over!" May said, splashing back.
"Just help me with the boat," she said through chattering teeth, pushing the edge of it from under the water. They managed to right the rowboat and Lee held onto the bow as they climbed in. Once they were all in the boat, they searched for their belongings. The oars were close by and Lee snagged them out of the water, throwing them at the other two. "Get to paddlin'."
In the end, they recovered only two of the poles, some soda cans, the binoculars, and a couple of sticks of dynamite. "Ma ain't gonna like that we lost most of her dynamite," she said.
Marie nodded. "She was saving it for her next wedding."
With a sigh, Lee tossed the dynamite into the bottom of the boat. This day had turned out completely rotten. Maybe they could swipe some sticks later from the construction site in the neighborhood. By now, the workers there would be through with them and could spare a half dozen or so.
But there was time for that later. For now, they were freezing and needed to dry off. "Let's head back," she said. May and Marie turned the boat for shore and paddled, their limbs constantly rattling.
Lee looked over the edge. It still didn't make any sense. Where could all the fish have gone? In the distance, she thought she heard a yell. Raising her head, she spotted several figures on the distant shore of the lake, almost out of sight behind some trees.
"Hold it!" she said, grabbing the binoculars and standing up. She wiped the lenses off as best as she could and peered at the other shoreline. Focusing the lenses, she could make out some of the neighborhood kids gathered around a platform built on a rickety old dock. Behind the platform were scores of fish in a ringed cage, with someone swimming in the middle. Another person was sitting with their back to her, tending to the person in the cage every now and then, and busying himself with a money box.
But the one in the center, the one herding the neighborhood kids to the platform's edge to view the cage, was none other than her favorite weasel. There was no mistaking that short stature, eccentric showmanship, and loud mouth. Even under that ridiculous red striped jacket and straw hat that made him look like a regular carnie, it was definitely Eddy.
"What is it?" Marie asked. Lee unfolded the binoculars so the other two could each look through a lens. Then she turned their heads to the other shore and shoved the binoculars against their eyes. Instantly, their faces lit up.
"I think we know what happened to all the fish," she said.
"He-llooo, Oven Mitt," Marie said, holding onto her side of the binoculars and burrowing a hole through them as she stared at Edd at his moneybox.
"There's Big Ed in the water," May said, leaning dangerously far over the edge and heaving a long, wistful sigh. "He looks just like a majestic whale swimming in the ocean."
"We might land a catch yet," Lee said and took the binoculars from them. "Head to the bank. We can't spook them."
"On it," May said, grabbing both oars and rowing furiously for the group of trees that hid them from the neighborhood kids. Once on shore, they hid their boat and crept softly through the woods until they were a stone's throw from the platform.
"Yes, see it now!" Eddy said, showing off Ed to the crowd. Close-up, they saw Ed had several green and pink fins strapped to his back and razor-sharp teeth made out of saw blades. Other than a pair of old, stained underwear, he was completely naked. "The prehistoric, ancient monster unearthed from this very lake!"
"I am the Machine Gun Sharkanator!" Ed said, popping up from the water and plopping his head on the platform.
Eddy frowned and pushed his foot into Ed's face, shoving him back in the water. "Uh, right. It's Latin for 'apex predator'," he said. "Who's up first?" Two of the kids approached and deposited quarters into his hand.
Ed was still swimming in the pool, playfully chasing the fish in his little cage, while the other two Ed's had their backs to the Kankers. Lee looked between all three of them and hummed to herself. "I got an idea," she said. "Follow my lead and stay quiet."
"Latin for 'apex predator'," Edd said sarcastically as Eddy dumped the quarters into the moneybox. "Brilliant save."
"Yeah, yeah, just keep track of the money," he said.
"I'm more concerned about those explosions we heard earlier." Edd looked out over the lake. "They sounded far too close."
Eddy only saw still, peaceful waters. "Probably just someone throwing firecrackers," he said. "You worry too much."
"This is a predator?" Rolf asked, standing at the edge of the platform with Johnny and Plank and scratched his head. "It is having fun with its food."
Eddy rushed to the cage and sure enough, Ed was busy splashing around and swimming with the fish. "He's, er, lulling them into a false sense of security. Any minute, he's going to go into a feeding frenzy." He caught Ed by ear, pulling him out of the water for a moment and staring him down. "Isn't that right? A feeding frenzy like a real shark?"
It took a few seconds before Ed processed his meaning and he yelled, "Shark frenzy!" He tore into the water, searching for the fish and kicking up waves so they could barely see what was happening.
While Rolf and Johnny weren't paying attention to him, Eddy dumped a can of sardines into the water. Ed was quick to catch one and held it up between his sharp teeth, pretending to devour it and jerking his neck around wildly.
"Cover your eyes, Plank!" Johnny said, holding his hand over the piece of wood's painted eyes.
"Ho-ho, he reminds me of Nana at our holiday feasts!" Rolf said, clapping.
Suddenly, Ed stopped, becoming completely immobile and looked into the water. His eyes widened and he yelled, "Something's got—" then he zipped under the water into the depths, as if dragged down by an invisible force.
"Where did it go?" Rolf asked.
Eddy dropped to his knees and peered into the waves. "C'mon, lummox," he said under his breath, "where did you go? We got more customers lined up."
As quickly as he had disappeared, Ed surfaced again, gasping for air and his fins falling off "Guys!" he screamed. "Ka—" then it was back down into the water again.
"Eddy?" Edd asked. "What's happening?" But Eddy wasn't listening. He was still searching for their star attraction while the kids waiting behind were grumbling about leaving.
"This stinks," Kevin said. "I'm out of here."
"I'm coming too," Nazz said and Jimmy and Sarah joined them.
"No, wait!" Eddy said, turning around, checking the water every few seconds for any sign of Ed. "It'll come back any moment now. It's just, uh, getting a larger fish to tear into!"
Behind him, a slow whirring noise caught his ear. Eddy rounded towards the sound, hoping it was Ed, but saw nothing. The whirring continued and he followed it to a line and hook dangling through the air and coming to rest behind the tip of Edd's hat.
Eddy cocked an eyebrow as the other kids paused and watched. "What is that?"
Seeming to sense several eyes on him, Edd raised his head from the moneybox, completely unaware of the line. "What is it? Do I have something on me?" he asked, patting his cheeks and shirt.
The line above him became taut and the hook snatched the tip of his beanie, tugging at it. Edd quickly grabbed the edges, holding it down. "Who's doing that?" Then the line yanked him hard, off his fast, and he vanished amongst the trees as the line reeled him in. "Eddy!" he yelled, his voice echoing long after he disappeared. The trees where the line had come from rustled for a moment, then grew still.
Terror-filled shouts from above and the water's edge surrounded the remaining neighborhood kids. "Woodland nymphs!" Jimmy shrieked.
"Don't be stupid," Sarah said. "It's ghosts!"
The other kids turned and fled the woods. Eddy almost joined them, then remembered the moneybox back on the platform, with its two shiny quarters inside. He braked and veered around, dashing for the box waiting for him.
Yet when he dove for the box, it jumped back and onto the dirt ground. He growled and swiped at it again. Again, it hopped backwards, deeper into the forest. "Ghost or not," he said, grabbing at it, his fingers brushing the lid as it led him further in, "that's my money!"
Finally, it halted in the middle of a pile of leaves. Eddy dove for the box, savoring the cold steel in his arms, before he realized that he was sinking into the ground. He scrambled for solid dirt, but only fell further into the hidden pit, crashing at the bottom ten feet below.
He groaned and rolled over onto his back. He had landed square on the moneybox, the sharp edges jamming into his ribs. Still, he had the money in his hands. He raised the box in triumph at the sky shrouded by trees. Soon, the trees themselves were covered by shadowy figures, all of whom shared a distinct, familiar laugh. One slow and goofy, one shrill and piercing, and one deep and husky.
"Well, well," the husky one said, leaning over the pit and her yellow teeth curling back into a sinister smile. "What a catch."
"Kankers," Eddy realized. He was outnumbered three to one with no way out. He was trapped on all sides. And where were his friends?
"I'll say," the goofy one said. "What a whopper!"
"Seems a bit shrimpy to me," the piercing voice chimed in.
"You're one to talk with your skinny catch," the husky one said, casting a line down the pit. It descended slowly, right for Eddy. The laughing continued as he covered his head with the moneybox, blocking out the inevitable.
Lee kicked her shoes off, relaxing on the sofa beside her sisters. Under their feet was a net filled with fish and the bag of replenished dynamite. "Those construction guys are lucky we left them something," May said.
Marie shook the empty moneybox. "They got the better end of the deal if you ask me."
"I don't know," Lee said, looking up at the three wooden plaques above their heads with pride. "I'd say we came out on top today."
Superglued to each of the three plaques were the Eds, stretched out horizontally like a fish trophy and with a golden tag beneath each of them.
"Eddy," Edd said, wiggling. "This glue is starting to chafe my skin."
"Put a sock in it," May said, flipping on the television. "Monster Movie Hour is about to start!"
Ed grew excited and hopped up and down on the wall. "Ooo! Ooo! The Squid from the Black Lagoon on Mars! Turn it up! Eddy, make them turn it up!"
"Shut up, Ed," Eddy said, stewing in his own misery and anger as the Kankers laughed.
A/N: This was pretty fun to do.
Pen: Speak for yourself. There's a reason I insisted we stop doing requests.
Sword: We know. You're a jerk.
Pen: And you're an idiot.
Settle down you two. Thank you all for reading and we hope you enjoyed it. Please let us know what you think of it, as we'd love to hear from you all.