Title: Over My Head Version 2.0
Author: alienangel19852003
Rating: M, sexuality, violence, language, slash, self mutilation, and character death.
Disclaimer: Again, I don't own Phil of the Future nor do I own Over My Head (Cable Car) which I'm using yet again for inspiration, it's such a wonderful song. If you haven't heard it, you should really check it out. I have a Pheely video of it on my myspace, and the Fray's actual video of it.
Summary: 12 years after Falling Through Keely and Phil are still in over their heads and their kids are getting in on the act as well. Keely wasn't entirely over her mother's death when the loss of her best friend happens she pulls away from the family and from Phil who is trying desperately to hold everything together. Cadence discovers the shocking secret of her birth when she finds her mother's old journal which sends their world reeling all over again.
"While you're falling apart"
Keely gripped Phil's hand as they stood outside at the cemetery watching as they lowered her mother's coffin into the ground. She'd tried to take comfort in what the priest was saying but her mind was at war. Her mother had died and she felt nothing. She'd struggled for years with the woman and now that she was gone Keely didn't know how to feel.
It had been nearly eleven years since Keely had forgiven Bruno with a punch to the face. They had been though a lot the birth of their third child a daughter which they named Calliope. Keely had started her own publishing company and was now a big time in demand song writer, her songs were sung by some of the biggest artists around everyone from Keshia Cole to a collaboration with Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy.
Phil was doing great he had gone on from managing the Pickford Country Club to owning to inns in town. He had such a knack for the hospitality business. The two of them were closer than ever, they had a relationship that was timeless, and it was what got them both through everything.
They continued to try to make efforts to reach out to Keely's mother it was challenging at best. She was still rude to them and weird around the children whether she was drunk or sober. Sometimes they would give up all together on dealing with her, but they always made another attempt to resolve things.
Keely tried not to feel horribly guilty for her mother's death, but it was hard not to. They'd been fighting and her mother had left their house drunk and driven her car on the train tracks, the police said it was a suicide but Keely couldn't help feeling a little like she'd shot her mother.
Despite all of Phil's assurance that it wasn't her fault she still felt that way, she chalked it up to another one of her failures. She glanced over at her daughters, Cadence and Calliope who were holding each other and crying softly. Her son Liam was another story, he was leaning against a tree stabbing it with a knife. Keely sighed; she didn't really have the patience to deal with that right now. She didn't know what to say to them, she didn't know what to tell herself.
She felt like it should be raining, it looked like it was going to start soon, the funeral procession finally came to an end. Keely was still standing there long after it had ended, the kids had gone back home with Pim and Danny for the whole after funeral thing at Phil and Keely's place. Keely didn't want to go back there and have people telling her how sorry they were for her loss.
She stared up at the sky, it was dreary day she wondered if it would feel any different if it were sunny. Phil wrapped his arms around her, and she couldn't help but smile a little, after nearly twenty years together he still had this ability to make her feel so wonderful no matter what was going wrong in her life.
"Keel, you don't have to be strong. You can cry the kids aren't here it's just me everyone is gone back to the house you don't have to be strong." He whispered.
"This is no good…" she mumbled, "I've spent years, wasting buckets of tears for that woman."
"Keely…she was your mother, even if she wasn't the best one around she's still the one you had it's gotta hurt to lose her."
"I don't feel anything! Maybe she was my mother a long time ago before bitterness completely took her heart, but she certainly hasn't been my mother for a long time. As far as I'm concerned she died a long time ago and some angry drunk came and replaced her."
"Baby…you don't mean that." Phil said.
She turned in the circle of his arms, "But I do Phil…"
"You're saying this because you feel guilty about her death. You can try to convince yourself that she's not your mother or we can deal with the fact that she's gone and that you are NOT the reason for that." He told her.
"It's my fault!"
"How is her deciding to drive drunk your fault?"
She shook her head she could feel the tears starting, and she was angry at him for making her realize the truth. She didn't want to deal with this, she tried to move out of his grasp.
"Tell me!" he demanded.
"I don't know! I can't deal with this!" she cried trying to get away but he held her tight.
"Keely, no! We're going to get through this… I want you to tell me how is this, your fault!" Phil shouted.
Never in the almost seventeen years they'd been married had Keely ever wanted to run away from him and his logic than she did right then.
"I could have tried harder…" she sobbed.
"Keely, you aren't responsible for her, she was YOUR mother! You weren't hers." Phil said as the wind began to pick up.
Keely gave up on struggling and threw herself into his arms, "I guess I couldn't save her." She whispered against his neck.
"Maybe you weren't meant to save her she didn't want to be reached that's not your fault, and I need you to believe that." He said holding her closer.
"I love you Phil…" she whispered, "Everyday you save me…I can't live without your love."
"I can't live without your love either." He whispered kissing away her tears, "You ready to go home?"
She nodded and they walked over to his car. The ride home was a blur for Keely the only thing that kept her grounded was Phil and the touch of his hand. Keely had always thought that one day she'd be able to get through to her mother and they'd share this whole Lifetime Movie moment and everything would be good between them. Now there was no way that would happen.
She was still dreading going home all of the mourners who'd shown up for her mother's funeral would be there telling her what a wonderful woman her mother had been. She felt badly about not being there so her father and her kids wouldn't have to sit through that.
"We're here, if you're not feeling up to this whole thing we can send everyone home and it'll be just us…"
"No…I'm good." She said.
There was quite a gathering inside their home, Keely went through the motions of listening to people tell her how sorry they were for her loss and then she went looking for her children. She spotted Cadence who was nearly seventeen with Grandpa Jack and Pappy listening to stories about Mandy in her younger days.
Phil had been flanked by his mother, and Keely continued through the house. She walked through the kitchen were Pim and Danny were standing with Owen and Via and Alicia and Melody.
"How ya doing Keely?" Via asked hugging Keely.
"Better."
"You had a talk with Phil didn't you?" Via smiled.
"Yeah…we worked everything out." Keely said.
"Again I must say on behalf my family and I we are immensely sorry for your loss." Danny said.
"Come off it Danny this isn't another press conference," Pim said poking her husband in the ribs.
"He's working on a big case and constantly talking to the press he doesn't know how throw that switch in his head that separates him from being a district attorney and real person." Pim explained, "But we are sorry, if there's anything you need, someone to watch the kids anything we're here."
"Thanks," Keely said.
Pim hugged her, "We're family… as cheesy as it sounds."
Keely had become close to Pim over the years. Pim had come a long way from the crazy power hungry girl she used to be. Now a mother and prosecutor for the Pickford City Court, Pim was a great friend to Keely.
"That goes ditto for us too…the O-Dawg has got your back…." Owen said.
Via rolled her eyes, "What my idiot of a husband means is you can count on us too for anything you need as well."
Keely smiled, "Have you guys seen Liam around in where?"
"I think he's outside in the tree house." Alicia said, "He stormed out of here, we tried talking to him…but I think he needs you."
"Thanks 'Licia." Keely said going over the sliding glass screen door and pushing it open.
She climbed up the ladder to the tree house and poked her head in to find herfourteen year old son sobbing quietly. He saw her and quickly tried to hide the fact that he was upset.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I came to talk with you…see how you're doing."
"I'm fine, your job's done now you can go."
"Little boy do not play with me today… now I know you're upset but you know better than to talk to me like that."
"I'm sorry Mom…come in and enjoy my personal space." Liam said with minimal sarcasm.
Keely climbed into the tree house and sat beside him.
"I know you wanna pretend like you're too punk rock to feel anything, but I know you're sad." She said.
He looked up at her through his dark Emo swoosh bangs hanging in his face.
"Why would I be crying over a woman who treated me like shit at every holiday?" Liam asked.
"Liam language please. I know Grandma Mandy really wasn't everything a grandmother should be–"
"She was a total bitch Mom and you know it!" Liam screamed.
Keely didn't speak for a moment, "Maybe so…but she was still your grandmother and your family…"
"Family supports you and loves you, she didn't support you in anything you've done." Liam said, "She never wanted you to marry dad, she was always talking about that wrestler guy you could have married." Liam said.
Keely cocked her head to the side, she was over all the issues surrounding the whole Bruno thing but she was not in the mood to get into the whole thing.
"If you weren't crying because of grandma why were you crying?" Keely asked.
Liam glared at his mother; the longer he kept her talking about grandma the more he could avoid the issue. It seemed like his mother was avoiding issues of her own, he figured this was about her mother.
"You wouldn't understand." He scowled looking away.
"Try me…" Keely said.
"I don't want to talk about it Mom." He whispered.
"I'm going to respect you and give you your space. But if the police show up here because you've done something illegal you might be safer in jail."
"Alright Mom…" he sighed hugging her.
"I'm going go find Calliope, I know it's probably not going to be much of a search I already know she's up in the music room."
Liam was thankful that his mother hadn't badgered him about his problem, but he knew she would tell Grammy who was the secret police. Whatever secrets they tried to keep rest assured Barbara Diffy would find them out.He sighed he was going to keep this one from them, he didn't know how they'd react if they knew. With shaking hands he lit himself a cigarette, he'd recently taken up the habit just to kind of piss off his father but he'd discovered he liked the vice so he continued not risking much exposure.
Lately, it seemed he'd been out to piss of the world as a whole, but it was a distraction so they wouldn't see who he really was. The two sides of him were at war, the part that fiercely loved his family and the other part that still fiercely loved his family but didn't want them to hate him when they found him out. Liam violently pushed his hair from his eyes, he knew he was going to have go back into the house and listen to Pappy's crazy stories and eat Grammy's snicker doodle and pretend that everything was okay. That he didn't feel like his world was coming a part. That he wasn't changing into a stranger.
At eleven Calliope was the runt of the litter, and she didn't mind being treated like it. She was the baby of the family and she was going to continue milking it for all it was worth. She had both of her parents wrapped around her little finger, and she knew it. Keely smiled when she heard her daughter playing the piano upstairs.
She stood in the hallway and listened at the melody Calli was playing and she instantly liked it, she ventured into the room.
"Not feeling social today?" Keely asked.
"Not really…" Calli stopped playing and turned to face her.
"I haven't been feeling all that social lately either, I've been a bit distant. And I'm sorry." Keely came and sat on the piano bench beside her daughter.
"This is really hard Mom…I've never known anyone that died before. She was your mother I understand how come you wouldn't be yourself this week. I couldn't imagine losing you or dad…" Calli said.
Her insight was nearly heartbreaking, but Keely held it together. She decided to change the subject.
"So…what are you working on? A piece for recital?"
"No, this melody won't leave me alone. Can you help me with it? I'll play and you sing whatever comes to mind." Calli asked.
"Sure sweetie," Keely smoothed down her daughters blonde hair.
Calli and Cadence took after her in that respect but Calli had Phil's eyes and his trademark smile.
Calli began to play and Keely listened to the song, she liked it. It wouldn't be hard to make up something on the spot. Keely flicked on a small tape recorder, so they wouldn't forget what they'd worked on, she had the penchant of doing so.
She started by humming softly, as she thought about her mother and father, "I will not make the same mistakes you did, I will let myself not cause my heart so much misery. I will not break the way you did you fell so hard. I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far…" she was crying before she could even finish the first verse.
Calli stopped playing and put an arm around her, "We don't have to do this now Mom…but I think it could be a really good song. And a good way to resolve everything you feel about Grandma Mandy and Grandpa Jack…"
"How'd you get to be so smart?" Keely asked.
"It's a gift," Calli smiled.
Phil entered the music room looking for his wife and daughter, "I've been looking everywhere for the two of you."
Keely smiled wiping tears off her face quickly before he noticed, but he always did.
He walked over to them concern etched on his handsome face.
"I'm okay Phil…Calli and I were working on a song…she's trying hand at composing something, she's got a great melody and I was just messing around singing something. And I got all emotional."
"Maybe if you did the song, sang what's in your heart you might be able to finally let everything go…" Phil said.
"Alright," Keely said.
"Are you sure?" Calli asked.
Both Keely and Phil nodded, and Calli began to play.
"I will not make the same mistakes you did; I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery. I will not break the way you did you fell so hard. I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far…" Keely sang focusing on everything she tried not to feel.
"Because of you I never stray to far from the sidewalk. Because of you I learned to play on the safe side. So I don't get hurt. Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me. Because of you I am afraid…" Keely sang.
Phil smiled, "That's great Keel,"
"We've got to work on it…its nowhere near finished." Keely whispered blushing.
"Let's go downstairs; Grammy is insisting that the two of you eat something." Phil said.
"Alright…" Keely said taking her daughter's hand and they got up from the piano bench.
Phil was glad when everyone had gone home except for his wife and children. He was tired it had been an impossibly long day. He was worried about Keely, she seemed a bit off balanced. She'd been through a lot in the past few days, she'd insisted on handling all of the arrangements for the funeral and calling relatives.
He loved the strength she used to cover her vunerability, he loved everything about her. After seventeen years he still couldn't get enough of her he was constantly in awe of her. She was the most amazing woman he had ever met she ran the house, wrote great songs, and she took great care of the kids.
He was taking out the trash and watching her while she washed dishes by hand not bothering to use the Dishwasher3000.
Liam had long ago retreated to his room to spend time on his computer, Calli had gone over to play with Pim and Danny's little girl Riley, and Cadence was working on an assignment for school so the two of them pretty much had the downstairs to themselves.
"Today was tough…" Keely said, "I never expected to feel so…much so late, after she died I felt numb until it finally hit me…"
"It'll take time…it always takes time." Phil said.
"I just wanna feel better now…I feel torn between how I should be feeling and how I really feel." She turned to face him.
"There isn't any way you should be feeling, everyone is different."
"I want you to make me feel…something else…" Keely said.
"Keel…" he knew exactly what she was talking about.
She crossed the small space between them, "Let's go upstairs…" she told him.
"I don't know if this is the best time to–"
She kissed him halting his speech, ceasing his thoughts, and taking his breath away.
"I need to feel you…"she told him.
He sighed relenting to give her what she wanted, he'd wanted to be with her for the last few days but it was inappropriate for him to even really think about it. It was probably the longest they'd gone without making love for a very long time.
She took his hand in hers, "Come on…"
He let her lead him outside, and down the hill behind their house.
"Where are we going?" he asked.
"I want to make love in the grass by the stream..." she said matter factly.
The thought caused Phil to shiver, they'd only done that once years ago when the kids were younger and they were too. Keely leaned in and bit him on the ear, he was so turned on. By the fact that Keely wanted this that she needed this brave act of exhibitionism to feel something other than overwhelming grief. She needed to feel his love. And he was more than willing to give her everything she needed. They made love under the pale moonlight and when it was over she cried and he held her.
"Just let me hold you while you're falling apart, baby if you fall I'll go with you…I'm always with you…" he whispered.