Authors note: I haven't posted anything in so slow, I feel incredibly awful about that, especially considering how often I used to post. I am so sorry for my absence, but I also haven't had the motivation to write anything, until I got a prompt and a lot of help from a really good friend of mine. So I am finally delighted to share a this with you. This is a Kai/Rei fic, and I am considering what it a bunch of drabbles for them based on prompts received. So if you don't like the ship, then don't read it. Your comments are welcome though. I love to see what you have to see.
Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade, or anything to do with it, and I am certainly not claiming to have any rights to it. I simply enjoy the show and enjoy writing, so why not combine the two?
He imagines that once, he looked calm when he slept. He hopes that there was once a time, when the burden wasn't fresh upon his flesh, when the burden wasn't an omen that hung its weight upon his shoulders, and dragged him to hands and knees, a writhing mess of explainable emotions. He hopes that there was a time that he could look upon the world with a sense of warmth and kindness, rather than to oppose the generous offering of morning sunlight. He hopes that there was a time, a time before all of this, when he was a blank canvas, fresh and untouched, a blanket of white, and a shield of fallen snow. He hopes that there was a time before this that the other turned the sparkle of his eyes to the honesty of the moon, and within the splendour of a crescent moon and victorious starlight, would he wish for all the things that small children wished for.
What a ridiculous thing to imagine of the other. Like him, he grew up too soon, but unlike him, the world hadn't been so kind, and when the blizzard struck, the world had turned its harsh colours to him, and hounds of the deep had bared their teeth. He had friends, the sort that embodied the glow of loyalty, love and mischievousness, whereas Rei could only imagine what embodiment Kai had witnessed. Kai embodied cold winters and brutal nights, aching flames that battled beneath the covering of snow, harsh reds and flashy oranges. He embodied thin mouths, and sharp eyes, clever statements and brute strength. He embodied force and a reality that brought its victims upon its knees. He embodied an acquired sense of no mercy, but maintained a strict balance between that of fairness.
Before this, he assumed that Kai slept with an ache close to his chest, but Kai was never the sort to dwell upon it. He imagined that it was an ache that dwindled after a while, a tamed flame that Kai had locked calloused digits around, and promised to never speak of. Kai doesn't do weaknesses, he does strength and power. He is a shock wave of power, a brutal heat that scolds you, burns you, and shreds your very flesh from bone. Oh he marks you, and he wears the sense of pride like a coat. Rei may even deem is somewhat naïve of himself to never imagine that Kai could hurt, nor crumble, that he couldn't scream nor cry… That he couldn't be bent, broken and twisted. How wrong of him to believe that Kai was superhuman, or out of touch.
They had shared rooms before, the movement between destinations had been long and naturally tiring, and the ache and burn of tournaments often succeeded, but Rei had never witnessed this. A stirring frame, and a shaken mess. A trembling figure which quakes with a notion of vulnerability and pain, clenched fists and a squared jaw. He can make out of the lines of Kai's body, the visible patterns of stress that leave fingers crawling through a mass of slate locks, slick and stuck upon the span of his forehead, tied with a string of sweat. They had shared rooms before and Rei had doted momentarily on the silence that Kai had offered, but this had come to serve as something else. This was a sense of tingling fingers and hands that wished to roam and soothe, but could only wear fear like a glove. The uncertainty pricked his fingers, and left they curling into tight balls. The uncertainty had yet to reach his legs, and before Rei could be offered a further moment to think, his legs idly hung from the side of the bed, messy sheets sprawled across his lap, and lazily slung around him. He could ignore it – he could – but something tells him not too. Kai is his friend after all, despite his difficulties. Despite everything, Rei can't bare the idea of Kai suffocating upon a fear, and struggling amongst a nightmare. He imagines what could bother him, what could protest so much within him, it causing a writhing structure of pain and strangled cries. Russia did this. Boris did this. All of this, the abrupt calling and movement, the flexing muscles, and breath taking shouts had started after they had gotten to Russia, like a switch had been flicked, and Kai had lost all want of wishing to turn it off. Either that, or he simply held no control within turning off the switch. He'd noticed it the first and the second night. He'd slept differently, and focused upon folding it upon himself, as if doing so could serve as a shield. He did so without realising, without knowing that he was being watched, that all of his weaknesses had been heard. It just hadn't been this bad.
Rei recalled that during the third night, Kai had awoken abruptly and there had been several calls to follow, strangled cries and ear-splitting mumbles, and Rei had only wondered what could have hurt him so. He'd wore consideration and concern like a second mask, an expression that Rei had come to wear all that frequently, and upon inquiry, Kai had merely ignored him, dismissed his question with an obscene glare of crimson, and dismantled eye brows that had focused his aggression, and within a flush movement, Kai had turned away. So be it.
He's not even thinking at this moment, either that, or Rei temporarily lacks in considering the value of his own life as he reaches from his own bed and leaves the muffled sound of crumpled and lone sheets behind him. It seemed so cliché to note the stray light of the moon that so carefully fluttered between an opening that the curtains had created, and it is safe to record, that Rei had rolled his eyes at least three times just thinking of how ridiculous that seemed. But said light had spread like an ounce of hope and amongst it's colouring, Rei had noted that the muffled sound of moving sheets hadn't been his, but Kai's, for he'd twisted upon his side, in the attempt of shielding himself from prying hands.
"Don't even think about it." Monotone drawl and it catches Rei by surprise. Wide eyed, he's upon his tip toes, as if doing managed to make his movements lighter, or quieter for that matter. God damn it, Kai, you grouch. Rei drops back upon his hind leg, allowing the weight to be taken off of tip toes, as he gently places them back upon a quilted floor.
"Go back to sleep." Another comment made, a firm statement with the intent to firmly place his masculinity. Rei almost snorts at the demand, but snuffs that sound out before he even tries too. Sure, he could just go back to sleep and dismiss the matter, pretend he didn't hear a thing, or even pry further and ask, only for another to be dismissed – but there is something more to this. There is something more, something so much more than to what Kai lets on. It eats at him, claws and tears at his flesh, and Rei knows that Kai finds it unbearable.
Just then, Kai notes that weight has been applied to his bed. The mattress has sunken in ever so slightly, and honestly? Kai knew Rei was potentially light and well footed, but he hadn't realised just how light Rei actually was. It was either that, or Rei was barely placing weight upon the bed, but regardless the other seemed reluctant to listen to Kai. The truth was, Rei had reached the end of his tether when it came to Kai closing off from the others, or telling Rei what to do in the efforts of disguising his own personal demons. Rei was more observant than he let on, and made it almost a routine to observe his friends, mostly because he'd become aware of their quirks and flaws, and all the other little details and fine things they did that penned a sense of sincerity about them.
"Something's bothering you." A fine statement, and in Kai's tiresome mood, he almost wishes to scold him and question how dare he, and then force him away from his bed, his solitude – whatever you wish to consider of it. He doesn't, however, which is odd of him. Usually Kai is a fuelled gun, a loaded canon ready to fire witty remarks and snappy comments in the efforts of restoring his position as a captain. Instead, he only manages to tense, as if Rei's broad statement had sent him into overtime, and he was incapable of gathering a firm hold of his body.
"Something is bothering me, and it happens to be you." Rei assumes that Kai must think that he can bare his teeth like a hungered beast, or burn with the fire of Dranzer, but Kai is a mere candle within the wind, a delicate flame attempting to fight off the cold. Rei rolls his eyes again, and momentarily does the amber tinge of eyes capture the glint of moonlight, causing his squint, and tip his head in the attempt of dodging the light. It was a faint light, but it caused a faint ache to tiresome eyes. His back presses sharply up against the headboard of Kai's bed, his legs still idly dropped over the side of the bed, toes so idly drifting, back and forth, back and forth amongst the material beneath. It's a calming resolve that he had found, a moment of tranquillity, until he remembers the real reason he was out of bed.
"You can push me away all you want too, Kai, but I know you're bothered by something." Something means anything, and could potentially mean a lot of things. After all, Rei doesn't every aspect of Kai, he knows little of him, the little things that happened early on within his life, the little aspects that defined how Kai viewed the world, how he viewed the others… How he viewed himself. But how much do they really know of Kai? It is then that Rei is startled from his thoughts, the heavy rustle of sheets and quick movement, leaves him face to face with the stone cold enigma. He's not even sure if Kai realises just how close he is to him, or he is just too tired to realise the little distance between them, but Rei can make out the circle colouring of his eyes, and how his eyes do not burn, but the expression he wears burns into Rei.
"What is your game?" Kai's retort catches Rei off guard, he becomes motionless and without words, and his fingers cling to the material of his sweat pants, but his eyes are still staring, in the efforts of defying the fire pit glow of the others eyes. There becomes a sharp exchange of breathes… First it is Kai, releasing a heavy breath to illuminate the annoyance to which he portrays, and second come Rei's exchange of air. A steady release of breath allows him to gather himself and his thoughts. They're so close, and he's almost expecting Kai to punch him, or push him from the bed, but then, Rei can't really imagine Kai to be the sort to throw a punch, in his defence Kai can talk the talk, and that is usually enough to have someone hesitate.
I haven't got a game, idiot. He doesn't speak, not yet any way. He just stares, and notes that Kai isn't sweating any more, but locks are curling amongst one another and still stuck flush to his forehead. They seem to stick to whatever sticky flesh that they can grasp and maintain a hold there, despite what Kai does. He hasn't even made the effort to move, but seems to rely upon the intensity of his stare to justify his actions.
"You're not sleeping well. I heard you." Careful mouth moves within the deep black of the room, and coral touched lips curve to the words in a rhythm that Kai can't quite read, but it seemed somewhat satisfying. He does note the faint flutter of Rei's lashes however, and senses that Rei seems to be looking him up and down, but he is adrift with uncertainty and can't quite tell if Rei is pitying his current state. It feels as if he's prying into an unknown element, expecting Kai to give him answers, when Kai doesn't have all the answers for himself. "What is it?"
"It's nothing."
And that's how it began. Kai had sworn that it was nothing, declared that he was untouchable, and ranks above the others, like he was adrift within a realm to which Rei could not meddle within, a realm that Rei could not grasp between his digits. It had started with nothing. It had started with Kai turning his back on Rei, declaring that Rei needed sleep as much as himself and the others required it, and Rei hadn't thought twice upon his actions.
It's nothing. He had said, and he had seemed so sure, so sure that is wasn't nothing, so sure that the ghosts and the burdens of his past didn't have him upon a knifes edge, didn't have him by the throat, attempting to tear flesh from bone. It's nothing. It had been something. It had been years of dormant memories and thinking, a past of cruel tendencies that had left Kai's skin crawling, and he had been itching, longing to get out of it, and be something else, someone else. He had been itching… Until Rei had placed tender hands upon his shoulders. Fingers had found themselves into loose openings, and carefully had Rei cradled his weaknesses with the wants of never exploiting them. Kai wasn't ready for that, and Rei wouldn't ask it of him. Not yet, anyway.
The kindness had overwhelmed him. It had reminded him that he was human, not a machine, that he bled, and he wasn't fuelled by electricity and wiring. He was a man, a teen. Ageing flesh that had spent so long being torn and split, and Rei was willing to turn him into so much more. He'd become a hollow cage of trembling bones and a quaking frame, his breathes had held echoes that night, and his strangled mutters had held depths to them that Rei had finally understood. It had stayed like that for a short while, with Kai clutching the material of Rei's shirt. At first he'd shook, demanding through movement that Rei leave him be, stop pestering him, stop pretending to know him, don't try and understand him. Now it almost comes as second nature, for them to share a hotel room together. Sometimes Kai doesn't need Rei, sometimes he does. Sometimes he needs the reminder that Rei is aside of him, aware of him, and never seeming to judge his true colours. His true colours aren't blues, reds, yellows nor whites… They're black and grey, like the darkness of a room, the purple and greens of new or fading bruising, the vermilion of a thousand cuts and serving heat that comes with the blow.
Sometimes Kai simply lays there, pressed upon his side, whilst Rei sits aside of him, head often tipped aside, and he makes several attempts to engage in conversation before realising that Kai holds no interest in conversing with him. A few times they are sprawled together, with limbs tied into one, a mesh of two bodies lost in translation and fighting a silence, but the tranquillity of the moment is just right. Legs cross in a fashion that is far from neat, it is lazy and lacks in thought, it's not precise, but it's fine. Rei isn't asking Kai for his art of precision, but asking him to be himself. Sometimes Kai is neglectful of the other, and forgets he is there, and sometimes he thinks that he can push far enough, and that Rei will leave him. And that would be fine, right? It'd be okay. It'd be just as Kai recalls, just as Kai wishes to be sometimes. Lonely.
There are moments when Rei notes that Kai smells of sweat and sometimes it seems almost overbearing, but the boys is a quaking mess, he's clenched fists and clawed fingers, and there are also moments when Rei notes that Kai smells of vanilla and lily, and honestly, it's the oddest combination for Kai to smell of. Sometimes Kai smells of fresh air and heat, a mix of burning timber and smoke, whereas Rei smells of orange and freshly washed cotton or fresh mint – it's a mix of flavouring, but any seem peaceful enough. There are moments when they're against one another, it had stated so innocently, with subtle sobs, and careful fingers running through strands of soaked hair, that's how it had begun. It had begun with carefully spoken sentences, and soothing phrases in aid of calming a sombre figure. What had begun had only been led to fingers grabbing fingers and hands roaming sides and pulling sheets across, stray locks amongst one another, tangled upon pillow cases, a fine webbing of ebony and deep blue, a notion that begs the question of: what are we?
Authors note: Another note? Wow. Go easy on me. I haven't written in ages, and I certainly haven't written anything for this pairing in a while either. I'd really love to see what you have to say however, and if you have any ideas.