Messers. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs

Purveyors of Aid to Magical Mischief-Makers

are proud to present

An Excerpt from the 9th Edition of the Marauders' Advice Column

Dear Marauders:

Did you hear that if you stand on the 13th step of the 9th staircase to the right of the Divination Tower and do the Macarena for 15 minutes straight, you'll be dropped into an enormous vat of marshmallow fluff and raspberry jello, where you have no way to escape but to eat yourself out? It's just a rumor, of course.

On a completely unrelated topic, do you know a quick and easy way to remove EverStick Brand Jello from robes?

Sincerely,

Gossip Girl (Who Likes Both Marshmallows and Jello)

Mr. Wormtail would like to state that he enjoys jello.

Mr. Padfoot feels an extreme need to go find this vat of raspberry jello and marshmallow fluff.

Mr. Moony is amazed that the Marauders have not managed to discover this vat, if it exists.

Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and believers that an expedition should be launched to find this mythically delicious vat of marshmallow and jello.

Mr. Padfoot seconds the motion to launch an expedition in search of a vat of marshmallow fluff and raspberry jello.

Mr. Moony would like all Marauders in favor to say "aye like a pirate".

Mr. Wormtail says "aye like a pirate".

Mr. Padfoot also says "aye like a pirate".

Mr. Prongs shouts "aye like a magical pirate".

Mr. Wormtail is jealous of Mr. Prongs' use of the word 'shouts' rather than 'says'.

Mr. Moony would like to add that Mr. Prongs did not cast his vote in the proper way by adding the word 'magical'.

Mr. Prongs is just that awesome.

Mr. Padfoot thinks Mr. Prongs needs to have his head deflated.

Mr. Moony is in agreement with Mr. Padfoot, and would also like to say "aye like a pirate".

Mr. Prongs never thought he'd see the day when Mr. Moony agreed with Mr. Padfoot, or that Mr. Moony would agree to go on an expedition that will most certainly land the Marauders in a very sticky situation.

Mr. Wormtail likes sticky situations if they involve marshmallow fluff and raspberry jello.

Mr. Padfoot believes that the motion has passed, and therefore the Marauders should commence their expedition for the mythical delicious vat of marshmallow fluff and raspberry jello!

Messers. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs

Purveyors of Aid to Magical Mischief-Makers

are proud to present

THE JOURNEY TO THE MYTICAL, DELICIOUS VAT OF MARSHMALLOW FLUFF AND RASPBERRY JELLO

"JEEEELLLLLLLOOOOO!" Mr. Wormtail was obviously very excited about the search for the mythical delicious vat of marshmallow fluff and raspberry jello.

"MAAAARRRSHMEELLLLOOOOOWS!" Mr. Padfoot was equally, if not more, excited.

"Guys, guys, Filch will hear us!" Mr. Moony whispered in a low voice, hoping against hope that Filch, the caretaker (who enjoyed catching the Marauders in the middle of mischief), wouldn't catch them before they got to the vat.

"Don't worry. He occupied with that prank donation box we put in the common room. I left Gryffindor with instructions to prank Filch with everything in the box and more if possible." Mr. Prongs told them, just catching his breath from running all the way from the common room.

"Didn't we empty that yesterday?"

"Don't worry Pads, I left them with the everything else... Either way, he's occupied."

"JEEEELLLLLLLOOOOO!" Mr. Wormtail was more interested in jello than the prank box that may or may not have been full.

"Well, if Filch doesn't hear us, then a teacher will, so quiet down." Mr. Moony whispered back to the group.

"MAAAARRRSHMEELLLLOOOOOWS!" Mr. Padfoot apparently has selective hearing.

Mr. Padfoot would like to inform the reader that his hearing is not selective, but rather, damaged from too many potions explosions due to certain Slimy Slytherins.

Mr. Moony still thinks Mr. Padfoot's hearing is selective.

Mr. Padfoot's hearing is not selective.

Mr. Moony says it is.

Mr. Padfoot says it isn't.

Now while Messers. Moony and Padfoot continue to bicker, we will continue the story as the marauders walked down the hall in search of the vat of marshmallow fluff and raspberry jello.

"I want JELLO." Mr. Wormtail is hungry, yet once again, but, oddly enough, he wants jello instead of pudding. How odd.

"I want MARSHMALLOWS!" Mr. Padfoot it would seem, is also hungry.

"Wekk we won't get either of those if you two don't keep quiet and move quickly." Mr. Moony threatened the two hungry Marauders.

Sadly, it was too late. At the end of the hall was the new student teacher, Trelawney. The marauders had been caught.

"And what are you doing out of bed?"

"Searching," Mr. Moony started.

"Adventuring," Continued Mr. Prongs

"Jello." Mr. Wormtial is deficit on tact, it would seem.

"So you're searching for adventure jello?" The student teacher asked.

"Maybe," "Uhmmmm..." "Yes." "No." The Marauders all spoke at once.

"Right." Trelawney raised an eyebrow.

"Jello." Mr. Wormtail still has no tact.

"But jello is involved with whatever you're doing, right?"

"Jello." While the rest of the Marauders were dumbfounded, Mr. Wormtail answered with his word of the day, apparently.

"My inner eye tells me that's a yes."

"Are we in trouble?" Mt Prongs spoke at last.

"My inner eye tells me that you won't be if you take me with."

"Well if you inner eye is right, then why don't you come along?" Mr. Padfoot invited with a sweeping gesture.

"We're really searching for the mythical delicious vat of marshmallow fluff and raspberry jello." Mr. Prongs told their new companion and fellow mischief maker.

"So that's why..."

"Yep." Mr. Prongs replied.

"So your four are the current Marauders? Nice to meet you. Sorry I wasn't at your induction. I'm a former Marionette. Couldn't stay away."

"What?" Mr. Moony asked.

"Hasn't Hogwarts told you about the Marionettes?"

"No, not really." Mr. Moony replied.

"Maybe she wants me to tell you... Well, Marionettes are... well female Marauders, except we can talk to Hogwarts."

"Oh."

"Jello." Mr. Wormtail was sensing, with his pudding senses, that they were drawing nearer to the vat.

"I think this is the step. MACARENA TIME!" Mr. Prongs told the group.

"Macarena time!" Mr. Padfoot yelled excitedly.

"JELLO!" And of course, Mr. Wormtail was excited about the jello.

"MARSHMALLOW!" And of course, whenever Mr. Wormtail yells jello, Mr. Padfoot must also yell marshmallow.

"They're idiots, I know." Mr. Moony told Trelawney, as they watched Messers. Padfoot and Wormtail do the Macarena.

"My inner eye tells me that they've had smart moments."

"Sorry, but your inner eye is wrong." Mr. Prongs joined the conversation. Then they heard cranks moving, and Messers Padfoot and Wormtail disappeared from view, all the while Mr. Wormtail was yelling, "-"

" I wonder how far of a drop that is..' Mr. Moony wondered aloud, then they heard a kerplunk, signaling Messers. Padfoot and Wormtail's descent into the vat.

"Probably 12 floors, I'd guess." Mr. Prongs mussed.

"Should we help them, ya think?" Mr. Moony asked.

"My inner eye tells me that they can easily eat their way out." She reassured them.

"This time, I think your inner eye is right." Mr. Moony told her.

"What does an inner eye do anyways?" Mr. Prongs asked rather stupidly.

"Ever heard of Divination?" Mr. Moony shot back at Mr. Prongs.

"The inner eye can see the future." She told them.

"Really? What happens to me?" Mr. Prongs was getting excited to know his future.

"You die." She told him, monotone.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Mr. Prongs collapsed to his knees.

"Prongs, calm down. Everybody dies."

"Oh, right." He said, getting up from the floor.

"Your inner eye isn't very good, is it?" Mr. Moony asked.

"No... It's fine. We just have communication issues."