I look up and frown as House walks into my office. "What do you want now?"

He looks at me smirking and sits in front of my desk. "Well I'd never pass up an opportunity to look down your shirt, but I need a brain biopsy."

I roll my eyes. "You need a physiatrist, not a brain biopsy." I cross my arms over my chest frowning at him.

"Ha-ha." He stands up and sits on my desk.

I glare at him but stand my ground. "Get off my desk House!"

He laughs. "Why am I making you uncomfortable?"

I sigh and stand up. "No. But you are putting your ass on some of my paperwork!" I glare at you. "Move. And why do you need the brain biopsy?"

He doesn't move smirking and says, "Whatever's wrong with the patient is neurologically wrong. So I need to see their brain."

I look at him like he grew a head. "There are other ways to figure it out House."

"But Mom! They aren't as cool!" He says sarcastically.

I sigh. "I'm younger than you. Stop calling me Mom!"

"You're 45. I'm 44. And stop acting like my Mom and I'll stop calling you Mom."

"No I… Never mind." I say quickly and glare at you.

"No, what were you going to say?" He says looking at me intrigued.

I frown at you. "You can't do the brain biopsy."

"No that's not what you were going to say. And keep it up and I'll just keep bothering you until you do tell me what you were going to say."

I sigh. "House go away." I sit back in my seat trying to work around him and frown. "Move! You're in my way!"

"I'll move when you tell me what you were going to say." He says crossing his arms over his chest like a three year old.

I frown and look at you. "Move or I'll make you move!"

"And how are you going to do that?" He says challengingly.

"I'll pull your hair."

He laughs. "Do your worst."

I pull his hair and jump when he grabs my breast. "HOUSE! What the FUCK do you think you're doing?!" I back up slapping his hand off of me.

He smirks as he says triumphantly. "Killing two birds with one stone. Not only did I get you to let go off me but I touched your breast too."

I open my mouth to respond but can't so I just glare at him instead.

"Left you speechless? You should see me when I'm trying." He says cockily.

I glower at him. "You're an asshole! Don't touch me! That's sexual abuse."

"Oh well." He says enjoying himself. "You saying you never want me to touch you again?" He says looking at me.

"I never want you to touch me again." I say glaring at him.

"Really? Ever? Not even if we were dating?"

"Are you asking me out? Because now is not the time or place."

"No I'm just making a point. You like me!" He says smirking at me.

I roll my eyes. "I'm not the one who can't keep my hands off of you. And I don't want you to touch me unless I give you permission before hand. Which will never happen." I frown at him. "Now move!"

"I do believe you were pulling my hair. And I'm not moving." He says in a 'I'm always right' tone of voice.

I frown and use a warning voice. "Gregory Hugh House get off of my desk!"

"Lisa What's-Your-Middle-Name Cuddy, No!" He says mockingly.

I roll my eyes. "Marie. My middle name is Marie." I frown at myself. "Why would I tell you that? Get off my desk House!"

"Marie? That's a nice middle name."

"Thank you." I say surprised. "Now get off my desk. I need to get work done."

"But you still haven't told me what you were going to say."

I sigh. "If I do will you get off my desk and let me get work done?"

"I'll get off your desk if you tell me what you were going to say."

"I'm 42. Even if I was 45 I'd still be the youngest dean of medicine ever. But 27 is really young to become a dean and I thought maybe I'd have more respect if I seemed older, like 30. Well, not from you, but from others." I frown. "Now get off my desk."

He hops off my desk smiling. "So you're really younger than me?"

"Well why else would I be an undergrad when you were a grad?"

He shrugs. "Well I'm smarter than you."

I glare at him. "You're an ass."

"A smart ass." He says smirking.

I roll my eyes trying not to smile. "Yeah a smart-ass."

He frowns "Not what I meant!"

"But it is accurate. Now go away I need to work."

"Well I need a brain biopsy."

"No."

"But Mom!"

I scowl at him. "Don't call me Mom."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not a Mom!" I backtrack. "I mean your Mom."
"You are a Mom though?"

"No… But I wouldn't want you to call me mom if I was either."

"Do you want to be a Mom?"

"What? Why?" I say frowning at you.

"Just making conversation."

"I don't think that it's your business. Go do your job."

"So yes. Why don't you want me to know that then?"

I roll my eyes. "Go do your job."

"I would but you won't let me and this is more interesting. Why wouldn't you want me to know if you want a kid or not?"

I frown at you. "Why would you want to know? If I wanted a baby with you then it'd be your business but any other way it's not."

"Do you want to have my baby?"

I look shocked. "What? No. Why would you ask?"

He smirks. "To see your reaction."

I frown. "You're an ass! What would you have done if I said yes?!"

He shrugs. "I'd probably had said something to make you hate me so that you wouldn't want my baby anymore." When I glare at him he smiles. "I see that that did the trick."

"I didn't want your baby." I look at you. "Ever wonder why you had to pay people to sleep with you?"

He fake cries. "Ow!"

I smirk. "Yeah ok. Go do your job."

"Why didn't you want me to know you want a baby?"

I sigh. "Go do your job House."

He rolls his eyes. "Just tell me. I'll get it out of you eventually anyways."

I frown. "Yeah, right. Because you always do."

"Name one time I didn't."

"The time you tried to get me to let you cheat off me in college." I add in in quotes. "The teacher's got it in for you, and you had to know if you'd do as well as me."

"All of that was true, and I did cheat off you."

"WHAT?!" I glare at you.

"I was wrong, we got the same grade."

"You idiot! I don't care what you got! You CHEATED off me!"

"And? It was years ago."

I frown. "Idiot. Go do your job."

"You didn't think I was an idiot in college."

I get a lot more angry. "Don't fucking go there House!" I say warningly.

He smiles. "Why not? Didn't you enjoy yourself?"

I frown. "Don't go there. I don't want to talk about it."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't."

"But why? Did you regret that night?" He says sounding a little hurt by the idea.

"House go do your job."

"Why don't you want to talk about it? I really want to know!" He looks upset.

I frown at him. "I don't want to talk about my sexual encounters with you or anyone else, especially during work!"

He looks at me. "So you never talk about your sex life? Like ever?" He seems shocked.

I roll my eyes. "Not during work! And I only ever talk to one person about it and it's not you. So go do your job House!"

"Who is it? Who gets to know all they would ever want to know about your sex life?"
I frown at you. "No one you know."

"Then give me a name."

"Voldemort."

He gasps sarcastically. "Not he-who-must-not-be-named!"

I try not to laugh and fail. "Nope, she-who-must-not-be-named. Now go do your goddamned job!"

He looks at me in mock shock. "Voldemort is a girl!"
"Yes. Why else would she always be wearing a black dress?"

"Touche."

I laugh again. "House."

He smiles. "Yeah?"

I sit down. "Go do your job!"

"But Mom!"

"I told you not to call me that!" I frown at him.

"Want to know why I think you don't want me to call you Mom?" He says, probably to annoy me.

"No. I want you to go do your job. You know? That thing I pay you to do?"

He ignores me completely. "I think it turns you on."

My head snaps up. "Excuse me?"

He laughs. "So does it?"

"No! Why would you even think that?" He opens his mouth to answer and I cut him off. "Don't answer that!"

He ignores me once again. "Because I can see your tits."

"That's vulgar." I look down to make sure you can't then glare at him crossing my arms over my chest. "Perv."

House just laughs. "You had to look though. Which means you are at least a little turned on."

"Or I'm cold." I frown at him. "Go do your job without referencing my body parts again. Got it?"

"But you have very nice body parts."

I roll my eyes at him. "Go. No comments."

"So no touching or commenting?!"

"No touching without my permission or commenting at an inappropriate time or place or in an inappropriate way." I respond with my hands on my hips.

I frown as he perked up. "So I can still comment as long as I do it at an appropriate time?"

I roll my eyes. "Go to work. You're wasting my time."

"Will you go out with me if I do?"

I blink in shock. "What? Why?"

He frowns. "Never mind."

"You want to go out on a date with me?" I try not to show any emotions but he can tell I'm hopeful.

He looks down embarrassed. "Yes, I do. Very badly."

"When?" I smile.

"Tonight?" He looks at me hopefully. I look panicked for a second and he looks confused. "What's wrong?"

I blush. "I was thinking about what I have to wear." I sound embarrassed by this. "See you tonight. But I don't want to see you before that. When?"

He laughs a little bit. "You could show up in nothing and still look good." He pauses for a moment looking down your body quickly. "Actually please do show up in nothing."

I roll my eyes. "I'm going to take that as a complement so thank you. And what time?"

"I don't know. 7?"

"That's not enough time to get ready! 8?"

He laughs again. "You take forever to get ready."

"I do not! I get home at 7! That gives me enough time to park before I go to… where are we going?"

He wiggles his eyebrows. "It's a surprize."

I sigh. "You're ridiculous."

"Well ridiculous just got a date with Dr. Hottie so I'm ok with that." He says smiling.

I laugh smiling. "Thank you. Now go to work."

"But Mom!"

I sigh. "Go to work. Or else I won't even entertain the thought of sleeping with you."

He shakes his head. "Sex as a bribe…"
"Damn good bribe. Now go to work."

"Fine." He walks out to find somewhere to pretend to work.

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