This one afternoon in the Akatsuki headquarters was rather hot; It determined how summer was just around the corner. Should they not have created even the smallest of all openings to let a little air seep inside their dark and isolated man-cave, for the breeze that blew was warm, heavy and humid. It was irritating.
However, what had quite irritated them all the more was the unwanted package they had been receiving every other day, for the past two weeks. It wasn't any of Itachi's online-shopped beauty products, nor was it any of Tobi's humongous shipped orders from LEGO shop. The week ago, the Akatsuki had surprisingly received a package full of imported candies, and then the other day ago, another package was unraveled to contain a year's supply of lubricant. This time, another box had just come in, consisting of knitted scarves and sweaters.
"Isn't this the worst time to be receiving these kinds of things?" Kisame questioned, digging his hand through the pile of scarves and sweaters, and scoping whatever he could pull out of it.
"Another unknown sender, ey? Who's it for?" Hidan joined in.
Kisame scanned the package details, only to find nothing but their organization's address, "Nothing of which we could all find out."
These so-called 'gifts' couldn't get any more questionable. In fact, the only member who wasn't so intrigued about all this was the puppet master. He was ashamed— Very, very ashamed. Who else could familiarize best the choice of things being sent to them? It wasn't even for the Akatsuki, to begin with.
"Just throw those away." Sasori suggested dryly, after coming to pass by the scene.
"Are you kidding me? All these adorable things put to waste?" Kisame replied in dissatisfaction, leaving Sasori to let out a groan of disbelief. He couldn't possibly hear from his own ears, an S-rank criminal consider such, or even any object, adorable.
"First of all, what kind of crack are you on to call those things adorable? Second, those knitted things are cheap; they're handmade. I could even tell that the rest of those were merely bought off one of Sunagakure's local garage sales— disgusting."
Upon entering the room, Itachi was amused to find a pile of sweaters and scarves on the floor, which rated his attention. He ran off in excitement to stick his arm through the pile and grab what matched his preferences.
"Wow, are these things branded? Because they look so adorable!" The Uchiha exclaimed, raising one up before his face.
Sasori slapped his face in embarrassment, "My grandmother's knittings are never ado—" The three halted to stare at the puppeteer.
"Your what?"
The red head hastily exited the room before any more questions would have to raised or answered.
It was during earliest hours of sunrise when the doorbell had rang throughout the entire cave. Considering how early it was, no one came to answer it. The doorbell continuously rang in impatience, and unfortunately, the one who had to come up to it was the lightest sleeper of them all. The Uchiha rushed to the cave's entrance, ready to kill off what had disrupted him from his sleep.
"Hello! I apologize for being such a disturbance at this time of the morning, but I am just so enraged that my grandson hasn't been politely thanking me for the packages that I've been sending him." The Uchiha's Mangekyou Sharingan deactivated in an instant upon being greeted by a petite, jolly old lady with grey hair, and half of it put up in a bun. She was also garbed in thick robes.
"I'm sorry, you must've stumbled on the wrong address." Itachi replied, puzzled while half asleep.
"No, I believe I'm in the right place. I strongly sense my grandson's chakra here."
Itachi sighed, not wanting to get caught in a ruckus of having to argue with an old lady and having to blow off the secrecy of the organization's hide out. What am I to do with this old fart? He thought. All of a sudden, having recalled hearing the unnoticeable mention about his grandmother, plus the packages being consistently sent throughout the 2 weeks— There was only one person who could possibly come into Itachi's mind.
The Uchiha abruptly rushed to the puppeteer's bedroom, leaving the old lady standing outside to wait. He banged his fists against the puppeteer's door, "Sasori open up, your old lady's outside waiting for you. You go attend her needs before the leader finds out and kills me!"
The hinges creaked, allowing the door to create a small opening just for the red head's eye to peak out. He seemed rather confused, not picking up the drift of what Itachi's news had meant.
"Your freakin' grandmother wants to see her god damn grandson. If leader finds out about her knowing this place, you're bound to be castrated." Itachi stated roughly.
Before Sasori could even argue back about his body not consisting of any balls, he was trying to cover up the situation, "I gave her the address around 10 years ago! I'd never thought she'd still recall it up until now!" Chiyo, that bitch! Sasori sneered.
"Well apparently, the old fart found this place and now she wants a word with you!"
"Sasori, is that you? I can hear you from down here!" The recognizable voice of an old lady called out from the lower level of inside the cave. This caused the Uchiha and the red head to panic frantically around each other.
"You fucking let her in?!"
"I didn't, I swear! I left her waiting outside!"
"You know that old hag doesn't like to be kept waiting!" Sasori yanked his cloak from his body and threw it over to his bed before rushing to his grandmother's calling. So it's all in the genes, huh? Itachi thought, following the puppeteer from behind.
Upon descending the staircase, the red head wasn't pleased to see his uninvited grandmother, inside the hide out. She had her arms crossed with distasteful look on her face.
"So this is the thanks I get from my grandson? Your friend hasn't been very kind to me, either." Chiyo complained. All of a sudden, her gaze had caught on what Itachi had wore— Long dark cloak, red clouds, red interior, and a chin-high collar, "MY GRANDSON HAS FALLEN INTO THIS KIND OF ORGANIZATION?! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR JOB AT DISNEY LAND?"
Beads of sweat started to emerge from the puppeteer's forehead, "Are you kidding me? Of course not! I still work there. In fact, my buddy here is a cosplayer!" He let out a tensed laugh.
"The fuck? I'm not a cos— oof!" Sasori elbowed the Uchiha's abdomen before he could disagree any more, "I mean, I am but that was half a year ago."
"So, why do you still wear that?" Chiyo strictly questioned.
"I wear this cloak to feel edgy and beautiful."
Sasori then reached for Itachi's arm, and dragged him out from the conversation, "Hide everyone's cloaks. Now." The red head commanded, whispering over to Itachi's ear.
"Hold on for just one fucking minute. Spill it, Pinocchio. What's with all the alibis?"
"I left the village, leaving them to think I was chasing for work— basically, as a puppeteer at Disney Land. That was the best excuse I could come up with in order to erase any suspicions of me kidnapping and killing the Third Kazekage."
"What am I to tell everyone?" Itachi complained in the lowest voice that he could manage.
Chiyo turned to the two men, side-tracking from her and exchanging whispers to each other in a corner, "I don't know what you boys are whispering about over there, but if it's about the both of you trying to hide your secret relationship with each other, no worries. In fact, you both have my blessing!" She crackled; The two men audibly gulped in unison.
"Just tell them that my grandmother's around. Tell them to act along so that no information about this organization is going to leak out." Sasori lastly stated, before pushing Itachi to go on with what he ordered him to do.
The puppeteer's mind was in turmoil; any information to be leaked off of them would cause a slew of problems. Chiyo walked up to her grandson, noticing how hung up in his thoughts he was, and reached her fingers to land a pinch on his face, "Well for a grown up and serious man you turned out to be, you're still the cutest little candy-loving grandson I've always loved." She cooed.
Dear God, give me the power to restrain from killing this annoying sack of wrinkles, His mind cried.
"I hope you liked the sweaters I've sent you; although, you might wanna share some with me for the next two days." She winked.
"And this was the first time my cute little grandson wet his bed. Boy, was it priceless! I just had to take a photograph for keepsake." Chiyo took the old photo from the awfully thick album that laid on her lap, and showed it to everyone who circled around her.
She was the center of attention for that night, and each member had a prying eye swarmed around her as she unraveled the most shameful childhood stories of her little grandson. Sasori had already probably murdered each and every single one of them numerous times inside his mind; he couldn't wait for this to be through so he could burn the albums, which were the epitome of his life's misery, and go on with remodelling his puppets in peace.
"Oh, Sasori was such a darling back then! I remember he'd always beg us to stop by for some candy after school. Not too long though, the poor kid started getting toothaches, so I had to cut him off from it. He wailed like crazy every single afternoon since then! What a sissy!" The old woman spat her last sentence, causing the members to let out an up-roared laughter.
"Curse the day when puberty had hit him!" She exclaimed, "From the cute little boy he was, whose happiness revolved around candy and dolls, and who was seemingly the granddaughter of my dreams, to the handsome young man who toyed around with puppets and weaponry— and GIRLS!" Chiyo added, wiping the tear which was so close to streaming down from her left eye.
"Tell us about Sasori's dislikes, hmmm!" Deidara pleaded, having his arms flung up in the air in excitement.
"Well, the boy hated baths without his mother and father."
"Weren't they dead by that time?" Kakuzu questioned from the crowd.
"They were, but as creative as he is, he made puppets of his own parents. At first, after discovering his creations, the only thing I could ask myself was whether someone had influenced my little grandson with drugs, or was he suicidal enough to hammer his own head instead of his puppets." They all broke into another huge laughter upon hearing this. The puppeteer couldn't help but to really hammer his own head to the wall, being present in the most shameful scenario of his life.
"Does anyone want to know why he hates the color yellow?" Chiyo fondly raised the question to the crowd. Each and every single member darted towards her with eyes that sparkled in such curiosity and excitement.
"Fruits are a really hard catch in Sunagakure; It's impossible to grow them off in such a barren land like ours. This one kind lady from Konoha offered me some bananas. My cute little Sasori had never seen anything like it, so I decided to present it to him in the most amusing way! I attached my chakra strings onto it, and flung it right inside his room. Next thing I knew, he started to scream and make a dash to every single corner or the room. He was very, very afraid seeing the banana skim through the air and follow him in every direction."
Hearing this, Deidara couldn't hold himself from cracking into a gag. He was already even in tears, embracing his stomach, "So did you tell him by the end of the day?" The blonde asked.
"Of course not!" Chiyo strongly objected, "In fact, I used the flying banana as an approach for him to be studious. I used to tell him that the flying banana would monitor him for every time he is caught slacking off instead of training or studying. I can't believe the boy bought the trick until he was fifteen!" She giggled; Deidara had never been seen with such a psychotic devious smile plastered on his face.
"Well guys, looks like we all know what to wear now for this year's Halloween!" Hidan announced, hysterically adding a slap to his knee. Meanwhile, Deidara was deviously busy jotting down something on a list which read 'Stupid names to call Sasori no Danna'
Pinocchio
Barbie Boy
Mr. Happy Time
Banana Boy
"It's really nice to see the employees of Disney Land getting along even behind the curtains of their job, isn't it?" Chiyo skimmed her stare across each and every one of their sudden tensed faces. The energy of their laughter suddenly died down and sank into a nervous manner. Sasori's grandmother started nearing towards Deidara, "With all that blonde hair, no doubt you're a Cinderella."
"This guy looks like a Mulan, but you gotta work with all that concealer on your eyebags!" She horrifically stated while darting her gaze at Itachi, "She isn't supposed to look that much of a damsel in distress. In fact, she isn't one!" Chiyo added. She then walked over to Kakuzu, "You must be Stitch, LITERA—"
"Okay! Looks like it's time for you to turn in already!" Sasori made a mad dash towards her, and clamped a hand over her mouth before she could say anything that would aggravate the S-rank criminals to reveal their identities, thus killing her. He carried the old woman over his shoulder and immediately ran towards the cave's entrance.
"You rude, rude child, you! I thought the agreement was two days!" Chiyo stubbornly argued, clouting her grandson on the head.
"Please understand that I'm a grown man. I'm extremely busy and I cannot accommodate you."
"Ahh, you've never changed a slight bit of your sissy-ness!"
"With all due respect, you make me want to kill you." Sasori uttered frankly. Chiyo couldn't believe hearing the words which escaped from her own grandson's mouth; it made everything seem all the more quite suspicious.
"Look, I'll leave under one condition."
"What?"
"Remember that video you made years ago?"
"Which video?" Sasori glared.
"The video." She replied bluntly; yet, with a smirk played across her lips, "I'll leave if you put it on YouTube. Just that. There isn't any harm in that, is there?" After having heard that, the red head was left in minutes of hesitation.
"Fine."
So folks, if you type this '【手描きナルト】旦那でぷんちきぱやっぱー！' or 'Sasori Caipirinha' down on YouTube's search engine, I'm pretty sure that the very first result you'll find is the video which the two agreed on. It is very necessary to watch it.
Disclaimer: I do not own the video, nor the characters used in the story.
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