Chapter One- Eragon (as portrayed in the movie) I own NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Hi! I'm Eragon and the world is a happy place." (Galbatorix glowers menacingly at Eragon while eating a donut.)

Eragon doesn't take the hint and says, "Galby old pal, would you mind sharing that donut with me?"

With a malicious look, Galby gives Eragon a piece. While Eragon is stuffing his perfectly proportioned face, Galby whispers, "Bla shala ba la ba la ba ding dong" and POOF! Eragon turns a ghastly shade of green.

Eragon sobs, "My beautiful pretty boy face! It's ruined! Galby! Help me get rid of it!"

Galbatorix's monotone voice speaks, "EEWW! You're green. I tried to turn you pink. I wasn't sure which color would annoy you the most. My, my, what will Arya think? Any shorter and you'd look like one of those Tollhouse cookie elves."

"Galby! Did you do this?"

"See you later little greenie."

Eragon gives the Darth Vader cry, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Eragon walks through the Gilead prison were Arya, once again is held captive. They meet and lock eyes. "Eragon!" Arya cries. "Oh Eragon, my hero, save me, save me!! If you save me I promise that I'll marry you."

Eragon, the loving gullible dufus that he is, agrees and says, "Yes! I'll save you. Afterward, I'll give you your engagement ring. I've had it for two years, four months, three weeks, two days, one hour, fifteen minutes, and –"

"Eragon! I get it all ready! Just get me out of here."

Eragon yells, "Weltaldasfertsedvvvnyouier!" The chains magically fall off and the jail door opens.

"Eragon! Where did you get sooooooo strong?"

Eragon replies, "My master Oromis has taught me many things. That spell was from a book called 'The Way of the Donut'."

Eragon, who has thus far kept his face covered, turns to face Arya. She lets out a blood-curdling scream. "EEEigh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're green!"

"Arya, I can explain. You see, it was all Galby's fault. He cursed my donut!!!"

Arya has apparently recovered from this shock. "Oh well. I guess I'll just marry Mutagh instead. Or maybe I should marry Durza. I'm not sure. Which one do you think, Eragon?"

Gullible Eragon replies, "Oh come on! This one's a no brainer! I mean, Durza and you have so much in common. Wait! What am I saying?" He smacks himself on the forehead. "Arya, I thought that you loved me. What happened?"

Arya put her arm around Eragon's shoulder and said condescendingly, "Eragon, Eragon, Eragon, you simple, simple boy. I thought you understood that we could never be together. You see, you are green and I am not and that shall never change."

"How can you be so shallow?"

"I am not shallow, but flat. I have no personality whatsoever." Arya smiled at Eragon. "Well, I'm off to find my Durzie. We're going to Santa's village for the honeymoon. You know how Durzie loves harassing the little elves. Ta ta!"

Eragon yells after her, "Oh yeah? Well get this! I'm off to find my troll girlfriend. Her name's Grendel. I have to defend her from Beowulf. So get lost!"

And so Eragon spent the rest of his life living in Grendel's swamp with her monstrous son. He also spent time doing his favorite hobbie, changing his skin different ugly colors. Saphira, heretofore unmentioned, ran off with Shruikan and was never seen again.

The End.

A/N This story was co-written by me and my brother Little Scorpion(penname). He's an aspiring fanfic author too. Good? Bad? Or just plain wrong? R and R please! The part with Beowulf and Grendel will make sense if you read Beowulf.