I do not own any Saiyuki characters but I wouldn't argue if Sanzo and my
beloved Goku were given to me as a birthday present by a certain Japanese
manga artist...*wink-wink*...please don't sue cause you will find that I have
nothing and you'll waste precious time that you'll never regain.
FIRST SAIYUKI FIC SO BE NICE!!! That and I'm forcing myself to write, right now. I'm trying to get out of a writers block and this is the best I can do right now.
SanzoHakki...one sided GokuSanzo...errrmmm and most likely other pairing or whatever along later...if there is a later. But I would like to state that I LOVE SanzoxGoku fics..they are the best...I just wasn't in a happy mode and this was birthed from it...I shall be the end of the world one day...^_^
This story doesn't have any dialog...it's just kinda like an opening or whatever. I plan for Chapter two to have dialog but that depends on whether or not I continue this fic...*cough*review*cough*....
Smoke –There is no Rain Tonight
Goku's POV
There is no rain tonight. There were no reasons to aim your gun at my head, but you did. There are no reasons to hide in an empty room reliving your past, but you do. I haven't done anything wrong but still I am scolded. I could say I'm sorry even though I have no reason to be, but you won't hear me. I could pound the floors till they splintered and fell away, I could scream and cry until my throat ripped raw, and still I'm deaf upon your ears. No Sanzo, you haven't heard me for years.
You bought four rooms for the night, but you can't fool me. I know only three will be used. Well, at least mine has a window. I don't think I'll be getting any sleep tonight so it's nice to have something to look at other than shadowed walls and wooden furniture. I can hear you. My sensitive ears pick up every time you exhale the smoke from your cigarettes. And the earthy stench of the smoke seeps through the walls. That smell has become apart of me and it will always haunt me till the day I die.
Death. Now there's a word I know too well. We all know it too well. I've died before. I've died countless times, and I will die again tonight. I just need to be patient cause I know it's coming. I've called out for your help but I knew it was useless. Why would you help me, when it is you who is killing me? You are my savior, and you are my killer. My sun and my night.
Ah, here it comes. The turn of a doorknob; the soft shuffle of feet; and the light click of a door closing. I bite my lip. If this is what makes you happy, than it makes me happy too. I hear it, every shift in his bones, every grain of wood moving under his weight. I tightly close my eyes. He now passes my door almost as silent as death. Almost. My fist clench and my stomach twists. He is there now, and I hear him enter. And I am dying.
You don't hear me anymore, but you hear him don't you Sanzo? You let him come to you, but you can't stand the sight of me. He speaks, and you answer. It's the same thing every night. The faint rustle of your clothes as you move from your widow to him. You're lost in him, lost in a world of green. This is it, here it comes. I hear your voice; I hear 'I love you'. And once again my insides die.
I listen to what I can't have. The rhythm of your lovemaking, the whispers of promises. I smell your sweat, your semen and smoke. Always smoke. And soon I hear nothing but soft pants of breath. All is still for what seems like hours. A movement or two as you sleep, owls calling into the night, Gojyo waking up for a piss down the hall. I've come to realize this is my life and I hate it.
This is why you raise your gun to me; this is why you hide in your room. To keep me away and to keep him close. Don't worry Sanzo, I won't come between you and Hakkai. I love you too much to do such a thing. I'll just remain here on the other side of the wall. I scream and you don't hear me, I'm dying cause you're the one killing me, and I love you even though you hate me. Such a funny, funny world I live in. A funny fucked up world.
Time slips by slowly, but it doesn't wash away the smoke that lingers in the air. It teases me, telling me over and over again that I will never have you. It seeps into my skin forever tainting me. And it wisps into my eyes causing them to blur. And my tears fall once again, but it's just the smoke I swear. There is no rain tonight. At least not outside.
TBC
Please take the time to tell me if this fic is worth living...if so it will do so, if not I shall kill it. Flames are welcomed as well but make sure they are helpful flames if you don't mind. Thank you!
FIRST SAIYUKI FIC SO BE NICE!!! That and I'm forcing myself to write, right now. I'm trying to get out of a writers block and this is the best I can do right now.
SanzoHakki...one sided GokuSanzo...errrmmm and most likely other pairing or whatever along later...if there is a later. But I would like to state that I LOVE SanzoxGoku fics..they are the best...I just wasn't in a happy mode and this was birthed from it...I shall be the end of the world one day...^_^
This story doesn't have any dialog...it's just kinda like an opening or whatever. I plan for Chapter two to have dialog but that depends on whether or not I continue this fic...*cough*review*cough*....
Smoke –There is no Rain Tonight
Goku's POV
There is no rain tonight. There were no reasons to aim your gun at my head, but you did. There are no reasons to hide in an empty room reliving your past, but you do. I haven't done anything wrong but still I am scolded. I could say I'm sorry even though I have no reason to be, but you won't hear me. I could pound the floors till they splintered and fell away, I could scream and cry until my throat ripped raw, and still I'm deaf upon your ears. No Sanzo, you haven't heard me for years.
You bought four rooms for the night, but you can't fool me. I know only three will be used. Well, at least mine has a window. I don't think I'll be getting any sleep tonight so it's nice to have something to look at other than shadowed walls and wooden furniture. I can hear you. My sensitive ears pick up every time you exhale the smoke from your cigarettes. And the earthy stench of the smoke seeps through the walls. That smell has become apart of me and it will always haunt me till the day I die.
Death. Now there's a word I know too well. We all know it too well. I've died before. I've died countless times, and I will die again tonight. I just need to be patient cause I know it's coming. I've called out for your help but I knew it was useless. Why would you help me, when it is you who is killing me? You are my savior, and you are my killer. My sun and my night.
Ah, here it comes. The turn of a doorknob; the soft shuffle of feet; and the light click of a door closing. I bite my lip. If this is what makes you happy, than it makes me happy too. I hear it, every shift in his bones, every grain of wood moving under his weight. I tightly close my eyes. He now passes my door almost as silent as death. Almost. My fist clench and my stomach twists. He is there now, and I hear him enter. And I am dying.
You don't hear me anymore, but you hear him don't you Sanzo? You let him come to you, but you can't stand the sight of me. He speaks, and you answer. It's the same thing every night. The faint rustle of your clothes as you move from your widow to him. You're lost in him, lost in a world of green. This is it, here it comes. I hear your voice; I hear 'I love you'. And once again my insides die.
I listen to what I can't have. The rhythm of your lovemaking, the whispers of promises. I smell your sweat, your semen and smoke. Always smoke. And soon I hear nothing but soft pants of breath. All is still for what seems like hours. A movement or two as you sleep, owls calling into the night, Gojyo waking up for a piss down the hall. I've come to realize this is my life and I hate it.
This is why you raise your gun to me; this is why you hide in your room. To keep me away and to keep him close. Don't worry Sanzo, I won't come between you and Hakkai. I love you too much to do such a thing. I'll just remain here on the other side of the wall. I scream and you don't hear me, I'm dying cause you're the one killing me, and I love you even though you hate me. Such a funny, funny world I live in. A funny fucked up world.
Time slips by slowly, but it doesn't wash away the smoke that lingers in the air. It teases me, telling me over and over again that I will never have you. It seeps into my skin forever tainting me. And it wisps into my eyes causing them to blur. And my tears fall once again, but it's just the smoke I swear. There is no rain tonight. At least not outside.
TBC
Please take the time to tell me if this fic is worth living...if so it will do so, if not I shall kill it. Flames are welcomed as well but make sure they are helpful flames if you don't mind. Thank you!