Totally random. Not my best. Not original at ALL. I just needed to write this because the idea kept bugging me.

And now it's time for Silly Songs at Hogwarts: the part of the story where the characters take a break from their busy lives and examine their true feelings through song.

We begin in the office of Albus Dumbledore, where a disturbing dream has forced fifteen-year-old Tom Riddle to confront one of his deepest fears.

Tom: If my lips ever left my mouth, packed a bag and headed south
That'd be too bad.
I'd be so sad.

Dumbledore: That'd be too bad, you'd be so sad?

Tom: That'd be too bad.
If my lips said "Adios! I don't like you, I think you're gross!"
That'd be too bad.
I might get mad.

Dumbledore: That'd be too bad, you might get mad?

Tom: That'd be too bad.
If my lips moved to Duluth, left a mess and took my tooth
That'd be too bad.
I'd call my dad.

Dumbledore: That'd be too bad, you'd call your dad?

Tom: That'd be too bad.

Dumbledore: Wait a minute--did you say you'd call your...father?

Tom: Yes.

Dumbledore: I thought you hated him.

Tom: He'd knock some sense into my lips, that's for sure.

Dumbledore: (Pause, blinks) Tom, tell me about your childhood.

Tom: When I was just two years old, I left my lips out in the cold
And they turned blue.
What could I do?

Dumbledore: They turned blue, what could you do?

Tom: Oh, they turned blue.

Dumbledore: How did you manage to detach your lips from your face?

Tom: (Shrugs) On the day I got my tooth, I had to kiss a girl named Ruth
She had a beard.
And it felt weird.

Dumbledore: She had a beard and it felt weird?

Tom: She had a beard.
On the day that I turned eight, I got my lips stuck in a gate
The kids all laughed.
And I just stood there until the fire department came and cut me loose with a crowbar and took me away to Lip Rehab with this kid named Oscar who got stung by a bee--right on the lips! And we couldn't even talk to each other until the fifth week because our lips were so swollen and even then he only spoke Polish and I only speak Parseltongue and don't even ask me where they found a Polish kid in the middle of Britain but somehow he got there and he ended up teaching me the Polish word for lips: Usta!

Dumbledore: (Blinks) Usta?

Tom: (Nods)

Dumbledore: How do you spell that?

Tom: How should I know?

Dumbledore: So what you're saying is....

Tom: I love my lips! And no one will EVER take them away from me!

Dumbledore: Tom, there's no need to shout.

Tom: Who says? You've never lost your lips.

Dumbledore: Neither have you, Tom. Now stop jumping on the sofa and sit down.

Tom: (Sits) It might happen. You never know.

Dumbledore: (Sighs)

This has been Silly Songs at Hogwarts. Tune in next time to hear Tom say...

Tom: Have I ever told you how I feel about my nose?

Dumbledore: Oh, look at the time!