Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter… unfortunately!

Okay so here it is… Chapter 1. This is my first published fanfiction so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Reviews are welcome. For every review comes a new chapter.

Constellations

Chapter 1

I look into her crib and I don't know what to do. She's been crying for three hours straight. My head is pounding. It doesn't matter how much I hold her. It is never enough. I am never enough. Is that what she is trying to tell me? I pick her up once more and try yet again to calm her, this time making shapes in the air with my wand - the colourful swirls and sparks keep her placated long enough for her screams to stop. Her little chest is heaving as she tries to take in enough air. Rubbing her back softly I once again try to feed her. And all at once her fussing stops entirely, all of her attention now focused on her food. She is just one month old and already she runs my life.

I knew that this would be difficult, but doing it alone has just about killed me. I keep telling myself that I did the right thing. That leaving him was for the best. He wasn't the man that I thought he was. He didn't really want me and he sure as hell wouldn't have wanted a family with me. Did he ever even like me? At one point I thought that he loved me. I was so wrong.

Now I look down at our child and I wonder if he would want to know her. To hold her and sing to her. Would he want that? Do I want him to want that? No... all I want is to be alone. To be rid of him and his lies. He'll never want that because he'll never know. I decided seven months ago that this would be my secret... my burden to carry. No one will ever know, especially not him.

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~

"Mama! Look at the orange one!" She is bopping up and down in front of me as she peers into the last cage in the store. A little ball of ginger fluff huddles in the centre of the enclosure. The tiny creature reminds me so much of Crookshanks that I have to stifle a laugh. "He's the one I want."

"Lyra, are you sure. He looks a little... grumpy. Why not that one over there with the white spot." I say pointing to another kitten in a basket on the far side of the store."

"No he's the one mama. I can just tell."

"Alright then if you insist." She has always been one to know what she wants... my daughter. I haven't been back in London since before she was born, and certainly not in Diagon Alley, where we are today. Why now you may be thinking? Why choose now after all of these years to return? I guess I thought it was time. Time to return to the life I knew before I was a mother. I'm not yet ready to face people... to face my past. I know there will be questions and I cannot answer them right now. I don't know what I would say. Her tugging hand pulls me back to reality.

"Hmm?"

"I said can I carry his basket?"

"Do you think you can manage?" I ask as she struggles to keep a hold of the wicker frame in front of her. Pushing through the crowd, she nods her head determinedly. I know that if I attempt to remove the creature from her hold now there will be hell to pay.

Keeping my hand on her back I lead her towards Flourish and Botts when all of a sudden a hand pulls me around in the middle of the street. I haven't seen those green eyes for almost six years.

"Harry." It comes out like a whisper.

"I knew it was you! I saw you coming out of that store and I just knew." Throwing his arms around me he pulls me into a tight embrace. Before he can let go we're both pushed to the side by another set of arms.

"Mione! Where the hell have you been?" Ron's hold is fiercer than Harry's and pulling back to stare at the two of them I realise how much pain I've caused them. Throwing myself back into their arms I hear myself apologising over and over again.

"We thought at first that you were... that something had happened to you. For months the Order... and then the first letter. Six years Hermione and only a handful of letters to tell us you were safe." Harry is struggling for words. Ron however, seems to be taking in my appearance. I must admit that to my best friends it would appear that I have changed dramatically. I'm no longer the thin woman that I once was. With Lyra came around an extra twenty pounds which never seemed to leave. To the two boys who knew me at 11, my wider hips, fuller chest and all around older look, must look incredibly bizarre.

"I'm surprised you recognised me to be honest."

"Of course we would recognise you. How could we not. But now that you mention it you have changed." Harry says, finally taking a minute to look at me.

"She sure bloody has. You look so much... you look like... you look good."

"Never one for the tact, were you Ron!" I say with a laugh. But talk of my appearance reminds me of Lyra and all of a sudden I'm whipping around trying to find her in the sea of people in front of me. I don't have to look far. She is about a metre away from me, bent over and peering into the carry basket, now sitting on the street in front of her.

"Lyra!" I'm next to her in a flash, pulling her flush against me. She seems not to have noticed that I stopped at all. Her attention is still wholly focused on her new acquisition as she twists her body around to squirm out of my grasp and back to the basket.

"Mama let go so I can get the basket."

"Mama?" Two voices behind me echo. Oh God this was not how this was supposed to happen. "Hermione. You have a daughter?" At this comment, Lyra suddenly stops struggling and looks up at Harry for the first time since we stopped.

"You're Harry Potter." She says with an awe like look on her face. "Mama's best friend."

His face is one of shock. Neither man knows what to say. Both are looking at her and looking at me. I can see what they're seeing. At five years old she looks exactly like her father, with small exceptions of course. Her rosy cheeks and rosebud lips are mine, as is her unruly hair. But its colour - black - is all her father, as well as her dark grey eyes. It is not just her appearance however. It is her entire being. The way she holds herself... she has that aristocratic air about her. Others see it too. Harry and Ron see it now. "Harry, Ron, this is my daughter... Lyra."

She puts out her hand as she has been taught. Harry gets a hold of himself first, bending down to Lyra's level. "Well it's lovely to meet you little Lyra." She giggles as he shakes her hand and gives a little curtsy. Ron is still looking shell shocked as Harry attempts a conversation. "I see you've got a new pet." Looking up at me he remarks "Looks a hell of a lot like Crookshanks. Does he have a name yet?"

Lyra nods her head with a gleeful expression on her face. "Orion. Do you like it? I do. He is the perfect replacement for Hercules."

"Hercules? Orion hmm? You like the constellations huh?"

"That's where my name comes from. My daddy is a constellation too." It's out of her mouth before I can do a thing. Harry looks like he has been punched in the gut. Lyra simply bends down to pick up Orion. Ron is staring at me with something akin to disgust, before he turns away and stomps down the street.

"RON... Wait!" But there is no calling him back now. He knows the truth. This is what I was afraid of... everybody's reaction... his reaction.

"Does he know?" For a second I don't even realise that Harry has spoken until I see him staring at me, emotionless.

"Please don't judge me Harry. You don't know how-"

"Does he know Hermione? Just answer the damn question!" Lyra jumps at his raised voice.

Pulling her up into my arms and vanishing the basket I'm suddenly furious at him for frightening her. "No he doesn't, and I do not have to explain myself to you Harry."

"Yes you bloody well do! You disappear for six years, to have a child it would seem... only to keep this secret from the one man who ever loved you! What the hell were you thinking? You could have told us. You should have told him! She's his daughter!"

My blood is boiling over. Tears are streaming down my face and people are starting to stare - Harry Potter yelling at a young woman and child in the middle of Diagon Alley is not a sight that occurs everyday. How dare he! "Don't you dare talk to me like that! I did what I had to do. You have no idea what happened between Sirius and myself. Loved me huh? He loved me so much that he bragged about what an easy lay I was to every male in the order? How I didn't quite par up to his previous conquests?"

Harry's face is one of shock. He obviously didn't know that I knew. "That's why you left? Because you thought he was-"

"No I left because I was not going to raise a baby with someone who hurt me like that. Who lied about how he felt. I was 22 years old Harry and I was scared alright! I was absolutely terrified that I was having a baby..."

Harry goes to take my arm. I can tell he is sorry. "Don't!"

"Hermione she is still his daughter. You have to tell him!"

"She is my daughter! I have nothing to say to him!"

As I turn around to apparate home I hear his last words. "Then why did you come back?"

~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~ o ~