Great dads drunk again big suprise. Wonder how long until he beats me this time, I give it a hour, just long enough for mom to fall asleep.
I hurt myself today,
To see if I still feel,
I focus on the pain,
The only thing that's real,
Man how screwed up am I here I am getting pissed at my dad for beating me when I'm sitting here cutting myself. I'm a fuckin hypocrite just like everyone else. Heh, and I STILL havent put down the knife. God I need help.
The needle tears a hole,
The old familiar sting,
Try to kill it all away,
But I remember everything,
It's nice hanging with Matt and Steve but I just cant forget all the times I needed someone and they werent there. It's nice, but I cant help feelign a little bitter.
[Chorus]
What have I become,
My sweetest friend,
Everyone I know,
Goes away in the end,
Oh god steve! I'm so sorry! I didnt mean it, it's just dad, a-and the beating and I-I-I just, FUCK! this wasnt supposed to happen. we were going to go arround the world just the three of us, seeing new sights, trying new things! I'm so sorry steve.
And you could have it all,
My empire of dirt,
I will let you down,
I will make you hurt,
I realized something Steve. It's not my fault your dead, no it's YOURS. you forced your way into my world, YOU upset the natural order, YOU DIDNT LISTEN! and now your dead.
I wear this crown of thorns,
Upon my liars chair,
Full of broken thoughts,
I cannot repair,
Well things will go back to normal soon, right? Me and Matt will just keep hanging out, mom'll get better, dad'll be proud when he can see what I can do. Mabey I can even take mom with me, I'm sure she'd like that.
Beneath the stains of time,
The feelings disappear,
You are someone else,
I am still right here,
I beat my dad again today, this time when I left nobody came. Matt's forgotten about me, he's moved on, changed and me? I'm still sitting in this shit-hole with a abusive drunk and a dying mother.
[Chorus]
And you could have it all,
My empire of dirt,
I will let you down,
I will make you hurt,
HE JUST CANT LEAVE ME ALONE! I tried to help mom, and what does he do? HE BLAMES HER DEATH ON ME! What have you been doing to help "dad"? oh yeah being FLAT OFF YOUR ASS DRUNK! you know what? screw this. matt's gone, steves dead, mo-Moms dead now all I've got left is the hurt, well I'm strong now I dont NEED this shit, but I'll gladly pay everyone back. Starting with this drunk fuck right here.
If I could start again,
A million miles away,
I will keep myself,
I would find a way,
I was really messed up wasnt I? I'm sorry for everything, mom, steve, matt. I'm so sorry. My chest hurts...huh look theres Matt guess he was here. I'm getting sleepy. When I wake up we'll go to tibet Matt It'll be nice, a new start.