Without the bitter, the sweet ain't as sweet
"Emily!"
The blonde trespassed the yellow tapes, even though Tanner and Toby yelled for her to get back because, even though Charles was lying dead on the ground, they still had no idea what sorts of trap he may have installed in his house. She quickly found Aria, Hanna, Spencer and what appeared to be a blonde Hawaiian version of herself, aka Mona with dyed hair.
"Where's Emily?!" – That's the first thing she asked when she spotted her friends, even though she knew she should've asked if they were okay enough, considering they held tired looks, their skin were dusty and their clothes, ragged.
"Ali…" – Aria tried to speak, but couldn't.
"Where is she?!" – She asked on the borderline of desperation. Maybe the police had arrived too late, maybe Charles took his torturing too far and actually killed her. Please, not her, not her mermaid!
"She's… lying on the living room… Charles… He liked to torture her the most…" – Spencer spoke carefully.
Alison didn't even think twice before turning her body to the dollhouse. To hell if there were traps in it, she couldn't let Emily there. However, before she went, someone pulled her by the arm.
"Alison... believe me" – She thought it was the first time in her life that Mona pitied her – "You don't wanna see her like that"
Those words just made her feet want to run faster to her mermaid and save her before it was too late. She wasn't even sure how she got into the dollhouse or how she managed to find the living room.
She found her mermaid lying next to the couch. Her clothes were also ragged, but her state was far worse than the other girls. Emily's face was all beaten up and she had a fat lip; there were also scratches and deep purple bruises scattered all over her body and she looked considerably skinnier.
"Emily!" – Alison couldn't resist the urge to run to the broken girl and hold her in her arms, as she'd missed her for too long.
"A… li" – Emily whispered weakly as her head fell to the blonde's shoulder – "I'm… alive…" – She breathed out before she heard other footsteps invading the room while her mind went blank.
One month later…
Emily spent two weeks in the hospital treating her wounds and her malnourishment. The deeper wounds, and, therefore, the most painful ones, however, stayed in her soul. To help her (and the other Liars) deal with all of this, she was seeing Dr. Sullivan, who was comprehensive enough towards them. At first, she needed sleeping pills and tranquilizers, but now she'd only need them if she had a crisis.
As much as Dr. Sullivan wanted her to go back to her usual routine (or what should be of it), the psychologist also had another idea: when Emily was stable enough, it'd be a good thing for her to be away from Rosewood for some time. According to the doctor, being on this place was a constant reminder of her suffering.
At first, Emily replied that she couldn't be away from her friends for long because they were her rock and that this looked like a runaway plan. Dr. Sullivan said that, if they were true friends, they'd understand her need of time and that, psychologically speaking, running away was a valid option if she wasn't still ready to deal with her pain.
Emily considered a lot about it and realized the doctor was right. Even though she was as fine as she could be now, she wasn't quite prepared to deal with all the pain. Her friends' faces brought her good memories, but also brought back the terrible horror tales they'd been through.
And there was Alison. Even though the blonde accompanied her in the hospital for most of the time, Emily couldn't really speak to her. Firstly, because she couldn't look in her eyes after sending her to life in prison; secondly, because a small part of her still blames Alison for everything that's happened and, lastly, because she still had unresolved feelings for her that she wanted to forget because, as dysfunctional as they are, they would destroy each other.
She knew it was killing Alison inside, but she couldn't escape from the turmoil of her feelings that prevented her from making any move, besides filling a cup of decaf to some impatient teen of Rosewood High.
"Emily?" – Someone called from the Brew's door. It was Paige.
"Paige?" – She ran to hug the other swimmer, whom she'd missed a lot.
"I heard what happened to you. I came as fast as I could because… I wanted to make sure you were okay" – Paige murmured against her hair and the barista hugged her tighter.
"I'm fine" – Emily said as they disentangled from each other – "I mean as fine as I can be"
"It must be hard to stay here in Rosewood" – Paige commented – "So many memories…"
"Dr. Sullivan thinks I should move away" – Em commented.
"What do you think about that?"
"I'm… I'm seriously considering the possibility" – Emily confided – "It's just that… I think that I need some time away from here"
"Well, you passed at UCLA, right?" – Paige spotted the opportunity – "Why don't you go to California with me? You could stay at my place if you want to!"
"I don't know, Paige…" – Emily didn't want to make promises. As much as she liked Paige, she knew the other girl would try to get back with her and she didn't know if she was ready for something that – "I'll have to talk to my parents first"
"Will you at least consider the possibility?" – Paige asked with puppy eyes.
"… Yes, I will" – Emily conceded, much to the other girl's happiness.
"Thanks, Em! I gotta go now" – Paige leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek close to her lips – "See you later!"
Saturday before Easter, the girls (Mona included) were reunited at Spencer's barn to have one of their last sleepovers because the girls were probably going on different routes: Spencer was going to London, Mona picked Harvard, Aria ended up picking Hollis, Hanna was still considering her options and Ali didn't have enough credits to graduate.
Emily, on the other hand, hadn't told her friends her decision to go to UCLA with Paige. She'd talked with her parents and the three of them agreed that it might be wise for her to stay far away from Rosewood a little. When she mentioned Paige's offer, they accepted it only if Emily could have her own place after she settled in. The McCullers seemed more than happy with this condition and there was an agreement.
"Why did you all give me dark chocolate this Easter?" – Spencer was amused at her friends' lack of creativity.
"Because it's the only type of chocolate you eat, Spence!" – Hanna rolled her eyes.
"I know, but I'm gonna grow sick of it and then it'll be the end of Easter for me!" – The smart girl dramatized.
"Then there's more chocolate left for us!" – Aria smirked and the other girls laughed.
"Girls, I've got something to say" – Emily announced.
"What is it, Em?" – Ali asked and the girls suddenly became quiet.
"I… I'm going to UCLA" – She finally said it.
"That's great, Em! Congratulations!" – Spencer said and she and Aria gave her a tight hug.
"Just don't forget about me in Cali, Emily Fields!" – Hanna playfully punched her and embraced her.
"How are you planning to stay there?" – Mona hugged her too, but her practical mind led her to ask that question.
"Well, Paige offered a room in her house until I settle in…" – Emily barely finished her sentence when their friends screamed.
"WHAT?!" – Spencer and Aria chimed in.
"Paige as in Paige McCullers?" – Mona raised her eyebrow.
"You're getting back with her, aren't you, you bitch?!" – Hanna poked her again.
Alison saved Emily from giving an explanation – "I'm not feeling well, guys. I think I'm gonna go home" – And the blonde stood up and left while the girls observed her with attention.
As soon as she left, Hanna cussed – "What the fuck is wrong with her?"
"Maybe I should check her out" – Somewhere in her heart, Emily knew that this reaction was because of her leaving with Paige. Feeling slightly guilty, she stood up and went after Ali.
Nevermind
Because this 'not now' talk is pointless
Because I want you right now and I can't and won't wait for you
Because this time thing never worked for the both of us
"Ali, wait!" – She grabbed her by the arm as soon as she reached Spencer's sidewalk.
"What do you want?!" – The blonde snapped.
"It doesn't have to be like this" – Emily quietly said.
"Like what? Is that the reason you've been hiding from me? Is it because you got back with Paige and were afraid that I would threaten her somehow?!" – Alison turned sharply.
"I'm not with Paige" – Em said categorically – "It's just that there was a lot going on in my head back then"
"There was a lot going on in my head when I was in jail too, but you don't seem to care about it!" – Ali retorted.
"I'm sure there was, but…" – The brunette tried to be assertive, but the blonde interrupted.
"Do you know what I used to think about the most when I was in jail, Emily?" – Alison inquired – "You. That night. The way you kissed me when we were under the sheets. The way you whispered my name…"
"Alison, not now!" – Emily didn't want to have this conversation, mainly because this memory was still too fresh on her mind too.
"If not now, then when?!" – Alison took a step forward – "After Pigskin makes you come so hard that the whole California hears you?" – She knows she was unjust to her rival, but she couldn't bring herself to care as the rain started to pour.
"Don't talk about Paige like that!" – Emily reprehended – "She's got nothing to do with your anger, I have. So, if you want to hurt someone, hurt me!"
"You're right" – Alison inhaled the air as she tried to control her nerves – "I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of all this drama" – She took another breath to draw in the courage she needed to say these words – "I love you, Emily. I've loved you since I was fifteen and unable to accept it. I've loved you when I was on the run and missed you like hell. I've loved you when I barely managed to pull you out of that barn and when I stopped the saw from splitting you in half. I've loved you when I came back only to be thrown in jail. I've loved you that night only to watch you go back to Paige days later. I've loved you from the very beginning and will love you till the very end"
And she gave Emily no time to take her words in and pulled her by the neck for a blazing kiss. Emily couldn't help but to kiss her back, their teeth clashing and their tongues dancing swiftly against each other.
Maybe this was a movie scene, Alison thought. Maybe this was their final confrontation and, as Em threatened to leave, she finally confessed her love for her like she'd never done. Then, they made out furiously in the rain and that would convince the brunette to stay so they could be a happy couple with their happily-ever-after.
Unfortunately, it ended too soon. Emily pushed her away delicately by the elbows – "Ali, I can't"
"Emily, I want you" – She breathed out against her lips.
"I need some time" – Em spoke with assurance.
Alison stepped away – "I can't wait for you, Em. I just can't!"
It was Emily's time to snap – "You want me to understand you, but you don't understand me!"
"We both know what happens when we give time to each other" – Ali stated – "We break, we fight and we don't fix anything"
"If you can't wait for me, I won't wait for you" – Emily had a hard look on her face – "I'm leaving, Ali. I mean it" – Then she tossed a chocolate box at the blonde and left. Alison hugged the sweets against her chest and cried in the rain.
Whenever you can
Send me something so I can know you're alive this time
Anything that makes me think that you're okay
Or lying down in the arms of someone else, which is better
One year later, Alison finally made it to college. She'd chosen to study English and did well enough to become Aria's freshman at Hollis. Hanna also stayed at Rosewood, mostly because she'd hated college life and decided to go back to her hometown and open a boutique, which earned her a few quick bucks.
As for the other girls, Spencer was still in London, living with Melissa and Wren while perfecting her British accent. Mona was studying hard at Harvard while, as Andrew had feared, planning to go for President. Emily, on the other hand, already had her own apartment at California.
The girls kept in touch from time to time. Every other week, they'd talk to each (as a group) in Skype. Obviously, as Aria, Hanna and Alison were at the same place, they saw each other more frequently, especially Aria and Ali, both studying at Hollis.
Alison also kept in touch with Emily by email. After two months ignoring each other, Ali emailed her, telling how close she was to graduating and that she'd decided to study English as her major. She didn't know if she should expect an answer; that's why she was beaming happily when Emily wrote her back, congratulating her and asking which colleges she would be applying to. However, they hadn't talked about their relationship ever again.
This Saturday before Easter, they had all agreed on a video chat to celebrate the Holiday. By 4 pm, they were all standing there in front of their web cameras… all but Emily.
"Where the hell is Emily?" – Hanna wondered and looked at Aria and Alison, who shared the webcam with her.
"I don't know, but I hope she's not too late" – Spencer said – "I'm studying hard tomorrow, which means I'm sleeping early today" – And she yawned.
"We always forget about the time zones" – Mona commented.
"Should we be calling her?" – Alison wondered.
"Relax, Ali. She's probably just studying" – Aria pressed her shoulder.
That's when Emily's window popped up in their chat. The brunette had messy hair and a loose T-shirt on. But the most surprising thing at all was Paige placing kisses all up her neck. Alison wanted to vomit at this image.
"Paige, stop it!" – Emily tried to shake her off, but looked amused; that is, until she noticed that the video stream was on – "Look, all my friends are watching us" – And she blushed.
"Hey, guys!" – Paige also had messy hair and a loose T-shirt on. She yielded a smile of pride when she spotted Alison in the web chat – "Happy Easter!"
"… Are we interrupting something?" – Spencer hesitantly asked.
"Not at all" – Paige smirked because all of the girls (including Alison) now knew she was bedding Emily Fields. Then the phone rang – "Excuse me"
"Emily Shannon Fields, you have five seconds to explain what we just saw!" – Hanna demanded furiously.
"I was going to tell you…" – She answered shyly.
"After a sex tape of you leaked on YouTube, right?" – Spencer smirked.
"I-It's not like that, Spence" – Emily shook her head.
"How long have you been seeing each other?" – Mona asked practically.
"About six months, I guess" – Emily responded and Alison felt her heart clench.
"Six months, Em!?" – Aria jumped at the screen – "You guys are fucking serious! Why haven't you told us before?"
"I…" – The brunette felt cornered.
"Guys, back off" – Alison commanded, remembering slightly of her manipulative older self. The girls stopped talking and she cleared her voice before speaking. Those words were going to kill her inside, but they needed to be said – "I'm glad you find someone who makes you happy, Em"
The Biology student couldn't hold her astound. She was expecting Alison to turn her back on her, to ignore her or to email her raging about their unsolved feelings. She looked at the girl and, for a slice of time, it seemed that there were only the two of them at the screen facing each other.
Emily tried to read her. Had Ali said that because, for once in her life, she was trying to be selfless? Or was it because she had moved on to somebody new (which was most likely, considering her flirting abilities) and she wanted Emily to do the same? Emily couldn't guess.
"Thanks, Ali" – She said only and sincerely.
In response, Alison smiled and gave her one of her signature winks, the ones which made Emily's heart race like a Ferrari and made her fall in love with the blonde once again (or even more), despite the fact that she'd had another girl on her bed ten minutes ago.
"Em" – Paige's voice broke the moment – "My mom is inviting us to dinner. We gotta get changed"
Regretfully, Emily looked back at the screen – "I gotta go, guys! Happy Easter to you!" – And then she turned off her webcam, not before she caught a last glimpse of Ali anyway.
The girls talked for a few more minutes until they all turned off their webcams. Hanna and Aria, who were under the same roof as Alison, took the chance to talk to the blonde.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" – Aria sat beside her on the couch and put her arm around her shoulder.
"Okay, I guess" – Alison blinked the tears away – "I mean, I think it's better for her to have someone else than to miss me all the time"
"Why do you say that?" – Hanna understood her answer as arrogance.
"Because I miss her all the time and it hurts like hell!" – Ali hid her face on her hands and her tears started to fall – "I don't want her to feel this pain. She doesn't deserve to be hurt anymore. So I'd rather see her happy with somebody else than to be sad alone… because of me!"
"Alison Lauren DiLaurentis" – Hanna was shocked at the beauty of these words – "That's the most beautiful and selfless thing you've ever said in your entire life!"
"Ali, come here" – Aria pulled her in for an embrace and, soon, Hanna tagged along. And Alison cried at the arms of her friends for hours and hours until she finally found resignation.
Than hurting
From missing me like I'm missing you, believe me
That I don't want this pain to anybody in the world
Even less to you
Two months later, Alison was enrolled in an essay about Charles Dickens when someone called her on Skype. Ironically, it was Emily.
"Ali, do you have time to talk?" – She asked with some urgency in her voice.
She decided it was time for a break and saved her unfinished essay – "Sure, Em"
Emily sighed and said – "I'm breaking up with Paige"
Alison couldn't help but feel slightly happy at this, even though she knew her own chances were dim, if not inexistent. However, she must pull up a sober face because Emily seemed distressed because of this – "Why?"
"Zoe, the woman who took me to Haiti, invited me to a round-the-world trip and I said yes" – The brunette said.
"And you were going to tell us this when?" – Ali arched her brow.
"Ali, that's not the point!" – Emily snapped – "Paige tried to forbid me from going. She said I might meet many interesting girls around the world and that I might leave her for one of them. Now that she said, I might actually do it!"
"She was just jealous, Em" – Ali tried to calm her down – "Talk to her and I'm sure you're gonna get through this" – She said even though she was more than happy to see Emily away from Pigskin (but not so happy after she imagined the beautiful brunette in the arms of beautiful women from all over the world).
"It suffocates me, Ali! I can't deal with it anymore!" – Emily was very agitated in front of the webcam.
"Emily, just calm down, please!" – Alison spoke with the most soothing voice she could muster. Upon hearing her, Emily's erratic heart slowed down. She knew Ali could make her heart race, but she never knew she could hit its breaks also – "You can't decide anything with a hot head. You should take a time to yourself and only then decide if it's better to break up with Paige. Whatever you decide, I want you to know that I'm here for you" – She wished she could take the brunette's hands in reassurance, but that's the downside of Skype, she guessed.
"Thanks, Ali" – Emily smiled sincerely and wanted to reach out to the blonde too.
Before the other girl could answer, someone barged into her room.
"Ali, baby, what are you doing?" - A thin blonde with short hair came in. She was wearing a pink tank top and white shorts.
"Hey Kim" – She said with no enthusiasm at all as her "girlfriend" approached her – "I'm talking to a friend on Skype"
Ali met Kimberly exactly two months ago. She was walking around Hollis when she bumped into someone and made them drop their books. It was Kimberly. She helped the girl out and she quickly noticed her low voice and her shy way. It all remembered her of Emily (at least in the beginning) and the blonde couldn't help but to chase the other girl until they were together. Nowadays, she kind of regretted being involved with someone she didn't really love. However, her mind always told her that, if Emily had moved on, so could she.
Kimberly tried to peck her on the lips, but Ali turned her face away so the kiss landed on her cheek. Her girlfriend wanted to say hi to her friend until she recognized Emily on the screen – "It's her, isn't it?"
"Kim, this is Em. Em, that's Kim, my…" – Ali tried to formally introduce the duo, but Kimberly interrupted her.
"Why are you talking to her?" – The other blonde demanded and it annoyed Ali to the bones.
"She's my friend, Kim" – Alison insisted.
"Yeah, she's the friend who broke your heart a few months ago" – Kimberly rolled her eyes in annoyance – "I'll be downstairs when you're done talking to your…" – She killed Emily with her eyes – "… friend" – And she left as quickly as she barged in.
"I'm sorry about that" – Alison quickly apologized.
"She's your girlfriend, right?" – Emily said in a more bitter tone than she'd wished to.
"How do you know?" – The blonde asked regretfully. This wasn't the way she meant for Emily to find out about.
"She's wearing your clothes. The same clothes you wore on that night…" – Emily trailed off.
"I'm sorry, Em" – Ali apologized again – "I was going to tell you eventually. I didn't want you to find out this way"
"It's okay, Ali. You have every right to date people" – Emily said even though it sting her heart to see Ali (her Ali) with someone else. Has she felt this way when she saw Paige on Easter? Emily could only wonder because, right now, she wanted to get on a plane to Pennsylvania, kick Kimberly off Ali's house and then kiss the blonde hard on the lips. God, will she ever stop loving her?!
"Emily, I gotta go, okay?" – Ali took the easy way out – "See you later?"
"See you" – Emily answered with no emotion at all. Her mind screamed 'go on, Kimberly is waiting for you at the living room so you can fuck her so hard the whole Rosewood hears you'.
And Alison turned off her webcam.
I want to see you
Walking around the world, looking for yourself, you know what?
I'm praying that someday you'll find yourself and realize
That what lacks in you is me
Ten months later, Alison checked her Facebook. This time, she'd be spending Easter alone because Hanna and Aria were away with their respective boyfriends, she had broken up with Kim weeks ago and her father was in Georgia and Jason had disappeared from the world when he found out he had a twin and that twin was the very person tormenting his sister.
Quickly, Alison spotted Emily on her feed. There was a picture of her on the Great Wall of China written 'What an amazing time, China! See you in ten days, Paris!'. Yes, Emily had broken up with Paige and enrolled herself in an around-the-world beneficent trip. Mostly, she went to countries to teach kids how to swim and to speak English. Sometimes, she'd do some hard work like she did in Haiti, but it didn't happen that often. Next week, she'd go to Paris to teach English to gypsy children.
Ali's mind wandered back to that time in French class when they'd promised to go to France together and to stay there forever. Clearly, there was no more room for teenage promises and Alison was beginning to get used to the feeling that she'd never love someone like she loved Emily, and that'd haunt her to her grave.
Someone knocked on her door. It was probably Kim wanting to apologize one more time for her fits of jealousy. Alison was sick of it.
"Listen, Kim, if you think that I'm going to have you back, you're…" – She snapped when she opened the door until she realized her visitor was someone entirely different.
"Expecting someone?" – Emily smirked.
"Em!" – She spoke out as she resisted the urge to hug the brunette and push her to the floor.
"I've missed you, Ali" – Without her usual shyness, Emily took a step in and pulled the blonde against her own body, sighing as their bodies molded perfectly together. There was no one in the whole world who could make her feel this way. She was now surer than ever that, wherever she went, Alison was home to her.
"I've missed you too" – Alison whispered against her shoulder, feeling how that olive body remained toned throughout the years. If anything, Emily became more beautiful (as if it were even possible). It seemed that there were drops of Jupiter on her hair and her eyes were tranquil and secure.
"Can I come in?" – She asked as she released the blonde.
"Of course! I mean, I was going to spend Easter alone, so I don't have many things to eat…" – The blonde allowed her in and moved to the kitchen.
"I'm okay with it" – Emily said as she stepped into the other girl's house.
"What are you doing here? I thought you were going to France!" – Alison asked as they sat on her couch.
"I wanted to see you" – Emily spoke sincerely.
"Why?" – The question she really wanted to ask was 'Why after so many years?'
"Because this time away made me rethink a lot of things, Alison" – She said – "I know we've been through a lot because of Charles, but all of this looked small compared to other problems in the rest of the world"
"Don't diminish our pain, Emily" – Ali replied.
"Ali, I've seen kids in Ethiopia starving to death. Syrian kids in Lebanon couldn't look up at the sky because they were afraid of spotting bombs and something. People in Haiti don't even have a roof to cover their heads" – Emily recalled – "Charles gave us a tough time, but we've always had much more than the necessary. This made me think how happiness can be simple… and fragile at the same time"
"What's that do to with me?" – Alison's heart was beating out of her chest.
"Because I realized that we lost too much time trying to fix our mistakes instead of being happy together" – Emily concluded – "I wonder if I'm not too late…"
"This time thing, Emily, it really killed me" – Alison didn't really know what to say.
"It killed me too, Ali, once I realized that, no matter how hard I try or wherever I go, I can't live without you" – Em dared to reach out to the blonde's face and stroked her cheek gently with her thumb.
"How can we have something, Em, if I know you're leaving in three days?" – Ali controlled the need to lean into the brunette's touch.
Emily opened her bag, found a plane ticket and handed it to Alison – "I know it's crazy but… will you go with me?"
Alison analyzed the ticket carefully – "Emily, I…"
"When I was told I'd be going to France, I instantly knew I couldn't go there without you" – Emily said – "It might sound foolish, but I still remember that time during French class when we… when you said we'd be staying there forever"
"Emily" – The blonde stood up – "You come out of the blue after being out for two years and you want me to throw away all I've accomplished while you were gone to join you to a trip to Paris. You want me to leave college, my house and my friends to leave with you…"
"I know it may sound far-fetched…" – She interrupted.
"Don't speak!" – Ali cut her too – "You left me broken down inside two years ago and now you come back saying that you want to pick up the pieces. And you know what's the worst of it all? I don't know how to say anything but yes to you!"
"Ali" – Emily stood up too – "Will you really leave everything behind because of me?"
"Em" – She took a step towards the blonde – "I've missed you like hell. I've tried to replace you with studying, friends, going out, but nothing suffices. We've lost too much time already"
"I know" – Emily couldn't hold back any longer; she cupped Ali's face and pulled her in for a kiss. Ali kissed her back, placing her hands on her midsection. They missed each other so much they didn't realize they ended up lying on the couch, Ali on top of Emily, straddling her until they felt the need to breathe.
"Woah" – Alison breathed out – "I didn't… realize… I missed you… that much!" – She peppered kisses on the brunette's face.
"Oh, Ali" – She held her chin – "Don't you know that, without the bitter, the sweet ain't as sweet?" – And she kissed the other woman gently on the lips.
"Happy Easter, Em" – Alison smiled widely for the first time in two years as she lay her head on Emily's chest"
"Happy Easter, Ali" – Emily sighed as their bodies molded together again.