Heaven From Here Chapter 1

Know no fear, I'll still be here tomorrow.

Bend my ear, I'm not gonna go away.

I'll shelter you, make it alright to cry

And you'll help too, cos the faith in myself

has run dry.

I see real love in your eyes

And it fills me up when you start to cry.

We are love and I just wanna hold you near

Know no fear, we will see Heaven from here.

Heaven from Here, R. Williams, G. Chambers

Mickey swung away from Kate's bed, away from her dead form, and into Meadows' arms. He hadn't realised that the older man had been standing there, nearly cannoned the DCI off his feet. Mickey had to shut his eyes as Meadows regained his balence, then enfolded him in an embrace.

'Oh, Mickey, I'm so sorry. So, so sorry.'

'She - she's dead?' Mickey's voice was wondering; he couldn't take in what he had seen.

'I know. She died before you got here.'

'Kate - isn't here? She's gone. Why didn't she wait?'

Meadows' voice came near to breaking as he answered. 'She didn't know you were coming, Mickey. She didn't know anything since it blew up yesterday. We did tell her; I told her; she didn't know.'

'If I'd come earlier...'

'No. She wouldn't have known - you would have had to see her die' He could feel Mickey's tears now, hot and damp, soaking through his jacket. 'She had to go, Mickey. It was her time.'

'No. No... She's too young to leave. It isn't fair - not fair.'

'I know.' Meadows left one arm around Mickey's waist but stepped slightly away from him. 'Come on, let's leave her. She's alright now, remember? She's safe, peaceful.'

'Why am I still here then? Why should I have to live without her?'

'Because it worked out that way. C'mon, Mickey. Let's get you home.' He walked out of the ward with Mickey staggering beside him, blind and trusting. The DC's grief was silent; tears fell unchecked down onto his shirt.

Meadows led him back to the main waiting room for intensive care; found a couple there locked in their own grief, the woman looking so much like Kate that Mickey spoke the name aloud. He blinked, then bolted on uneasy legs into a side room.

'You're Kate's parents, are you?' Meadows managed to keep his voice level.

'Yes. I'm her mum, Katherine. This is Martin. You are?'

'DCI Jack Meadows, her boss. I'm so sorry - she was a fine officer, one that I was proud to have in my department.'

Mrs. Spears was able to respond, her voice still thick from crying. 'She was always good at what she did. That man you was with, who is he?'

'Mickey? He's a DC, works at Sun Hill. He was close to Kate.' He waited to see if the name evoked a response from either of them; if Kate had ever mentioned that she, alone of those who had contended with her, had caught Mickey's eye and then not wanted his love.

'Mickey? No, she told us about Tom, her boyfriend a few times. I think that she said something about Mickey messing around a few times, playing jokes on her. Just being silly, like.'

Meadows almost smiled at that reminder of how Mickey had been around Kate, showing his

attraction through his playful attitude. 'They were friends, but Mickey fancied her. Always

did. She knew, but...Why am I telling you this?'

'Oh, that poor man.' She was as generous and affectionate as her daughter had been, seemingly proud that her child had been so coverted.'Will he be alright?'

'I'll look after him. Look, anything I can do...'

'No, no.' She shook her head madly. 'You've enough to do. Don't worry about us.' Her husband nodded, spoke for the first time.

'We'll cope.'

Mickey came back into the room then, walking as though he was unsure of the ground beneath his feet. He kept his eyes down. 'I loved her, too, you know.'

'I know, Mickey. I know.' Meadows got his arm around Mickey's waist again, supporting most of his slight weight. 'Time to go.' He nodded a farewell to Kate's parents and led Mickey out to the car park.

'I'll get some-one to come and pick your car up later. Are you okay?'

'She's - she's dead, Jack.' It was an answer of a kind.

Meadows reached awkwardly across from the driver's seat to rest his hand on Mickey's shoulder. 'Mickey...' He started the car up, drove back to Mickey's flat one-handedly.

Mickey was relieved to get home, stupidly grateful when Meadows came indoors with him and helped him over to the sofa. 'Anyone I could call for you, Mickey?'

'N-Nah. No-one. On my own.'

'You shouldn't be. Not tonight.'

'Haven't g-got anyone. Mum's workin'.'

Meadows looked at the younger man; huddled into one corner of the sofa as though he was trying to deney the existence of the world. He wanted, so badly, to stop this happening, to stop it hurting for Mickey. 'I'll stay if you want.'

'I don't care. I want her back, that's all. I don't care what you do.'

Meadows moved over and gathered Mickey in his arms, murmering senselessly as he did so. He'd often held his daughters like this, bringing the world down to just themselves, freezing out the pain; it didn't occur to him to do anything different with Mickey.He simply sat there, into the night, holding Mickey and forcing out his own grief. He could feel that later, when Mickey was asleep. Meadows was suprised to find that Mickey leant into the contact, nestling his head against the DCI's chest, but it was his silence that shocked Meadows - Mickey was always talking, humming, whistling; he didn't in silence even in interview rooms.

He carried on talking, just talking, until Mickey had fallen asleep. Moving as quietly as Mickey had been sitting, he walked through the rest of the tiny flat - kitchen with a stool pulled up to the workbench, where he obviously ate, a bathroom with t-shirt and shorts soaking in muddy bathwater, a bedroom. He would have regonised that room as Mickey's in any circumstances; it smelt of his deoderant and of him, had the same dishevilled look as the man who slept in it.

He stripped the blankets off, went back to Mickey and covered him with them. Finally, convinced that the DC was as comfortable as possible, he walked over to an armchair and tried to sleep. He'd left the lights on, guessing that Mickey would probably wake in the night and want to get up, but he'd never been able to sleep with the lights blazing down. For Mickey's sake, he was prepared to tolerate that, tonight, tomorrow night, whenever.

Later, he would pinpoint that day as the first day that he truly loved Mickey Webb. Mickey's memories of it were hazed by grief, but he was able to agree, because he never forgot how it had felt to be held by Meadows. It felt like safety and to his mind safety, protection - that was love.