Ellie The Gaping Hole: Chapter #1
It was a grey, dull day in Ludlow, when I, Ellie, The Gaping Hole was loitering outside Tesco, trying to find my next vaginal victim, -FLASHBACK- (It was the night before) I was freaking the fuck out on Tumblr over an accurate post about disrespecting my Em (Eminem) Description- A grown ass man, still trying to act 24, who's original music is good, but gradually turned into a corporate whore sell out, I posted furiously, beating the shit out of my keyboard in outrage. "OMG FUCK U I HOPE YOU EAT SHIT IN DIE BUT AT THE SAME TIME YOU LOOK KINDA HAWT SO PM ME? TY BABS".
-Back to present day-
I was still furious about that comment on Tumblr last night, shaking with fury and on the verge of tears I stormed into the Tesco toilets, I was still suffering my heartbreak from Lewis, I had enjoyed my time with him, but alas, he's surviving in my uterus now. I started to sob, dryly, merely to attract attention, I looked up and the cause of my bitchy nature was staring me in the optical stems, Alas, the tesco condom machines, if Lewis had not of tried to use protection, he would still be around, at least for a few more weeks, every mortal should know, they can not escape the suction force of my gaping hole.
I was satisfied for a while, I had at least 15 rugby players harvested for the winter, where I shall hibernate through means of Eminem playlists and hipster posts on my instagram.
In my mighty rage, I punched the machine, making it shudder,
at last my rage was quenched.
A smile spread over my thin, bony, face.
I pelted out of the bathroom, but in doing so, my face was buried in someones chest, I stumbled back, I gasped in surprise as I realised, it was a rugby player…
TO BE CONTINUED